Dismay was reflected in his gaze, and he lowered his outstretched hand. "That's not what I told you. I said I had all the authorization I needed."
"What's the difference?"
"I didn't bring Cy into it. He's not strong enough, healthwise, to deal with the pressure. But I am acting within the authorization granted to the company's CEO."
"Evan's the real CEO."
"The board granted me legal authorization for as long as I'm doing his job. It was the only way I agreed to do it."
Realization clutched at her. "You lied to me, Jake! You let me think you had Cy's approval. If I'd known the truth, I wouldn't have helped you."
"No?" Although his voice remained soft, a steeliness entered his eyes, turning them more gray than blue. "Would you have spied on me like Maude did, if he'd asked you?"
She didn't know. Would she have spied for Cy? The company had to be her top priority, and Cy was its ultimate authority. But even now, she found herself unwilling to doubt Jake's integrity. "I would have confronted you, like I'm doing now. So answer my questions, damn you. What are you doing? Why are you selling company assets?"
"Our cash reserve is too low to cover potential losses."
"Did the embezzlement affect us that badly?" she cried, incredulous that it could.
He remained silent too long. "It didn't help."
There was something he wasn't telling her. She knew him well enough to be sure of that. "Is it true," she whispered, "that you're called a hatchet man?"
A muscle moved in his jaw. "I might have been called that at times by resentful employees."
"So you do specialize in downsizing companies?"
"No, I specialize in saving them."
"Are you planning to downsize Rowland Insurance?"
A harshness invaded his whisper. "Downsizing wouldn't be so bad."
She released her breath in a rush. He intended to cut workers out of their jobs! Blade-sharp pain sliced through her. "To you, a cut in our workforce might be just another way to increase the bottom line, but to our workers, it's the end of their livelihood."
"Downsizing sometimes keeps a company solvent."
"I can't believe that's the case here!"
"You're right. It's not."
She heard his denial, but no reassurance. A premonition of disaster prickled up her spine. "Then what is the case?"
"Downsizing won't help now." His voice had grown gruff, almost raw. "If you want answers, walk with me. I've got to walk." He strode across the bridge and down the towpath.
Anxiety clawed at her as she followed him. She expected him to talk, to offer explanations, but moments passed and not a word was spoken.
"You understand how important this company is to Pleasantville, don't you, Jake?" she said, frightened now. She had no idea what kind of game he was playing, but she sensed it had gotten out of control. "This town couldn't exist without it. People would have to move to find jobs. We're surrounded by Amish farmland, in case you've forgotten."
"I realize that, Brianna."
"Without Rowland Insurance, the small businesses would fold. The whole town would fold. Look at this canal." She flung a hand toward the gentle current on their left. "It used to be the lifeblood of this place. When the canals closed down, the town died. Fifty years went by before Rowland Insurance brought it back to life. It could die again, Jake. We have to keep the company strong."
He came to a sudden halt and frowned down at her with an intensity that scared her. "Some things I can't control. The company has hit bad times."
"How … how bad?" she whispered.
"Investments took a plunge. We may not recover."
Her mouth moved, but no sounds came out. Jake had no problem reading her eyes, though. She looked as if he'd stabbed her. Her anguish twisted like a knife in his gut.
"I won't let things get bad for you, Brianna. You can come on the road with me. You're good with people. I've got a heavy schedule and I can use your help."
Her eyes widened as if he'd suggested she murder someone for pay.
"I'll hire you at double your present salary," he said, realizing how perfect a solution it would be to the dilemma of leaving her. That prospect had been eating a hole in him for too long now. "You can have any title you want."
Her lips grew thin; her eyes blazed some vehement message. She whirled and stalked away. A terrible coldness gripped him. Life would be too empty without her.
As she reached the bridge, she stopped, and hope reared up within him. "I want to talk to Evan."
Evan. Of course. How could he have forgotten? Reality splashed over him like icy water, dousing his hope. She would never come on the road with him and leave Evan behind.
Tonelessly he replied, "I'll have him call you."
She resumed walking.
The news had hit her so hard that she felt dazed and sickened. The company was going under—the only company she'd ever worked for. The town would fold, she'd lose her house and probably have to move away to find a job.
Hurting her just as badly was the fact that Jake had betrayed her. All the while they'd been playing their sex games, he'd apparently been playing secret corporate games, as well. She'd been right all those years to run from him. When she'd finally stopped running, he'd distracted her from the important things, and now she'd lost everything.
And he planned to hop on his private jet and move on to the next game. Oh, he'd been generous enough to offer her a ride. How long would it have taken him to want a new playmate? He simply had no understanding of serious commitments—to a town, a company, a family or an individual. Nothing meant much to Jake. And nothing had ever hurt her more than that fact.
Operating by rote, she returned to work. Maude followed her into her office. "Cy's secretary said he had a heart attack over the things Jake did," Maude proclaimed, her eyes red and swollen. "He made high-risk investments, Ms. Devon, and now we might go under!"
Fighting against her own barely repressed panic Brianna choked out some vague nonsense about not giving up hope, then she locked her office door. A garbled version of the truth would surely get around, and employees would come to her with questions. She was in no condition to answer.
She could do little more than contemplate the enormity of the blow that had struck them all. Beneath the anger, the fear and the intense pain loomed a deep bewilderment. How could a healthy company be destroyed by an embezzlement or even a few bad investments? If the company had been strong, those things should have meant little more than setbacks. The risks Jake took must have been huge.
She found it so hard to believe of the Jake she'd come to know. But he had been hiding something from her when she'd asked what had caused the company's downfall.
Evan's call came quickly. At least Jake had kept his word about that. She supposed she should be grateful.
"Evan, are things as bad with the company as Jake says? He told me we might not be able to recover after the embezzlement and some investment failure."
"It might be true." He sounded weak and wretched; nothing like the professional, confident man she'd known.
"But we were a strong, growing company before the embezzlement. Either a tremendous amount of money was stolen or Jake must have taken huge risks to land us in this mess. Which one was it?"
"I … I don't know exactly what happened, Brianna." An anguished silence fell. "We'll figure it out when I get home. But don't blame Jake. He's doing the best he can."
Disappointment robbed her of a reply. She'd been hoping for an explanation that would exonerate Jake. There obviously wasn't one.
"Jake hasn't been bothering you, has he?" Evan asked.
"Bothering me?" You mean other than ruining my life?
"Asking you out." Evan sounded somewhat embarrassed. "You know … coming on to you."
What, she wondered, had Jake told him?
"The only reason I ask," he continued, "is that he said he intended to. Since we broke up, he considers you fair game. I know you've never like
d him much, but he can be persuasive. He wouldn't hurt you deliberately, but … well, you're not like the fast women he's used to."
No, I'm much more stupid. She felt as if she'd been punched in the stomach for the umpteenth time that day.
"Brianna, I … I miss you."
"We'll talk when you get home."
After quiet goodbyes, she sat staring into space. Jake had called her fair game. Fair game! And she'd been too wrapped up in their affair to even realize he was playing. Prince Charming had swept her off her feet. Now the ball had ended, and he'd dumped her into the ashes.
Anger, hot and reviving, buoyed her head above the panic and the pain, at least enough for her to breathe. She had to keep a watch out for Prince Charming's return. She intended to turn his pleasure ride back into rats and pumpkins.
Around three o'clock that afternoon, Jake strode into his office, looking somber. Before he'd had a chance to take off his coat, Brianna flung open their adjoining door.
"I'm taking my work home with me, Jake. And I won't be back until Evan's sitting behind that desk. Maybe he'll find a way to clean up the mess you've made of this company."
"The mess I've made?" A frown darkened his face. "Did you talk to Evan?"
"Yes, and he defended you, as usual. Too bad you don't care as much about him. His business and reputation are the most important things in his life, yet you played around with the company and took some huge gamble with our funds."
"Do you really think I'd risk your future, my brother's and the town's, just for kicks?" His anger shook some of the certainty right out of her. "If you think that, why the hell did you have anything to do with me? What were all those long, hot kisses about, and the hours we spent in bed?"
"We both know the answer to that one—sex. A convenience for us both during your impersonation. After all, I was fair game, wasn't I?"
She'd taken him by surprise. Dismay flickered through his anger. She realized then that she'd been clinging to some pitiful hope that he'd deny it. In a pained whisper, she confirmed, "You called me that, didn't you?"
He shut his eyes in a brief wince. "Yes, but I—"
"Game over." With her heart breaking, she turned toward the door.
He stepped in her way. "I didn't play with company funds, Brianna, and I never considered you any kind of game. For once in your life, give me the benefit of the doubt. Believe in me."
There, in the heat of his imploring stare, she realized the very worst had happened. She had fallen in love with him. Terribly in love. She had every reason to believe that he'd torn apart her world, yet she wanted to trust him. His dark, uncanny power had finally invaded the part of her she'd guarded the most—her reasoning.
Propelled by a heart-pounding fear, she shoved past him. On her way out the door, she uttered, "Stay away from me, Jake. I don't ever want to see you again."
The days that followed were pure agony. Brianna refused to return to the office while Jake was in charge. She couldn't bear to see him, hear him or even hear about him. She'd forwarded her office phone to her home, but most of the calls were from employees asking questions about rumors that had been circulating. Brianna relied on her answering machine to screen the calls.
One asked if Jake Rowland had been impersonating Evan. Another wanted to know if Jake had been sent to downsize the company or if he intended to take it over. Others asked if they should start looking for jobs, and one message even included the phrase, "hatchet man."
Although Maude had undoubtedly shared her suspicions about Jake and unwittingly started the rumors, she hadn't gone so far as to mention the company's probable downfall. Her faith in Evan wouldn't allow that. "When he comes back, he'll find a way to save the company," she'd told Brianna.
The employees, therefore, suspected only a downsizing, and their image of Jake as an invading corporate shark continued to feed their distrust. Brianna didn't know how anyone, even someone as insensitive as Jake, could face down all that animosity. And yet, he had. Two days after she'd walked out on him, her secretary called with the day's news.
He'd held another meeting. The mood of his audience this time had been cold and suspicious, yet he'd stood before them and admitted the company was having problems.
"You should have heard all the muttering," Theresa said. "Someone yelled 'hatchet man,' and Ellie stood up and asked if he was really Jake instead of Evan. He politely asked her to sit down, then finished saying what he had to say."
"Which was…?" Brianna had prompted.
"That as soon as he knew more, he'd tell us. Until then, we're to do our jobs as if the company depended on it. Then he left. I haven't seen him back in the office since."
He'd left? For good?
Ridiculous though it was, anguish hit Brianna anew. She couldn't help wondering where he'd gone, what he was doing, and how he felt about the company's crisis. She thought of their personal times, the laughs they'd shared, the tender, passionate lovemaking. The way he'd kissed her as if his heart and soul had joined with hers.
As she analyzed the depth of her heartache, she realized that she'd begun to believe he'd fallen in love with her. And she missed him with an almost unbearable ache.
But his recklessness had hurt her and their hometown. She couldn't fall into the trap her mother had—forgiving a lover, only to be hurt again, until her spirit was broken. She'd allow no one to break her spirit. She was stronger than that. Lonely, yes. Maybe even heartbroken, but still master of her own destiny.
What destiny? She, who had lived to build a secure future, could now plan for nothing, depend on nothing. Her job would end, her savings would dwindle, her house would sell for little or nothing. She'd be living somewhere among strangers, lucky to find a job making half of what she earned now.
The day she'd always dreaded had arrived. She'd lost everything—her job, her home, her heart. She had nothing and no one to depend on … except herself. At her bleakest hour in the loneliest night, a realization hit her. It was enough. She could still depend on herself!
She might be left heartbroken and with no assets to her name, but she still had her degree, nine years of solid work experience with good references and a strong credit history. She knew how to make friends and how to care about people. As much as she'd miss her present life, she would survive.
It was a dazzling revelation. Her fear of this very predicament had ruled her for too long. She'd been ready to live without love—passionate, fulfilling love—because she'd been afraid of losing her self-reliance.
She had loved. And she had lost. But she hadn't lost herself. In fact, she'd grown.
Love made the spirit stronger, she realized, and more able to face adversity. That was the difference between love and the sick dependence her mother had mistaken for the real thing.
Brianna switched on her bedside lamp and lay against her pillows, marveling. She could let herself love.
But a different bleakness soon filled her, and this one hurt more than the fear itself had. Jake was the man who made both her body and soul come alive, and he didn't understand a thing about love—even with his own family.
He didn't understand that love meant sticking around after the fun wore thin and the hard times hit. He didn't understand that love meant shouldering the burden when it grew heavy. He didn't understand feeling your loved ones' pain and doing everything possible to ease it.
A memory flashed like lightning through her, a small detail that had almost escaped her notice: the emotion in Jake's eyes the last time she'd seen him. It had looked very much like pain.
It might have been regret. Or guilt, or the smarting of a bruised ego. More than likely, it had been the agony of defeat. He had, after all, lost at a high-stakes game. He would have to deal with those feelings on his own. He'd brought them on with his own reckless actions.
She told herself to forget him. He didn't know how to love, and he certainly didn't love her. She'd merely been fair game.
But she couldn't forget him … or the pain she'd se
en so briefly in his eyes.
* * *
12
« ^ »
"Good morning, Ms. Devon," Maude greeted over the phone. "Cy Rowland is expecting you to attend a meeting this morning." With a note of pique in her voice, she added, "I wasn't invited."
Brianna sat on her bed with the phone wedged against her shoulder as she finished pinning a colorful scarf against her tailored gray suit. She hoped it might help her inject a dash of optimism into the day, which she'd planned to spend at the office. "Where will the meeting be held?"
"Cy's house, since he hasn't fully recovered yet."
Despite her newly found determination to make the best of a bad situation, her anxiety rose. Would Jake be there? "Did his secretary say who else will be attending?"
"Board members and the Rowland family. Evan will be flying in this morning from France. The embezzler was arrested, and charges against Evan have been dropped."
"Thank heavens." She wondered if Jake would return with him. "Will anyone else be at the meeting?" she prodded.
"If you mean Jake Rowland, I wouldn't know." Maude gave a vexed sniff. "From what I've heard about him, he's probably sunning himself in the Caribbean by now."
Maude's scorn bothered her. As angry as Brianna herself had been with Jake, she didn't like to hear others peck at him. She hadn't been able to forget that flash of pain in his eyes. She wanted so much for a chance to take a closer look.
As she began her trek to Cy's house, she noticed her co-workers walking in the same direction. Why? The meeting wouldn't include the general employee population.
Climbing the steep driveway edged with well-trimmed evergreens, she encountered more employees. No one seemed anxious to talk to her. At the top of the circular drive, a crowd of them gathered on the massive front lawn below the white-columned portico.
She guessed, then, why they had assembled. They'd heard about the board meeting and knew of its importance. They'd probably also heard of Evan's scheduled return, although word hadn't yet leaked out about the embezzlement that had kept him overseas. She couldn't blame them for wanting definite answers about their future.
HIS DOUBLE, HER TROUBLE Page 16
