“Shhhh, princess. No, we don’t think you should admire Scott for this. He should have told you. Jeremy wasn’t defending him, just trying to explain the situation. If you want to get mad, you go right ahead. We’ll be here while you scream and throw things. We’ll always be here for you.”
Sara wiped her hand across her tearstained cheeks. Salty tears had run into her mouth, and she needed a tissue. She turned to Jeremy. “Did you know? How long have you known?”
Jeremy’s face turned white. “Fuck, no, I didn’t know. Not until yesterday. When Steve didn’t know anything about the account, I hired a friend. He’s a private investigator. He found the information for us and brought it yesterday. We didn’t want to ruin Jack’s birthday by telling you. We decided to wait until today.”
Sara smiled bitterly. “Well, thank you for that at least. So you’ve known there was something up for a while then, didn’t you? This man didn’t find all this out in one day.”
Cole wiped her still-wet cheeks with his handkerchief. “We suspected something last week, but we didn’t know anything for sure. There was no point getting you all upset if it was nothing. I’m sorry it wasn’t nothing, honey. I wish it was. We would do anything to keep you from hurting.”
Sara tried to keep her emotions under control. Crying wasn’t going to get her anywhere. “Does that folder contain the details?” She held her hand out.
Jeremy handed it to her. “Yes. Everything we know is in there. I wish Alex had found something else, but he didn’t. I’m so sorry that we had to tell you. I’m just so fucking sorry.”
Sara sat back down and opened the folder. “I’d like to be alone, please. I need to be alone right now.”
Cole and Jeremy exchanged a worried look. It was clear they didn’t want to leave her alone. She didn’t give a fuck right now. She needed to read this file, and she knew that she couldn’t do it when they were there. She needed privacy.
“I mean it, boys. I need to be alone right now. I’ll be okay.”
Their shoulders slumped in defeat and they headed into the house but not before giving her a soft kiss on each cheek.
“We love you, princess.” Jeremy stroked her jaw.
Cole lifted her fingers to his lips. “Love you more than you can imagine. Just call us if you need us. We’ll be in the house.”
Sara nodded and turned away. The knot in her stomach wasn’t going away anytime soon. She picked up the first page of the folder and began to read the report.
* * * *
Sara sat back in the chair and rubbed her aching temples. She had read and reread every word in the file, looked at every picture, and yet it still seemed surreal. Her husband had literally had a secret life. In some respects, he had a second family he spent two weeks out of every month with. The file had made clear that he hadn’t been unfaithful, but it was cold comfort. Her husband had lied to her. Not a silly lie like he got drunk at a strip club or gambled away the grocery money on a horse. This was a great big lie.
A lie for no fucking reason. She wouldn’t have been angry with Scott. It had all happened years before he met her. She would have been shocked, but she wouldn’t have divorced him. She loved her husband. Of course, now she couldn’t help but wonder what else he had lied about. What had he taken to his grave?
A huge part of their marriage was fiction. The trust she had based their lives on was crumbling sand. Sara was torn between grief and anger. She had loved Scott unconditionally. He had apparently not believed in that love. She wanted to scream at him, beat at his chest, and ask him why. Why? Why? She would never have that answer, and that was the most infuriating thing of all. He had left her, alone, and in the dark, about so many things.
She gathered the scattered papers and photos and placed them one by one back in the folder. She lingered on the photo of Scott’s daughter. She looked very much like Scott and a little like Jack, too. Jack had a half sister, and she had precious few years with her father, too. No one came out of this unscathed. The report said that Stacey and Scott had grown very close. All the while, he had been coming home and acting as if nothing else was going on in his life. It was unreal.
She glanced at the report and zeroed in on one particular piece of information. She knew what she had to do. Sitting around feeling sorry for herself was not an option. She gathered up the file and headed through the living room, grabbing her purse. Jeremy and Cole were each nursing a beer in the kitchen.
“I’m going for a drive. I shouldn’t be gone long, but if I’m not back, can you pick up Jack?”
They both jumped up from the kitchen table. “You shouldn’t go alone, princess. I’ll come with you.” Cole grabbed for his car keys, but she put up her hand to halt him.
“No. I’m going alone. I need to do this myself.”
Jeremy opened his mouth to object, but she shook her head.
“No, Jeremy. I. Need. To be. Alone. I love both of you, but I need to be by myself. Don’t worry. I’m not going to do something drastic. I’m going for a drive.”
Both men sat down in defeat. Cole gave her a hopeful look. “Be careful, and call us in a little while? Just to let us know you’re okay.”
Sara gave him a weak smile. “Yes. I’ll call you when I’m in a little better head space. Just please don’t forget Jack.”
Jeremy nodded. “Don’t worry about Jack. We’ll take care of him. We’ll take care of you, too, if you let us. We love you.”
Sara headed for the door and couldn’t look back. Her heart ached with love for them and grief for Scott.
“I love you, too. I’ll be back soon.”
Chapter 13
Sara sat in the car looking across the street at the home of Scott’s other family. With the address in the file, and GPS in Jeremy’s car, the red-brick bungalow on a quiet Urbana street had been easy to find. It was a hot summer day, and the mother and daughter were in the front yard weeding and watering the small flower garden. A cocker spaniel danced around at their feet, in and out of the water streaming from the hose. The dog shook, spraying water all over, and they laughed before tossing a ball into the backyard. The dog took off after it.
Sara lost track of time as she sat in the car watching them. She tried to picture Scott taking part in their family activities—planting flowers, sweeping the porch, maybe painting the mailbox. She shook her head. Scott had never done those activities with her, so it was difficult to imagine his interaction here. When he had been home, he worked, played softball, watched sports, or maybe read a book to relax.
Her hand went to the door handle. She had so many questions for this woman. Yes, she wanted to know why Scott had never told her. But mostly she wanted to know the Scott that had spent time here. She wanted to know if he had been the same or different as the Scott that came home to her and Jack. Had there been a part of him that Sara couldn’t fulfill? A part of her wanted to believe that this Scott was somehow different or separate from her Scott, but most of her knew there was only one Scott. One Scott who had successfully lived two lives for years.
The mother brought out two cans of Coke and handed one to the girl. She said something, and they both laughed. Sara couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face, too. She looked so much like Scott. Sara’s heart ached and yet felt the same joy as she did when she looked at Jack. It was like having a part of Scott with her always.
Her hand fell away from the door. It wasn’t right. The woman had said she never wanted anything from Sara. All she had wanted was to live in peace with her daughter. Sara knew she couldn’t intrude. Someday, when Jack was older, he might want to seek out his sister. But today…today there was nothing to be gained by Sara exiting the car and introducing herself. She might get a few answers, but inevitably it would only create more questions. There wasn’t an answer that would make her feel any better anyway.
She leaned back on the headrest and felt the hot tears leak from her eyes. She cried for Scott, whose life was cut so very short. She cried for Jeremy, who had lost h
is brother. She cried for that beautiful girl who had found her father and lost him so quickly. She cried for herself and the loss of the life she and Scott had dreamed about. And finally, she cried for Jack, who would never know his father.
When she finally ran out of tears, she reached for the ignition and started the car. She may not have gotten all the answers she came for, but she got enough. It wasn’t all about her. It was about Scott’s two children.
She pulled away from the curb and headed back to Jeremy and Cole. The next few hours weren’t going to be easy, but she knew what she needed to do.
* * * *
Sara pushed the front door open and almost ran into Jeremy and Cole. Jeremy had Jack in his arms. They must have been watching out the front window for any sign of her return. Sara pulled Jack from Jeremy’s arms and kissed and cuddled him until he giggled. She looked at his sweet face, and her heart swelled with love. Her most important job was Jack’s mother.
“Princess, are you okay? We tried calling you.” Cole wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Jeremy lifted Jack from her arms and set him down on the living room floor with his toys.
Sara pushed on his chest. She needed some space at the moment. “I’m fine. I’m really okay. I didn’t hear the phone.”
Jeremy pushed a wayward strand of hair back from her face. “Where were you, honey?”
“I went to see Scott’s other family.”
She knew the statement would shock them. Jeremy’s face paled, and Cole pulled her down on the couch and sat next to her.
“I wish you would have talked to us about that first. We would have gone with you, Sara.” Jeremy’s voice was gentle, but she could see the fear in his eyes. He was wondering if she had done something really stupid.
Cole shook his head, his expression a little angry. “He didn’t have another family. You and Jack were his family.”
Sara struggled for words. She wanted to say this right. “Yes, he did. He spent half of the last four years here with them. I get that now, and I get why.”
Cole started to protest, but she held up her hand. “It’s okay, Cole. It was his daughter. She deserved to have a father just as much as Jack did. And I didn’t talk to them, by the way. I just drove to the house and watched them for a little while. I realized they wouldn’t have the answers to my questions. Only Scott has those.”
The last was directed at Jeremy, whose jaw was set in a grim line. He wiped a hand down his face in relief.
“You did the right thing, honey. If you want to talk to them, I can have Alex set something up with them.”
Sara shook her head. “Someday when Jack is older I’ll tell him he has a sister and let him decide. In the meantime, Alex can let them know that I’m open to it if they want to meet Jack. This isn’t about what I want anymore. This is about what is best for the children.”
Jeremy sat on her other side and held her hand. “What can we do to make this better, honey? How can we help?”
Their faces were etched with worry. It made what she had to say all the harder. She truly loved these men. She hadn’t planned it, but there it was. Jeremy was strong and steady. She could rely on him in any situation, even one as bad as this one. Cole was her mad genius. He could see life in ways she barely imagined. Everything he did, he took to the next level, including his love for her. Both men loved Jack, too. She really hadn’t stood a chance at not falling in love with them.
“You can’t help me. I have to deal with this on my own.” She placed a hand on each of theirs. “That’s why Jack and I are leaving tomorrow. We’re going home.”
* * * *
Jeremy’s chest tightened in panic at Sara’s words, but he tried to keep his voice calm and even. “I don’t understand, honey. Why are you leaving?”
Sara stood up and began to pace. She finally sat next to Jack on the floor, running her fingers through his unruly locks.
“I need some time to deal with this. I need to process everything that has happened these last weeks—being with you and finding out about Scott. It’s a lot, and I need some time to decide how to move forward from here.”
Jeremy crouched next to her, and Jack began to climb up Jeremy’s torso. He hugged Jack’s little body close. He smelled of peanut butter and baby powder. Jeremy and Cole had gotten used to the crumbs and the chaos of having a toddler in the house. Jeremy knew he didn’t want to go back to the way it was before.
“Can’t you do that here? Why do you have to leave me and Cole to deal with this?”
Sara looked him straight in the eye. “Because I can’t. Right now I don’t know whether I love or hate Scott. I’m mad at him and mad at myself for not knowing what was going on. I thought I had dealt with his death and moved on with my life. But this brought all my emotions back to the surface, dammit. I have to deal with those emotions before I can deal with my emotions for both of you.”
Sara’s voice had softened, and she reached for Cole’s hand, too. “It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I do love you. Both of you. But let’s face it, Jeremy, what future did we have anyway? You two are already in a relationship. With each other. You don’t need me.”
Jeremy’s heart felt like it was being ripped from his chest. Apparently, they hadn’t made their feelings clear enough.
“Cole and I fucking need you, Sara. You and Jack. We want to be a family with you, dammit. A forever family.”
Cole looked ravaged. “Princess, we love you. Please don’t leave us. You’re a part of us now. Both you and Jack are our hearts.” His voice sounded thick with emotion. Jeremy threw his other arm around his husband. He could feel how tensely Cole was holding himself.
Sara was not unmoved. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “God, I love both of you. Jack adores you. But, please, I need some time. Just a little time.” Sara choked on the last word. How could they refuse her?
Jeremy pulled her close, holding her and Jack in his arms. Jack wriggled and protested until Jeremy let him go. Jack ran to his toys and picked up a train.
“Choo choo! Play choo choo!”
Jeremy held back the emotion that flooded him at the thought of Sara and Jack leaving. But she was asking for time. She hadn’t asked them for much, and they really didn’t have a choice.
“If you want to go home, Sara, we won’t stop you.” Cole started to protest, but Jeremy squeezed his shoulder.
Sara wiped a single silvery tear from her cheek. “I don’t want to go, but I feel like I have to. I need space to think things through.”
Jeremy nodded. “We’ll take you to the airport tomorrow if that’s what you want. But please don’t think there’s no future for you here. This is your future, and you are our future. We want to be with you. Cole and I have been happy, but the three of us are something greater, something more. You make us whole.”
Cole leaned forward and gave Sara a hard kiss. “Fucking forever. That’s how long we want you. We’ll let you go. For now. But this isn’t the end, princess. Not by a long shot.”
Sara picked up the train and began playing with Jack. After a few minutes, she turned and gave them a small smile. “Thank you. I just need some time.”
Jeremy gripped Cole’s hand and bit his lip to keep from begging her to stay. She was a strong woman, and they needed to believe in her. Now more than ever.
Chapter 14
Sara sat in the semidarkness of her lanai. The only sounds were crickets and the creaking of the ceiling fan overhead. It had been a pretty miserable month, and she was utterly exhausted by the gamut of emotions she had experienced.
Jeremy and Cole had driven her and Jack to the Indianapolis airport that next morning. It had been a grim journey broken only by Jack’s chattering and Cole and Jeremy trying to entertain him. When it had been time for her and Jack to go through security and Jeremy and Cole couldn’t follow, Jack had thrown a major tantrum. The toddler didn’t understand why Jeremy and Cole weren’t coming, too. It was all Sara could do to hold him in her arms. She practically d
ragged him through passenger screening and then into the waiting area. She had finally calmed him down before getting on the plane. She knew Jack loved her men so much. Her own heart was breaking. She wanted to throw herself down and cry, too.
Tori, Lisa, Brianne, and Noelle had practically met her at the front door of her home when the airport taxi dropped her and Jack off at the house. Brianne was carrying her infant daughter, Paige Marie Hart. Paige had Nate’s dark hair and piercing blue eyes and Brianne’s delicate features. She was sure to be a beauty when she got older. Brianne nursed Paige while Sara told them the whole story, leaving no detail out. These were her best friends after all. By the time she was done, she was emotionally drained, but her burden felt lighter. Her friends were there for her once again as they had been when Scott died.
They had hugged her, encouraged her, and, the next day, stood by her when she called on the therapist that she had seen a few times after the funeral. Talking to someone who was neutral in the situation had helped immensely.
Jeremy and Cole still Skyped each Sunday. Each call was stilted and awkward, with so much unsaid between them. A part of her wanted to run back to them and let them make everything all better, another part knew she needed to be whole before she went back to them. Assuming, of course, they even wanted her back. They had been perfectly fine before her, and they would be perfectly fine with her gone. They were probably already enjoying the peace and quiet of their home without her and Jack around. No toys to trip over, no crumbs to clean up, no tantrums to soothe.
Her phone jangled next to her, and she reached to pick it up. Noelle.
“Hey, Elle. Are you okay? You’re calling late.”
“I was up working on a design.” Noelle was a talented jewelry designer. “I was also watching that chick movie. You know, the one where the two people hate each other and then fall in love.”
Sara chuckled at Noelle’s description. It could fit any number of chick movies.
Her Game, Their Rules [The Martinis and Chocolate Book Club 2] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Page 10
