by Shealy James
Thinking quickly, I shouted, “It isn’t what you think,” in an effort to explain why I left the way I did.
“Sure it’s not, Katherine,” he scoffed in disbelief. “It never is.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but I didn’t get the chance. Brock had already walked away and was climbing into the cab of a blue pickup truck a few feet away. I was left standing on the sidewalk wondering how in the hell I was going to ever get past leaving Maverick the way I did. Ignorance was no longer an option. I needed to know if that part of my life was fixable, because I couldn’t take the hole that was left in my heart without him.
“Kit Kat?” Maddox’s voice rang out from behind me. I turned to see his worried face staring back at me. “Who was that?” he asked.
“Adam’s best friend,” I explained.
Understanding dawned on him, and his arm came around my shoulder. “Come make fun of Grant some more. I think Eve would be willing to talk about labor. You guys can even use the v-word.”
I smiled at Maddox’s attempt to distract me. Sadly, the anvil that had just dropped from the sky weighed too much for me to enjoy any more lighthearted banter tonight.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I lay awake for hours that night. The comfort of the Egyptian cotton sheets and fluffy pillows did nothing to help relax me. It seemed the longer I lay there, the more questions I had. Who was paying for Jack’s treatments? Who knew about the money? Did Maverick know what I did? Did he know why I did it? Did he know how I felt about him? They went on and on, but the one I kept coming back to was the one that plagued me the most. Had I only imagined our connection?
My brain kept telling me that if he had felt anything like I thought I felt for him, then he would have tried to contact me. He would have tried to stop me. I was not saying he would have come to the airport and professed his undying love for me. Come on. I was more down to earth than that, but at the very least he would have called, texted, or sent smoke signals. Something to have said, “No! Katherine, don’t go!”
My befuddled brain was getting more dramatic as the clock ticked away. I pulled my phone out and allowed myself to look at the selfies again. I flipped through the images of us with his art, him at the bar, one of me eating bacon, one of him cooking bacon shirtless, and then the last was one of us curled together in bed. I was asleep with my face resting on the roots tattooed on his shoulder. His dark eyes stared back, like they were looking through the camera at me. I knew without a doubt what we had was real, and it was time I did something about it.
The next morning, after getting little sleep, I found Maddox alone in the kitchen drinking coffee.
“Rough night?” he asked while his eyes tracked my mission for coffee.
“Yeah. Had trouble falling asleep.”
“Don’t tell Nolan. He’d probably buy you a sound machine or sleeping pills, so he could still be known as host of the year.”
“He is host of the year. Now, be nice.”
“I’m always nice.”
“Yeah.” I laughed.
He smirked and shrugged as if my assessment didn’t bother him. I finished making my coffee and threw an English muffin in the toaster. Maddox’s eyes were still following my movements, but I pretended not to notice. After taking a tentative sip of coffee, he leaned his elbows on the dark granite counter waiting for me to talk.
“I’m going to go see him today,” I finally said.
“Adam?”
I nodded.
“That’s probably a good idea. Not knowing is worse than anything.”
“I don’t know. I think I feel more than I should or more than I thought I could, so the whole idea that he may not want me terrifies me a little. I know it was there. I didn’t imagine having a connection with him, but he’s had time to move on while I pretended not to be pining away for him.”
Maddox set his coffee mug down and stood back to his full height. “The guy’s brother is sick. I doubt he’s been thinking about making a love connection. Sure, maybe he’s hooked up with a girl or ten, but I saw the way he looked at you, the way he tried to cock block me. Guys don’t do that for a girl they have mixed feelings about.”
“Yeah, but if he did have those kinds of feelings,” I skirted around the L-word again, “then why didn’t he try to stop me? Why didn’t he ever tell me how he felt?”
“Why didn’t you tell him how you felt? Why didn’t you fight harder for the relationship? He didn’t know your motivation behind leaving. I doubt you even really let him know how your dad can hold you under his thumb without breaking a sweat. He probably thought you didn’t feel the same.”
“Damn you,” I said.
“Perspective, Kitten. It’s all about perspective.”
“Have I ever told you how much I loathe the cat names?”
“Once or twice,” he shrugged. “At least I didn’t call you p—” I slapped my hand over his mouth.
“Don’t say it! That word is the worst.” He laughed at me as he walked away.
After my conversation with Maddox, I felt more resolute in my decision to go see Maverick. My mind was already made up, but Maddox gave me the confidence I needed to put my heart on the line for the first time in my life. It was terrifying, but satisfying, in a way. Like it was the first time I had ever really done something where I had no idea what the outcome would be.
I quickly showered and dressed in a beige skirt and pressed white blouse in order to meet with my editor on time. She was quick to secure my position with her online magazine and gave me my first assignments, yes plural. I was thrilled and walked out of there with an extra pep in my step. We had talked about the writing I had done while away, and she seemed impressed with my novel idea.
“I know some people in publishing, Katherine. If you’re serious, I’ll contact a friend of mine. You’re a talented writer, and I’d love to help your career.”
“Thank you, Sue. Your kindness has meant a lot to me.”
She waved me off. “I wanted to be a writer, but I don’t have the discipline. I can run a business and put together an online magazine with my eyes closed, but to pour out words onto paper with the ease that you and our other writers do? Not my thing.”
“We all have our strengths.”
“That we do. Now get out of here. You have work to do,” she said with a wink.
I thanked her again and left her office. An hour later, I was sitting down the street from my old condo, staring at the sign for Hank’s. Steady traffic littered the streets, but there was plenty of parking since it was the middle of the day. I knew the bar wasn’t open, but he usually worked Thursday during the days to prepare for the weekend. I had known his schedule like the back of my hand during the few weeks we were together, and I was hoping it hadn’t changed. If he didn’t change his schedule, then maybe he hadn’t changed his life. And if his life hadn’t changed, then maybe there was still a place for me in it.
“Good gravy, Kitty. Get out of the damn car,” I scolded myself. I could “what if” myself to death, but unless I went in there and faced the music, I would never know.
I climbed out of the car I had borrowed from Maddox. He was a collector of sorts, so the Range Rover was a little over-the-top for my tastes. Still, it was nice to be cocooned in the safety of the leather seats and tinted windows. As soon I stepped out of the car, I felt that safety dissipate, and my nerves took flight.
I straightened my skirt and grabbed my Prada clutch from the seat before taking the steps to the side door of the bar. One more deep breath and I swung the metal door open. The room was dark with the exception of the pendants hanging above the actual bar. He stood leaning over the bar just as I pictured he would be. He looked almost angelic with the light above his head creating a halo of sorts. It was the opposite of what I thought the first time I saw him at the coffee shop. There I had thought he looked dark, dangerous, but now I know my first impression was anything but true.
“We’re closed,” he said without looking up, like
they would in the movies.
I was frozen in the doorway, but I managed to say, “Then you should lock your door.” The words came out sounding braver than I felt. I thanked the gods for not rendering me speechless at such a crucial time.
His head snapped up. With wide eyes, he took me in but said nothing. It was strange what I felt in that moment. I could feel those butterflies beating wildly inside my stomach, but I couldn’t decide if they were nervous or excited flutters. I was happy to see him. My hands itched to touch him, but on the same token, my legs were stiff and refused to move. I gripped my clutch a little tighter, and the tension I felt in my back reminded me that I wasn’t prepared to hear what he might have to say. Knowing he had the kind of power to fill me, or destroy me, both exhilarated and frightened me. Inside of me was an unbearable chaos of emotions, where my outside was zen-like calm. The duality was unreal.
“What are you doing here?” he finally asked. He was still behind the bar, but his stance had changed. Maverick’s strong arms were crossed over his chest protectively. His eyes were questioning, suspicious, and his damn smirk was nowhere to be found.
“I thought we could talk.”
“You wanna talk? Now?” he asked in disbelief.
“I know I don’t deserve it, but I need to explain.”
He looked at his watch quickly. “I can’t do this right now,” he said, then threw his pen down. Maverick walked from behind the bar, down the hall to his office. I was left standing there for a moment before he quickly came back.
“I’m sorry. I…” The right words wouldn’t come.
“Now’s not a good time,” he interrupted. This was what rejection felt like.
Maverick opened the door where I stood and held it open for me to walk out. My arm brushed across his chest and that tension I felt in my back took over my whole body. My chest constricted painfully, causing me to gasp. That unintentional touch hurt. I didn’t look over at him for fear of breaking down. Instead, I stepped onto the sidewalk and out of his way.
“So, you’re back?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, chancing a glance at him.
His eyes bore into me as the tension in my chest squeezed harder. I didn’t think it was possible, but my lungs felt like they were in a vise grip held by the man in front of me.
“Hmm.” He nodded, then said, “I have to go.”
“Of course. Sorry I came…” I stopped, because I wasn’t sorry I stopped by. I changed my words and said, “See you around, Adam,” then turned and walked back to Maddox’s car. Once I saw his little sports car go flying out of the deck and onto the street, I let out the breath I hadn’t been able to release in his presence. That relief brought an onslaught of emotions, and sobs tore through my body.
Rejection might be the worst feeling ever created. This was what everyone had been expecting me to feel when Grant chose Eve. I didn’t understand it. How could emotions cause the physical pain inside of me? Where did it come from? How was my body feeling what my mind thought? I needed to know, because I had to find a way to rid myself of the agony that was ripping through my body right there on Second Avenue.
Sniffling and wiping my eyes, I collected myself enough to drive back to Maddox’s house, where I was hoping I could be alone. Fortunately, everyone else in the world had normal jobs where they couldn’t sit around the house all afternoon. I found a bottle of wine and a glass, and I dragged my now exhausted body up to the spacious retreat. My clothes came off while the bath filled. I dumped almost an entire bottle of bubble bath into the giant tub before climbing in and settling in the warm water.
I quit using the crystal wineglass after my second pour. It was easier to drink from the bottle. And let’s be real, I weighed about a hundred and twenty pounds on a good day and skipped lunch today. I was drunk. The bottle was almost gone by the time my eyes started to close. I noticed my body felt less tense and more limp, now that I had consumed most of the wine. I also realized the pain had lessened. The need to cry, not so much, but my body didn’t ache from the hurt anymore. That was the moment Nolan chose to knock on the door.
“Okay, I’ve been home thirty minutes and haven’t heard a peep from you in there. Either you’ve drowned or you’re pruned to death. Should I come in there? No answer and I’m coming in.”
“What if I locked the door?” I slurred.
“I’ll call Maddox to break it down. Nice to know you’re alive, Kitten,” he shouted from the other side of the door.
“Come in, Nolan. Nothing to see here. Just a drunk girl in the tub. The only thing drowning is her sorrows. Drowning in wine.” I looked at my hands that were indeed pruned like raisins.
He entered the bathroom but didn’t laugh at me like I expected. He frowned. Slowly, he approached the bathtub and sat on the ledge near my feet.
“This is a situation I’ve never been in before.”
“What? Naked girl in the tub or pathetic drunk girl putting herself at risk of drowning?”
He thought for a moment. “Both, actually.”
I handed him the bottle of wine that was almost empty. He supportively took a swig. “At least you picked good wine.”
“I’ve always had good taste,” I agreed. It was getting harder to keep my eyes open.
“Okay, time to get out, beautiful.”
“I’m sad, Nolan,” I slurred, stating the obvious.
His lip lifted sadly. “I can tell. We’re going to talk about it. Right now, I’m going to help you stand up and wrap you in this fluffy towel.”
“You do have nice towels.”
He grinned this time. “I do.”
Nolan held out his hands to me, and I took them both as he lifted me from the water. Bubbles ran down my body, dropping back into the water below. It tickled slightly, but I was too numb to really notice. Nolan wrapped me in the fluffy, white towel and helped me step out of the deep tub.
He dried me off and gave me a fluffy robe to put on. Once I was dry and covered, he led me to the bed and lay down beside me.
“You ever had your heart broken, Nolan?”
“Once or twice,” he responded quietly.
“I think that’s what this is.”
“Today didn’t go well with Adam?” I winced when he said Maverick’s name.
“No. He didn’t want to see me. I guess it wasn’t what I thought, but if that’s true, then why do I feel like this?”
“Because it was real. For you, it was real.”
Nolan continued to stroke my hair until my eyes closed and the world didn’t hurt anymore. Sometime later, I woke to find myself sandwiched between Nolan and Maddox, who were whispering above me.
“She needs to eat something, Mad,” I heard Nolan whisper from my right.
Maddox’s deeper voice quietly reassured him from my left. “She’ll wake up. She never drinks. Good thing you came home early. I had a bad feeling about today.”
“Why?” I asked, startling the pair.
“You’re awake.” Nolan smiled.
“I’m awake. Still a little drunk,” I told him, taking note of my limp limbs.
“You want something to eat, Kit Kat?” Maddox asked from my other side. “Takeout and movie night?”
“Like the good ol’ days.” I smiled and rolled to my back between my two favorite men, who had created a Kitty sandwich while I slept.
“Top Gun and Roxy’s Diner?”
“Yes.” I nodded with barely a smile on my face.
“Can we add ice cream to that? If we’re going to have a calorie fest, then we might as well go all out.”
“Might as well. I have a life of raising cats to look forward to, so no need to worry about my figure.”
“Let the pity party begin.” Nolan clapped happily as he climbed off the bed.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The pity party only lasted one night, although I was sure I could have squeezed another couple out of the two of them. I think they just wanted an excuse to indulge in fatty food, but I needed to
put myself back together. The next day, with the support of Maddox and Nolan, I threw myself into work. If I wasn’t working on something for the magazine, I was working on my novel. Heartbreak was an amazing motivator for writing a sappy novel. Yeah, I would definitely need some revisions once the last chapter had been written. The story had turned dark, and neither dimension was exactly bliss.
Maddox and Nolan were amazing, letting me stay with them. I promised I would get out of their hair as quickly as possible, but every time one of them went with me to look at an apartment, they found a million things wrong with it.
Grant and Eve had surprisingly become a constant presence throughout the week. Since I had no desire to see any of my other friends, I appreciated them more than I would have ever guessed. Honestly, I couldn’t stand the idea of gossiping with Penelope or listening to Victoria pick apart Adam like she had Grant. I couldn’t take it.
Instead, I enjoyed my time with Eve, Grant, Maddox, and Nolan. Since Eve was getting close to her August due date, she was feeling the effects. However, sometimes it seemed Grant was more worn out than she was while he fussed over her like an invalid.
At dinner one night, Eve finally had enough. “Grant, if you don’t calm down, I will fly home to Georgia and have the baby there.”
“You aren’t supposed to fly in the third trimester,” he reminded her with a smug smile that disappeared when he registered the glare Eve was sending his way. That one look had him cowering in his chair and the rest of us trying to keep our laughter at bay.
“Grant, you never did know when to shut up.” Maddox shook his head.
Eve and Grant continued to glare at each other.
“Enough, you two. You are supposed to be giving me hope and keeping me sane right now. I haven’t drunk my weight in wine in days. Don’t make me reconsider,” I joked.
Eve ended her death stare challenge and turned toward me. “Girl, I know how you feel. I’m sure Grant thought I was crazy when we first met.”
