by C. M. King
The usual flood of feelings came rushing back, filling me with such intensity that I virtually lost all control. It happened no matter how hard I fought against it, but then it was always hard to keep my emotions in check whenever Joel was around.
I licked my lips, as my eyes slowly roamed over every inch of him. Joel’s body was simply breathtaking, all rock hard and contoured, with every single muscle clearly defined. He had the most amazing abs I’d ever seen, you could literally bounce a coin off them. There were times I really wanted to test that theory.
His favourite white Foo Fighters t-shirt was pulled tight over his broad, muscular shoulders. As my eyes made their way down his long, sculpted back, coming to rest on that firm, tight bottom of his. The ripped jeans he wore hugged him in all the right places.
God he was perfect.
If his body wasn’t enough to contend with, then his tattoos took him to a whole new level. His back, shoulders and arms were all inked with some of the most amazing graphic and intricate designs, giving him a rocky, edgier look.
Then there was his tattoo sleeve.
Ugh, it was my kryptonite.
It always made me weak. The attention to detail of each tattoo was exceptional. Each one had their own significant meaning, and though different in their own style, they complimented each other in a way, almost like part of a story. I had often thought about looking at each one in great detail, touching and tracing my fingers along the outlines.
A soft sigh left my lips, staring at the guy I had been in love with for the past six years. Yep, six long years and he never once noticed. It was a joke really, almost laughable. He’d always looked on me as more of a little sister from the moment we met, never once realising during that time that I wanted to be so much more.
Joel was now twenty-one and even more good looking. His chiselled face was more defined, now he’d out grown his boyish looks. He had a raw masculinity about him and boy did he know how to use it.
Years of playing football and hitting the gym had built up his lean 6ft 2” athletic frame, to like Greek god proportions. It was hard not to react to a body like his. My eyes were always hungry, eager to devour as much of him as possible.
He was the definition of eye candy. He had the whole indie rock vibe going on, the tattoos, the stubble, that sexy just rocked up look of ripped jeans and rock band t-shirt, and of course his beloved converse.
My eyes drifted up to his silky, rich chocolate brown hair. It always had that ‘just got out of bed’ feel to it. It fell down across his face and had a natural wave that effortlessly fell into place.
It was just so damn sexy.
My hand twitched, itching to grab and play with it. I could only imagine how good it would be, feeling his silky, brown locks running through my fingers.
Sensing my lust filled stare, he turned to look at me. His beautiful sapphire blue eyes held mine for a few moments. It was almost like he was reading my mind, as I watched an amused smile quickly spread across his face.
Shit!
A flush instantly hit my cheeks and I scowled in return. I hated the fact he had caught me out, his ego was already inflated with all the attention he received, I didn’t want him to know I was one of many that lusted after him too. That part of me I wanted to keep private, I didn’t want him using it as a weapon against me. His face dropped and he frowned a little at my response. I ripped my eyes away from his, no longer able to look at him a moment longer.
I couldn’t let him distract me now.
I was a woman on a mission.
I flounced by him and grabbed the charger from the socket. I ripped the cord free from Mike’s phone and tossed it down onto the bed.
“Ever heard of knocking Iz? This is my room the last time I checked,” Mike snapped, while his eyes remained transfixed on the screen.
Mike was the same age as Joel, he was 6ft and had an athletic build. He was handsome but by no means in Joel’s league for god like looks, but he possessed the same player gene and was never short of a girl hanging off his arm.
I stormed over, waving the charger in his face. “Well can you explain how the hell my charger ended up in here, was it by some kind of magic? Stay out of my room Mike and then I will respect your rules.” My heart was racing as adrenalin began taking over. I didn’t know if it was more out of annoyance for Mike, or the fact Joel’s eyes were still locked on me.
I didn’t dare look.
I needed to concentrate, not be overwhelmed by those piercing blue eyes that basically turned me to jelly.
“Iz, I need the charger my phone is nearly dead,” Mike snapped.
I huffed at his tone. He was now making me feel like I was being the unreasonable one? “Well here’s a suggestion buy your bloody own,” I shouted over my shoulder. Mike annoyed me with his scrooge like tendencies, he always had enough money to go out with though, and quite frankly I was sick of hearing the same old story.
“You know I keep forgetting and I don’t get paid till next week, just let me charge it cause I need it for tonight.”
I spun around, glaring at him. But his eyes never left the screen and no apology left his lips. He obviously thought he had done nothing wrong.
“No chance, I need my charger, all you’ll want your phone for is to take the numbers of all the skanks you’ll meet tonight.” A look of disgust passed over my face. I could only imagine all the women they would be hooking up with.
“It’s not like you need your phone charged, you won’t be going out it’s Saturday night.” Mike sniggered. Joel quickly followed suite, both finding great amusement in my lack of social life.
My eyes narrowed in anger. “Fuck off Mike, at least I’m not riddled with god knows what unlike you,” I snapped, marching out the room.
I heard the mumble of Mike’s voice and I knew exactly what that meant. His words were enough to instil fear right through me. I slammed the door behind me, searching for anything to withstand the mighty force of Joel.
I contemplated dragging my entire wardrobe over, but then I would probably kill myself in the process, so that was a definite no.
In the end I leaned back hard, in the smallest vain of hope it might just be enough.
But really who was I kidding?
This was Joel, who was built like Superman. I had no chance but the voice inside willed me on, and I wasn’t about to surrender anytime soon.
It took less than four seconds before the door shunted forward. I dug my heels in, wedging them hard into the carpet, to create some friction and pushed back hard. But it was all pretty relentless, within seconds I was soon manoeuvred along.
“Get out of my room Joel, before I scream the spot in,” I shouted, spinning around as I held up my hands, signalling for him to stay back. I hoped my words of warning were enough to stop him.
He chuckled, the amusement clearly evident on his face. His eyes danced with excitement, like he was finding great enjoyment in my reaction. “Hand the charger over Iz and no one gets hurt.” He held out his hand and smiled at me seductively.
I scowled at his audacity.
Did he think he could charm it from me that easily?
“Who are you Mike’s lackey? Why doesn’t he come and get the charger himself if it’s that important?” I snapped. My heart crashed into my chest, as Joel’s eyes locked with mine. The look he gave me was slowly driving me wild. I felt my whole body reacting to his intense stare. Oh god, this was not the best time to lose all control, I had to try and focus. This was a battle I definitely needed to win.
He inched ever closer. “Cause he’s in the middle of an x-box live game, you can’t leave a guy hanging.” He shook his head, obviously bemused by the fact I didn’t know these things.
I gripped the charger tighter.
Where the hell could I possibly hide it?
In desperation and quite possibly a moment of madness, I shoved it down the front of my top. Then instantly regretted it the moment Joel’s smile split his face in two, like he was welc
oming the challenge.
Shit!
My eyes widened in horror.
Had he any boundaries at all?
Obviously not.
“Do you really think that’s going to stop me?” he asked, raising his eyebrows in such a teasing way, it made my insides squirm with delight. “Iz, it just makes it more exciting.”
The wicked glint in his eyes stirred something deep inside. His lips pulled up into a sexy grin and I swallowed slowly, as he continued edging his way nearer, like he was cornering a wild animal.
Holy hell.
The size of his frame was intimidating and my eyes widened in response, as he began pushing me further back, deeper into my room. I could tell he was taking great delight in the fear building in my eyes, while self-assurance radiated in his.
But I was not going down that easy.
I made a desperate attempt to push past him, his arms grabbed me, pulling me back into him. He picked me up effortlessly, like I weighed less than nothing. My legs thrashed in anger before he threw me onto the bed. He quickly wrestled me down and pinned my hands above my head.
The weight of his body crushed me down deep into the mattress. He was chuckling in delight and his hot breath tickled my face, at my many meagre attempts to push him off and break free.
Enraged by my lack of strength I screamed out in frustration. “Get off me Joel, I mean it I will kill you for this.”
I wanted to rip him limb from limb, till he was nothing but a heap of dismembered body parts piled up on the floor.
He laughed, openly mocking me. “How are you going to kill me when you can’t even move?” He emphasised his point further by slowly running his nose along mine. I immediately stopped breathing, every part of my body reacted to the soft sensation. I focused on the fact his lips were barely inches from mine.
Despite my many death threats, he was the one killing me. Every look and every touch was pure torture. I wanted him so bad but I knew to him this was only a game. I had to fight against it, despite the fact every part of my body was willing to surrender.
I thrashed my head to the side, screwing my eyes shut. I felt his soft lips brush up against my ear. “Iz, give me the charger and I’ll let you go.”
“No, never,” I growled, screwing my eyes tighter.
I would never back down.
Not while there was still breath left in my body.
“Well, you’re giving me no other choice but to get it myself then.”
My eyes wrenched open at his words. My head snapped round to catch his wicked grin. I knew he was about to take great enjoyment in what he was about to do, and a rush of excitement ran through me at that very thought, much to my own disgust.
He grabbed both hands together and gripped them tight in his large, overly strong ones. I tried in vain to twist them free, but his vice like grip was too much. I flinched slightly in surprise, as his other hand slowly slipped down my body, brushing against my ribs, to rest on the bottom of my t-shirt. He held it there for several moments and we both panted together, staring deep into each other’s eyes.
Oh god.
My heart rate accelerated and I trembled in anticipation, holding my breath, waiting for his next move. My eyes grew wider, as I felt the material shift up, slightly exposing my skin. I gasped lightly when his hand softly grazed against my belly button, sending shivers through me. The plug began to uncoil out of the safe confines of my bra. The sensation of the metal prongs drove me over the edge, as he painstakingly dragged the charger slowly along my skin.
I could tell I was affecting him too. His lust filled eyes continued staring deep into mine, igniting the flames inside even more. He parted his lips slightly, flicking his tongue over his lower lip, teasing me.
I wanted those lips on me right now.
As if reading my thoughts, his face moved achingly closer to mine. I closed my eyes, willing him to give me the moment I had dreamt about so long. I literally stopped breathing, waiting for his sweet, soft lips to finally touch mine.
For a few moments he hesitated.
Then a huge wave of rejection slammed against my body, when his lips brushed up against my forehead. My eyes fluttered open in surprise. I tried desperately not to express the look of bitter disappointment, I knew was about to cross my face.
“See that wasn’t so bad was it? I think you may have even enjoyed it,” he said grinning, his eyes filled with amusement.
His words were like cold water against my skin, they quickly extinguished the strong, intense flames I was feeling only moments before.
“Go to hell,” I snapped, no longer wanting to be part of his cruel game. I tried my hardest to appear unaffected, even though I wanted to scream till my throat bled. He chuckled, slowly pushing himself off me. I closed my eyes, breathing deep, to try and gain some kind of composure.
When the door creaked my eyes wrenched open and he shot me a cheeky wink, before closing the door. I screamed with frustration, despising myself for the hold he had over me. I heard his laughter all the way back to Mike’s room, like rubbing more salt into the gaping wound that was my heart.
But this was nothing new, the years of constant teasing and ridicule had taken their toll. I had to change, to grow a thicker skin. It was no fun living with these two idiots. I kept out their way most of the time, it was the simplest solution to escape the torment. I never let my guard down or expressed my feelings, especially the ones I had for Joel. I kept those locked away. What started out as a silly first crush, had now developed into something deeper. It consumed me, but as it was not reciprocated, I guarded that secret with my life, knowing it was one I’d never tell.
As predicted Joel had became a huge hit with the ladies, attracting attention wherever he went. No matter what his reputation the girls made it their mission to get with him. It became unbearable to watch and as it happened on a regular basis, it became my own personal hell.
I’d go crazy hearing all the stories, the detailed conversations about I guy I would never have. The tears and the all to familiar tight pain in my chest became my routine. I had my own coping mechanism, never giving into it till I was safe in the confines of my room. Only then I’d allow myself to grieve, before locking it away again. It was how I dealt with it. I had to turn my feelings off before it swallowed me whole, dragging me into a world of darkness I would never escape from.
After finishing school Joel began working in a pub called The Cock and Bull. Which was ever so ironic, considering he was so full of bullshit himself. It was the perfect pulling ground for him to practice his technique, packed with eagerly willing gorgeous girls, all after a slice of Joel. He never failed to go home empty handed. Mike was just the same, he had the looks and the body that enabled him to attract his fair share of attention from the ladies.
Joel would spend the majority of his time at our house, almost from the time he and Mike met. He looked on it as more of a home than his own, but that wasn’t hard considering his circumstances.
We lived in a four-bedroom house in Camden, London. My Mother Helen had gotten divorced from my Dad Geoff when I was ten. He had the typical cliché affair with the secretary in his office, which had totally devastated my Mother and so they separated.
My Dad shortly after took a position in Sydney, Australia. His firm were expanding at the time, so he was given the role to manage the company there. I was never the same with my Dad after the affair, I saw the irreparable damage it did to my Mother. Despite several attempts at contact we drifted apart, the devastation was too much to bear. Once he moved to Australia it was like we didn’t exist anymore. We’d receive birthday and Christmas cards with a cheque inside, but his life had changed and we no longer factored into it.
Up until the affair my Dad was the closest person to me. He was the one I would confide in, he was my rock. My Mother had always been jealous of our relationship, never accepting the fact I was a Daddy’s girl from the moment I was born. I loved my Mother but she had a way of getting under my skin. She
was constantly overbearing and highly-strung, always wanting to know every detail of my life. I resented how intrusive she could be at times. I liked my privacy, not welcoming her interference in parts of my life that I tried desperately to keep hidden.
I missed my Dad’s laid-back attitude, his patience and kindness. He had nurtured my book obsession, taking me to book fairs, instilling in me from a young age, the joy of escapism through the pages of a book.
He was the one who bought me all the classics, taking the time to learn and understand the real me. He never pressurised me to be something I wasn’t. He was my entire world, until he ripped it to shreds, till it was broken and beyond repair.
Joel lived not far from us, only a couple of streets away with his Dad, who to put it bluntly was an arsehole. His Mother had died in a hit and run accident when he was four and since then his Dad had raised him alongside his Uncle. Well I use the term ‘raised’ loosely, for the best part of his life after his Uncle relocated for work, Joel had basically brought himself up.
Joel’s Dad never praised or gave him any credit for any of his achievements, always taking great delight in enlightening him on his many failures. I came to the conclusion that nothing Joel did would ever impress him. The amount of alcohol he drank didn’t help with his anger issues, and being of the whiskey variety that was enough to stir up trouble.
I would often overhear snippets of conversations between Joel and Mike about their arguments, but then there was the obvious signs, a black eye, a split lip, the number of times unexplained bruises would appear on his body. My Mother had tried to intervene but Joel had asked her not to say anything, which in the end she had relented, much to her own displeasure. So she did the next best thing in opening our home to him, so he’d always have somewhere to escape to when things got bad.
* * *
After an hour of escapism with my kindle, I headed downstairs in need of a caffeine fix. Joel was busy making coffee too, but he was too distracted by the music to notice me enter.
