He might have the decency to look a little excited.
He’s not the only one, her wolf commented drily.
“Sorry.” He blinked a couple of times as if she were an apparition, he couldn’t quite believe it was real.
“It’s okay,” she conceded. “Shock does that to a person.”
“I’m Shawn.” Her mate took a faltering step forward, his hand outstretched as if this was a business meeting. “Sorry.” He dropped his hand to his side. “I’ve never done this before and have no idea how to react.” He smiled and Joanna’s heart pounded so hard in her chest she thought it would burst out of her ribcage.
That’s more like it! Her wolf licked her lips, hungry for their mate to run his fingers through her thick luxurious pelt. Her wolf shivered in anticipation.
“Joanna. But you already know that.” She gave a short laugh. “Speechless is a new experience for me.”
His smile widened and warmth filled her. Shawn was a good man. She’d known enough bad men to be sure of that.
So he’s not the bad boy you always dreamed of. Her wolf had no trouble finding words. Unhelpful words.
However, her wolf was right. Joanna had a long-held suspicion that fate would play a trick on her and her mate would be a bad boy she would need to reform.
We’re too old for that, her wolf conceded. She was right, again. If Joanna had any hope of having children of her own, she didn’t have time to tame a man.
“I don’t think either of us expected to meet our mate today.” His smile was disarming and after his initial bout of staring, he seemed more relaxed.
“I’d gotten to the point where I didn’t think I’d meet my mate any day.” Joanna glanced over his shoulder. “So, you’re friends with Kelos and Amber.”
“Amber and I go way back. Kelos is a good friend. We have spent more than a few bachelor nights together.” He put his hand up quickly. “Only drinking at The Happy Bear Club.” Color crept over his cheeks. “Nothing else.”
“You two didn’t go hunting together looking for easy women to pick up?” Joanna was playing with him.
“No! Nothing like that.” The color in his cheeks deepened and he ran his hand through his hair and puffed the air out of his cheeks.
“I’m teasing you,” Joanna confessed.
Shawn shook his head. “You had me for a moment. I thought you were going to put your cuffs on me or something.”
“If that’s your kink, I can bring them next time we meet.” She held his gaze as he opened and closed his mouth.
Now, who is lost for words? Her wolf liked this game.
“I…um.” He shrugged. “I don’t have a kink.” His attention was dragged away from Joanna as the sound of children screeching reached them. Shawn half turned but didn’t leave her.
“I think they’re just having fun.” Joanna watched her mate intently. There was something in his expression. She’d seen the same something in the faces of people she’d taken into custody and questioned. People who had information they were scared of sharing. “Shawn?”
“I have a daughter.” He switched his attention back to Joanna. “Jane. She’s my daughter.”
Joanna’s breath caught in her throat and she fought to keep her composure. “Okay.”
He shook his head again, his hand raking through his hair as he avoided her eyes. “I… I…”
“Don’t want to talk about it?” she asked. She knew the signs of a man with a secret he didn’t want to tell. Maybe fate had a twist in its tale after all.
“Not here.” He lifted his eyes to hers. “It’s complicated.” His forehead furrowed as his jaw tightened.
“Isn’t it always.” She shrugged. “Listen, we’re not young and just starting out. I’m sure both of us have some skeletons in our closets. I’m okay with that.” She sliced the air with her hand. “If you want, we can just draw a line beneath all that. As long as, from now on, we are honest with each other and don’t keep secrets.”
His shoulders sagged forward in relief. Which she should find worrying. What skeletons did her mate have in his closet?
No more than we do, her wolf answered. There are some things in our past we would rather stay hidden.
So true, Joanna replied. There were things they’d done. Stupid things that she wouldn’t want to share with anyone. But a child. Could she learn to be the mother of her mate’s child? Would she ever love her?
Worse. What if Shawn didn’t want any more children? If he already had a daughter, he might not want to upset her by having more children.
“Why don’t we drop the heavy stuff for now?” Shawn suggested. “We should join the others. I don’t want to overshadow Kelos and Amber.”
“Agreed.” She let out her pent-up breath. “Let’s just enjoy ourselves and be thankful we don’t have to search for our mate any longer. The rest can wait.”
“It can.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “If we weren’t shifters, our first conversation would consist of flirting and small talk while we made eyes at each other. I’d be trying to figure out what you were thinking and whether you liked me enough to go on a date with me.”
Joanna leaned back slightly and scanned Shawn from head to foot. Impressive. “Hmm, I guess I’d like you enough to date you. As to what I’m thinking, that’s easy, I think I need a drink.” She paused. “And I’d like to say hello to your daughter.” Her jaw tightened. “Or would you rather me stay in the background for now? Until you get a chance to talk to her.”
Are we going to be his naughty little secret? Her wolf had a point. Without knowing Shawn’s history, without getting the skeleton out of his closet and giving it a dust down, she had no idea what Jane would think of her. Would she resent Shawn having a mate, a woman who wasn’t her mother in her life?
“Jane would love to meet you.” He gave a wry smile. “She thinks I need a woman in my life. And I know she probably needs a woman in her life. I’ve done okay so far but as she gets older… I worry I won’t be able to relate to her. That my advice won’t be… Well, you get it.”
Joanna swallowed the lump of emotion that formed in her throat. Shawn loved his daughter so much. It was evident in the way he spoke about her, in the way he cared about her well-being. Father and daughter were no doubt a close-knit unit. Would there be room enough for Joanna?
Shawn might think his daughter needed a mother figure, but Jane might have other ideas.
“Does she know about shifters and mates and all that?” Joanna asked nervously. “The last thing I want to do is say something I shouldn’t. I’ve got a good track record in that department.”
“She knows about shifters.” He paused. “She also knows her mom wasn’t my mate.”
Joanna nodded. “Great.” What else was there to say? She was already beginning to regret her whole talk about skeletons in the closet. She wanted details and she wanted them now.
“Let’s go get that drink.” He held out his hand and she took a step forward. As she slipped her hand into Shawn’s that step felt like the biggest in her life. She was stepping out of her old life and into her new life. A life where a man and a child would take priority over everything else. Her job, her friends, herself.
As her skin rubbed against Shawn’s and he closed his fingers around her hand, a shock of recognition coursed through her. He turned to face her, the same recognition registering on his face. “This is weird.”
He gave a short laugh. “Thanks.”
“You know what I mean,” she began. “You must have seen other shifters meet their mates. They tell you how it feels. How when they first see their mate, they know they’re the one. That first touch…” She looked down at her hand in his. “But to actually experience it. To feel that connection. It’s…”
“Unbelievable?” Shawn asked.
“I guess it is. Yet it’s here.” She tightened her grip on his hand. “I feel you. I sense you. It’s intense.”
His mouth curled up at one corner. “I can see why you’re a cop.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Detective.”
“I can see why you are a detective. You have an analytical mind.” He inclined his head toward the house. “Come on. Let’s go get a drink and enjoy this.” He lifted his hand holding hers.
“I can do that.” She followed him around the side of the house and into the backyard. Amber and Kelos came over to meet them, while O’Malley chatted to another guy like they were old friends.
“It looks as though Joey has dumped me already,” Shawn nodded toward the two men talking.
“He needs a wingman,” Amber said lightly but her expression clouded for a moment. “I think he’s feeling left out.”
“It only seems like only yesterday when you guys were the bachelors three,” Amber reminded them.
“The bachelors three?” Joanna chuckled. “You guys had a name?”
“Not something we came up with,” Shawn assured her. Color crept across his cheeks and he glanced up at Kelos. “And not something we will ever be again.”
“No.” Kelos slipped his arm around Amber’s shoulders. “Shall we?”
“Sure.” Amber’s face paled and she took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as her hand slid across her belly.
Someone is about to make an announcement, Joanna’s wolf said.
Amber is pregnant. That was fast. Her wolf fell silent.
What’s wrong? Joanna asked.
That could be us. In a couple of months, that could be us about to announce we are pregnant. Her wolf’s voice filled with longing. She longed to raise a brood of cubs.
Joanna was lost in that thought for a moment as the other people in the backyard gathered around. Her wolf was right. Her life could pivot and go off in a different direction in a short space of time.
She glanced at Shawn. Her spine prickled as if icy fingers touched her skin. Was she ready for all of this?
After being on her own for so long, she’d given up believing this would ever happen. She’d gotten used to her life. She’d put all her energy into her career.
Now that would change. It would have to change. If they did have children, she’d have to choose, her career or a family.
Was it wrong to want it all? Was it wrong to want a career and a family?
“Joanna.” Shawn squeezed her hand. “Are you okay?”
Her head jerked up and she nodded absently. “Yes.” But that was a lie. She wasn’t okay.
But we will be, her wolf assured her. Because this is meant to be.
Chapter Three – Shawn
“Amber is going to have a baby!” Jane ran across the lawn and excitedly flung herself into his arms.
“She is.” He wrapped his arms around his daughter and lifted her off the ground. Holding her against his chest, just as he had when she was a baby and would wake in the night crying for him, Shawn turned to face Joanna.
“Does that mean we can babysit?” Jane asked.
“I’m sure Amber and Kelos would appreciate that.” Shawn wrinkled his nose. “Although you will have to do diaper duty.”
Jane giggled and shook her head. “That’s a grown-up’s job.” She curled her small hands around his neck and hugged him close. “I wish I had a baby brother or sister.” Shawn’s heart faltered in his chest and his eyes locked with Joanna’s.
“Maybe one day,” he murmured.
Joanna turned her face away from his, her expression unreadable. Did she want children?
Will she love Jane? His cougar’s question was probably more immediately important. Jane was a part of their lives and whereas shifters normally were happy to take any child under their protection and love and nurture them, this was different.
We’re going to have to explain Jane to Joanna. Shawn’s jaw tightened as his cougar shook his head.
We can’t. We gave our word we would never reveal Jane’s past. Never reveal where she came from. His cougar tensed. Will we always be torn between our mate and Jane?
Not necessarily. Perhaps Joanna meant it when she said our past is our past. But deep down Shawn believed that was wishful thinking.
We can’t let the truth fester and wound our relationship with our mate. Jane is a detective. She will understand. His cougar might want to believe that but they both knew the risks.
If Joanna knew the truth, she might stir up the past that had stayed buried, that had kept Jane safe, for so long.
“I’m thirsty,” Jane announced.
“Okay. We can go get a drink but first I want you to meet someone.” Shawn half turned and placed his hand on Joanna’s shoulder. “This is Joanna.”
“Hi, Joanna.” Jane lifted her hand and waved at Shawn’s mate.
“Hi, Jane. How are you doing?” Joanna smiled warmly. “I like your dress. It’s very pretty.”
“Thanks.” Jane’s fingers ran over the blue fabric embroidered with small flowers. It was her favorite. They’d picked it out for a party when they went to the city a couple of months ago. Jane had worn it at every opportunity since.
“Do you like flowers?” Joanna asked. She pointed to a little blue flower. “These are forget-me-nots. I have some growing in my backyard.”
“I like roses. They smell sweet.” Jane wriggled in Shawn’s arms. “Shall we go and get a drink?”
“Sure.” He let Jane slip out of his arms, even though he wanted to grab ahold of her and pull her back to him. What if finding his mate destroyed the relationship they had?
Jane slipped her hand into his and pulled him forward. He took a faltering step as Joanna stood her ground, her eyes on father and daughter. “Are you coming?” Jane asked in her small sweet voice that always tore at Shawn’s heart.
“Is that okay?” Joanna asked.
“Sure, it is.” Jane smiled brightly. “Do you like brownies? We bake brownies a lot. You can come over and help if you want.”
“I’d…I’d love to.” Joanna’s shoulders relaxed and the tension in her body dissipated.
“Great!” Jane glanced sheepishly as Shawn. “My dad could do with some female company over the age of eight.”
Shawn chuckled. “Hey, what are you saying?”
“That there are only so many dolls’ tea parties a grown-up man should go to.” Jane arched her eyebrow. “You should go to dinner together. Joey could babysit me. He’s fun.”
“My daughter the matchmaker.” He winked at Joanna and then asked Jane, “Joey’s fun but I’m funner, right?”
Jane giggled. “Sure, you are.”
“You’ve injured my pride.” Shawn put his hand on his heart and his mouth drooped at the corners.
“You’re my dad. Dads aren’t always fun.” Jane stopped walking and turned to face him. Reaching for his other hand, she tilted her head back and looked at him with her clear blue eyes. “Dads are for the more important stuff. Like homework and bad dreams. And hugs. Lots of hugs.”
He slipped his arm around her slim shoulders. “I’ll always be there for you, sweetheart.”
“So that’s a date?” Jane asked, her gaze on Joanna’s face. Shawn knew that look only too well, it was hard to deny Jane anything when she looked at him that way.
Why would Joanna deny Jane anyway? his cougar asked. She wants to spend time with us. We’re her mate.
“Sure. It’s a date.” As Joanna smiled, her eyes misted with tears. “I used to make brownies with my dad.”
“Why don’t you anymore?” Jane asked.
“He died.” Joanna sniffed loudly. “So it’ll be wonderful to come over to your house and make brownies with you.”
“And my dad,” Jane confirmed. “It’s a date.” She arched her eyebrow and dared either of them to say otherwise.
Jane is wise beyond her years, his cougar said.
Do you think she can sense that we are mates? Shawn asked.
Perhaps she can simply sense that you and Joanna have chemistry. And you do have chemistry.
“How about tomorrow?” Shawn asked. “I have a shift in the morning, but the afternoon works.”
“I have a shift tonight. So I’ll grab a few hours’ sleep and then come on over.” Joanna glanced at Shawn. “If you are sure that’s okay.”
“Absolutely.” Shawn nodded. “Joanna is a police detective.”
“Really?” Jane asked. “That is so cool.”
“Probably not as cool as it sounds. There’s a lot of paperwork involved.” Joanna screwed up her face. “A lot of paperwork.”
“But you get to arrest bad people and put them in jail.” Jane’s eyes shone bright with admiration.
“I do.” Joanna nodded. “That’s the main reason I joined the police force.”
“Hey, how are you guys doing?” Amber came across to them as they entered the kitchen. “Help yourself to whatever you want, Jane.”
“This all looks wonderful,” Shawn complimented Amber as Jane eyed the small iced cakes and a plateful of cookies. “There are some sandwiches, too.”
“I can see them,” Jane retorted.
“It’s my responsibility to make sure she eats a balanced diet,” Shawn told Amber as she smothered a smile. “Have you forgotten what it’s like to be a child?”
“You’ll soon be reminded.” Joanna dropped her gaze to Amber’s belly.
Amber reacted by smoothing her hand over her stomach. “I can’t wait. It seems like ages until the baby is due but I’m sure it’ll fly by.” She gave a small smile, leaned forward, and whispered, “You two look happy. Does that mean Jane is okay with this?”
“She is.” Shawn glanced at Jane. “She invited Joanna over to the house tomorrow to make brownies.”
“That’s a good start.” Amber reached out and took Joanna’s hand. “I’m so pleased for you both. It makes me happy to know two of my favorite people are meant to be together.”
Joanna glanced at Shawn. “I think we’re both a little shell-shocked.”
“A little.” Shawn nodded.
“Maybe you should try the cake and cookies,” Amber suggested. “Sugar always makes me feel better.”
“I was thinking of wine,” Joanna replied. “Since O’Malley is driving me home, I am free to indulge.”
“Help yourself.” Amber pointed to the fridge. “There’s cold beer if you want one.”
Shawn: Spring (Shifter Seasons Book 5) Page 2
