I scooted a little farther from him and gazed out the window as we crossed over the ridge into Los Angeles. The view was so pretty at night. I don’t think I could ever get enough of looking at it. After a few minutes, I heard him rustling around in his seat, shifting it seemed, and when I looked over, he was looking at me with an apology in his eyes and on his tongue.
“I’m sorry, Charlotte. I didn’t mean to bark at you. I’ve never done this before and I don’t know what I’m doing,” he said, running his fingers through his hair and giving his head a slight tug.
I scooted back over to him and laid my hand on his chest. “I haven’t either Alex, we’ll learn together. Please don’t shut me out.” I tried to convey my fear to him as well. I wanted nothing more than to share that fear with him and resolve them together.
This was new territory for both us. For me, I’d never been sexually active with anyone after my attack. Sure, I’d kissed a few guys and been on a date or two, but either I wasn’t ready or the guy was overly ready. It never seemed to work out for me, and I was ok with that, until Alex. Now, I wanted so much more. I didn’t know Alex’s story, but I saw a darkness in him. His personality really didn’t seem conducive to casual dating. The both of us would be learning this together and helping each other grow.
He nodded slowly at me, looking at my hand on his chest and watching my inner monologue. He seemed to reach some conclusion because, when he lifted his head, he smiled at me, “Time to eat, I hope you’re hungry, Charlotte.”
Chapter 21
We pulled up in front of Morton’s, The Steakhouse. I’d heard about the place before. It was said to have the best prime rib in the entire state. I wasn’t your typical girl in a lot of ways, and one of them was my love for red meat. I hoped Alex didn’t expect me to order a salad, because that was never going to happen in a place like this.
Bracks came around and opened the door, letting Alex step out first, before putting his hand out and helping me step out. Alex took my arm in his and walked me over to the entrance, Bracks racing in front of us to open the door to the restaurant. I walked in and let Alex guide me to the hostess stand while I took in my surroundings. It was a beautiful restaurant with high back black chairs and pristine white table cloths on every table. The lighting was dim and comfortable and I could hear soft music playing in the background. The atmosphere was cozy, but elegant.
The smell coming from the kitchen had my mouth watering in greedy anticipation. The aroma of an open flame kissing raw cuts of meat and cooking it to perfection was a temptation I was glad I didn’t have to avoid. I was increasingly glad I had decided to do the dating thing with Alex, since there was no way I’d ever be able to go to this magnificent place on my own.
Alex gently grabbed my arm again as we followed the host to our table; in the corner and slightly secluded. The hostess took my wrap and placed a napkin in my lap when I sat down. It was all so very elegant and I was starting to get a touch nervous. When Alex sat beside me and not across from me, I felt the tension ease away just as swiftly as it had come. I looked up to see the hostess staring at Alex, waiting to put his napkin in his lap. She looked at him like she would rather see him take off a layer, rather than apply more on top. When he finally looked away from me and up at her, he grabbed the napkin from her and motioned for her to scram. I smiled at her petulantly as she stalked off. He was here with me!
He held up the wine menu while asking me if I had a preference. I answered by telling him to decide, I’d be happy with anything.
“What were you thinking about ordering, Charlotte? he said, looking sideways at me through his menu.
“Steak. I love steak!” I figuratively drooled.
“I recommend the prime rib, it’s delectable. Almost as much as you,” he said, the last on a whisper into my ear, sending electricity jolts down my torso and between my legs. My cheeks turned pink and I smiled up at Alex, enjoying the merriment dancing in his eyes.
When the, thankfully male, waiter came to take our orders and our menus, Alex turned in his seat, facing me, and took my hands in his. He looked a little nervous, but the happiness I’d just seen was still visible.
“When did you learn to ride a bike?” he said, throwing my own question back at me.
I smiled at the memory of being a little girl, with my mom pushing me in my little pink bike with training wheels around our cul-de-sac.
“I was 6, the first time I can remember. I had a pink and white bike with pom-pom handles, a basket, and a bell. I also had training wheels that I hated, but mom made me keep them on till I was like 8 or so. I remember her pushing me around and clapping every time I made it more than a few feet.”
I looked up at him as he sat, transfixed, staring at me, waiting for me to finish my story.
“After she took of the training wheels, she couldn’t ever get me off my bike. For a long time people around the neighborhood referred to me as “Little Red Riding Hood.” I chuckled at the memory.
“What’s your favorite color?” he fired off the next question at me.
“Amber,” I said, with no pause.
His eyes twinkled with the knowledge of why I had chosen amber. He leaned down to give me a kiss, stunning me with his light touches. The irony that we had each chosen the color of the others eyes was not lost on me.
He asked me lots of questions about my parents and growing up. He asked why my mom moved to New Jersey and what my dad did for a living. We sat and chatted like that, sipping our wine and eating our salad, for a long while. Just enjoying each others company. I was in the middle of telling him about my senior year in high school when the waiter appeared with our steaks and skewered shrimp.
The smell hit me straight in the face and made me moan out in absolute pleasure.
Alex laughed at me, “That’s my favorite sound in the world. I hope to hear it a few more times before the night is out.”
Feeling a little bit saucy, I asked, “Yeah, you’re right, you’ll probably hear it when we order that chocolate lava cake.”
The cheeky smile I had been wearing vanished when his hand went under the table and slid up my legs, inches from where I wanted his touch. Where I craved his touch. I knew I was already wet. I seemed to always be that way when he was around.
“I thought I could have you for dessert instead,” he whispered into my ear, drawing a whimper from my throat. This man had a way for words. Every time he opened his mouth to talk to me, I felt a tightening in my body that could only be loosened by his touch.
Before I could answer, I felt his phone buzz next to us, from his pocket. He tore his gaze away from mine and reached to grab his vibrating device. When he looked down at the display, his eyebrows scrunched together and he looked back up at me with a dark gaze.
“I have to take this,” he said, standing up and walking away from the booth. He went into another corner of the restaurant with no tables and spoke low into the phone. Of course, I couldn’t hear him, but I had picked up one lip read word. Sarah.
I felt my anger start to bubble at the mention of her name. I went from turned on to pissed, in a matter of seconds. The jealousy within me was powerful and vengeful. How dare he answer her call when he’s supposed to be out on a date with me! I was being irrational and I couldn’t care less. Who was this bitch and why did she have her hooks in Alex like a fresh caught sea bass?
I was starting to get out of the booth when I felt my own phone vibrate in my purse. I was in no mood to answer it, but I was getting slightly anxious sitting there by myself, so I pulled it out of my bag, looking at the caller ID. It was my mom.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Charlotte, darling, where are you?”
Her tone scared me. She sounded scared, which put me on edge. I glanced over at Alex, but his back was to me, facing out a window.
“I’m on a date. Mom, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to disturb you honey, maybe you can call me back later?”
“Mom, please, just tell
me. You’re scaring me. Are you alright? Is something wrong?”
She took a deep breath, and I waited for what felt like minutes before she finally responded.
“I just got off the phone with Mr. Ludwig.” My head screamed at me. Why is she talking to my lawyer from the case eight years ago? “Robert was released from prison two weeks ago on good behavior. He’s home, Charlie.”
I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t even think. My whole body shook.
“Charlie? Are you there? Did you hear me?”
“I–I–I”
Suddenly my phone was taken from my hand and I found my head in my lap, trying to breathe and trying to process. I heard Alex, but he sounded so far away. My breathing was ragged and I couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen to fill my lungs. My vision blurred as I rocked in the seat.
“Who the hell is this?”
I couldn’t hear my mom, but I knew she wouldn’t take that kind of lip from anyone. After a few seconds, Alex responded.
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Hightower. My name is Alex Porter. I’m on a date with your daughter. I stepped away from the table and, when I came back, she looked like she had seen a ghost. I—”
I listened as he waited for her to finish.
“I understand, Mrs. Hightower. I will take her home immediately. Thank you for letting her know.”
With that, he hung up and put my phone back in my bag. He didn’t say anything to me as he strode over to the hostess, grabbed his wallet out of the back of his pants, and handed her multiple bills. When he walked back over to me, I was still trembling and I felt ice cold.
“Come on, baby, we’re leaving,” he said, looking down on me with a look of fear and pity.
“What about dessert?” I managed to get out, a nervous giggle escaping my lips. I was pretty sure I was losing touch with reality at that point.
He gave me a half smile before grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet, walking me toward the front door and out into the night air. He wrapped his arms around my shoulder, keeping me erect. Without him I would have never been able to leave the booth, let alone walk to the car. Right now, Alex Porter was my anchor.
When we got back into the car, I was marginally calmer, but I still felt a deep bone chill settle within me. My teeth started clattering together and I wrapped my arms around myself to try and ward off the cold. Alex must have seen my shivering because, once he climbed in, he took off his jacket and laid it around my shoulders. I knew that his jacket wouldn’t truly help me, though. I wasn’t suffering from temperature cold, I was suffering from the kind of cold that comes from a realization that your life has been turned upside down, again, and there was no righting it. A cold that told me that my worst enemy was walking free and could come find me as easily as the flu bug finding a child in the fall.
I didn’t take notice of where we were going or how long we were in the car. My only objective at the moment was to keep the dark from swallowing me up and making me relive the memories I was trying desperately to keep stamped down. When the car finally stopped, I looked outside to see that we were at Alex’s penthouse. I should have protested, but making my lips move was not on the agenda at the moment. If I opened my mouth, I didn’t know what would have come out.
Alex coaxed me out of the car and guided me towards the entrance with his hand at my back as I clutched onto his jacket for dear life. I didn’t look at anything but my heels and Alex’s shiny black shoes as we coasted through the lobby and to the elevator. Alex didn’t say anything on the ride up or when we entered the apartment. He just kept his arm around my waist, navigating me to where we needed to go.
He led me to the sofa and sat me down, leaving me there. His footsteps sounded like he went into the kitchen, but I couldn’t be sure. I don’t know when my body started rocking, but, when Alex came back to my side, he placed a hand on my shoulder and stopped me, mid-rock. I felt like my world was shattering.
“Drink this, Charlotte, it’ll make you feel better,” he said, handing me a glass with deep amber liquid that reminded me of his eyes.
I didn’t know what it was, and I didn’t care. I threw the glass back and drank the entire contents. The burn in my throat was welcome, and wanted, and it helped warm the chill that had built inside me. I set the glass on the coffee table and watched as he filled it up once more. I picked it back up and knocked that one back as well. This time, when I set it down, he didn’t refill it. I looked at him, but he just shook his head.
“Charlotte, I wasn’t going to ask you to divulge any information until you were ready, but since your mom has now stepped in and told me you need to be protected, I feel that it is my right to know.” He took a deep breath, turned me to face him and said, “What happened to you?”
Chapter 22
I knew this was coming, but I was still petrified of telling Alex. I didn’t know how he was going to take the news. He’d probably end up leaving me and firing me. I had been such a fuck up when I was a teen and it was, once again, coming back to bite me in the ass. My only solace was knowing that I’d rather have him dump and fire me now versus a year from now when it would certainly hurt a lot more.
I picked up my empty glass and held it out for him. If I was going to relive that night again, for the 2nd time in the last week, I was sure as shit going to be as close to drunk as I could get. One of my eyebrows rose when he only filled it one finger’s worth, but I drank it anyway, relishing in the warmth starting to spread through me.
“When I was a teenager, fifteen and sixteen to be exact, I was, well, I was kind of a slut.” I paused when I heard him draw in air and glare at me. I didn’t particularly care for that word, but it was the only one that could come close to describing me at the time. I had been promiscuous and dangerously so.
“Don’t ever call yourself that, Charlotte!” he reprimanded, his eyes smoldering at his demand.
I was having none of that tone and told him so. “If you want to know what happened, you’re going to need to stop talking and let me explain this my way. Got it?”
He nodded at me and motioned for me to continue before picking up his own glass and tilting it to his lips.
“Anyway, I went through a terribly wild streak, and neither of my parents could control me. I ditched class, I was having wild and crazy sex, drinking, smoking cigarettes and pot, and just being a total train wreck. Right after I turned sixteen, I met this older guy. He was in college and he was exactly what I had been looking for at the time. He fed my wild streak and introduced me to more hardcore things, drugs being one of them.”
I looked up to gauge his reaction, but I didn’t see anything in his eyes. No judgement or criticism, but no fondness either. I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced myself to continue.
“So, one night he invited me over to his dorm for a frat party. There were tons of people there and, of course, the only person I knew was Robert, but he kept ditching me, and I kept winding up with random people. At some point, I must have snorted something, because I don’t remember the next hour or so. I think it was coke, but I honestly don’t know.”
I stopped to chew on my lip. I had spent so many years after that party trying to remember what I had done and with who, but my brain refused to acknowledge what it could be. I sometimes wish I had gone to the hospital that night. At least I would have known what I had done. I stopped chewing on my lip when Alex took my chin in his fingers and lightly tugged, dislodging my bottom lip. He didn’t say anything, letting me take my time to continue.
“After some time, I found Robert again outside in the backyard. He was drunk and, even through my haze, I could tell that he was not all there, but I walked over to him anyway. He had four of his frat friends with him, but I had no idea who they were. They started making some crude remarks and, when I asked Robert why he wasn’t defending me, he backhanded me and I fell in the pool.”
Alex gave me another finger’s worth of brandy and I took a shaky sip before I continued. Even with everything I was telling him
, he could tell when I needed comfort of some sort, and it warmed my heart a little.
“My dip in the pool pulled me from whatever drug stupor I was in and I got raging mad. I got out of the pool and ran at Robert, who had turned his back on me. I jumped on his back and started clawing at him in my rage. It only took about two seconds for his friends to pull me off of him, and, by that time, it was too late. He was pissed. I remember seeing this look in his eyes. It was feral, morbid. It haunts me to this day.”
I drank the rest of my drink and set my glass back down. The brandy wasn’t helping the visions swirling in my head. Alex rubbed my knee, which was up on the couch, waiting for me to finish the story. I knew I needed to get this all out in the open and be done with it. Once I let it all out, maybe he could forgive my transgressions and we could continue forward in this relationship. But, if I didn’t finish, the guilt alone would eat me up.
“His friends held me by the arms while Robert punched me a few times. Once in the stomach and a few to my face. I couldn’t see out of one eye within a few minutes. I don’t know how long, but, at some point, I passed out. When I woke up, I– they had tied me to a sun bathing chair with pool ropes. All of my clothes were ripped off and in the pool.” I blinked back the tears and continued. “All five of them took turns with me. They called me a dirty whore, a druggy, and a million other names. They raped me individually, and then in pairs, and then all five of them at once. Robert told me that, if I screamed, they would tell my mom what I did. He said that they were videotaping it, although I never saw any proof of it. At one point, they thought it would be fun to take a pair of scissors and chop off all of my hair, it’s one of the reasons I haven’t cut my hair since that day.” I fingered my long locks nervously, thinking about how short they had been after Robert was done.
Just A Man (The Porter Trilogy Book 1) Page 18
