by Anke Napp
“I feel quite healthy.” He smiled and had this particular twinkle in his eyes again.
“And the animals which have suffered for it...”
“They are already dead. Not eating them is of no use to anyone.”
Any other person Alison would have left standing there alone without another word after such a statement. However, Vance was simply - disarming. She searched for an uncompromising answer, but he left her no time.
“Don’t think I don’t care about animal welfare,” Vance added. “But this should not stop us from enjoying this evening.”
“You don’t give up...”
“My father called me a headstrong ox, if you mean that.”
Now, Alison got up, infected by Vance’s smile which suddenly pulled on her lips, too. “Well, I shouldn’t mess with you then, should I?” She put her hair in order with quick moves.
Still outside the range of the barbecue’s light, Alison looked up to the nightly sky and the glinting jewels of the stars.
“There, you can see the Southern Cross!”
They both stopped. “It’s a long time since I last did any stargazing,” she admitted. “When I was a kid, I used to sit at the door of our house. There was almost no other light; you could see the milky way.”
“My older brother was a little astronomer,” Vance told, “He had a telescope and knew all the stuff... the names of the stars, the cycles of the planets. He rode out in the veld at night, and sometimes I accompanied him, driving him crazy with all the crap I had read in some Science Fiction comics, I guess. All those superheroes saving the universe...”
He tried to rediscover some of the sights his brother had explained him once, but failed completely. So long ago, yes...
”Was it then when you decided to become an actor?”
Vance laughed. “No, I suppose it happened when I was 10 and they searched actors for our Nativity play at school. I applied, because I was very much in love with a classmate then, and I knew she would play Mary. I was ready to do anything to impress her!”
“And? Did it work?”
Vance shook his head, still smiling. “Yes and no. Our teacher cast me as a soldier, because I was the tallest of our class and he needed someone looking a bit threatening. I had to run across the stage, after the Holy Family, branding a plastic sword. I must have been very scary! At least my adored was frightened and started to cry. Well, nice start of my career. I’m afraid I’ve been typecast ever since.”
Alison turned her gaze down from the sky at his face. “You are very talented. And I mean it.”
Vance looked away in order not to show how flattered he felt. Not so much to hear this, but to hear it from her. Above them, some night bird called out into the semi darkness. He felt happy and in peace, something he had not felt for... he did not even remember. Home soil under his feet. Home sky above him. Everything seemed in order, seemed perfect, including the woman standing at his side. He liked being close to her, liked her faint scent of perfume, the way she moved. Next to her, all his worries slipped to the edge of his mind. Harker, his agent, L.A. ... even Carolyn. Carolyn.
It was like a cold shower rushing down on him and washing the perfection of the moment away in an instant. He fought through the suddenly swirling chaos of his thoughts to reach ground again. His guilty conscience was back. And this time, with every reason. Instinctively, he fumbled for his wedding ring, turned it nervously. Carolyn should be the one towards whom he felt this way! No, the danger was not in the advances Lauren made. A one night stand with her would have been exactly that. Something light, fast, fun to pass time and forget instantly. It would have had nothing to do with feelings at all, especially not the ones he had now...
He looked back to Alison and judged she hadn’t noticed anything unusual. The better! While Vance was still searching for words without even knowing which kind of words, a figure showed up between the trees near the parking lot. A moment later, it turned out to be Thabo.
“Miss Cartwright!” He was nearly the only one on the set still calling her that - out of reference. “Hello, Vance! Searched for you, because you didn’t come back! Matty said if you don’t hurry, there will be nothing left!”
He grinned, and his white line of teeth glared from his black face, so that he looked like a night demon.
Vance had lost all his appetite. However, he couldn’t say a word now without disappointing all the others ... and arouse suspicion. He forced a smile and waved. “We’re coming!”
He wished Alison would want to go back to the bus.
Alison slept badly that night. There were too many things bothering her. She needed two tranquillizers before she found a little rest, and thus she felt 10 years older in the morning. While brewing some coffee, she took an amphetamine as ‘wake-up-call’ and shuffled into the bathroom.
Maybe it is time for a little plastic surgery... she mused, catching herself avoiding the face in the mirror. The value of a woman - and ridiculously of the things she created as well - diminished with every wrinkle in her face. One of her Hollywood colleagues had told her once it was a rough terrain for men, but it was even worse for women. That was exactly the reason Alison that wanted this project to be her last. She would cross the ‘magical border’ of 45 this year, and she did not want to be introduced as “the old dame” during a premiere celebration! No, this would be the last production she directed! Her crowning project! And then?!
She suppressed the little spike of panic piercing through her and left the bathroom. Life had much to offer; she would enjoy relaxing, reading and whatever... For now, she had to concentrate on the important details of her work! After a few sips of hot coffee and with the amphetamine kicking in, she began to feel a bit of energy flowing through her veins again. She leaned over the script on her knees, but today she had to read the whole sequence twice, before she had reached the necessary concentration to start.
Today a lengthy sequence with a discussion between Marens and Louis was on schedule. Thabo was nervous, because this would be the first time he had a one-on-one scene with Vance, and because it was a highly complex and emotional sequence.
Nearly everyone on the set liked Thabo, and so he got some hugs and pats on his shoulder, when he walked ‘into the arena’ today. Vance smiled reassuring in his direction, too. The boy looked around to see if Lauren was somewhere in the area, but there was no sign of her. Alison and Max at the camera were already waiting. Thabo breathed deeply, closed his eyes for a moment and tried to focus on his lines, waiting for the start signal.
There it was!
Arend Marens sat on a worn out table on the porch, busy with cleaning a revolver. The camera focused on his hands until he had finished the task and reassembled the firearm. Then, when steps could be heard, it zoomed out and revealed Thabo.
Marens raised his gun, aiming at the young man. The camera caught Louis’ shock and fear as well as Marens’ sly grin.
“Don’t worry. I’m not on the hunt today!”
Louis’ expression changed into plain disgust.
Alison was satisfied. There was really much talent in this boy!
“What do you want?” asked Marens, taking another drink from the brandy bottle on the table.
“My father sent me with the billing… Sir. There’s trouble with one of our goats, and so he--”
“Just put that crap down over there! - I have to talk to you!”
“Yes? … Sir?”
“You won’t talk to my daughter again. Do you understand?”
“I’m not your slave. You can’t tell me who I can and cannot talk to.”
Now Marens jumped up, grabbed Louis by his collar and pushed him against the wall. “You dare talking to me like this? In my own house?!”
The young man‘s eyes sparkled.
“Who do you think you are?!” Marens hissed through his teeth.
“Cut!” Alison spread her arms and the camera team looked in her direction. “Vance? Turn around a little more towards the camera,
when you say ‘Who do you think you are’, okay? I want to have you in profile. - Good, back to one. We’ll do another take!”
She observed the next one with a sharp line between her brows. Yes, this was definitely better. Vance could look very threatening, especially in a profile shot.
“…Who do you think you are? You are on my soil! In my house! And when I decide-“
“You cannot turn me over to the police as you did with uncle Samuel!”
“What?” A clear, honest surprise showed on Marens’ face. He was clearly caught off guard.
“You denunciated him, because he was working for the ANC! And the police killed him! It was your fault!”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Marens loosened his grip and Louis rubbed his neck.
“I know everything! You even sent Miss Helen to her death!”
Marens slapped him and Louis stumbled backwards.
”You have no right to speak about my wife!”
The young man struggled to his feet again, staring angrily at his opponent. “You knew she was helping uncle Samuel! And that day—“
The very next second, Marens had his gun ready and pointed at the young man’s head. “Get off my property! Now!”
After finishing the scene, the crew and actors met for a little coffee break while watching and checking the footage on tape.
“That was well done,” Vance congratulated Thabo.
“Thanks… I was that nervous, I thought I’d screw it up...”
Thabo grabbed the coffee mug one of the set dressers handed him and thanked him. “Wow, I feel as if I just finished a marathon!”
“Welcome to the club!” someone said laughing, and Thabo grinned.
“Reminds me of filming in the Mojave Desert,” Vance started, “For ‘Heat of Death’. The director chased us around like on an extreme sports competition. I had the worst sun burn ever!”
“Yeah,” Jake chimed in, “didn’t you charge a gallon jug of suntan lotion on the producer’s account?”
“Vance?” Max shouted from the hotel. “Vance, you have telephone call from L.A.!”
“I’m on my way!”
Jake saw his friend walk to the porch, where Max handed him the wireless phone. And a moment later, Vance’s expression fell and displayed shock. Jake couldn’t hear the words he said, but he didn’t remember ever seeing him like that in all those years. Letting the phone just drop on one of the porch chairs, Vance walked away into the direction of his bungalow.
Several other eyes now followed him.
The camera assistant set his coffee mug down and stood up, catching up to Vance with some hasty steps. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“Carolyn,” he answered with a hollow voice and shook his head, still in disbelief. “She... she’s dead...”
Jake shoved him towards his own bungalow. Behind the door, he searched for his provision of Bourbon and poured Vance a glass. “Here, drink this first... and now... tell me.”
“They already tried to reach me yesterday...” Vance had emptied the glass and reached for the bottle. “…while I was at the barbecue.”
Thinking about the circumstances, he felt doubly guilty.
“She was on a survey flight for a construction area. And... and the helicopter crashed. ... I always wanted to call her, but... my God, Jake, I can’t believe she is just... gone.”
The two old friends sat together in silence for a while. Sometimes, no words were the most eloquent comfort. Through the half open window sounded the call of several Sugar Birds. Eventually, Vance stood up, turned towards the door, the Bourbon bottle in his hand.
“You don’t mind if I take a little drink with me, Jake?”
“Whatever you need! And you know you can stay with me, if you like. You helped me when Josy left me – I’m here if you need someone.” He hugged his friend. “That’s what old pals are for, right, Vance? Even in Hollywood!”
“I know I can count on you. Thank you. But I need some time alone.” His hand rested on the door grip, and he turned around again.
“Tell Alison I don’t feel good and I... went to lay down a bit.”
Jake sighed and watched worriedly as his friend left. This wasn’t the way a marriage should end – even if it had been a very troubled one!
It was getting dark outside. Vance stared in his nearly empty glass. His mind seemed empty, too, and blocked. Not willing to process anything further. Some memories of Carolyn had flickered through his head, but they had left him untouched. He felt no pain and he could not cry, and this made him feel even guiltier. Where had his heart gone in those years; where had his passion and love gone; where had his life, their life together, gone?
When there was a knock at his door he was tempted not to open. Only when he recognized Alison’s voice, he rose from the chair, discovering he was not very stable on his feet anymore.
“Alison... I’m sorry... I’m not...”
“Jake told me what happened, Vance. Is there anything I can do?”
“No... ah... I’m okay. Just a bit... drunk. I’m sorry.”
”No need for excuses. I know how it feels to lose someone close.”
“No… it’s not … that way…” He tried hard to get the words out correctly. “Carolyn and I were … not that close anymore. There was anger and fights… every time we met. I wanted it to be over…I wished it would end. But not that way!”
He buried his face in his hands. “It is over and there is nothing I can do about it! It is simply over! And I feel responsible…”
“It’s not your fault,” Alison said with low voice. Seeing Vance in this condition hurt her.
“It was an accident. There was nothing you could have done.”
He breathed deeply, raised his head again and stared at her. He was close to give into his longing to touch her face, her hair; just feel her and find comfort.
“Do you want a leave to fly back to the States?”
He shook his head. “I have to work!”
“You know, I can rearrange the shooting schedule and give you some time for yourself! Don’t think about the production now!”
“I appreciate that. But… I need my work. A day… or two will be enough. To make some phone calls and …” His voice trailed off, while his glance rested on her. Not able to control the impulsive reaction anymore, he pulled her into his arms, feeling dizzy in a chaos of emotions in which Alison was the only stable anchor.
“Vance?”
He realized what he was doing and let go off her. Murmuring a sorry, he stumbled backwards and nearly fell over the chair’s leg. Only in the last second, he could grab the sideboard.
“You’d better lie down.”
Alison took his arm and guided him to the bed. “Don’t worry about anything.”
He wanted to talk; apologize. Or no, better plead with her not to leave. It felt so good to sense her caring hands. He couldn’t get a reasonable word out, though. Sleep dragged him away within the next moments.
Alison took off his shoes and placed them neatly in front of the bed. Then she turned to the door, but hesitated before opening it. She remembered the day her beloved grandmother had died. Grandma, who had been the only one who understood her; the only one who shared her love for theater and movies. Alison had postponed her decision to leave the country for good only because of her. When she had died, no one had been there to provide comfort – and nothing held her back anymore.
Alison looked at Vance again. His sleep was troubled. She hesitated to leave him alone that way, as she had been alone 15 years ago. She stood another couple of minutes in the room just watching him.
No, you can’t possibly stay here, her moral conscience suddenly told her. How would this look?!?
However, she took the blanket and put it over Vance.
Lauren stood at the window of her bungalow and observed the yard. She had seen Alison vanish in Vance’s bungalow quite a while ago, and with every passing minute her jealousy and anger grew. Not enough that t
hey showed up together at this barbecue yesterday....!
This old broad really tries to get to him! Desperate to miss the last call?! She did not know yet what had happened. Nonetheless, she was sure Vance needed some warmth and comfort. Certainly, he did not need Alison!
Totally annoyed, Lauren decided a little workout would be a good idea and slipped on her tennis shoes. It was close to sunset already. The chirping and twittering of the birds sounded through the growing shadows, when she crossed the garden of the hotel. Some of the crew sat there at a table, playing Mahjong. They greeted her, and she waved back, enjoying the attention. Leaving the gate, she nearly collided with Thabo.
Why now, why me? she hissed silently.
“Hi, Lauren!” Thabo looked as happy as if he had just won the jackpot. “You like jogging? Me too. I always run to get a clear mind. It’s like meditation for me. I even took part in the “Gees van Comrades” once; the famous marathon from Pietermaritzburg to Durban. Ever heard of it?”
“Of course,” Lauren lied. She did not want him to notice that she absolutely knew nothing about the country and its traditions. Except the things, Vance had told her on the flight. However, then she had been busy absorbing his presence and the sound of his voice. Collecting knowledge hadn’t been a priority at the time.
“So how about a little race?” Thabo asked.
“Now?” Lauren shrugged. “Uhm… why not?”
It did not take more than the first few yards for her to realize she did not have the slightest chance to beat him. At the moment, she was too preoccupied with Vance to get angry about being beaten by this kid.
“You should run in the Olympics! Why do you bother with this acting stuff?” She asked after she caught her breath.
“I like to escape into other worlds. I grew up in one of the townships,” he replied, suddenly very serious and looking much older. “You need a little dream place giving you strength to go on, when everything around you sinks deeper and deeper into trash and dirt every day… You don’t know what I’m talking about, right?”
