Live Me

by Celeste Grande

  I relaxed. I wasn’t sure why I trusted him, but for some reason, I didn’t question it. Didn’t want to. Something about him made me feel safe.

  Blake guided me down what seemed to be a never-ending stone staircase, leading to the giant, open green field of a breathtaking park. He wore a smile reserved for five-year-olds as he picked up his pace again and walked with determination, pulling me along the grass.

  Squinting, I tried to take in the sites. It was enormous. Vibrant colored trees of red and orange hues lined trails that stretched for what seemed like miles. There were fields set up for different types of sports and activities, and set to the back was a duck pond filled with turtles and different wildlife. It would be easy to forget you were in the city once you entered this space.

  Slowing his pace, he maneuvered me where he wanted me, then turned so we were face to face, hand in hand. “Just what I suspected.” The corner of his mouth tipped up.

  “Huh?” I was mesmerized by his blue diamonds glittering in the sun.

  “You. The way the light looks behind that golden head of yours. Like a halo. You really are an angel, aren’t you?”

  I touched my hair, looking away. “I’m far from an angel.”

  He took my chin and brought my gaze back to meet his. “Bullshit. It’s right there.” He reached up and slowly caressed the top of my head where my imaginary halo rested. His hand lingered there before twirling a lock of my hair around his finger on its descent. He tucked his hands back into mine.

  Snap. The fuck. Out of it. “Maybe you’re delusional,” I retorted.

  He was unfazed. “Doubtful.”

  “Need your eyes checked?”

  “Twenty-twenty.”

  Self preservation kicked in. “I have a boyfriend, you know.”

  He didn’t even flinch.

  Crap.

  Instead, he leaned in, caressed my ear with his nose, and whispered, “Well, then you should probably warn him you have a new BFF.” His breath danced on my earlobe before he moved to look me in the eye. “And this one’s all male.”

  Oh shit.

  His lips, only a breath away, had stolen every ounce of mine. It felt as though he was taking inventory of my skin, and pins and needles erupted everywhere. Just when I thought I couldn’t take the closeness anymore, he winked and tugged me forward once again.

  Catching my breath, I tried to figure out what just happened.

  Is “my boyfriend” now a moot point? Do I push the issue?

  Reaching his destination, he turned abruptly, and I walked straight into his hard chest. My heart banged against its shell, and my breath was coming out in hollow spurts. I might die if this keeps up.

  He looked down at me, and his jaw flexed, momentarily giving away that whatever this was going on between us was painful for him as well. “I’m about to let you in on my best-kept secret,” he said calmly, quickly composing himself. He walked two fingers up from my chin and placed his index finger to my lips as if to hush them. “But you have to promise,” he brushed his finger gently over my mouth, “to never,” brush, “ever,” brush, “tell anyone.”

  Brush.

  My eyes closed for a moment as that one touch sent signals to all my buzzing nerve endings. Oh my god, what is this?

  When I opened my eyes, he was still staring down at me. Bent slightly, his face was so close, I could see every fleck swimming in his gorgeous blue pools. He smirked at my obvious discomfort and my eyes followed the curl of his lip.

  “Hi, Angel.”

  I was so lightheaded, I felt like I was swimming on a cloud. “Hi, Blake.”

  “Wanna know my secret?”

  “I don’t know, do I?”

  He opened his mouth, then shut it and was silent for a moment, trying to decide something. I could see an internal struggle ensuing and his jaw had developed a serious tic. He must have decided to go with the angel rather than the devil because he straightened his spine, turned, and sat, putting his back against an enormous weeping willow. He patted the space to his left and squinted up at me.

  I slid down onto my backside, thankful for the reprieve because my legs were weak. For the first time, we weren’t looking at each other. Rather, we were staring into the horizon, and it felt . . . comfortable.

  “This is my favorite place in the world,” he told me. “I feel like it belongs to me. I don’t know how no one has found it yet.”

  We were hooded by the hair of the oversized tree, staring out across the pond. Shimmering twinkles danced across the water. Little by little, the pressure in my tightly wound up body subsided.

  “It’s so peaceful here. I may have to steal it from you.”

  “You don’t have to steal. I share. This can be our place now. It’s only fitting the most beautiful place be filled with the most beautiful creature.” He made that word sound so endearing, I pushed back the chill that coated my spine. “When I first saw you, I knew I had to get you here.”

  Focusing on my hands, I started picking at the skin surrounding my nails. “You’ve got to stop saying those things to me. I don’t know what to do with it.” My brain was riddled with conflicting emotions.

  He let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m getting ahead of myself. I do just want to be your friend. I’ll be good.” He lifted my chin, and raised three fingers on the other hand. “Scout’s honor. Just get that look off your face. I can’t stand it.” He smiled, willing me to do the same.

  The corner of my lips turned up in a half smile, and he dropped my chin and relaxed against the massive trunk. “I come here at least once a week. Sometimes things with my dad are too much, and I can’t think unless I come and sit with Bertha.”

  I bit down on a chuckle. “Bertha?”

  “Yes,” he drew out the word, “Bertha.” He patted the bark behind him as if I should have known.

  “Oh.” I stifled my chuckle, not wanting to insult him.

  “Don’t laugh. This is my other BFF, so I need you two to get along.”

  “I’m sorry.” I cleared my throat. “Hi, Bertha. Nice to meet you.” I looked up and waved, still choking through my giggles.

  A subtle wind blew, and she swayed as though she was actually waving back.

  My mouth dropped open, and Blake grinned. “She likes you.” He turned toward me. “You have to come visit her now, or she’ll get upset. They don’t call them weeping willows for nothin’.”

  I nodded because somehow I thought he was right. “Understood.”

  Scrunching his eyebrows together, he tilted his head. “I just told you my best friend is a tree that I sit and talk to once a week, and you actually look like you understand.”

  “The girl just waved back at me.” I squeaked. “How could I not?” We both laughed and leaned back together.

  A slight breeze sent tendrils of my hair in Blake’s direction. The way my golden strands looked laying across his tanned arm felt somewhat intimate. I wished I had nerve endings there so I could actually feel his smooth, taut skin. Heat rushed to my cheeks, and a drumming started in my girly nether region. Shit. I needed a distraction. Something else, anything else.

  “So what’s the deal with your dad anyway?” I knew I shouldn’t pry because I didn’t want him reciprocating with personal questions, but I couldn’t stop myself. The look on his face when he talked about it made me want to help him in any way I could.

  His shoulders slumped, and he started picking at the grass and flicking it toward his feet. “He’s a judge on the Supreme court. I think I was born and bred for the sole purpose of following in his footsteps. When I was little, I was so proud of that. I couldn’t wait to be big and be strong and powerful like him.” He wore a reminiscent smile, seeming far away again. The corners of his mouth slowly dropped and he snorted. “People run around, hanging on his every word, and I was always one of them. But as I got older, I was interested in other things. Sports, writing, photography.” He sent me a fleeting glance. “None of them were good enough.” He fingered more bl
ades of grass and tugged out his aggressions. “No matter what I wanted to do, he knocked it down. He’d tell me they were ‘frivolous hobbies, not fitting for his son’.” He straightened. “So I hid it. Trophies stayed in my closet. Pages and pictures were stuffed under my mattress and in my drawers. My whole existence was hidden from him.” He glanced at me. “Still is.”

  He shrugged casually as if it was no big deal, but hurt radiated from his eyes. He looked like a wounded child, which is probably exactly how he felt, constantly vying for his father’s approval. “It’s cool, though. I’m not a kid anymore. I’m over it.” He chucked the last blade he’d been toying with toward his feet.

  An overwhelming urge to comfort him and take this from his shoulders washed over me. To let him know he was good enough. I instinctively reached over and touched his hand. “It’s so far from cool, and you should not be over it.”

  One corner of his mouth quirked up. “Calm down, Angel. I’m a big boy. I’m past my daddy issues.”

  My face screwed inward and I made a sharp turn at my waist to face him. “Like hell you are. You sit by yourself once a week talking to a tree because she’s all who’ll listen. I haven’t even taken one psych class yet, and I can assure you that’s a problem.” I slanted my head up briefly. “No offense, Bertha.” I looked back to him. “We have to fix this.”

  “We, huh? I like the sound of that.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

  “Don’t make a joke.” I slapped his shoulder. “This is serious. It’s your life. You’re what, a junior?”

  “Yeah, so?”

  “So that means you’ve just started your third wasted year. Don’t you see how ridiculous that is?”

  Um, Eva, what happened to distancing yourself? And don’t you have enough of your own problems?

  Shut up, you.

  He shrugged. “It’s okay. I take extra English classes, and I’m never without my camera. I get my fix, and I’ll have a good career when I’m done.”

  “And you’ll be miserable every day of your life. How is that okay?” Even with my problems, I was trying my best to push past them and make myself happy somehow.

  “Look at you all ferocious and shit. You’re like a wild beast. I like it.” He growled into my neck, sending goose bumps across my flesh.

  I shied away from him. “Don’t make jokes. And I’m the only one who gets to growl. Grrr.” I poked him in the side.

  He flinched and covered his ribs. “I’m not making jokes. I’m seriously scared you might bite me.”

  “I don’t bite. Only on Tuesdays,” I teased, finally making light of the situation.

  “Damn it!” He threw his hands down. “I missed it by one day!”

  I could tell he was trying to brush off the topic, and I didn’t want to push him, so I dropped it . . . for now. “We’re not done with this conversation. Not by a long shot. But this place is too relaxing to talk about something so frustrating.”

  “Good. Thank you.” He took my hand and kissed my knuckles before lacing our fingers and placing them on his outstretched legs. My body unconsciously rested its head on his shoulder and leaned into him. I felt his head fall on top of my own and, like pieces of a puzzle, we sat in silence for a few minutes. The only movement was the tiny circles he was drawing on the back of my hand with his thumb.

  What’s happening? Look at yourself, lying under a tree with this guy cozying it up. Seriously?

  What was I doing?

  I pulled my hand away, scrambling to my feet, causing his body to fall into the spot I’d just vacated. He looked as if I’d just thrown a bucket of cold water over him.

  “I should get back. Jace’ll worry if he comes to my apartment and I’m not there.”

  “Wait.” He was righting himself, but I had already turned and was rushing away. I heard him get to his feet and start after me. “Angel, please!”

  I stopped in my tracks. My head dropped and my shoulders sagged forward. I turned to face him, but I didn’t look him in the eye. I couldn’t.

  “Have dinner with me.”

  No, Eva. NO!

  “I can’t, I have plans.” My feet worked on their own, backing up, making a futile attempt to escape.

  Walk away from the model!

  Shhhh.

  I’m fucking answering myself now. Awesome.

  “Lunch, then? Please?” He sounded desperate.

  “I, um . . .”

  He took advantage of my hesitation and closed the gap between us in one large step. Electricity bolted through me at his touch, forcing my eyes to meet his, instantly clouding me in the depths of his stare.

  My legs stopped the pretense of trying to flee.

  “Please.” His eyes were imploring. It was as if he was staring straight into my soul, trying to will me to do what he wanted.

  Well, hell.

  “Okay,” I murmured.

  His mouth slowly turned into the biggest Cheshire cat grin I’d ever seen. “Come on.” He held onto my hand like it was his lifeline and he was scared I would evaporate.

  “How do you keep talking me into these things?” I asked, still stunned at the turn of events.

  He shrugged. “Because, you love me. You just don’t know it yet.” And there was that dimple again.

  Fuck.

  Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

  “It’s me. Open the door.”

  At the sound of the familiar, albeit angry, voice, I pulled back the door. Jace stood in my entryway, foot tapping, arms crossed over his chest, and a scowl on his face.

  “Come in before you scare the neighbors, psycho.” I stepped aside as he stomped past, nose high in the air. He turned on his heel, and I had to stop short to avoid crashing into him.

  “What’s up your ass?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

  “What the hell is going on, Angel?” He made the word sound filthy. “You want to explain to me what that episode was all about today? How do you expect me to protect you if you hide things from me? And while we’re on the topic, why are you hiding things from me?”

  This degree of mad had never been directed at me before. “Calm down. I wasn’t hiding anything.” Not really. “There was nothing to tell. He’s the guy who helped me that day at the frat party, remember?” The super hot, model sexy one. “I saw him again yesterday in the cafeteria, and he’s in my English class. That’s it.” And suddenly we’re BFFs, and my world has turned topsy turvy. No big.

  “That’s it?” he asked suspiciously.

  “That’s it.” I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded.

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re fucking lying. It’s all over your face. Did you forget who you’re talking to? Hello, Mcfly.” He knocked on my head. “You’re talking to me.” He pointed a finger at himself. “Jace. You might as well be trying to fool your own self. Not possible, sweetheart. Now spill it before I physically beat it out of you. I saw the way you looked at that boy.”

  I threw my hands down in frustration. “Okay, okay. Just chill out. Geez, you’re like an animal right now. What’s gotten into you?”

  “Evangelina, so help me god . . .”

  Oh man, I was in trouble. He never used my full name.

  “All right!” I snapped. “Come sit down at least.” I stomped to the couch and slammed myself down in a huff. But he was still looming over me, arms crossed, foot tapping, and his tongue shoved into his teeth.

  “Well?” I raised my eyebrows at him.

  “I’m not sitting. Speak.”

  “You’re really going to stand over me like this is an interrogation?”

  “E-vang-e-lina, Now!”

  I let out an irritated sigh. “Ugh, you’re such a bitch sometimes. Fine. That night at the frat party I had this weird attraction to him I didn’t understand. I tried to brush it aside because it didn’t make any sense. After, when I was lying on the ground, the minute he was near me I just felt . . . calm. I think that freaked me out even more. He was touching me and stuff and I didn’t care. I almost wanted hi
m to . . . I think.” My eyebrows puckered as I contemplated that notion. “Then yesterday I was in the cafeteria, trying to get my head on straight, and all of a sudden he was just there. He was so close and something came over me. I’ve never felt like that before. I was all tingly and sweaty and couldn’t breathe right. I was a fucking mess, but not a nervous mess or a scared mess. A hot, turned on mess. I mean did you look at the guy?”

  He wasn’t budging yet, so I gave him the rest. The part he was looking for.

  “Anyway, I didn’t know how to handle it, so I tried to get away from him. Turns out, since I have the luck of a degenerate gambler, he’s in my class too. So I was stuck with that very hot, very sweet, fine piece of ass for the next two hours. Which, by the way, I spent panting and squirming in my seat every time he turned those unnaturally gorgeous fucking eyes in my direction. It’s freaky. It’s like there’s an electric current running between us or something. I ran away from him as soon as the class was over, and left him with his mouth hanging open, but the damage was already done. Let’s just say I had a very rough night.”

  Looking away, I hung my head in defeat and lowered my voice. “Happy now?”

  Unfolding his arms, he relaxed his stance. Very gently, he lowered himself down next to me and pulled me into his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist, putting my legs over his lap as he pet my hair.

  “No, Eva. I’m not happy now. Why would that make me happy?”

  “I don’t know what to do, Jace.” I sniffled. “I’m scared.”

  “Don’t be scared, baby girl, and don’t you cry either. There’s been enough of that. What happened when I left you today?”

  “We spent the afternoon lounging and talking at the park, and then we went to lunch. It felt so . . . normal.”

  I unwrapped myself and concentrated on his face. “I’m in serious trouble. First of all, he likes me. I mean, abnormally likes me. And the guy’s persistent. I told him I had a boyfriend, and he didn’t even blink. I’d be able to handle it, except . . .” I threw my gaze away from him, unable to bear the scrutiny.

  He took my chin between his fingers, bringing my focus back to him. “Except you feel the same way and don’t want to push this one away.”