“She’s not too happy. I haven’t told her yet that I talked with Carl this morning. I thought I would when she got home tonight. It’s not something I want to tell her over the phone.” He’d wished he could put it off until right before he had to leave. The thought of telling Zoey made him hope he could find the right words. But he didn’t know if that was possible, since every time he contemplated the future, confusion gripped him.
In the Garden of Serenity, Samuel paused and indicated a bench. “I can’t pass up such a gorgeous day. When spring comes, I love to be outside as much as I can.”
Dane took a seat across from Samuel, the sound of a bird chirping above him drawing his attention for a moment while he tried to gather his thoughts. He wasn’t used to talking to someone about his feelings. Where did he begin?
“You said something about Mandy being scared because of your nightmare. Why don’t you tell me about this dream?”
Relieved that Samuel had taken the lead in this counseling session, Dane directed his gaze at the minister and said, “It’s always the same. The plane crashes and I’m trapped in a fire. I’m pinned down and can’t get out. I always wake up, though, before the flames consume me completely, usually in a cold sweat, the covers twisted around me as if I’d fought them, and I’m often calling out.”
“That’s what Mandy saw?”
“’Fraid so.”
“Why do you think you keep dreaming this?”
“I’m not sure. I guess because I don’t know what happened in the plane before we crashed.”
“And you think something important happened?”
Dane nodded, seeing in his mind’s eye a blurry outline of someone, as though he were looking at a person through a windshield in the pouring rain and the wipers weren’t working. “I keep seeing a gun pointed at me, but I can’t tell who was pointing it or even if it really happened.”
“How many were on the plane?”
“Myself, the pilot and my partner.”
“So do you think the pilot or your partner pointed a gun at you?”
Dane looked away, watching the leaves on a maple tree fluttering in the gentle breeze. “I would have said no. Bob and I had worked together for several years. I thought I could trust him, but why do I keep seeing the gun? Was someone else there with us, holding us hostage? Why did the plane go down?”
“You need to ask yourself why it’s so important for you to know that now. Will it change anything? The pilot and your partner are dead. Even if one of them caused the crash, there’s nothing that can be done about it. Do you want it to govern the present? Your future?”
“Why did I survive the crash? I shouldn’t have! I should have died with them.” Dane couldn’t shake the feeling he should have died with the other two. His survival plagued him. Maybe that was the cause of his nightmare—guilt.
“God had other plans for you.”
“But I don’t know if I have it in me to continue my fight against drugs.” Dane finally admitted what had been bothering him since returning to the United States. His battle against drug dealers had been his life’s work. What would he do without it? He felt lost and adrift, going through each day without a purpose.
“Maybe He doesn’t want you to. Ridding the world of drugs is a noble cause, but there are others, too. Have you talked with Zoey about any of this?”
Dane rested his elbows on his thighs, clasping his hands between his legs. “No. I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t want to let her down, but…” He couldn’t finish his sentence, fear of being unable to do what his wife needed clutching him. He was used to action, not words.
“What you said to me is a good start. Share this with her. Get her input on it.”
Share. Dane nearly laughed at that word. “According to Zoey, I don’t know how to share. At least not my feelings.”
“What do you think?”
“She’s right. How do you start when you never have?”
“One feeling at a time. Start with something you are comfortable sharing. You don’t have to do it all at once.”
Dane did laugh this time. “If I did, Zoey would go into shock.”
“You said you had to tell her about the trip to Dallas. Start with that and how you feel about going.”
Sliding his hand back and forth across his nape, Dane shook his head. “That’s a tough one. I don’t know how I really feel.”
“Then explain what you can. Women are more comfortable expressing their emotions than men, usually.” Samuel grinned. “But they expect us to.”
“Yeah, I know.” After rolling his shoulders to work the tautness out, Dane pushed to his feet. “I’d better get home. Blake will be home from school soon, and I promised him I would work with him on passing the soccer ball around.”
“Glad to see things are better there.”
“Me, too. It was getting mighty cold at my house.”
Dane strolled the few blocks home, enjoying the beauty of a crystal clear blue sky and a perfect temperature in the midseventies. So different from the jungle, where he would have been dripping wet after a walk of the same distance. Just as he was getting used to the Amazon, he’d found himself back in the States, having to acclimate to a whole new town and house—and for that matter, a new family with the addition of Tara.
He grinned, thinking of his youngest as he mounted the steps to his front porch and unlocked his door. Both of his daughters were at their grandmother’s while he met with Samuel. Their treat this evening was to have dinner with Nana.
The phone ringing cut into his thoughts. He hurried to answer it in the kitchen.
“Dad, Craig and I have a science project due this week at school. Is it okay if I stay at his house and work? Mrs. Morgan asked me to dinner. Can I?”
“Sure. I’ll come by and pick you up, say, at eight.”
“’Kay.”
So he and Zoey would be alone for a few hours tonight. A rarity in a house with three young children, but one he would use to his advantage. He laid out some steaks to thaw in cold water while he checked the refrigerator for the makings of a salad and baked potatoes. He could cook dinner and surprise Zoey.
He made a tossed green salad and was washing off the potatoes when Zoey came into the kitchen through the back door. She looked tired. He finished what he was doing and turned toward her as she flipped through the stack of mail on the desk.
“How was your day?”
“Long. I went by to see Tanya and Crystal on the way home. She’s holding up pretty good, but Tanya is concerned about Crystal being at the funeral tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“She won’t talk about her dad, not even with Tanya.”
“Like Blake?”
Zoey nodded. “It isn’t good to keep your feelings inside. They have to come out somehow.”
And I keep mine inside, Dane thought, having always had a hard time expressing himself to anyone, even Zoey. Was that what he’d done wrong with his little brother? Not let him know how much he loved him?
“Eddy came to see me.” Zoey put the stack of mail back on the desk next to her purse.
“He did?”
“He wanted to thank me for breakfast the other day. When he lingered, making small talk, I knew he wanted something else.”
“What?”
“To talk about his mother.”
“Not his dad?”
“I know his father is drinking too much. He told me.”
“Good. I didn’t like not telling you, but it needed to come from Eddy. Is there anything you can do for him?”
“I’m hooking him up with our drug and alcohol counselor to get the support he needs to deal with his dad’s alcoholism.” Zoey peered around Dane. “What have you been doing?”
“Fixing dinner.”
Both of her brows rose in surprise.
“Okay, it isn’t much, but it’s a start. I’ve got a salad. I’ll put the potatoes in the microwave like I’ve seen you do, and I’ll grill two steaks for us.
”
“Two? What about Blake?”
“Eating at Craig’s. That leaves us alone this evening.”
“Oh.”
“A novelty, isn’t it? We could consider this our second date.”
“At least people won’t be staring at us.” She headed for the hallway. “I’m gonna change. Be back in a few minutes, and I’ll set the table.”
While Zoey was gone, Dane seasoned the steaks and prepared them for the grill. He stuck the potatoes in the microwave, ready to bake when he put the meat on to cook. But first, he wanted to tell Zoey about going to Dallas. He didn’t want it hanging over his head the whole way through dinner.
“What time do we need to get Blake?” Zoey asked when she came back into the kitchen.
“I thought I could pick him up at the same time I pick the girls up, at eight.”
“Two hours. It’s hard to get two hours to myself.”
“You don’t have two hours to yourself. I’m here.” It would be so easy not to say anything to her, to savor this time alone, he thought but realized he couldn’t keep putting off the inevitable. With determination Dane crossed the room to her and clasped her hands. “Come. Sit down. I want to talk to you before we eat.”
Warily, Zoey allowed him to tug her toward the kitchen table. He pulled out the chair for her. After she sat, he took a seat next to her, his gaze connecting with hers.
“I talked to Carl this morning.”
A frown lined her full lips, but she didn’t say anything.
“He wants me in Dallas by the middle of next week.”
She blanched and shoved the chair back, standing. Her hands fisted on the table, tension in every line of her body. “So soon? You haven’t even been here six weeks.”
“It must be your great cooking. I’m feeling so much better and I’ve gained quite a bit of my weight back.”
“Gee, I’m glad I could help you get better so you could leave again.” Zoey whirled around and fled the kitchen.
CHAPTER TEN
Dane caught Zoey halfway to the back door.
A suffocating pressure squeezed her chest. She shook his hand off her. She needed fresh air. She escaped outside onto the deck as the sun began its descent toward the line of trees along the back of her property. Forcing rich oxygen into her lungs, she leaned against the railing, trying to get a handle on her swirling emotions.
He’s leaving.
Again.
Why? When I finally thought we might have a chance?
Lord, I don’t understand. Help me. I can’t go back to Dallas. I can’t live that life again.
She dropped her head, staring at her hands gripping the wooden railing so hard her knuckles were white. He’d started going to church, talking with Samuel. Dane’s relationship with Blake had improved and he had shared a few things with her. That had been progress. All gone because once his job consumed his life the family would come in second.
The back door opened. “Zoey. Talk to me.”
She laughed and heard the almost hysterical ring. “I can’t believe you have the nerve to say, ‘talk to me.’ This from a man who doesn’t understand the concept of a two-way conversation about anything having to do with feelings.”
Dane covered the area between them in three strides, moving into her personal space until she had to back up, trapped in the corner of the deck.
“I have unfinished business I have to take care of. I don’t know what I’m going do about my job. If I continue with the DEA, it would be here in one of the offices in Kentucky. I won’t ask you to move to Dallas. Sweetwater is good for our family.”
“Why do you have to work for the DEA?”
His chest expanded with a deep breath he blew out in a rush. “I have to do what I can to stop drugs from taking over. I—”
“There are other ways than throwing yourself one hundred percent into your job, putting your life constantly on the line. Isn’t two-and-a-half lost years enough?”
“You knew my dedication to my work when you married me.”
Yes, but not the all-consuming part, she thought. Not the part where you become lost somewhere deep inside because of what you deal with day in and day out. Not to the point myself and the children come in second. “The job changed you over the years.”
“I’m still the same guy you married.”
“Are you? I saw a man who spent more and more time on the job. I saw a man miss one family function after another. I saw a man who wasn’t around for two of the births of his children because of his work. I saw a man turn inward until he didn’t share anything with me. You came home and didn’t want to talk about your work, nothing.”
He jerked back, combing his hand through his hair. “Because it was always so ugly. Not something I wanted to share with you and the kids. I didn’t want to bring it into my home. I wanted to forget it for a little while. I didn’t want to drag you into that world.”
“If that was where you were, then that was where I wanted to be.”
“But I don’t want you there.”
“We are supposed to be partners, but I don’t feel that way. Remember the vows we took? ‘For better or worse.’”
“What’s wrong with me wanting to protect you and the kids from the ugly side of life?”
“It doesn’t work if in the process we lose you.”
He turned away, striding toward the door. “I haven’t committed to anything yet. I’m going to talk with Carl. That’s all. I’d better get the steaks on if we’re gonna eat before we have to pick up the kids.”
The door banged closed. Zoey stared at it, thinking that it was symbolic of their relationship. He had shut the door yet again on her getting too close. A silent scream welled up in her that she was so tempted to release. She didn’t. She trapped it inside as she did so much of her frustration.
As he brought the steaks out, she made her way into the house to set the table. She needed to keep busy, focus her thoughts on something other than Dane’s trip to Dallas next week. Lord, I’m turning this problem over to You. Please guide me in what I need to do to make this marriage work.
* * *
“Where are the kids?” Zoey asked when she came into Tanya’s kitchen.
Jesse motioned in the direction of the backyard. “Outside. Hopefully distracting Crystal.”
“Tanya said she hasn’t eaten a thing today.”
“Well, then I’ll fix a sandwich for her. There’s certainly enough food here.”
Zoey scanned the counters that were laden with casseroles, the makings of different kinds of sandwiches, salads, desserts and large pitchers of iced tea and lemonade. “Tanya won’t have to cook for a month at least with what the people from the bank and church have brought by.”
“I think she was surprised at some of the people who came by.”
Zoey moved closer and leaned toward Jesse to whisper, “Yeah, James Norton, the president of the bank, is in there right now talking with Tanya. He couldn’t come to the funeral earlier, but he wanted to pay his respects.”
“Well, I’ll be. Never thought he had time for us. I get the feeling he doesn’t like living in Sweetwater.”
“I get that impression with the whole family.”
Jesse picked up the plate with a turkey sandwich and chips. “I’ll check on the kids and sit with Crystal until she eats some.”
Zoey went to the pitcher of lemonade and filled paper cups for Tanya and herself, then headed back into the living room where everyone was sitting. Dane stood behind a vacant chair. After passing a cup to Tanya on the couch, Zoey took the seat in front of Dane, amazed he was still wearing his new suit. He looked uncomfortable in the buttoned-up shirt with a tie, which surprised her because he had always worn a suit when he had gone into the office in Dallas. But then she guessed she shouldn’t be surprised because for the past few years, he hadn’t worn one.
She twisted around and smiled up at Dane. “There’s a lot of food in the kitchen.”
“Not hungry.” He cl
asped the back of the chair and stared at James Norton, following intently what the man was saying to Tanya.
The stiffness in Norton’s bearing and the stilted sound to his words accentuated the man’s uneasiness. This was a duty call, nothing more, Dane thought, taking in the slender man’s pinched features. Immaculately dressed even down to his black polished shoes, Norton appeared every inch old money who had deemed it necessary to visit an employee out of a sense of obligation because he was the president of the bank. Not because he cared.
When Nick slid into the chair near Norton, the man quickly averted his attention from Tanya to speak with Nick, who Dane was sure was a large depositor at the bank. Frowning, Dane ran his finger along the side of his collar, the material too tight around the neck. Since his disappearance he hadn’t worn a suit except once on his date with Zoey and its constriction stunned him. When had that changed? He’d never thought twice about it before his disappearance.
The ringing of the phone startled him out of his musing.
Beth, who had answered it for Tanya, said, “Dane, it’s for you.”
“You can take it in the kitchen if you want,” Tanya said from the couch, appearing out of place next to Norton.
In the kitchen, Dane lifted the wall receiver and said, “Hello.”
“Mr. Witherspoon, it’s Eddy. You need to get home now.”
The urgency in the teen’s voice made Dane grip the phone even tighter. “Why? Where are you?”
“Just get home. Someone’s breaking into your house.”
Dane quickly hung up and strode toward the back door. Outside on the deck he called to Jesse, “Tell Zoey I had to go home. I’ll come back later and pick her up.”
He hurried away so fast he didn’t hear what Jesse said in reply. He focused all his thoughts on getting home in time to stop whatever was going down. He suspected it was Clark and his friends. How else would Eddy know?
A few minutes later he pulled up to the curb in front of Wilbur’s house. He surveyed his home and couldn’t see anything out of place even though the sun was almost down behind the tall oaks across the street. He slipped his cell phone out of his pocket and ran through the neighbors’ yards toward the back of his house.
When Dreams Come True Page 14
