Chapter XVI
"Most Remarkable"
Several miles south of the cabin, upon a strip of sandy beach, stoodtwo old men, arguing.
Before them stretched the broad Atlantic. At their backs was the DarkContinent. Close around them loomed the impenetrable blackness of thejungle.
Savage beasts roared and growled; noises, hideous and weird, assailedtheir ears. They had wandered for miles in search of their camp, butalways in the wrong direction. They were as hopelessly lost as thoughthey suddenly had been transported to another world.
At such a time, indeed, every fiber of their combined intellects musthave been concentrated upon the vital question of the minute--thelife-and-death question to them of retracing their steps to camp.
Samuel T. Philander was speaking.
"But, my dear professor," he was saying, "I still maintain that but forthe victories of Ferdinand and Isabella over the fifteenth-centuryMoors in Spain the world would be today a thousand years in advance ofwhere we now find ourselves. The Moors were essentially a tolerant,broad-minded, liberal race of agriculturists, artisans andmerchants--the very type of people that has made possible suchcivilization as we find today in America and Europe--while theSpaniards--"
"Tut, tut, dear Mr. Philander," interrupted Professor Porter; "theirreligion positively precluded the possibilities you suggest. Moslemismwas, is, and always will be, a blight on that scientific progress whichhas marked--"
"Bless me! Professor," interjected Mr. Philander, who had turned hisgaze toward the jungle, "there seems to be someone approaching."
Professor Archimedes Q. Porter turned in the direction indicated by thenearsighted Mr. Philander.
"Tut, tut, Mr. Philander," he chided. "How often must I urge you toseek that absolute concentration of your mental faculties which alonemay permit you to bring to bear the highest powers of intellectualityupon the momentous problems which naturally fall to the lot of greatminds? And now I find you guilty of a most flagrant breach of courtesyin interrupting my learned discourse to call attention to a merequadruped of the genus FELIS. As I was saying, Mr.--"
"Heavens, Professor, a lion?" cried Mr. Philander, straining his weakeyes toward the dim figure outlined against the dark tropicalunderbrush.
"Yes, yes, Mr. Philander, if you insist upon employing slang in yourdiscourse, a 'lion.' But as I was saying--"
"Bless me, Professor," again interrupted Mr. Philander; "permit me tosuggest that doubtless the Moors who were conquered in the fifteenthcentury will continue in that most regrettable condition for the timebeing at least, even though we postpone discussion of that worldcalamity until we may attain the enchanting view of yon FELIS CARNIVORAwhich distance proverbially is credited with lending."
In the meantime the lion had approached with quiet dignity to withinten paces of the two men, where he stood curiously watching them.
The moonlight flooded the beach, and the strange group stood out inbold relief against the yellow sand.
"Most reprehensible, most reprehensible," exclaimed Professor Porter,with a faint trace of irritation in his voice. "Never, Mr. Philander,never before in my life have I known one of these animals to bepermitted to roam at large from its cage. I shall most certainlyreport this outrageous breach of ethics to the directors of theadjacent zoological garden."
"Quite right, Professor," agreed Mr. Philander, "and the sooner it isdone the better. Let us start now."
Seizing the professor by the arm, Mr. Philander set off in thedirection that would put the greatest distance between themselves andthe lion.
They had proceeded but a short distance when a backward glance revealedto the horrified gaze of Mr. Philander that the lion was followingthem. He tightened his grip upon the protesting professor andincreased his speed.
"As I was saying, Mr. Philander," repeated Professor Porter.
Mr. Philander took another hasty glance rearward. The lion also hadquickened his gait, and was doggedly maintaining an unvarying distancebehind them.
"He is following us!" gasped Mr. Philander, breaking into a run.
"Tut, tut, Mr. Philander," remonstrated the professor, "this unseemlyhaste is most unbecoming to men of letters. What will our friendsthink of us, who may chance to be upon the street and witness ourfrivolous antics? Pray let us proceed with more decorum."
Mr. Philander stole another observation astern.
The lion was bounding along in easy leaps scarce five paces behind.
Mr. Philander dropped the professor's arm, and broke into a mad orgy ofspeed that would have done credit to any varsity track team.
"As I was saying, Mr. Philander--" screamed Professor Porter, as,metaphorically speaking, he himself "threw her into high." He, too,had caught a fleeting backward glimpse of cruel yellow eyes and halfopen mouth within startling proximity of his person.
With streaming coat tails and shiny silk hat Professor Archimedes Q.Porter fled through the moonlight close upon the heels of Mr. Samuel T.Philander.
Before them a point of the jungle ran out toward a narrow promontory,and it was for the haven of the trees he saw there that Mr. Samuel T.Philander directed his prodigious leaps and bounds; while from theshadows of this same spot peered two keen eyes in interestedappreciation of the race.
It was Tarzan of the Apes who watched, with face a-grin, this odd gameof follow-the-leader.
He knew the two men were safe enough from attack in so far as the lionwas concerned. The very fact that Numa had foregone such easy prey atall convinced the wise forest craft of Tarzan that Numa's belly alreadywas full.
The lion might stalk them until hungry again; but the chances were thatif not angered he would soon tire of the sport, and slink away to hisjungle lair.
Really, the one great danger was that one of the men might stumble andfall, and then the yellow devil would be upon him in a moment and thejoy of the kill would be too great a temptation to withstand.
So Tarzan swung quickly to a lower limb in line with the approachingfugitives; and as Mr. Samuel T. Philander came panting and blowingbeneath him, already too spent to struggle up to the safety of thelimb, Tarzan reached down and, grasping him by the collar of his coat,yanked him to the limb by his side.
Another moment brought the professor within the sphere of the friendlygrip, and he, too, was drawn upward to safety just as the baffled Numa,with a roar, leaped to recover his vanishing quarry.
For a moment the two men clung panting to the great branch, whileTarzan squatted with his back to the stem of the tree, watching themwith mingled curiosity and amusement.
It was the professor who first broke the silence.
"I am deeply pained, Mr. Philander, that you should have evinced such apaucity of manly courage in the presence of one of the lower orders,and by your crass timidity have caused me to exert myself to such anunaccustomed degree in order that I might resume my discourse. As Iwas saying, Mr. Philander, when you interrupted me, the Moors--"
"Professor Archimedes Q. Porter," broke in Mr. Philander, in icy tones,"the time has arrived when patience becomes a crime and mayhem appearsgarbed in the mantle of virtue. You have accused me of cowardice. Youhave insinuated that you ran only to overtake me, not to escape theclutches of the lion. Have a care, Professor Archimedes Q. Porter! Iam a desperate man. Goaded by long-suffering patience the worm willturn."
"Tut, tut, Mr. Philander, tut, tut!" cautioned Professor Porter; "youforget yourself."
"I forget nothing as yet, Professor Archimedes Q. Porter; but, believeme, sir, I am tottering on the verge of forgetfulness as to yourexalted position in the world of science, and your gray hairs."
The professor sat in silence for a few minutes, and the darkness hidthe grim smile that wreathed his wrinkled countenance. Presently hespoke.
"Look here, Skinny Philander," he said, in belligerent tones, "if youare lookin' for a scrap, peel off your coat and come on down on theground, and I'll punch your head just as I did sixty years ago in thealley back of
Porky Evans' barn."
"Ark!" gasped the astonished Mr. Philander. "Lordy, how good thatsounds! When you're human, Ark, I love you; but somehow it seems asthough you had forgotten how to be human for the last twenty years."
The professor reached out a thin, trembling old hand through thedarkness until it found his old friend's shoulder.
"Forgive me, Skinny," he said, softly. "It hasn't been quite twentyyears, and God alone knows how hard I have tried to be 'human' forJane's sake, and yours, too, since He took my other Jane away."
Another old hand stole up from Mr. Philander's side to clasp the onethat lay upon his shoulder, and no other message could better havetranslated the one heart to the other.
They did not speak for some minutes. The lion below them pacednervously back and forth. The third figure in the tree was hidden bythe dense shadows near the stem. He, too, was silent--motionless as agraven image.
"You certainly pulled me up into this tree just in time," said theprofessor at last. "I want to thank you. You saved my life."
"But I didn't pull you up here, Professor," said Mr. Philander. "Blessme! The excitement of the moment quite caused me to forget that Imyself was drawn up here by some outside agency--there must be someoneor something in this tree with us."
"Eh?" ejaculated Professor Porter. "Are you quite positive, Mr.Philander?"
"Most positive, Professor," replied Mr. Philander, "and," he added, "Ithink we should thank the party. He may be sitting right next to younow, Professor."
"Eh? What's that? Tut, tut, Mr. Philander, tut, tut!" said ProfessorPorter, edging cautiously nearer to Mr. Philander.
Just then it occurred to Tarzan of the Apes that Numa had loiteredbeneath the tree for a sufficient length of time, so he raised hisyoung head toward the heavens, and there rang out upon the terrifiedears of the two old men the awful warning challenge of the anthropoid.
The two friends, huddled trembling in their precarious position on thelimb, saw the great lion halt in his restless pacing as theblood-curdling cry smote his ears, and then slink quickly into thejungle, to be instantly lost to view.
"Even the lion trembles in fear," whispered Mr. Philander.
"Most remarkable, most remarkable," murmured Professor Porter,clutching frantically at Mr. Philander to regain the balance which thesudden fright had so perilously endangered. Unfortunately for themboth, Mr. Philander's center of equilibrium was at that very momenthanging upon the ragged edge of nothing, so that it needed but thegentle impetus supplied by the additional weight of Professor Porter'sbody to topple the devoted secretary from the limb.
For a moment they swayed uncertainly, and then, with mingled and mostunscholarly shrieks, they pitched headlong from the tree, locked infrenzied embrace.
It was quite some moments ere either moved, for both were positive thatany such attempt would reveal so many breaks and fractures as to makefurther progress impossible.
At length Professor Porter made an attempt to move one leg. To hissurprise, it responded to his will as in days gone by. He now drew upits mate and stretched it forth again.
"Most remarkable, most remarkable," he murmured.
"Thank God, Professor," whispered Mr. Philander, fervently, "you arenot dead, then?"
"Tut, tut, Mr. Philander, tut, tut," cautioned Professor Porter, "I donot know with accuracy as yet."
With infinite solicitude Professor Porter wiggled his right arm--joy!It was intact. Breathlessly he waved his left arm above his prostratebody--it waved!
"Most remarkable, most remarkable," he said.
"To whom are you signaling, Professor?" asked Mr. Philander, in anexcited tone.
Professor Porter deigned to make no response to this puerile inquiry.Instead he raised his head gently from the ground, nodding it back andforth a half dozen times.
"Most remarkable," he breathed. "It remains intact."
Mr. Philander had not moved from where he had fallen; he had not daredthe attempt. How indeed could one move when one's arms and legs andback were broken?
One eye was buried in the soft loam; the other, rolling sidewise, wasfixed in awe upon the strange gyrations of Professor Porter.
"How sad!" exclaimed Mr. Philander, half aloud. "Concussion of thebrain, superinducing total mental aberration. How very sad indeed! andfor one still so young!"
Professor Porter rolled over upon his stomach; gingerly he bowed hisback until he resembled a huge tom cat in proximity to a yelping dog.Then he sat up and felt of various portions of his anatomy.
"They are all here," he exclaimed. "Most remarkable!"
Whereupon he arose, and, bending a scathing glance upon the stillprostrate form of Mr. Samuel T. Philander, he said:
"Tut, tut, Mr. Philander; this is no time to indulge in slothful ease.We must be up and doing."
Mr. Philander lifted his other eye out of the mud and gazed inspeechless rage at Professor Porter. Then he attempted to rise; norcould there have been any more surprised than he when his efforts wereimmediately crowned with marked success.
He was still bursting with rage, however, at the cruel injustice ofProfessor Porter's insinuation, and was on the point of rendering atart rejoinder when his eyes fell upon a strange figure standing a fewpaces away, scrutinizing them intently.
Professor Porter had recovered his shiny silk hat, which he had brushedcarefully upon the sleeve of his coat and replaced upon his head. Whenhe saw Mr. Philander pointing to something behind him he turned tobehold a giant, naked but for a loin cloth and a few metal ornaments,standing motionless before him.
"Good evening, sir!" said the professor, lifting his hat.
For reply the giant motioned them to follow him, and set off up thebeach in the direction from which they had recently come.
"I think it the better part of discretion to follow him," said Mr.Philander.
"Tut, tut, Mr. Philander," returned the professor. "A short time sinceyou were advancing a most logical argument in substantiation of yourtheory that camp lay directly south of us. I was skeptical, but youfinally convinced me; so now I am positive that toward the south wemust travel to reach our friends. Therefore I shall continue south."
"But, Professor Porter, this man may know better than either of us. Heseems to be indigenous to this part of the world. Let us at leastfollow him for a short distance."
"Tut, tut, Mr. Philander," repeated the professor. "I am a difficultman to convince, but when once convinced my decision is unalterable. Ishall continue in the proper direction, if I have to circumambulate thecontinent of Africa to reach my destination."
Further argument was interrupted by Tarzan, who, seeing that thesestrange men were not following him, had returned to their side.
Again he beckoned to them; but still they stood in argument.
Presently the ape-man lost patience with their stupid ignorance. Hegrasped the frightened Mr. Philander by the shoulder, and before thatworthy gentleman knew whether he was being killed or merely maimed forlife, Tarzan had tied one end of his rope securely about Mr.Philander's neck.
"Tut, tut, Mr. Philander," remonstrated Professor Porter; "it is mostunbeseeming in you to submit to such indignities."
But scarcely were the words out of his mouth ere he, too, had beenseized and securely bound by the neck with the same rope. Then Tarzanset off toward the north, leading the now thoroughly frightenedprofessor and his secretary.
In deathly silence they proceeded for what seemed hours to the twotired and hopeless old men; but presently as they topped a little riseof ground they were overjoyed to see the cabin lying before them, not ahundred yards distant.
Here Tarzan released them, and, pointing toward the little building,vanished into the jungle beside them.
"Most remarkable, most remarkable!" gasped the professor. "But yousee, Mr. Philander, that I was quite right, as usual; and but for yourstubborn willfulness we should have escaped a series of mosthumiliating, not to say dangerous accidents. Pray allow yourself to b
eguided by a more mature and practical mind hereafter when in need ofwise counsel."
Mr. Samuel T. Philander was too much relieved at the happy outcome totheir adventure to take umbrage at the professor's cruel fling.Instead he grasped his friend's arm and hastened him forward in thedirection of the cabin.
It was a much-relieved party of castaways that found itself once moreunited. Dawn discovered them still recounting their various adventuresand speculating upon the identity of the strange guardian and protectorthey had found on this savage shore.
Esmeralda was positive that it was none other than an angel of theLord, sent down especially to watch over them.
"Had you seen him devour the raw meat of the lion, Esmeralda," laughedClayton, "you would have thought him a very material angel."
"There was nothing heavenly about his voice," said Jane Porter, with alittle shudder at recollection of the awful roar which had followed thekilling of the lioness.
"Nor did it precisely comport with my preconceived ideas of the dignityof divine messengers," remarked Professor Porter, "whenthe--ah--gentleman tied two highly respectable and erudite scholarsneck to neck and dragged them through the jungle as though they hadbeen cows."
Tarzan of the Apes Page 16
