“I do. I’m sorry, but I’m a demon.”
My stomach lurched, and I fell back onto the chair. I couldn’t believe after all we’d been through, the misunderstandings to build a delicate trust, it had come to this. “Am I wrong here? I thought we meant something to each other.” The blood pummeled my ears, amplifying my fear of his response.
Ewan straightened. I could see his muscles straining taut against his shirt. “We did, but that was before. Things are different now.”
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
“Things will be different for you whether you wish to accept it or not. Once demonkind becomes aware of your existence, some will seek to garner your favor, others to harm you. You must accept Malthus’s role in your life, for your own protection . . . so I can protect you.” He reached his hand out toward me, but I slapped it away.
“I don’t want your protection. I want you.”
His hand shook as he rubbed his neck. He flexed it, then clenched it by his side. “You don’t understand,” he said in a muted voice. “I should be dead, not contemplating a life with you. This was a mistake. I’m sorry.”
He sounded so forlorn and defeated, quite unlike the powerful warrior I’d seen, but he was determined to stick to this obtuse code of demon honor. I could see from the stubborn set to his mouth he was either resigned to his fate or actually believed he deserved the punishment.
“Fine then.” I stood in front of him. “Guess maybe I’ll go have another one of Lysander’s drinks. Maybe even let him have a taste.” I didn’t mean of his drink. He got it.
He stiffened, and his lips twisted into a frightening smile. He seized my arms. His eyes were frenetic hot. My body trembled, but I just raised an eyebrow. I was goading him brazenly, but I was beyond sensible and clawing my way out of a pit.
He crushed me against him, possessing my lips fiercely. I would have fallen if he hadn’t held me up. He tossed me on top of the desk and grabbed my hair, pulling my head back sharply, sucking and biting my neck. His other hand ripped apart the snaps of my jeans, tugging at the fabric and my panties until he gained access to my wet folds, alternately stroking and pulling. I let out a ragged cry, straining against his hold. While I was taken aback by his rough handling, I knew I’d been playing with fire by taunting him.
At my cry, he seemed to regain his senses and wrenched away from me as if singed, causing me to almost topple off the table.
“Ewan?” I gasped. My legs were still spread, and my core pulsed, ached for him to finish what he’d started. I brought my shaking knees together and snapped my jeans.
“That’s so you’ll remember.” His back was to me. His voice so guttural, primal, it gave me chills.
I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”
He turned around, his gaze dark with something close to agony swirling in his eyes, his body giving off the now familiar gold sheen. “When you’re with Lysander or any other man, you’ll remember how it feels when I touch you.”
His words shredded my insides. I slapped him, barely enough to move his head, but it felt good nonetheless. Tears ran down my cheeks. I thought the walls were going to crumble and crush me. I wanted them to take me. I wanted the air to suffocate me and all the horrible emotions that were raking my heart with rusted, jagged edges.
I spun on my heel and stumbled towards the door. For a moment that lasted forever, I gripped the doorknob, my knuckles white, and waited—for what? No deus ex machina was going to spare my heart. I opened the door and left the room. In the hallway, I leaned against the wall and squeezed my eyes shut, not believing we had parted like that. I tried to breathe, but my chest constricted. A crash came from the study, and I was tempted to run back in. My heart skipped with the idea of seeing him again, but why torture myself over the fact that I could no longer feel his body against mine or kiss him?
I squashed my stomach with my hands and uttered a low keen. I forced my stiff legs to carry me out of the demon lair, passing Gus on my way to the front door. He nodded, a sad smile on his face. He looked human for once.
On the street, I flagged a taxi. I crumpled into the seat of the taxi, startled when the opposite door opened, and Adam sat next to me. “I’m not in the mood,” I said.
Last thing I needed was a snarky poke from Adam about demons. I wanted to hibernate. Better yet, get a lobotomy. He took my hand, squeezed it, and stayed quiet while the taxi took us home.
I walked to my kitchen. My house had absorbed Ewan. The space in front of the bookshelf, the kitchen, the front room tortured me with the memory of his smoky eyes, his touch, his smell. I stumbled and wanted to melt into the floor, become inanimate.
Tears stung my eyes, and I turned, and my nose rubbed against Adam’s chest. I lifted my head to see his eyes crinkled with concern. Adam’s eyes, Ewan’s eyes, different yet the same. The same regret, the same remorse, the same affliction. All of us seeking something we couldn’t have. And Adam? Was he seeking redemption, rest?
Reversing his reanimation was inevitable. He’d resisted the hunger up to this point. We both had. We’d resisted the hunger that reached into our bones, the thirst that withered our tongues more than the Mohave Desert during a drought.
“I don’t need your pity,” he said suddenly.
He must have sensed my thoughts through the bond. But pity? I’d never pitied Adam. He stepped back, balled his hand into a fist and hit the wall, causing me to flinch.
“Do you know how fucking frustrating this existence is? Everyone treats me like I have the plague, and worse, I see the fear in your eyes.”
His eyes bored into mine, daring me to deny it, but I couldn’t. “This is the most twisted bullshit! I have all the emotions of a live person, but I’m treated like a heartless monster.” He leaned his hands against the wall, breathing hard. “I can’t . . . control it,” he said, his voice hoarse. He turned to me, his eyes hungry, and looked at me as if I’d suddenly appeared on the menu. He staggered back.
I felt dizzy and nauseous and put my hand to my stomach.
His lips moved in a sneer, words flowing from his mouth. My thoughts scattered before I was able to form a thought as Adam’s mind intruded into mine. The mind control spell.
Jagged blood vessels crisscrossed his irises. “Jenna,” he whispered. He looked at me and repeated the name of the petite brunette from his picture at his apartment.
“Adam,” I gasped. “Jenna’s gone. It’s Ruby.”
His grip on my mind tightened, compressing it in an attempt to claim it with his own. I was losing my own grip on coherent thought, but I didn’t need much to conjure my power. Not anymore. In one last mental gasp, I snatched at the bond and forced my will against his. The demon inside me sang.
Adam hit the wall, body contorted, then slid down to the floor. I fell to my knees and drew in a shaky breath. I made sure the bond was firm, then let my power subside. I leaned against the wall next to him.
He sat with his head in his hands. “The day at the beach you told me you could send me back.”
“You ignored me and told me to be quiet.”
“I owed it to Jenna to see this thing through.” He turned to catch me with his gaze. “I owed it to you to prove your power isn’t all bad.”
A tear slid down my cheek. “Are you kidding, after all that happened?”
The skin around his eyes tightened. “You did it for the right reasons, all of it. Your intentions were good even if . . . even if all the consequences weren’t. You helped me forgive myself. I’m ready.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. When I opened them to look at him again, I saw the plea in his eyes. “I won’t end up a monster. I could have . . .” He shook his head. “It’s time.”
“I wish somehow that things were different.”
“They can’t . . . they aren’t meant to be.” He caught my gaze again, and his lips quirked into a crooked grin. He stood, leaned closer, and kissed my forehead. “Good-bye. Please tell the coven to cremate me.”
/>
I nodded at his request, made so no necromancer could ever bring him back from death again. The words good-bye strangled my throat, and without another word, I released him.
His body slumped and hit the floor. I glanced around me at the hallway, empty save for Adam’s body lying next to me.
More tears streamed down my cheeks. I hadn’t stopped crying since this entire nightmarish episode started back at the demon lair. I lay on the floor in a comatose state and waited for my frantic hiccupping to dissipate.
After what seemed like hours, soft footsteps approached, and a hand rubbed my back. I looked up to see Kara, a sad smile on her face. She pulled me into a hug. We stayed like that for a while, then she released me. “You look like you rubbed your face in a poison ivy bush.”
“Much preferable,” I said weakly. “Why are you here?”
She tilted her head. “Ewan called me, told me you might need some help. I came as soon as I could get here.” She paused, motioning towards Adam. “I’m guessing he’s not taking a nap?”
I sniffled and got up. “Help me.” I bent down and lifted Adam’s shoulders while Kara grabbed his legs.
“Where are we taking him?”
“Where all the dead people end up in this house . . . the bathroom. Can you call someone from the coven? He wants to be cremated. That way his body won’t be disturbed.”
When the coffee finished brewing, I filled a large mug, sat next to Kara on the couch, and described the awful events that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. My voice broke in some parts, and I stopped to sip the coffee, giving me the strength to resume the story.
“I can’t fucking believe Adam attacked you,” said Kara.
I purposely hadn’t revealed my struggle to control Adam, not wanting anyone to see him for less than what he really was—a good person. “Revenants aren’t meant to stay reanimated for more than a day, two at most. Any more, they succumb to the urge to kill, eat. The only thing preventing him from descending into a rabid frenzy is the very tenuous bond with the necromancer. Both of us were in a weak moment, and we lost control of the bond.” I shook my head. “I . . . we let this happen. We created this situation by raising Adam. Ultimately he’s the victim here. Cael was right about some things.”
She raised her eyebrows. “What was Adam to you exactly, I mean, besides an upgraded zombie?”
I wrinkled my nose at her. “He was smart, funny, and when he wanted, kind. I’ll miss him.”
“What did you feel for him?”
“I don’t know. I mean, he wasn’t alive, technically, but he was more real to me than most people. The bond created a deep connection between us.”
Kara was quiet while she sipped her coffee. “So Ewan is serving some kind of demon sentence for a crime. What do you think he did?”
“I have no idea, but knowing Ewan, I don’t think he did something evil.”
“I don’t either. Demons are weird about justice. He probably forgot to bow at the right moment, who knows.”
The tears threatened again. “For someone who likes to take action, it was painful to watch him sit back and accept defeat.” My breath shook. “I can’t believe there’s no way to fix his situation. I mean, isn’t there some kind of appeal process, parole board?”
“Only one way to find out. You’re demon. Can’t you take a little trip to Wonderland?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kara’s suggestion of traveling to the demon realm dominated my thoughts all night and into the next day. I’d initially discounted the idea, especially given I’d have to make the journey without Ewan or Malthus—because they’d never agree. But more and more, I questioned my inner critic. Why not? I’d just done all kinds of crazy shit. Why not add demon realm excursion to my crazy resume?
I skimmed my gaze over the ocean water, sparkling from the sun’s reflection, and scrunched my toes in the warm, wet sand. Kara spotted an ally from her coven and walked over to chat. She was in the middle of mounting her lobby to counter Sybil’s bid for power. She’d gained some leverage from our defeat of Cael, but we didn’t know if it’d be enough. She was acting cool about the upcoming elections, but I knew if she lost, Sybil would expel her and her supporters from the coven.
I’d turned my back on the supernatural part of me, out of fear, but also, I discovered, because I thought I didn’t have a choice. I was born a necro and a demon, an identity thrust upon me with no choice of my own, but I still had a choice in how I used my power.
I squatted to feel the sand on my knees, closed my eyes, and ran my hands along the tops of the small waves that teased the shore. The day was truly glorious. I’d scored a small victory, defending my research in front of the review panel and moving one step closer to tenure.
Small victory.
Much larger battles ahead.
I had too much to deal with, a research paper to finish, a looming encounter with the demon council . . . and Ewan. I’d have to think on that situation when it no longer crunched my heart. I’ll worry about it all later, cry later. Right now I’m going to revel in the warm sun’s caress.
I focused inward and touched my power, feeling it vibrate through my bones. Today I will enjoy this.
“You look like you’re doing ablutions to the sea goddess.” Kara’s voice pierced my mind. I opened my eyes and saw her standing above me. Her mouth widened slightly. “Your eyes,” she said, sounding awestruck. “They’re glowing.”
I smiled. Glowing was just the beginning.
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The Necromancer's Seduction Page 24
