The guys still aren’t talking to me other than to get their orders for the day then they ignore me the rest of the time. I understood. We all got attached to Mary in the short time she was here. What wasn’t there to get attached to? She was funny, smart and so damn fucking beautiful. God I miss her.
Pushing my oatmeal aside, I push my chair back and walk outside. It was time to kill myself with work so at least for those few hours, I wasn’t consumed by the loss and pain. No just for a few bone breaking hours, my thoughts weren’t overrun by images of her.
** *** *** ** *** *** **
Before I knew it a week had passed. Well I won’t say before I knew because I counted every minute practically. I still stare at my phone and pray it would signal me that she wrote or even better called. Walking out on my porch, it has become routine for me now to come out here after the day was done and sit on the porch swing. Mary loved being outside here. It was my way of staying connected to her.
It was just as I closed my eyes that I heard a vehicle driving up. I didn’t move. Honestly it didn’t matter who was there. There was nothing in me to put up a fight even if it was the asshole, Kyle. No scratch that I’d probably kill him right about now.
“Hey man. Nice night.”
“Nope.” I say still not opening my eyes or lifting my head.
“Oookay. My sister inside?”
That caused my head to snap up and I gapped at Jack. “Seriously? You’re asking me that?”
“Damn! What’s wrong with you tonight? You look like shit. Sorry.”
I stood up from the swing. “You can leave. She’s not here.” I hissed.
“Where…” I started walking past him into the house as he grabs my arm. “What the hell happened?”
“Go ask Elijah and Jason. I’m sure they can fill you in on everything.” I hissed again and tried to go inside, but he placed his hand on the door holding it shut.
“You’re going to tell me what the fuck is going on or I will beat the living shit out of you for what I think happened. Believe me I’m having one hell of a week you don’t want to go for option two.” He hissed in my face.
“Oh, no. The week I’ve had makes me want option number two.” I hissed back shoving him away from the door.
Just as I was about to open the door, he pressed his foot against the base. “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.”
“She left!” I yelled.
“I already figured that out. What I want to know is why?” He said almost calmly.
“Because I fucked up!” I yelled again. “Because I fucked up,” I said more quietly.
“How did you fuck up?”
So I explained it all to Jackson, who when I finished punched me in the jaw. Though it started out rough, he sat there for a bit talking to me. He let me vent and tried to help me understand Mary some. Though some things I think I know more about her than Jackson did. He did tell me how stubborn she is. By the time he left, some hope bloomed in my chest that she just might come around.
The days carried on and it was taking everything out of me not to pick up the phone and hound her until she answered. Some nights I found myself having to put my phone in my night stand to keep from calling her. The urge to call her and beg her to come back to me increased as the time ticked by.
Unable to take it anymore, I picked up my phone at the end of the day and decided to call her. Just hearing her voice on her voicemail would be enough at this point. Imagine my shock when she answered. I actually froze at the sound of her voice. I was sitting on the porch swinging in the swing I now thought of as Mary’s and not my mom’s. My legs stiffened at the sound of her voice holding me in the backward swing. When she said ‘hello’ again, I said the first thing that came into my head.
“I didn’t think you’d answer,” I breathed shaky.
“I didn’t look at the caller ID,” she answered and I almost laughed at her honest reply.
Realization hit me and my heart dropped more. “Yeah I kind of figured,” I whispered sadly.
“Look I need to go. I’m real busy.” Her voice sounded strained.
“Please Mary wait. Please.” I pleaded with her.
I knew I had no right begging her to listen to me, but hell if I could stop myself from begging. Just like the pussy I’ve become over this past week, I started to cry.
“What Tobey? What do you want?” She sounded tired.
“I just want to make sure you’re okay. I, uh, sent you a text a week ago. I-”
She cut me off, “Yeah I saw that you sent it. I haven’t read it and I’m not sure I will.”
The last hope I held was slowly fading and I sighed in surrender. “Yeah. Okay.” I pause gaining the courage to give her more to walk on. “Mary?”
She sighed this time. “What?” Her voice cracking.
Listening to the pain in her voice, knowing I caused it, I knew nothing I said or did would matter. In the end my actions were what caused her to hurt. Nothing can take that back.
“I’m so sorry. Every day I hate myself more and more for what I’ve done. Hurting you kills me. I miss you so much.” My voice breaks as the sadness consumed me all over again. “I love you, Mary.”
“I have to go.”
When I heard the click of the phone, the last of the hope I had shattered. I’ve lost her. The hope I clung to over the course of the almost month she’s been away was now gone. My screw up was too big to earn her trust and forgiveness. Don’t get me wrong, I will never stop loving her nor will I turn her away if she were to ever come back, but I think it was time that I moved on past hoping she would show up on my door step. It was time I realized that no amount of loving words or gifts can erase the fact that we did meet on a bad note. This was one fuck up I can’t take back or come back from. Scott was right. It was me that got destroyed in the end.
** *** *** ** *** *** **
When I realized that I had lost Mary for good, I kind of gave up on everything for a while. I stopped tending to my ranch. I stopped cleaning up after myself. I just stopped. I’d get on my horse every now and again riding out to my favorite view on my ranch. I’d stare down at the lake in the distance. My goal at one point was to buy that land that held that lake so I could build a house back there or up here by this tree.
The idea had come to me when I stood back one day and watched Mary playing with one of the horses, Spitfire. He got that name because when he was being ignored he would get water and spit it out at you. Apparently Mary had ignored him that day, he’d spit water on her so she splashed him back. It was comical. But it was as she shook her hair out and the sun shone at her back that I knew that house would be perfect there. Though the house would only be perfect with Mary, without her nothing was perfect. Nothing was right.
The guys are still giving me the cold shoulder, but I think I’m used to it now. Now I just move through my days. One day I’d like to think the guys would stop acting like this, but it was out of my control.
It was now going on five weeks since my life ended. I was struggling to keep to my agreement with myself to leave her alone. But then I’m walking out of my house and there standing in my drive was Elijah. Looking up at the sky, I cursed in my head and rolled my eyes.
“What you haven’t ruined my life enough?”
“Look, just give me ten minutes of your time and if you choose to still send me on my way I’ll go and never come back.”
My gut tightened. “Fine,” I said nervously.
We walked into my house and sat in the kitchen. I watched as Elijah looked around my house in disgust.
“Yeah I haven’t been in the mood to do much of anything. It was worse than this.” I said defensively.
“Yeah. Okay look, I’ve had time to really sit back and see what I’ve done. Thing is as much as this ruined you and her, I couldn’t stop myself. I’m not going to be here forever and I want to make sure that my family is happy.” He put his hand up to stop my interruption. “Only problem was I di
dn’t see how happy she was with you. I didn’t know until I saw the pain she is in without you. So I’ve come to fix it.”
“You what?” I gasped.
“She is miserable without you. She ran off almost a month ago and none of us fully understand what the hell she’s doing. Mary is usually the life of the party, but she’s not now and that’s because she lost her reason to be happy. So we all came up with an idea.”
“You all did what? Why is everyone pulling for me when you all know who I’m related too?” I asked confused.
Elijah sighs sadly. “See that was my mistake. I judged you by your relations rather than you. Yes, I may have been right in the beginning, but I definitely wasn’t when I let it all hit the fan. That was my fault. Those two people did so much harm for my family that I wasn’t sure anyone else in that family could possibly be anything other than just like them.”
“If you hadn’t come over here all hot like you did, I could have showed you I wasn’t like them. Hell, you could have saw it in Mary. She really started coming out of her shell here. I was even getting her to eat.”
He looked sadly down at the table playing with his hands, “Yeah Jackson told me everything.” Elijah looks up at me. “I’m really sorry, Tobey. I am. Even doing what I’m doing now won’t make up for it, I know that but I still have to try.”
“What’s the plan?”
Elijah went through the whole plan that everyone and I mean everyone came up with. Though as he was talking and explaining things, I noticed he looked awfully pale.
“I understand the plan, but um I have one question.”
“Okay?”
“Are you okay?”
He waves his hand at me in dismissal, “I’m fine. Just tired. Never sits well with me when any of my family is upset.”
He left a short while later and I began to get antsy. If this plan was going to work I needed sleep. It was then I saw how nasty my house actually was. Busting out the bleach, I began to clean. Praying the whole time that this plan worked, I missed her so much.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Mary
Wow, the wedding was beautiful. To watch them saying their ‘I do’s’, pledging their lives to each other. There was not a dry eye there. Mom and dad looked so proud of Kayla and Jason. Though now that we were at the reception she was fussing a lot over Colleen, she didn’t look too happy about it. I think she’s overwhelmed between Carson and my mom, I’m sure she can barely breath without either of them rushing to see if she’s okay.
The rest of us are just excited about the first baby in the family. Looking around at my family, I smile. They are all enjoying themselves. Kayla dancing with Jason, you could see the love in their smiles. It brought tears to my eyes watching them.
“Hey beautiful. Care to share this dance with me?”
Looking up I see Jake standing there. “Hey Jake. I’m not feeling well right now. So I…”
“Come on, I don’t see you that much. Just one dance with my beautiful sister,” he gives me that smile that I’ve never been able to say no to.
That smile always got me to do things for him when I was little that I shouldn’t have. Even lied to my parents a time or two to keep him from getting in trouble. Laughing quietly, I sighed and stand up taking his hand. He led me out to the floor and we started dancing.
“Sometimes fate leads us down a rough road to make sure we want to make the journey.” He whispered.
“What?”
Just as I asked the question he moved aside and there stood Tobey. God did he look amazing all dressed up. He walked nervously toward me.
“Can I have this dance?” He asked softly.
With wide eyes and shaking my head, I turned to run away when Jackson stepped in front of me. “Give him one dance Mare. Please. For me.”
After some resistance, I turned around and walked back to Tobey. The sadness in his eyes was clear as day. It pulled at me and my chest ached with longing. When his hand wrapped around mine, I could feel the pain increased. He wrapped me in his arms and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Hunter Hayes’s Wanted started to play and he started to move.
Before long he lowered his head down to my shoulder, I hear him take a shuddering breath. The tears burned my eyes. I didn’t want to let them fall. He tightened his hold on me.
“God I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry,” he whispered.
“I can’t do this.” I pulled away from him. “I can’t. I can’t.” I said looking into his destroyed face.
Turning I ran from the reception, jumping in my truck and I left. The tears fell harder. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that my family would set me up like that. As if I wasn’t hurting enough now they are just bringing it all back to the surface.
The long drive to my house gave me a lot of time to think about everything. Of course the only images that kept flashing in my head were the looks on Tobey’s face both times I ran away. Running inside my house, I took several deep breaths. Trying so hard to calm myself, I placed my hand over my stomach. My thoughts were swarming around in my head. Turning I headed into the shower, to occupy myself with something. I stood in there not taking my hair down. Not sure how long I stood in there before I knew exactly what I needed to do.
Grabbing my dress, I threw it back on. Hurrying out the door, I ran to the barn and saddled up Secrets and took off. Pushing Secrets to his full speed, I prayed that I didn’t hurt him pushing him so hard, but I really needed to do this.
By the time I arrived it was dark. I could see his truck outside. Tying Secrets’ lead to the post by the barn I ran up the porch and knocked on the door. I knew I looked like shit, but at this point I just didn’t care. Knocking harder on the door, he still didn’t answer. With a shaking hand, I tried the knob. When I saw it was unlocked, I rushed inside but there was no one in there.
A thought occurred to me then. Running back out to Secrets, I hoped back on him and started off. Patting his neck, “Come on boy. I promise this is the last detour. If he isn’t here we’ll go home. I promise.”
A few minutes later, I could see the tree and there sitting on his knees was Tobey. The sight of him broke my heart. Quietly I jump down from Secrets then moved over toward Tobey. My hands were shaking and I was second guessing myself.
“T-Tobey?”
He whirled around and stared at me. When he didn’t say anything I decided I needed to say exactly what I came here to say.
“You hurt me. No I take that back. You destroyed me. I’ve never loved anyone before and then I’m told it was all a lie. How could you lie to me, Tobey? You had so many chances to tell me the truth and you didn’t. How can I ever trust you again?”
He continued to stare at me, not saying anything at all. Before I started crying, I decided to push through everything I needed to say.
“Even with how bad you hurt me, I still love you. I will always love you. I’m sorry I ran out on you today, but it hurt too much being so damn close to you. To feel your arms around me again. But if you can prove to me that I won’t regret this decision, I’d like to try us again.”
I waited. I waited for him to say something, do something but he didn’t do anything. He didn’t say anything. My heart broke. I was too late. The tears started to fall and I turned to get back on my horse and head home. Taking only a step, I was spun around and Tobey’s mouth came crashing down on mine.
Once the shock of what happened wore off, I responded just as eagerly. My hands wrapped around his neck and I rose up on my toes to deepen the kiss further. God it felt fucking good to taste his lips again. To feel him under my fingertips.
Things progressed rather quickly with neither of us fully getting naked. In a matter of seconds we were making love under his favorite tree. It was fast, but it was wonderful. He made me feel amazing as always. We were both falling over the edge together calling out each other’s name and clinging to each other for dear life.
We laid there holding each other for a momen
t while our breathing returned to normal. Tobey continued to run his hand up and down my back. He was lost in his thoughts and frankly so was I.
“Tobey?”
“Baby, I love you so much. When you showed up I was shocked. Seeing you run away from me again. I thought that was it. I thought it meant there was never a chance to redeem myself and get you back.” He lifted my head up until our eyes met. “I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I’m worthy of your love and how much I love you.”
“Tobey?”
“What baby?”
“I need to tell you something?”
“You can tell me anything baby. Except goodbye. I can’t handle that.” He whispered.
Sitting up, I wring my hands in my lap. “Tobey,” I look up and meet his eyes. “I’m pregnant.”
His face froze. Then a split second later, he had a beaming smile and pulled me in his arms again kissing me. He placed several kisses over my face before hugging me tightly then burying his face in my neck.
“I love you,” his voice muffled.
“You’re happy about this?” I asked shocked by his reaction.
It was his turn to look shocked pulling back and staring at me. “I’m beyond happy about this. Baby, I’ve been picturing a family with you for quite some time. In fact, this very spot that we are sitting, I want to build our house. Overlooking this amazing view. If I can get them to settle on a price, I’m going to purchase the land down there. So if you’d rather we can build it right next to the water.”
“You can’t afford that land Tobey.” I stated confidently.
“Honey, I promise you the ranch is doing well enough that I can.” He laughed softly.
“No you can’t.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because I own it.” I grinned at him.
“What? Since when?”
“Since a week after I left. I’ve been living in what the realtor referred to as a shack for a month now.”
“I don’t believe it. You’ve been so close all this time.”
Family Ties (Hidden Secrets) Page 19
