by Alina Man
I feel like I’m on the set of Twilight Zone and any minute now the director is going to scream “Cut” and we will all laugh about this. We’re talking about paranormal activity here, not a casual every day kind of thing.
“Just don’t freak out Bren. For whatever reason she came back. Maybe she wants to tell you something.”
“She did tell me something Gigi. And I am freaked out. This is not easy for me.” The food arrives but I’m no longer hungry. “So how did you handle the whole thing?”
She takes a small bite of her sandwich then drops it back on her plate and smiles.
“It was really bad when I moved back. Everyone was talking about us Bren. You know how it is around here. Before I moved away people used to wonder about my mom. You know how she would be out of town for weeks, leaving me alone? Well they all thought she was going away on business. What they didn’t know was that she was having an affair with a married man.” I can feel my jaw drop to the table. Gigi’s mom was the epitome of a classy lady; never in a million years would I have pegged her as someone to have affairs.
“Yeah I know. Took me a while to find out. One day that guy’s wife showed up and it was bad. After she left, one of the neighbors stopped by to ask what the yelling was all about and my mom lied and said that her boss from California showed up and they got in an argument. He believed her. I mean wouldn’t you? I was about sixteen when we went for a visit to Cali and I got to meet this guy. He was really charming and very attentive towards my mom. He had a condo there for her and took us to Disneyland and it was really nice to feel like a family. I think my mom knew he wasn’t going to leave his wife but she was so in love with him.” Gigi closes her eyes and shakes her head as if trying to untangle all the memories. I wonder how many more secrets there are in this town. Secrets that we never expected to unravel.
“The night before we were to return home, I met his son. Oh Bren he was everything a girl could dream of. I was instantly in love and he knew he had me right after our first kiss. I’d never been with anyone and was naïve enough to buy all his lovey-dovey crap. A few weeks later he came to visit me and we made love for the first time. I got pregnant right away and well, the rest you know. I had to move away because there was no way I was going to have an abortion. I stayed at their condo until the baby was born and the entire time he made promises he didn’t intend to keep. I was a mess Bren, I was scared, and alone and too young to be a mother. But the day I gave birth to James, I felt stronger and more alive than ever. He is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Wow Gigi. I didn’t know. Why didn’t you ever say anything?” She shrugs and swirls the straw around the glass.
“You all had different lives by then. All of you were worried about getting into college while I was worried about buying diapers and milk. Anyway, after the baby was born, Damon, that’s the guy’s name, didn’t want to have anything to do with us. My mom had already broken up with his dad so I couldn’t stay at the condo. The day I had to pack and come back here was the hardest day of my life. I knew people were going to judge me and I was more worried about my mom than anyone else. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass what they thought about me. So I moved into my grandparents’ house. It was a piece of crap since no one had lived there in years. Your grandpa helped me fix the roof and paint the inside.”
We both smile and I can just see my papa all ready to help out. That’s the kind of man he was. If you were in trouble he was there for you, no questions asked.
“A few weeks after I was all settled, James started acting weird at night. He would not cry but make noises as if he was trying to talk. As he got older, he would point at the rocking chair, or a corner of his room; it was always empty so I didn’t think anything about it. I thought maybe he just was getting too much sleep during the day and wanted to play at night. The first time I saw my grandpa I screamed like a crazy woman,” she laughs out loud at the memory. “I even scared the baby. But eventually he would talk to me and tell me things and, I don’t know Bren, he is the reason why I found the courage to stay here and start my life.”
We sit in silence as I let everything she just said sink in. She looks at her watch and I know she has to go back to work but I’m not ready to go back to the house. Not yet. I pay for my food although it was left untouched and before I leave I pull her in and hug her like my life depends on it.
“Thank you so much for sharing all that with me. I wish I was there for you,” I cry. “There’s so much I wish I could go back and undo.”
She hugs me back and her hand gently pats my back. “It’s ok. I’m just happy you’re here now. Ok now scram before I lose my job,” she jokes and I let her go. I get back to my car and sit inside for a while, thinking. So much has happened in the last few days; things I never knew about, things I wish I could’ve paid more attention to, things that will change my life forever.
I drive aimlessly for a while and find myself in front of the cemetery. The skies are dark and cloudy and the wind moves the fallen leaves in a mesmerizing dance. It feels like I’m floating towards my nana’s grave, the fear no longer existent. The soil is still fresh and wet, and so are the flowers that are neatly placed on top of the plot. I touch the cold earth and the jolt of heat coming from it makes me yank my arm back. Get a hold of yourself.
“Hi nana,” I whisper and I swear I can feel the wind picking up and circling the leaves all around me. “There is so much I want to say and I don’t even know where to start. I want you to know how sorry I am for staying away for so long. I want to tell you thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me. Whatever it is in those letters will not change the way I feel about you and papa. I am ready for anything. I just hope you can forgive me for being so selfish. I should’ve been there for you.” I lie on top of the wet soil and sob. That’s how Noah finds me. Effortlessly, he picks me up in his strong arms and walks me back to my car.
“Are you ok to drive,” he asks. I look him in the eyes and nod. “Alright, I’m going to follow you home to make sure you get there ok.” It all feels like a dream and I’m still trying to decide if I want to wake up or keep on dreaming. True to his promise, Noah follows my car closely and we make it home safe. I get out and he grabs my keys to unlock the door. My stomach is growling and it makes Noah chuckle.
“I got us dinner since Gigi said you didn’t touch your lunch.”
“You talked to her?” I ask him as I remove my jacket and fumble with my boots’ zipper.
“That’s how I found you. She was worried about you.” The house is dark and it makes me so nervous being there. We walk into the kitchen and he starts to plate the food for us. I look outside the window into the backyard and I swear I can see the outline of a figure sitting on my old swing. I don’t tell Noah, instead just turn my head and remind myself that I’m just imagining her. He pushes a plate in front of me and urges me to eat. He doesn’t have to tell me twice; I’m starving enough not to argue with him. The food has no taste but I keep eating just to keep myself busy with something.
“Noah?”
“Hmm?” he answers me but keeps his eyes on his plate as if he’s trying to avoid me. I’m wondering just how much Gigi has told him about my dream.
“Do you think you can spend the night here?” My question takes him by surprise and he coughs softly. “You don’t have to but honestly I’m scared to be alone here.”
“Ok.” That’s all he says and goes back to finishing his meal. Without looking back to the window I stretch my arm out and close the blinds. Before long, we’re done eating and he cleans up the empty plates. I wish I had the energy to go back to the attic and finish looking for the stupid letter once and for all. The reality is that just being in the house at night is scary enough; last place I want to be is stuck in a creepy attic on top of the house.
“Can I ask you for one more thing?” He simply looks at me with wondering eyes and I’m sure he’s scared of what I’m about to ask next. I know I’m putting him in a very un
comfortable situation but who else am I going to ask? The one person that should be here helping me, my boyfriend, is nowhere to be found. That reminds me that I haven’t heard from him in days now. “I’m going to go take a shower. Do you think you can just stay in my room until I’m done?”
“Let’s go scaredy-cat,” he jokes and pulls me after him. I pick up a change of clothes and leave him sitting on my bed. I lock the door behind me and turn on the water. The hot spray feels wonderful on my tired skin and I wish I could sit under it forever. Remembering that Noah is in the other room, I wash and dry quickly, and wrap myself in the big towel. The mirror is covered with steam and as I wipe my hand over it I notice a reflection other mine. I turn quickly but there is no one there but me. I turn slowly back to the mirror and I can now see my grandma’s face clearly.
“Oh my God.” I know I’m not dreaming so whatever I’m seeing has to be there. I shut my eyes once again and plead with her to go away.
“Don’t be afraid my Princess. I came to say goodbye and to ask for your forgiveness. I need you to know that whatever I did was for your own good. Don’t sell the house my baby girl because you will need a place to come back to.” My eyes are still closed but I can now feel her right beside me and I’m totally freaking out. I open my mouth to scream but no sound comes out.
“I will always love you sweetheart and I pray that you will find happiness. You’ll always be in my heart. Be happy.” I wait for what feels like hours before I get the courage to open my eyes. I’m all alone, the fog all gone. The image from the mirror is no longer there; instead I can clearly see three words drawn into the steam: Please Forgive Me. I run to the door and unlock it with shaky hands. Noah is by my side in an instant and grabs me by the shoulders.
I sob and stretch out my arm behind me to point at the mirror.
“What is it Bren? I don’t see anything.” I turn around and to my shock the mirror is clean. No words, no images, no shadows.
Chapter 8.
“It was there I swear,” I cry out. Noah rocks me and tries to sooth my cries.
“Shh it’s ok. I believe you. Whatever it was it’s gone now. Come on, change into some warm clothes and we’ll go to my place.” I don’t argue with him. I don’t even care that he’s in the room. And so I dress right there in front of him, trying to put my underwear on without giving him too much of a show, using the towel to keep me covered as much as possible. Jeans and an old sweater follow then without bothering with socks I shove my feet into my boots. I almost run out of the room and I’m thankful that Noah is not laughing at me for being so terrified of something that’s not even there.
He locks the door and we walk into the night, crossing the dark street to his house. I keep looking behind, trying to see if there’s anything following us, and Noah pushes me in front of him using his body to protect me from whatever it is that I’m scared of. His house is cold and he rushes to turn on the heater then covers me with an old blanket moving his arms up and down my back to warm me up. What he doesn’t know is that the chills are not from the cold.
“She came back,” I whisper finally. “Something bad is going to happen and I’m really scared.”
“Just don’t think about it tonight, ok?” He takes me to what I think is his room and gently pushes me on the bed. “I want you to rest and not worry about anything. We’ll figure it out tomorrow, I promise. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” He covers me with the heavy comforter but I can’t shake off the chills. As he’s about to leave I grab his hand with both of mine.
“Please don’t leave me alone,” I cry. He only nods then takes off his shoes and lays next to me on top of the comforter. I get as close as I can, put my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me. I close my eyes and try to rest but can’t seem to be able to stop thinking about what I saw. The minute I close my eyes, my grandma’s image reappears and it doesn’t matter how many times I blink; she’s just there waiting for me. I used to hear stories about ghosts and they weren’t always good ones. I don’t know how much of it I believed but the truth was that this was not normal. Noah holds me closer as if he can sense what I’m thinking. Eventually my eyes get heavy and I finally fall asleep, engulfed into the dark.
I did not dream that night and woke up more refreshed than ever. There is only a sliver of light coming through the closed blinds, enough to get me to open my eyes. Noah is breathing softly next to me, deeply asleep. I look up at his gentle face and fresh tears are threatening to escape. He has been my rock for the past few days; without him I probably would’ve been back in Boston the very first day. I know it will be hard to leave him but it’s inevitable. I’m thinking of going back to sleep when my cell starts ringing inside my pocket, waking Noah in the process.
“Sorry about that,” I whisper and reach for the phone. I try to get up as gently as I can but it’s obvious that neither one of us will go back to bed. Noah yawns and stretches his arms above his head making the simple white t-shit he’s wearing raise up and reveal a smooth and strong stomach. I look away and busy myself with putting on my boots.
“Why don’t you stay here and call back that boyfriend of yours and I’ll go make us breakfast.” His voice is hard and I can tell he’s clenching his teeth. I wait for him to leave the room then check to see who the missed call is from. I’m surprised when the screen shows Joe’s number; I take a deep breath the dial his number back. He answers on the first ring.
“Good morning love. How are you?”
I wish I could be one of those mean and terrible people who can use swear words like it’s nobody’s business. That would really help me tell him just how I’m feeling right now. Three days and no call from him and yet he’s voice shows no compassion.
“Good morning Joe. I’m surprised to hear from you.”
“Don’t be like that, you know how busy it’s been at work lately. Even as we speak I am getting ready for a meeting but I wanted to check up on you and make sure you’re ok. Have you decided when you’re going to be coming back?”
I’m slowly counting to ten in my head, over and over again. There is no point in getting upset. As my nana used to say, you made your bed now lie in it; she was so right. I picked him and he was the way he was. I never once complained before so how could I start now?
“Joe I’m not sure when I’ll be back. I am going to meet with the lawyer today and see what he has to say. I have no idea what the will says, or even if there is a will at all. So how are you? Besides busy?”
“I’m good but I miss you babe. You need to hurry so we can have our life back the way it was before. Sorry I have to let you go. The meeting is about to start.”
He didn’t wait for me to say goodbye or anything else and I found myself simply staring at the black screen. Was this the extent of our conversation? Once again it reminds me of a Twilight Zone episode and I’m smiling to myself like the unstable person I’ve become. Moving to the window I open the blinds and look straight ahead at my grandparents’ house. The street is deserted at this hour and even the wind has ceased to run through the half empty trees. The shadowy figure at the attic’s window catches my attention and every fiber in my body clenches with fear. That’s how Noah finds me and he snaps his fingers in front of my eyes to get my attention.
“Oh sorry, I spaced out for a moment,” I force a laugh.
“Well, welcome back. I made us something to eat.” I follow him out of the room but not before glancing back to the window. There’s nothing there but my body is still tense. Why am I seeing her more and more often now? What is she trying to tell me? The small kitchen smells like fried eggs and bacon and my stomach turns but not in a good way. I’m not hungry but force a piece of bacon down with what feels like a gallon of coffee.
“So did you tell your boyfriend that you’re going home tomorrow?” Noah asks and I avoid looking at him. He doesn’t need to know my personal problems. It’s enough that he got caught in this whole thing with my nana and he’s probably counting the days u
ntil I’m gone so he can have his own life back.
“Do you think you can take me to the lawyer today?” I ask instead of answering his question. He shakes his head and I’m wondering if he’s going to refuse to go with me.
“Yeah sure.” He stops me as I try to get up and clean my plate. “Leave it like that. I’ll get it done when I get back.” I notice how he didn’t say when we get back and I make a mental note to look for a hotel on my way back since there’s no way I’ll be spending my last night here at nana’s house. I’ve had enough paranormal activity to last me a few lifetimes. Noah walks out of the room and I busy myself cleaning the table then fill the sink with hot soapy water and put the dirty dishes in there to soak.
“I told you to leave it.” His voice takes me by surprise and I jump up. I dry my hands and take out the jacket he’s holding for me. We walk in silence towards my house and I’m already getting goose bumps before we walk inside. I stay close to Noah as my eyes roam around each crevice of the old house, looking for anything out of place. Why don’t you let yourself be seen by Noah? What is it that you want from me? She doesn’t answer nor does she appear before my eyes like I’m half expecting her to do. I am so ready to get out of here and I decide to forget all about the letters and the promises I’ve made. Instead I pack the few things I brought with me on this trip and ask Noah to lead the way to the lawyer’s office. We go in separate cars that way I will not be forced to come back here. There’s nothing left for me here.
Mr. Simon, as everyone calls him, has been my grandparents’ lawyer for as long as I remember. He is a short and plump and loves to wear his pants all the way up to his chin; well not really that high but you get the idea. His office is located in one of the largest buildings downtown and it’s as old as he is. The inside smells funny, kind of old, like mothballs or something and I try not to breathe through my nose. If Noah notices the smell, he makes no comment about it. Instead he walks by my side, his face a blank canvas. The receptionist writes down my name and asks us to take a seat. There’s no one in the waiting area and that makes me happy; we’ll be done here in a matter of minutes and then I can finally say goodbye this town.
