by Alina Man
“I’m good. Overworked, but good. My father has finally decided to retire and at my mother’s insistence he has agreed to move to Europe for a while. That means I’m now in charge of the company. As much as I thought it was what I wanted, I now question whether or not I’m cut out for it.”
“Are you kidding? You were born to be a lawyer. It is what you’re best at.” I wasn’t trying to be nice; it was a fact. I got to see him in action a few times myself and I had heard from some of his friends that he really was the best there was.
“Babe I miss you; I miss us. I thought a lot about what happened between us and I want another chance to fix it.”
Before I could answer, the lights in the entire house started to flicker and there was a loud noise coming from the attic.
“What was that?” Joe’s voice quivered and he looked thoroughly freaked out.
“Oh that’s my nana.” Watching the look on his face was priceless. For a moment he didn’t speak but kept staring at the end of the hallway waiting for something else to happen.
“Ah, ok. Umm. So what do you say Brenda? I’m sure Angel would give you your job back, no questions asked. Or you could go back to school, or we could start that family you said you wanted.” The lights flickered some more and when Joe’s eyes met mine they were filled with questions and nervousness. “Babe, really, what is that?”
“I’m dead serious. That’s my grandmother. She’s still here in the house with me, keeping me company, making sure I make all the right decisions.”
“Is this some kind of a joke?”
“Nope. What are you going to do? Call Dr. Cruz again? Look, coming here was a mistake. If you really wanted me back you should’ve done something about it the first week. Second week, at the the most. But you wait all this time and think you can show up and I’ll do what? Jump up with joy?”
“Won’t you even consider it? I mean I made this trip ready to overlook all the mistakes we both made and start fresh but now wonder if maybe you’re more comfortable in this kind of setting.”
“Oh wow. Thank you Joe. Thank you for proving to me once again that leaving you was the right decision. Have a safe trip. You know where the door is.”
He looked at me one more time then almost ran out of the house. I sat there, in the big chair, looking at the empty hallway, and wondered how I ever stayed with such an empty, shallow, poor excuse of a man for almost three years.
The lights flickered one more time and I smiled at the empty room. Thank you nana for looking out for me. I went back outside to join Noah and Gigi and was engulfed by hugs from both of them.
“You ok?” Gigi asked.
“I am now,” I laughed as I reached for the hose that was resting against the pool and started spraying both of them. A few hours later, we were all tired from spending the day in the water. We ordered pizza and ate outside and once again I thought just how blessed I was to have them all in my life. By the time they all left, I was ready for bed. I checked all the doors one more time, then made my way to my room for a much needed shower. I could sense nana in the room and smiled remembering the prank she pulled earlier. She sure was something else. I fell asleep with her presence next to me, the soft glowing light making me feel warm and calm and no longer alone.
The streets were packed with people, some sitting on the sidewalk, others on plastic folding chairs. Waving little flags at the passing parade, little kids sat up high on their fathers’ shoulders. For a moment I felt like I went back in time and I was a child once again. If only things were that simple. The weather was beautiful and I was glad I wore shorts and a thin peasant shirt. I could feel little sweaty lines going down my spine from standing out in the sun.
We were still waiting for Noah to find a parking spot so that he could meet us, and James was getting antsy. I looked up and saw Noah trying to make his way towards us, and my stomach started doing summersaults. Someone poked me and I turned ready to hurt whoever did it only to find Gigi laughing at me.
“I know you like him, I know you like him,” she sang and did a funny little dance. It was just like high school all over again.
“You are one silly duck, aren’t you,” I couldn’t help but laugh with her. “Since you brought up dating, how come you’re not? Unlike me, you’ve been single for a long time. Don’t you think it’s time you put yourself out there?”
“Girl, I would kill for a bubble bath. What does that tell you? I’ll tell you what it tells you. That I have no time for myself. I’m lucky if I get to have a quiet meal every now and then, thanks to you. I don’t have time for a man, are you kidding me?”
Noah finally reached us and he looked just as yummy as always in his plain white t-shirt and faded jeans. He filled his clothes to perfection and it was really hard not to stare.
“I knew you guys were going to die of thirst so I got us some water, some coke for you Bren, and for you young man, I got you lunchables. Your mom said this one is your favorite.” James’ smile was priceless when he saw the little square box. Gigi poked me again and we both had that can-you-believe-just-how-sweet-he-is kind of look on our faces. All we needed was to sing “awww” in unison.
We found a spot close to the sidewalk and joined the rest of the parade watchers but the entire time my mind was on Noah. Did he have to be so perfect? Some days I wished he was dating someone so that I wouldn’t find myself constantly attracted to him. If Gigi was able to tell I liked him, did it mean that my feelings were that transparent to the outside world?
After two excruciating hours spent in the scorching sun I was finally going to get the full fair experience, drowning myself in fat fried food then trying to keep it down while going up and down in ridiculously fast rides. Yeah that was what both Gigi and Noah had planned as my coming-out-of-the-house party. James kept pulling me from one stand to another, pointing at everything. That kid’s energy could put the energizer bunny to shame. I was about to go on the hundredth ride when a group of very rowdy guys approached us. I instantly tensed and grabbed Gigi’s arm. While they looked kind of familiar and we were in a public place, I still didn’t feel comfortable with the way they were looking at us.
“Look Billy, we got fresh meat,” the bold tattooed guys said and pointed his dirty fingers towards me.
“Keep moving Hank,” Gigi yelled at him and pushed him hard making him fall back a few steps in the process. “There’s nothing here for you so why don’t you go back to you trailer, trash-talking wife.” I didn’t dare to look at the Hank guy. Never in a million years would I have dared to talk to him that way but Gigi didn’t even bat an eyelash. She was one strong cookie. Either that, or maybe she was simply crazy.
“Who’s your friend G?” Hank asked her and once again pointed at me. “Oh hell no. Brenda? Is that you? Damn girl, I can’t believe my eyes.” He laughed out loud making his beer belly jiggle reminding me of the old fat Santa Clause I once saw in Boston. I looked at him closely and felt my mouth drop to the floor. “Come on babe, don’t hurt my feelings and say you don’t remember me. We dated for almost a year back in the day.”
“Oh boy I think I just threw up in my mouth,” I whispered. Just as he was about to pull me in for a hug, or at least that’s what I thought he was about to do, Noah came back with James and pulled me back slowly.
“Everything ok here babe?”
“Yes honey, Hank here was just saying hello,” I replied sweetly and pressed my back against Noah’s body. His arm circled my waist and drew me closer, making me shiver with delight. I was grateful that no one was able to see the goose bumps that were now covering every inch of my body. “Hank this is Noah, my-”
“Her fiancé,” Noah answered for me and shook Hank’s hand. I looked at Gigi who was about to burst into laughter at the exchange. With my eyes, I dared her to keep it together at least until Hank and his buddy left. This was the exact reason why I didn’t want to come tonight but it was too late now to dwell on it.
“Well I’ll be damn B
ren girl. I didn’t hear you were getting hitched. Well congratulations to you both. Hope to see you around,” he said and winked at me making my stomach turn in disgust. I couldn’t believe this was the same exact guy I knew back in school. We watched them walk away and blend into the crowd and I started pulling myself from Noah’s embrace but he only pulled me back.
“Ok love birds,” Gigi giggled and grabbed James’ hand, “I’m going to take this little guy over to my mom’s. Bren I’ll come over later so we can watch a movie or something. That is, unless your fiancée has other plans for you.” Before I could say anything she blew us a few kisses, turned around and disappeared in the mass of people.
“I can’t believe you said that. You know she’s going to taunt me about this for the rest of my life.”
“No she’s not. Ready for more fun?” His smile was genuine, and sexy and just out of this world. Top that with the deep dimple on his left cheek and I was a goner. “Come on, I want to show you something.” He took hold of my hand and together we made our way to the parking lot. It took a while to find his truck in the overcrowded space but I didn’t mind the walk. There was a faint breeze in the air and it felt amazing against my flushed skin. We reached his truck, he helped me get in and then he walked around to the driver side. We didn’t speak but there was no need for conversation, both of us feeling comfortable with the silence, simply enjoying the drive.
I’m not sure how long the ride was but he finally stopped on top of a hill overlooking the fairgrounds below. We got out of the truck and he placed a blanket on top of the hood then helped me get up on it. As I lay down I couldn’t help but gasp when I glanced up at the sky; everywhere you looked there were so many stars, one next to the other like a blanket of little twinkly white lights.
“So beautiful,” I whispered.
“Yes,” he answered and from his expression I knew he was not talking about the stars.
Chapter 15.
We sat there, on top of his truck, listening to the faint noise from the fair, while I tried to figure out a way to ask him about his mom. I was curious to know, well pretty much everything.
“Noah?”
“Hmm?”
“Does it get easier?”
“Does what get easier?” he asked and turned around so he could face me.
“The pain, the guilt, everything.” I twisted slowly and watched him in the pale light.
“No Bren, it doesn’t.” He took a deep breath then continued. “It just becomes part of you, stored somewhere in the back of your mind and you learn to move on with your life.”
“How did you deal with-” I couldn’t even utter the words.
“Lots of drinking.” Noah laughed but I knew he was only using the laughter to hide his emotions. “I did some things I’m not proud of. I was angry at the world, at God, but then the feelings somehow changed as the time went on. I’m sure it’s different for everyone but for me these feelings changed from anger to guilt to depression to finally acceptance.”
I swallowed the sob pressing against my chest as I listened to his voice. I had the same emotions but somehow I was stuck somewhere between anger and guilt.
“Bren, I know how you feel and you need to let go of the guilt. Your grandparents loved you so much and they understood your reasons for staying away. Sonia would not want you to dwell on the past. She would want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”
I turned my face away from him and once again looked up at the sky. Everything he was saying made total sense, yet my heart hurt every time I thought of all the things I’d missed, all the things I could’ve done differently.
“There are days when I wonder if there was something I could’ve done differently, things I could’ve said to her to keep her safe. In the end, no matter how much I beat myself up, I can’t change the past. But I can try to live my life in a way that I know would make her proud.”
He laced his fingers with mine and I suddenly felt like all the air left my body. I tried to pull away but he only drew me closer. He turned towards me, his face mere inches away from mine. He leaned in, moving slower until his lips touched mine. The kiss was everything I expected, urgent and hungry, yet soft and sensual. I could almost drown in that kiss… almost.
“Noah, please; we need to stop.” I pushed him slightly and thankfully this time he didn’t try to stop me.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” he asked, his voice shaky and out of breath.
“I can’t do this. I am not ready for whatever this is.” I jumped off the truck to put some much needed space between us. “I went from being someone’s daughter and granddaughter, to being someone’s girlfriend. This is the first time it’s just me. I need to be just me for once and figure out what I want.”
“I understand. Just remember me when you’re ready to move on.” His smile lit up his face and just like that we were back to being old friends, no awkwardness between us.
“You know I will. Now will you please take me home? I have a date with Gigi.”
“Lucky her.” He jumped off the hood and after folding the blanket; he got behind the wheel and drove us home.
The entire drive I kept thinking about what he said, about moving on, new beginnings, and him waiting for me. Just knowing that I could always depend on Noah was enough to make the light at the end of the tunnel brighter. We made it home just as Gigi was getting out of her car. She smiled gaily at me but stayed by her car and waited for Noah to say good night. He opened the door for me and moved closer until his lips were just a breath away from my ear.
“Have fun princess. I’ll see you soon.” He pressed his lips to my temple then waved at Gigi and walked away. I was afraid to move because my knees were still shaking from his touch. Damn him and his charm.
“Need a hand?” Gigi asked once Noah was out of sight. “Come on love bird, let’s get you inside and feed you before you pass out on me.” I couldn’t help but laugh when she dropped my left arm around her neck then circled my waist and almost dragged me towards the house.
We settled in the living room and while I was getting the table ready for our dinner, Gigi started pulling out several DVDs from her oversized bag.
“Ok darling. We have the totally eighties collection, The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles and Pretty in Pink. Or we can go with the Twilight Saga. What does your heart desire?”
“Hmm, let’s see. Eighties romance or sparkly vampires? Tough choice but I’ll have to go with the eighties flicks.”
“Did you just say no to Edward? I can’t believe you just did that. No one says no to Edward,” she joked, a hand over her heart and a very hurt look on her face. She popped the Breakfast Club into the DVD player then settled down on the floor, her back against the sofa. She eyed me for a moment and somehow I knew that we were not going to pay much attention to the movie, but talk about Noah.
“Soooooo, how was it?”
“What? The fair?” I asked and nonchalantly took a bite of my pizza.
“Don’t play dumb with me missy. I saw the way he was looking at you the entire day.”
“What way?” She raised one brow waiting for me to continue. “Oh fine. It was amazing. He took me to this spot on the hill and we talked.”
“You talked? Seriously? You’re both single and hot and alone in the dark, and you’re telling me that all you did was talk?”
“Well actually I didn’t say that. That’s what you said.”
“I knew it. You guys are so hooking up.”
“Slow down there Cupid. There is no hooking up. I can’t be with him Gigi. With him or anyone else. But the man can kiss, that’s for sure. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way from just a kiss.” Tiny goose bumps covered my arms as I relived the moment when his lips touched mine. I pushed the memory aside and picked up my plate once again.
“Babe, you have no reason not to be together. He is obviously still in love with you after all these years. He’s not like Joe; he would never hurt you.”
Maybe not but what
if I ended up hurting him? I had so much baggage to still sort through.
“Hey let’s just enjoy our movie night and not talk about men.” She shook her head but didn’t press me on.
We fell asleep by the third movie, just as the sun was making its way up. We would’ve spent the entire day sleeping if not for the doorbell that kept ringing. Gigi was the first to get up and walk to the door. Seconds later she returned, a startling look plastered on her pretty face.
“Bren, I think I just met a younger version of you.”
“What are you talking about?” She moved to the side to reveal a young girl that could’ve easily passed for my twin. Behind her, a guy with similar features was waiting, hands in his pockets, visibly uncomfortable.
“Oh my God,” I said, my voice so faint I didn’t think anyone actually heard me.
“Hi,” the girl spoke finally. “I’m Adele and this is my brother, Brian. Well our brother.”
“Oh my God, oh my God,” I chanted as my entire body shook uncontrollably.
“Hi guys. I’m Gigi, Brenda’s friend. Why don’t you come on in.”
The two siblings moved as one and took a seat on the sofa. I still couldn’t find my voice as I glanced in their direction.
“Will you excuse us for a second?” Gigi asked them but instead of waiting for an answer she helped me get up from the floor and together we walked towards my room. The entire time her hand massaged my back in soothing circles.
“It’s ok. Just breathe Bren. It’s going to be ok.”
How could it be ok? What were they doing here? I wasn’t ready for siblings and their estranged father. Not this way, not in my house.
“Why don’t you go take a nice shower and I’ll ask them to come back later?”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
Minutes later the house was empty again and I was saying goodbye to Gigi.
“You sure you don’t want me to stay? I could ask my mom to watch James for a few more hours.”
