“More time?” He cocked his head to one side as though seriously contemplating it. “Yeah, I can do that. I can give her all the time in the world.” Just as she thought he might elaborate, he said, “So you’ve fallen out with Joe, have you?”
“Er…yeah, you could say that,” she replied, taken off-guard.
“Why?”
“A misunderstanding, that’s all. It will blow over, I’m sure. But even if it doesn’t, I’m leaving soon.”
“Had enough of Trecastle, have you?”
No. It’s had enough of me more like. “I’ve got a job waiting for me back in Brighton, and Alex, of course.”
“Yeah, of course you have, Hannah did say.”
He ran his hand through his still damp hair, and a bolt of pain shot through her. It was an absentminded gesture typical of Joseph, too.
“Look, I don’t want to keep you. Perhaps get Hannah to call me or I’ll call her later.”
“Will do,” he said, but as she turned to go, he started speaking again. “You and Joe, I thought you might hit it off, you know? Okay, I hoped you would, and yeah, for more reasons than one, if I’m honest. I don’t know what’s gone wrong between you—we don’t tend to talk much about that sort of stuff, me and Joe—but I know he likes you. A lot.”
No, he doesn’t. Not anymore.
Layla bit her lower lip to stem the flow of tears that seemed to be ever threatening lately. “And I like him. He’s a nice guy, despite our bust-up. But as for anything happening between us, no. No chance.”
Walking toward her, his semi-naked body startlingly close, Jim said, “All I’m saying is don’t write him off. Not just yet. If you’ve got something special and you both feel it, consider yourself very lucky indeed.”
Not sure how to reply to his words, she was saved from doing so when Hannah walked in.
“Layla, what are you doing here?”
“I came to see you,” she said. Hanging her head in shame, she added, “I know it’s been a while.”
Hannah brushed past her with a bag of groceries in her arms and gave Jim a quick peck on the cheek before replying. “So what do you want to see me about?”
Bristling at the sharpness in her voice, Layla ventured, “Perhaps if we go for a walk, I can explain.”
Hannah considered this for a moment, idly watching Jim leave the room, before finally conceding. “Come on, then,” she said, brushing past her yet again and making for the door.
A precarious but spectacular path close to the edge of the headland linked the village of Trecastle with the next village, five miles along. Layla had walked it many times with Hannah, with Joseph, on her own, but today they would tackle only a fraction of it, just enough to get away from the village and all in it. At first they walked in difficult silence until Hannah commented on the weather, giving them an opening for small talk, at least. When they reached the headland proper, Hannah pointed to an empty bench, one of several placed along the path for walkers to give themselves a well-earned rest during their travels.
“Water?” Hannah held out a small Evian bottle.
Grateful that Hannah had thought to bring such a thing, Layla took it from her and downed a few gulps, the constantly ascending and descending path having worked up quite a thirst.
The view from the headland was stunning. Rugged cliffs lined the coast, falling dramatically into the sea, which was deep green and only very gently stirring in the sunlight as though still half asleep. On the edge of the bay, they could see a tiny figure of a man throwing a stick to his even tinier dog. Other than them, the beach was deserted. There was nobody on the headland either. It was theirs and theirs alone.
Just as well, thought Layla, unsure how their conversation was going to go.
Just as she had apologized to Jim, she apologized to Hannah, continuing to make amends. “I haven’t been very honest with you,” she began nervously.
“I know,” replied Hannah.
“About Joseph,” she continued.
“About Joseph,” Hannah repeated.
Turning sideways to face her, Layla rushed to explain. “I didn’t tell anyone that something had happened between Joseph and me, not another living soul, I promise. I thought I was still in love with Alex, that I’d made a huge mistake. I reasoned if I kept quiet about it, it would go away. And then later, I didn’t tell you because of what you had told me. I didn’t want to hurt you. You seemed so hurt already.”
“What hurt is that you didn’t confide in me, even when I asked you to. Even when I said if it was to do with Joe, it didn’t matter, that I would listen, I’d be there for you. But you shut me out totally.”
“I know, Hannah. I was wrong. I wanted to tell you, I really did. I’m so sorry.”
Hannah kicked at the grass for a moment. “Okay, apology accepted. But on one condition: you tell me everything that’s happened between you and him.” In a much smaller voice, she added, “I need to know.”
Forcing herself to look Hannah in the eyes, Layla did as she was asked, including the night she and Joseph had fallen into bed together, deliberately glossing over how incredible it had been. She told her how their kiss the night of the storm had made her finally face up to the fact that she did have feelings for Joseph. Serious feelings, feelings that rivaled Alex, maybe even surpassed them, feelings she felt he may have reciprocated if she hadn’t placed a stick of dynamite between them again. She explained why the kiss with Mick was not a real kiss, despite what it looked like, and how Joseph had taken it entirely the wrong way. And then she revealed her icing on the cake: that she had betrayed Hannah’s confidence and told Joseph she knew about them, that Hannah still loved him over and above Jim, and that whilst she was saying this, Jim had been there, listening.
“I had no idea he was there, Hannah, I swear. I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, Christ,” exclaimed Hannah, her eyes wide as saucers. “That’s why Jim’s been a bit distant lately. It makes sense now.”
“I’m so sorry,” said Layla again, staring at Hannah’s stricken face. “About everything. I should never have come to Trecastle. I should have stayed well away. I’ve caused nothing but trouble since I’ve been here.”
“No,” cried Hannah, grabbing her hands. “It’s been wonderful having you here. We dreamed of this, remember? When we were kids. Being together. Nothing and no one can come between us. And, okay, it’s had its ups and downs, but we can smooth things out. We can make it work.”
“No, Hannah, I’m leaving. I was always leaving, to be fair. This was never a permanent option for me. Although I have to admit, it does feel strange going back to Brighton. As though I’ve outgrown it somehow. It doesn’t feel like home anymore. But that’s just a temporary blip, I’m sure.”
“You don’t have to go.” Hannah was fervent. “When Lenny returns, you can crash with us. There’s bound to be somewhere you can rent after a while. Despite everything, I can’t imagine life without you now. I don’t want to.”
Looking into her friend’s eyes and seeing the earnestness there, Layla couldn’t believe how generous she was being, how forgiving. “But, Hannah, what about Joseph? What about Jim?” What about Alex?
“Leave Jim to me. I know we have to deal with how I feel. Something has to happen, one way or another. As for Joe, if you choose him over Alex, you have my blessing. I’d be happy for you.”
“Hannah,” said Layla, shaking her head, “have you not listened to everything I’ve told you? I can’t choose Joseph over Alex. He doesn’t want me. He’s made that abundantly clear.”
“He does want you.”
“He doesn’t.”
“Yes, Layla, he does.”
“How come you’re so sure?” Layla said at last, curiosity getting the better of her.
“It’s the way he looks at you.”
“What way? I don’t understand.”
“Well, you know the way Jim looks at me?”
“Yeah,” said Layla, still confused.
“That’s the w
ay Joe looks at you, and that, Layla, is the look of love.”
“Love?” spluttered Layla.
“Love,” insisted Hannah.
“Oh, Hannah, I don’t know—”
“But I do. I’ve known from the minute I first introduced you, in the pub, after you knocked him off his bike, remember?”
“Oh, yeah, that was awful.” Layla managed a shaky laugh.
“And from that moment onward, he was different. He was happier than he’d been in a long while. Always talking about you, in awe of you. And then he changed. It must have been after your night together. He wasn’t so happy then. Now he’s like a bear with a sore head. You have to talk to him, Layla. You can’t leave here without at least doing that.”
“But what about you?” Layla whispered, knowing Hannah was right: find some resolution, whatever that may be, to quote her mother.
“Me? Well, I need to learn to let go.”
“If only it were that easy,” said Layla, knowing it was anything but.
“But I have to find a way. Rid myself of these feelings. I don’t want them,” said Hannah, her voice cracking slightly. “I really don’t. They’re…useless.”
“I wish I could help,” sighed Layla earnestly.
The women lapsed into silence. A few minutes passed before Hannah jumped up, grabbed hold of Layla’s hand, and pulled her up too. “I know,” she said excitedly, her hazel eyes flashing, “I know what to do.”
“Really?” asked Layla, taken aback by her friend’s sudden positivity.
“A Letting Go Ceremony,” Hannah replied triumphantly.
“A Letting what?”
“It’s simple.” Hannah rushed to explain. “I’m going to bring all my feelings for Joe to the surface, and I’m going to throw them away, into the ocean, watch them float into oblivion. Afterward, I’ll be as free as a bird, free to love Jim the way he deserves to be loved.”
“I still don’t understand,” said Layla. Hannah was a bit alternative at times, but this sounded bizarre, even by her standards.
“Shame we haven’t got any incense. Frankincense is good for cleansing, or candles,” muttered Hannah, but more to herself than Layla. “Just to set the atmosphere, that sort of thing. Never mind, we’ll make do with what we have.”
“We have one bottle of water between us,” offered Layla, thoroughly bemused.
“No, no, forget the water. Look, let’s hold hands. We need to form a circle.”
Before doing so, she led Layla closer to the cliff edge. For one brief and surreal moment, Layla wondered if Hannah was going to hurl them both over the edge. She could picture it: the two of them clinging together in midair, a sort of if-I-can’t-have-him-no-one-will! moment. Relief flooded through her when Hannah stopped at a respectable distance and turned to face her, arms outstretched. Closing her eyes, she took a few deep breaths and began chanting. Layla, too, closed her eyes but couldn’t resist peeking every now and then. Silently, she gave thanks it wasn’t high summer, when these hills would have been packed with ramblers and holiday-makers able to observe their strange antics. The “men in white” would have been called for sure.
“I, Hannah McKenzie, bring forth all my feelings for Joseph Scott and discard them. Let the ocean and the air take them. Set me free.”
She repeated this mantra over and over again, her face a perfect mask of concentration. As Layla peeked again, she found herself increasingly moved by these words, and after a while, began rooting for the ocean and the air to comply, to magically relieve her friend of the burden she carried.
As last Hannah fell silent. Letting go of Layla’s hands, she wrapped her arms around herself as though holding something precious. After a few moments, she turned to face the ocean and then threw her arms dramatically out, casting her emotions to the elements, Layla presumed. She found herself not daring to even breathe whilst Hannah was doing this, not wanting to disturb in any way such a monumental moment.
Finally, Hannah opened her eyes and turned back to face Layla.
“Well…?” prompted Layla.
“No,” replied Hannah with a shake of her head. “It hasn’t worked. That New Age shit never does.”
A burst of laughter escaping her, Layla was relieved to see Hannah grinning too.
“Come on,” said Layla as their laughter subsided. “Let’s go.”
Linking arms, they walked back to the village, in silence again, but not awkward this time, companionable.
Back at the flat, Hannah asked her if she’d like to come in for lunch.
“No, thanks. I’d better see how Penny’s doing.”
“Penny?” said Hannah in surprise. “I didn’t know she was here.”
“Oh, sorry, what with everything else, I completely forgot to mention it. Yeah, she turned up yesterday. Quite distraught, actually. She’s had a major row with Richard.”
“Blimey, we’re all in a mess, aren’t we? All three of us.”
“You could say that.” Layla smiled weakly.
“Never mind. At least we can forget our woes at Mick’s party tonight.”
“Mick’s party? Is that tonight?”
“Yeah. God, Layla where you have been? Oh, in hiding, of course.” A cheeky smile lit Hannah’s face. “Yeah, it’s tonight. You are coming, aren’t you? It is his thirtieth.”
“Erm, yeah, yeah, of course,” replied Layla. How can I not?
“Good. We kick off at the pub at eight. The guys’ band will be playing a short set, and then it’s off to Mick’s house to revel into the early hours.”
“See you at the pub at eight, then? You’re not working, I take it?”
“No, Tom is. See you then.”
After hugging Hannah once more, Layla made her way home. Mick’s party—her final swan song in many ways. She would go, do her best to enjoy herself with the people who had come to mean so much to her over the last year. It would give her an excuse to collar Joseph, too, to apologize to him for everything, for almost killing him when they first met, for sleeping with him and then tossing him aside, for complicating his “simple” life. She wondered what his reaction would be to her words, whether he would sweep her up in his arms and declare undying love. But she didn’t think so. Hannah’s talk of him being in love with her…Well, that was just conjecture; it wasn’t necessarily true. Recalling how he had last looked at her, she didn’t think it was true at all.
After she had made her peace, she would go back to the cottage, re-pack her bags and leave, dragging a no-doubt reluctant Penny back to Brighton to face Richard, offering to stand by her side for support if need be. After she’d done that, she might not stay. She might leave again. She didn’t know where she’d go, but she had no ties, not cast-in-stone ties anyway. She could go anywhere.
Chapter Thirty
“SO HOW DID YOU GET ON WITH JOSEPH? Enjoy yourself?” Layla asked Penny as she made herself a sandwich, hoping her inquiry had a really-not-that-bothered-to-be-honest-just-thought-I’d-ask ring to it.
“Yeah, it was good, thanks. Very interesting,” said Penny, throwing herself on the sofa.
“What was interesting?” She couldn’t resist pressing further. “The male perspective, I take it.”
“Yeah, that and other things,” said Penny, a touch too enigmatically for Layla’s liking.
“What other things?”
“Just things. I can’t remember word for word.” Penny made a great show of yawning.
“But you must be able to remember something,” said Layla, her exasperation building. “Or are you being deliberately obtuse?”
“No,” said Penny, indignant now. “Like I said, it was interesting. We talked a lot. He told me things.” She quickly added, “Relevant to the male perspective, of course.”
Feeling really quite irked, Layla said, “Come on, then. Name one of those marvelous insights you were given today. An insight that I, as a mere member of the female race, am obviously incapable of giving you.”
“Oh, Layla, don’t get so narky,
” Penny appeased. “In a nutshell, he said I needed to go back to Brighton, face up to Richard, and salvage what’s left of our marriage.” And then leaning forward in a conspiratorial manner, she continued, “It’s sweet, really. He also said love is too precious to throw away. If you have it, do what you can to hold onto it.”
“That is sweet, isn’t it?” Layla sighed as she sank down onto the sofa too. “Although nothing I haven’t told you myself,” she said more sternly.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s just novel to hear a man say it, that’s all.”
Changing the subject entirely, Layla said, “It’s Mick’s thirtieth birthday party tonight. I’ll understand if you don’t want to go, but I should really show my face, that sort of thing. I doubt whether I’ll stay long.”
“Oh, and I’m supposed to sit around moping whilst you’re having fun, am I? I don’t think so. Of course, I’m coming! I know about the party, anyway. Joe mentioned it.”
Bully for him, thought Layla tetchily. “Okay, okay. I just didn’t think you’d be in the mood for a party, that’s all.”
“Always in the mood for a party, me,” said Penny defiantly before relaxing again.
“But tomorrow or, at the very latest the day after, we’re going back to Brighton. To sort the boys out, as well as us.”
“If you say so,” replied Penny, an unfathomable smile on her face. The girls spent what was left of the day lolling about, flicking through magazines, channel hopping, and deciding what to wear that evening, which took all of about two minutes as all they had between them were Layla’s clothes to choose from.
“Jeans then, I suppose,” muttered Penny through gritted teeth, “and a T-shirt.”
“At least you’ll look like one of us this time, not some refugee from a second rate girl group,” said Layla with a grin.
As Penny hogged the bathroom yet again, Layla sat and pondered. So she’d be back in Brighton, sooner rather than later. Where would she stay? Crashing with Penny was out of the question, not all the while she and Richard were at loggerheads; it wouldn’t be fair. And although she had some money in the bank, it wasn’t enough to cover the deposit for a flat. That left Alex. She would have to stay with Alex. And once she’d moved in with him, would she ever move out? Would it just be easier to stay?
The Runaway Year Page 23
