by Angela Drake
“Hey, buddy! Good to see you. You doing okay?”
“Yep. You missed my bifday. I’m this many.” Her son used both hands to manipulate three fingers in an upright position.
“I know. I’m sorry. I was helping a friend, but you know what? I brought you a surprise. Can you wait here while I go get something?”
Max squirmed to get down and followed Brendan to the door. Stephanie smiled at the picture they made. If only things could work out.
Brendan went out the screen door then turned to Max.
“You wait right here. Close your eyes so you don’t see your surprise til it’s time. Okay?”
Stephanie stepped up behind her son and gently covered his eyes. She felt his long lashes sweep her fingers as he closed them. He liked surprises and was not about to be caught peeking but the extra precaution wouldn’t hurt. She watched as Brendan opened the passenger door of his Jeep and unbuckled the largest teddy bear she had ever seen with the exception of the one in the Chocolate Factory downtown. The stuffed monstrosity even looked big compared to the adult assisting the toy up to the house. With each stride, the bear appeared to be walking ahead of him. She could not contain her laughter.
“What’s funny, mommy?”
“You’ll see, sweetheart. He’s almost here. Keep your eyes closed and I’ll help you walk into the parlor. We’ll wait there.” She guided them back a few steps then turned him towards the room. They’d just cleared the doorway when she heard the screen shut behind Brendan and his companion.
“Is Max here? I want to meet my new friend?” Brendan’s normal baritone went even deeper, taking on the voice of Teddy.
Stephanie removed her hands and her son yelled as he barreled across the room and into the duo. She quickly removed her phone from her pocket and snapped a picture. Max was doing his best to wrap his arms around the over-stuffed, milk chocolate colored bear with the big red bowtie as he smiled from ear to ear and pressed his cheek against the bear’s tummy. Brendan continued to hold the bear while the two got acquainted.
“I told Teddy here that you had a birthday yesterday and he wanted to come home with me.” Brendan sat the bear down in front of the sofa so he could remain propped up more at Max’s height. “Do you like him?”
“I wuv him! He will be my bestest fend.”
“I’m glad.”
“Sweetie, why don’t I put a movie in for you two while Brendan and I go to the kitchen? What do you think Teddy would like to watch?”
“Bob.”
“Bob the Builder it is.”
Stephanie started the DVD. When she turned, Brendan had already left the room. She clipped the gate in place then went to the kitchen where he was putting the kettle on the burner.
He looked so natural in her house, making himself at home. She skirted around the small prep island, putting distance between them as she went to the cupboard for mugs and sat them on the table. With the crispness in the late November air, she selected an Apple Cider for each of them. Though she avoided looking his direction, she was aware of him watching her as she opened the envelopes then deposited a tea bag in each cup.
“Excuse me.” She barely acknowledged him as she stepped around him to the drawer for spoons. Now that they were alone, she remained cool. While she had missed him as much as her children, she was not about to let that show. Their last discussion left a lot to be hashed out before she would allow herself to envelop the happiness she felt at being near him again. If they were to have any form of a relationship, Brendan needed to understand he could not just come and go as he pleased and expect her to be waiting for his return. She had done that once.
He adjusted his position, allowing her just enough room to open the drawer. Only after she had returned to the table did he move completely, reaching for the cabinet doors above the stove.
“Spices up here?”
Before she could reply, he had opened the doors and reached for a quart mason jar with cinnamon sticks. He unscrewed the jar lid and took out two then closed the lid and put the container back in its place.
She continued to watch his movements as he carried the tea kettle over to where their cups sat and poured water over the tea bags before depositing a cinnamon stick with each one. The heat activated the pungent spice. Stephanie sat in one of the chairs and closed her eyes for a moment, inhaling the little extra touch he had added to the beverage. When she opened them, he was sitting across from her, stirring his drink with the spicy twizzle.
“We missed you yesterday.”
“You did?”
She gave him a slight nod in reply.
“I’m sorry. I really didn’t anticipate being gone as long as I was. J.C. and I finished up his recording as quick as we were able then I was on the road right after. I stopped in Ada for sleep and got in last night. You were turning the porch light out as I pulled up.”
“You could have come in.”
“I didn’t want to disturb you or wake the kids. How was your Thanksgiving?”
The small talk was trying her nerves. They had a lot to discuss but they were both sidestepping the issue that could become a volatile conversation. She stuck her toe in, testing the topical waters.
“You were gone almost two weeks, Brendan. You never even bothered to check in.” She surprised herself when her voice remained calm. “You can’t do that when kids are involved. And you can’t bring presents every time you return thinking that makes up for your absence.”
He took a napkin from the holder, folded the paper in half and laid it next to his mug. After giving his cider a final stir, he placed the cinnamon stick on the napkin. Stephanie watched his precision movements, waiting for his response. Instead, he picked up the mug, gently blew across the surface then took a tentative sip. All without acknowledging she had said anything. He sat his drink down, still holding the handle. His silence made her want to scream at him, but little pitchers have big ears. Instead, she leaned across the table and spoke in a low, but firm tone.
“Brendan. Are you listening?”
When he finally looked at her his eyes held a sadness she had only seen one time before. The day they buried his brother.
“I hear you, Steph.”
“And?”
“In my defense, the bear was a birthday present, not a peace offering to a three year old. Look, I’m sorry I insinuated we take this to court…”
“Insinuated?”
“Wait.” He held up his hand to stop her. She clamped her lips together and waited. “Let me finish. I don’t have any rights to Kimberly. I would never try to take her away from you. We are adults. We should be able to discuss this calmly and come to an agreement.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Have dinner with me one night next week. We won’t have to worry about interruptions or the kids overhearing anything that might upset them.”
“Dinner?”
“That’s all I’m asking. I haven’t thought of much else but our last conversation for the past two weeks. I’ll tell you what I’ve come up with, you share your opinion and we do it over a nice meal.”
Part of her wanted to refuse. To tell him in no uncertain terms that any of his suggestions were futile and that once the wedding was over, she didn’t want to see him again. But she knew that wasn’t true. If nothing else, his time away had shown her how quickly he had become a part of their lives and opened up her heart to possibilities. Possibilities she had never deemed an option in their past.
Her heart was the other side of the coin. She still loved Brendan and wanted to believe theirs was a fairytale that could have a happy ending. But foremost she was a mother and she had to put her children first. Her mind kept going back to the same thing. Could they make their family work with Brendan touring? She knew other artists did but she’d also seen enough tabloid stories to know that temptation on the road was strong. She had heard the adage that where there was no trust, there was no love. Did she love him enough to trust him? Or would she always be wonderin
g who he was with?
“You’re back!”
Kimberly’s arms encircled Brendan’s neck and she planted a kiss on his cheek. Then stepped back, her face flushed with the realization of what she’d done.
“I’m sorry. I…”
“It’s fine, Kim. I’m glad you wanted to do that. What have you been up to?”
“Final dress rehearsals for the Christmas play start this week. Will you be able to come?”
Stephanie saw the shadow cross her daughter’s face. Kim had already acknowledged the fact Brendan might miss things like school plays yet she was hopeful, guarded but anticipating he might say yes. She looked at Brendan as he flashed a star-quality smile while wrapping an arm around Kim’s waist, pulling her close.
“You just tell me when and where. I’m not going anywhere again until after the wedding. I’m still working out the rest. Okay?”
“Super.” This time, she delivered a hug with full enthusiasm, nearly toppling him out of the chair. Their laughter filled the kitchen, attracting bellows of Mom from down the hall. Max might have a new buddy in Teddy, but he wanted to be with the rest of the party in the kitchen.
“Kim, will you go let your brother out of the parlor, please?”
“Okay. Oh, can Becky spend the night tomorrow night? Her mom wants to do some Christmas shopping.”
“Goodness. Today is Black Friday. I guess the holiday season has arrived. Of course, she can stay over.”
“Cool. Can we decorate the tree tonight now that Brendan’s here?”
“Sure. We’ll order take-out.”
They had a tradition of decorating the tree on Thanksgiving. Yesterday, no one seemed in much of a holiday mood. The tree stood in the corner of the parlor pretty much matching their mood, dark and lonely. Now that Brendan was back, maybe they would all be in better spirits.
Kim came back to the kitchen, Max attempting to follow as he drug Teddy by an ear with both hands. The beast barely fit through the hallway. Finally exhausted in his attempt, Max stopped just outside the kitchen where he could see everything and snuggled against Teddy. He seemed content so Stephanie left him there. She took a drink and watched as Brendan and Kim entered their own conversation. Kim loved to decorate for any holiday but Christmas was her favorite. Her hands moved constantly as she talked a mile a minute. She told him about the small tree she put up in her room and that Max would get his own tree if he wanted but that he had to be five. Brendan cast a sideways glance her direction and winked as he followed his daughter’s chatter.
His daughter. Stephanie realized that while she knew Brendan was the father, she had never referred to Kimberly in any way other than Matthew’s daughter. The man listening to her now was filling a void Kim had carried for a long time. As she watched the two of them, she knew they deserved the opportunity to form a bond Stephanie had never anticipated.
“Mind if I hang around? I’ve not decorated a Christmas tree in years.” He stood and took their cups to the sink, rinsed them then put them in the dishwasher as he spoke. He leaned against the counter, ankles and arms crossed waiting for her response. If he just wouldn’t smile as if he knew the answer.
Stephanie hesitated. David carried the tree down from the attic every year but no man had helped them decorate a tree since Matthew. Putting up the Christmas tree on Thanksgiving was a family tradition he had brought to their home. His first tree since the death of his parents had been theirs as a couple. She knew the gesture had been difficult for him in the beginning but he said their marriage was a time for a fresh start for both of them. Was she starting over again?
“Come on, I’ll show you where Mom stashes the decorations.” Kim was already side-stepping her brother and his friend as she headed for the stairs that led to the attic above the second floor. “Dave set the tree up a couple of days ago so the branches could fluff out.”
“Do you mind, Steph?”
“No, I don’t mind. Be nice having a tall person around.” She recognized this as a great opportunity for Brendan to learn more about Kim’s childhood.
Each year, she and Matthew had chosen a Hallmark ornament for the tree depicting a milestone in their daughter’s life. The first ornament had been her sonogram picture in a pink frame, Cinderella’s glass slipper the year she took her first steps and a white bunny riding a sled made from a box of Crayola crayons the year she started kindergarten. There were nine other ornaments for Kim as well as an ornament for each year the three of them had been together. She had continued the tradition on her own with Max. This year she might need to find a teddy bear similar to his new friend or drums… silent ones.
She helped Max move Teddy back to the parlor then called in a pizza order. She had just put a Christmas movie in when Brendan came down the stairs carrying two large tubs, one on top of the other. Stephanie hoped his stage training helped him find his footing as he descended the steps because there was no way he could see where he was going. Kim followed him with the lighter tub containing the tree lights.
“There’s still several tubs left, Steph. We just brought the ones that said TREE on them.”
“That’s fine. We’ll worry about the rest of the decorations Sunday after dinner.”
Stephanie took the top tub from his load and put it on the sofa table. Brendan sat his next to the other one then turned towards the tree, rubbing his hands together with anticipation.
“Okay, coach, where do we start?”
“The lights always go on first.” Kim sat her container beside the tree and removed the lid.
“We check to make sure they all work when we pack them away but there are usually some bulbs that need replacing.”
After plugging in the power strip they used to turn all the strings on and off, she took the first coil and handed the spool to Brendan. Kim plugged the string in and when all the lights came on, she showed him how she meticulously wrapped each branch.
“Why don’t you just wrap the string around the tree?” Brendan gradually unwound the lights from their spool while Kim worked her way in and out of each limb.
“If you go the length of the branch instead of around the outside the tree seems lit up all the way through.” Stephanie hid her smile as she began unpacking the ornaments as her daughter continued. “Besides, it’s a way cool effect when you lay underneath and look up through the lights. I’ll show you when the tree is finished.”
Three hours and two pizzas later, Brendan held Max up to place the angel on the top. Stephanie stepped to the doorframe and turned off the room lights. The tree seemed to pulse with a warmth she had not felt in the little Victorian cottage. For the first time, the house held the presence of being a home.
She brushed away the beginnings of tears as she watched Kim take Brendan’s hand, drawing him down to the floor and showing him how to go head-first under the tree to look up through the branches, seeing the color-laden branches from a new perspective.
“Wow.”
“Cool huh?”
“Absolutely cool.”
Stephanie left the duo in conversation as she scooped up her dozing son and carried him upstairs. Tucking him into his new bed, she thought about how right everything seemed tonight. There were still lots of things to work out but she wanted this to be Brendan’s home, too. She just wasn’t sure how to get past his job and what they’d all gone through the past two weeks. Maybe he did have a solution, but other than him giving up touring she didn’t see one.
When she returned to the parlor, Kim was gone.
“She got a text from Becky wanting to know if she could come over. I told her to go ahead and that I’d fill you in. I hope that’s okay?”
“Yes. I swear we need a secret tunnel for those two girls to go between houses.” She wasn’t going to tell him Kim had texted her after she got to Becky’s. Let him think he’d done the parent thing.
“They do seem pretty inseparable.”
Stephanie started to gather up the ornament packaging when Brendan took her by the hand, enc
ouraging her to join him under the tree. As she lay beside him, their fingers laced together, she was in awe of the view. She had started viewing the tree from this angle with Matthew and continued the experience with Kim after they’d moved down here. Max wasn’t quite at the ‘be still’ this required. Now, here she was with her one true love. She exhaled slowly, balancing on the precipice of tranquility. She wasn’t quite at peace yet.
“What’s on your agenda for tomorrow?”
“I need to finalize some details for Jennifer’s wedding and maybe some housekeeping in preparation for the rest of the decorations. Why?”
“Let me take the kids tomorrow. We could do some early Christmas shopping, maybe spend a little time at Silver Dollar City. Their Christmas Festival is going on so lots of things for them to see. Give you some time to yourself.”
She felt the momentary calm leave her like a whispering soul and the stiffness she had experienced since Brendan’s return to her life fill the void. She knew in her head the children were safe with him, self-assured he would give his life for them as if they both were his own. Kimberly would be over the moon at the prospect of spending the day with him. But what if something happened? Would he know what to do if Max got hurt somehow? Or separated from them? Silver Dollar City was a big place for a small boy to disappear. Her chest tightened as imagined panic rose within her. Then the quiet voice of reason floated amongst the twinkling lights.
“They will have a blast. Everything will be fine.” With each word, he moved his thumb rhythmically across hers. “You have to learn to trust me, angel.”
Trust. That was the one thing holding her back. She not only needed to trust him with the children, but with her heart as well. Was she ready to take the leap? She didn’t think so. But baby steps? Maybe.
“What time do you want to pick them up?”
“Eight? I can take them to breakfast at Myrtie May’s before we leave town.”
