“We’ll just give it a minute,” Abel explained.
She smiled. James looked just like his father. They were both tall and had the same angular features and similar builds. Twenty years ago, Abel probably looked just like James did now.
“Why didn’t you go to the game with James and Cade tonight?” Megan asked to make conversation.
Abel shrugged. “They needed some father and son time.”
Some guilt crept into her conscience. She and James had been spending a lot of time together over the last couple of months. If she had to guess, they saw each other at least four days out of the week. The last thing she wanted to do was monopolize his time.
“Are you feeling okay?”
Megan looked up and saw Abel’s concerned eyes fixed on her. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
She smiled at him inquisitively, wondering what the other man saw. He slowly nodded, as if he was trying to see if her nose would grow for lying.
“All right, then. Let’s see if she’ll start now.” Abel motioned to her car. “Why don’t you get in and give it a try?”
She slid back behind the wheel and turned the key. The engine sputtered to life.
“She’s alive,” Megan beamed.
Abel just smiled and strode to the front of the car, unhooking cables and shutting hoods. He walked back over to her door and bent to peer into the window. “You should be all set. You take care of yourself now, young lady.”
The smile he gave her showed the same concern she’d seen earlier. She thanked him again, and he replied with a shooing wave.
Abel threw the black and red cables into his truck and got in. He motioned for her to go ahead, so she did. At the turn where their paths parted, she waved out the window at him. He gave her a two-finger wave from his steering wheel, something James would have done.
Finally, after reaching her apartment, Megan carried the grocery bags into the elevator. Her arms were on fire, and it felt like it was way past her bedtime. If she hadn’t already agreed to make Calli dinner, she’d probably skip it altogether and go straight to bed.
Pushing open her door, Megan lugged the groceries inside and hefted them up on the kitchen island.
“It’s about damn time!” she heard Calli call from her bedroom. After a moment, she stomped out into the living room. “I’m glad you’re home. I’m starving!”
“Did you check your phone?” Megan asked, unable to muster up the energy to laugh at how ridiculous Calli looked with her hands on her hips and her faux ’hawk leaning to one side of her head.
Her roommate marched to the counter and grabbed her phone. “Calli,” she read from her screen. “Having car trouble. Be home as soon as I can.” Calli frowned and looked up at Megan. “Huh. Don’t I feel like a bitch now?”
Megan lifted one side of her mouth in an attempted smile. “It’s okay. You wanna just do ramen noodles tonight?”
“Fuck yeah. That sounds awesome. And quick.” Calli washed her hands at the kitchen sink and grabbed a couple bowls from the upper cabinet. “And after dinner, let’s both take a carton of Haagen-Dazs each and eat it on the couch. I call dibs on the chocolate chip cookie dough.”
“Should we just skip the ramen and go straight to the ice cream?”
She looked at Megan and blinked. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
Calli helped Megan put away all the now unnecessary groceries and grabbed the ice cream and spoons. After tearing the lid off hers, Megan sank down onto the couch with her carton of dulce de leche. The creamy goodness tasted amazing.
“Think we’ll feel guilty for this later?” Megan asked as she shoveled another bite into her mouth.
“Probably,” Calli replied with a shrug. “But who cares?”
They ate their ice cream in companionable silence. It had been one of the rare warm and sunny early March days in Chicago that had everyone forgetting the groundhog had seen his shadow and they were still in for some winter weather. Calli had cracked open the balcony door, and the sounds of a bustling city drifted through the screen.
“I fucking love ice cream,” Calli mumbled with her mouth full. “Why is it that when a woman is on her period, she craves sugar like it’s motherfucking calorie-free?”
Megan laughed. “Why is it that when you’re on your period, you cuss like sailor?”
“I consider it our one week every month that we have a free pass to do whatever the fuck we want. I swear and eat ice cream. What do you do?”
Megan thought about it for a second. “Clean?”
Calli snorted. “You’re so lame.”
Megan was just about ready to toss a throw pillow at her roommate when her tired, run-down brain caught on to something important. She dropped her spoon into her Haagen-Dazs and shot to her feet.
“What?” Calli asked.
Without answering, Megan ran into her bedroom and straight through to her bathroom. After slamming her ice cream carton down on the tiny sink, she rummaged around in a set of plastic drawers until she pulled out what she was looking for.
“What’s wrong?” Calli had followed her into the bathroom.
When her roommate’s eyes snagged on the pregnancy test box that Megan held in her hands, she covered her mouth. “Holy shit.”
###
Keeping rhythm with the ticking of the wall clock, Megan paced back and forth beside the kitchen island. Her head was muddled with incoherent thoughts, but if this was all a dream, then she didn’t want to wake up.
She was pregnant.
Pregnant as in there was a child growing inside her womb. Pregnant as in she was going to be a mother. Pregnant as in she was going to have a baby.
If she’d been hooked up to a machine that could show a slide show of all the thoughts that had flooded her mind when she saw the positive pregnancy test last night, viewers would have experienced sensory overload.
Calli had given Megan the time she needed to take the test and wait the three minutes for the results. And then she’d wrapped Megan up in her tattooed arms as they both sat on the floor in the tiny bathroom. Megan couldn’t stop sobbing.
For years, she’d performed the same dance. Pee on the stick, place it on a piece of toilet paper on the floor, wash her hands, and try to keep herself busy for three minutes while the test finished.
Last night, when she’d gently placed the test on the toilet paper on the floor, she knew down to the marrow in her bones it would be positive. And ironically, she’d been slightly apprehensive.
All her life she’d had a plan: go to college, get married, have children. As she’d stood over the pregnancy test with the two little pink lines staring back at her, she’d realized that Plan A was ruined. Plan B was more like go to college, get married, get divorced, have a baby out of wedlock.
This wasn’t how her life was supposed to go. But after a sleepless night and two additional positive tests later, the idea of finally being pregnant was sinking into her tired, overwrought brain.
Megan placed her hand over her flat stomach. She was going to bring a life into this world. She was going to finally be a mother. And through the fog of uncertainty and apprehension came the first bright beams of hope and happiness.
That morning, she’d called her ob-gyn and made an appointment for next week. She’d debated whether to tell James before or after the doctor’s appointment, but in the end, she hadn’t wanted this secret hanging over her head.
She’d texted James and asked him to come over when he was free. When he’d replied that he’d be over after putting Cade to bed, her short-lived excitement gave way to dread.
What if James flipped out? What if he didn’t want her to have the baby?
Their relationship was so new, and now she was about to drop a huge bomb on him. He knew how much she’d wanted kids before. What if he accused her of trapping him by getting pregnant?
Since Megan hadn’t had a chance to get on the pill, they’d used a condom every time they’d had sex. Not once had they forgotten or risked going with
out. But apparently, condoms were only ninety-eight percent effective when used consistently and correctly, and they had miraculously fallen into that two percent ineffective category.
Calli was working tonight but had told Megan to call her immediately if she needed anything at all. Looking back up at the clock, Megan sighed. Nine o’clock on a Saturday night. James would be there any minute.
She’d just tell him. Make sure he was sitting first and just blurt it out. He’d smile that slow, sexy grin of his and they’d hug and skip around the living room holding hands. Yep, that was exactly what would happen.
A sharp knock shattered her delusions, sending Megan spinning to face the door. She hesitated for a moment, staring at the front door. Another knock sent her shuffling forward.
Looking through the peephole, she saw James standing in the hallway with a baseball hat covering his hair. She opened the door and their eyes met. She tried to smile her normal warm greeting, but she wasn’t sure what her face actually came up with.
His eyes warmed for a split second before they narrowed and pinned her with concern. “Hey, you all right?” he asked, coming into the apartment.
She closed the door behind him. “Yeah, I’m fine. How are you?”
He frowned as he shrugged out of his coat. “Okay.”
His inflection was almost like a question…like he knew that maybe he wouldn’t be okay soon, and he was almost asking for her permission to be okay now. He watched her even as he hung his coat and hat on the coatrack. She tried to school her features.
Megan was on the verge of tears, not from being sad but from the overwhelming pressure to tell him they were going to have a baby. Once he knew, he wouldn’t be able to un-know it. She was about to change his life forever. And she didn’t like having that sort of power.
A tiny piece of her wanted them to continue on the path they’d been traveling. Figuring things out, growing closer by the day. They’d hit their stride as a couple, one that was comfortable and enjoyable, and she was about to shatter it into a million life-changing fragments.
“Want something to drink?” she asked, trying her best to sound normal.
“No, I want you to tell me what’s the matter with you. You’re freaking me out.”
His impossibly handsome face was beard free and back to just stubble. She’d been a little disappointed to see the beard go, but she loved the stubble.
Megan sighed and nodded toward the couch. “Come sit with me.”
She thought she heard him curse under his breath as he followed her to the living room and sat next to her. Realizing that she was twisting her fingers together, she stuffed them between her knees.
She bit her bottom lip and looked up into his eyes. They were pinned on her, concern dripping from his gaze.
“Sweetheart, just tell me.”
Taking a deep breath, she exhaled slowly, knowing she was about to change everything between them.
“I’m pregnant.”
Chapter 26
James watched Megan’s mouth shape the words his brain refused to process. He watched as she bit her bottom lip, watched as tears collected along her bottom lashes before spilling over onto her cheeks.
Hating to see her cry, he wanted to reach out and wipe the tears away, but he couldn’t. His body was on lockdown.
Pregnant?
Megan started talking again, but he wasn’t hearing the words clearly. Her voice was muffled and monotone, like Charlie Brown’s teacher. More tears fell down her cheeks, and he could only blink at her.
“James,” she pleaded quietly. “Please say something.”
He blinked again, and his brain sputtered online, giving him the use of his body. Sitting forward, he rested his elbows on his knees.
He wet his lips, wanting to speak, but he still couldn’t. That was probably a good thing because he knew that whatever came out of his mouth better fucking be the right words.
He cleared his throat. “You’re pregnant.” It sounded stupid since she’d just told him she was, but he was just trying to buy himself some time to think of something better to say.
“I am,” she said before rubbing her forehead with her fingertips.
It was a helpless gesture, and he hated that he was messing this whole thing up. But goddamn it, she’d just told him that they were going to have a baby together, and he was having a hard time digesting it.
If James couldn’t say the right thing, then maybe he could at least do the right thing. He reached forward and collected her in his arms, pulling her onto his lap. She cried quietly on his shoulder as her body shook against his. Stroking her back, he stared at a loose thread on the red upholstered couch.
Megan was pregnant. For a split second, he wondered if he was the father but quickly dismissed any other possibility. Asking would definitely not be the right thing to say.
He wanted to ask how it had happened. How could they possibly be pregnant when they’d used protection every goddamn time?
Why was she crying? Was she happy? Upset?
He hoped to hell that she didn’t want to abort the pregnancy. Everyone was entitled to his or her own opinion, and ultimately the decision would be Megan’s, but he wouldn’t be shy about voicing his opinion on the matter since it was his kid too.
His kid.
The air rushed out of his lungs. So many feelings swirled inside him he was nauseated. Disbelief, apprehension, relief.
Disbelief because he hadn’t seen this coming at all. Apprehension because he didn’t feel like he did enough for the son he already had. How was he going to handle another child?
And relief? He’d been sure when Megan sat him down that she was going to end things between them. His heart rate had spiked with anxiety. Now it was a whole different type of anxiety, but he was relieved that he still had her. And with a baby on the way, he’d likely have her for a long time. They’d be forever connected, and instead of terrifying him, the thought was exciting.
“Megan,” he croaked out finally. “It’s okay.”
She sat back, her eyes swollen and wet. “Do you mean that?”
He sighed. “Yeah, I mean it.” He shook his head. “I don’t really know what else to say other than we’ll figure this out.”
She winced. “Are you upset?”
He blinked, letting his arms rest around her waist. “Yes? No? I don’t really know how I feel.”
She sniffled loudly. “What was your first reaction?”
He chuckled without any humor. “I think it’s fair to say I’m still in shock.”
“But you’re not angry at me?”
“Why would I be angry at you?”
He saw the fear in her red, puffy eyes. She pushed her long hair behind her ears, and he saw her bottom lip tremble.
“I just don’t want you to think I did this on purpose. You know how badly I want children, but I swear to God, I did not get pregnant intentionally,” she insisted.
He lifted her chin with his index finger. “The thought never crossed my mind.”
She took a big, shaky breath. “I feel so guilty for being happy about this. And I hate that I feel guilty. I’ve waited for this moment forever, and it’s nothing like I thought it would be.”
He ran his hand over the back of her head and let it rest on the nape of her neck. He wanted to take all her fear away, but he couldn’t because fear was firmly rooted in his gut as well. He still needed time to process this, and he wasn’t going to go making promises when he didn’t know how the hell he felt about it himself.
But the fact that she was happy about having his baby helped.
Would it be cowardly to leave? He needed time alone to think about all this without worrying about upsetting Megan. She’d be watching him, wondering what it meant if he sighed too loudly or didn’t smile enough. But he didn’t want to leave her here by herself when she was so upset either.
“When did you find out?” he asked, trying to get her talking so they could both make sense of this whole thing.
/> “Last night. I realized I hadn’t had my period in at least seven weeks so I took a pregnancy test. And then this morning I took two more.”
She climbed off his lap and sat beside him, their thighs touching as they stared at the blank television. He rubbed his hand over his face.
“When do you think it happened?”
She shrugged. “Sometime in late January, early February I guess.”
He shook his head. “We used protection every time.”
No condoms had broken or slid off during sex. But something must have gone wrong at some point or else they wouldn’t be talking about a baby.
“I know you still need time to think about all this,” Megan said, “and it’s definitely not something you even had on your radar. But I’ve had all night and all day to come to terms with this, and I think I can finally say I’m excited. I was scared to death to tell you, but I’m excited about this baby.”
He looked over at her. “I’m not unhappy. I just don’t really know how I feel yet.”
She nodded. “I understand.”
He remembered when Holly had first gotten pregnant with Cade. She’d been so thrilled, and when she’d told James, he’d been petrified.
They’d made the decision together that they wouldn’t prevent pregnancy anymore, and they’d let whatever happen if it was going to happen. Yet when it actually had happened, it’d still scared the shit out of him.
For weeks, he’d put on a fake smile for Holly and had tiptoed around her nonstop baby preparation talk. He’d been scared he wouldn’t be a good father. He’d been scared he wasn’t going to be able to make enough money to provide for his family. And selfishly, he’d been scared about giving up life as he knew it in exchange for diapers, bottles, and sleepless nights.
But in the end, Cade had been the easy part. James had never imagined his heart was big enough to love someone that much. And he now knew all those weeks of worrying about inconsequential things had been a waste of his time.
And although this situation with Megan was a little different, the same rule applied. All the worrying in the world wasn’t going to change how much he’d love this child.
Where I Need To Be Page 22
