She couldn’t help the strangled whimper that escaped her throat at the thought that everything was different now. Maybe she wasn’t important to him anymore. Maybe she’d failed James too.
He smiled. It was a horrible sneering smile that had ice skating up and down her spine. “Sure you will. Just like you were going to tell them the last time you saw them.”
“I’m sorry. Please believe me,” she pleaded.
“I don’t.” His voice was cold and final.
“I swear to you—I’m going to tell them the truth about everything.”
His lips twitched as he blew out a humorless chuckle. “Make sure you mention that you fucked around and got knocked up by a blue-collar divorced nobody.”
Without another word, he left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
###
James sat at his kitchen table. The only light on was the lamp underneath the microwave. It was barely bright enough to cast shadows.
Both of his hands were wrapped around a beer bottle. It’d been empty for well over an hour, but he hadn’t bothered to get up and throw it in the recycling.
Time was a funny thing. It could go slow, or it could go fast. It could be on your side, or it could be against you. It could change the smallest details or the biggest problems. It could widen already impossible gaps or shrink the greatest divides. And it could shine clarity on a brooding, childish bastard after he couldn’t keep his shit together.
Too bad time wasn’t working for him.
His anger still seethed inside. He felt betrayed. He felt used. He felt foolish in so many ways. For thinking a woman like Megan McKenna could ever fall for a guy like him. For thinking for one second that she would want to marry him. Or that he’d ever be able to hold on to her if it weren’t for the baby growing in her belly.
She’d lied. She’d betrayed his trust, and in his book, that was the absolute worst thing anyone could do to him. Holly had done it countless times all those years ago. He should have learned his goddamn lesson.
She should have fucking told her family about her divorce. What did that say about her? That she could keep that type of secret from a family she was supposedly close to? She’d had nine months to tell them about her divorce. He didn’t care what she said about wanting to tell them in person. If she really had wanted to do it, she’d had more than enough time to come clean.
James spun the beer bottle on its side on the table. The worst part—the part that made his skin tighten over his bones—was her lack of defense against his accusations. She’d never said anything like, “I’m not ashamed of you, James. I couldn’t be happier to be having your baby, James. I don’t care that you’re a mechanic, James.”
God, he should have seen this coming down the pike for a while. She was used to the finest things that money could buy. Yeah, she’d been living without them, except for her clothes, shoes, and bags. But her fine ass was used to sitting on Italian leather, and her long, gorgeous legs were used to walking across Carrera marble.
He might not be as well off as her fucking dick-bag ex-husband, but he owned his own business and made enough money to provide well for his family. For Christ’s sake, he hadn’t realized he needed to prove that to her.
With the baby on the way, Megan would always be a part of his life and he a part of hers. If she’d needed proof that he could provide for her, he would have shown her. If she’d doubted that she could be happy with a mechanic who drove a muscle car instead of a Porsche, he would have tried to prove it to her.
He didn’t even want to think about moving on, because the woman he wanted—the woman he loved—was Megan. But if she was ashamed of him, there was no amount of love in the world that would save their relationship.
Taking a deep breath, he leaned back in the chair and watched the bottle’s rotation slow. His head was numb, and his limbs were heavy with fatigue. He felt like he’d just put in a three-hour lifting session at the gym, and all he’d done was have a major argument with the mother of his child.
He was her dirty little secret that she’d brushed under the rug.
Just the thought of it made James squeeze his eyes closed. He’d been foolishly thinking about forever with her. He wanted to put a ring on her finger, to make her his wife. He wanted to share a bed with her, a home with her. He wanted to watch her shuffle around in her pajamas and robe in the morning, hugely pregnant with their baby, while he made her breakfast. He wanted to come home from work to her every night and know that she belonged there. He’d wanted to give her his heart, and…
Sitting forward, he rested his head in his hands. Fuck, he hurt. With every heartbeat, the ache spread through his body. He felt numb and empty yet so full of anguish at the same time.
If she cared about him, she would have told her family.
He’d opened up his life to her, his family. And she was hiding him from hers. They’d created a life together—a child—and her family didn’t even know that James Foley existed. This baby and Megan were two of the most important parts of his life, and he didn’t even register enough on her radar to share his existence with her parents.
What the hell was he going to do now? How could he be with a woman who thought he was good enough to share a bed with but not good enough to share a life with?
James had told Megan once that someone who was dishonest was someone he didn’t need in his life. He’d never realized that she would ever fall into that category.
He didn’t know what hurt worse: having Holly leave him because she wanted something more than she wanted him and her family or having Megan not love him. At least with Holly, he’d known she’d loved him at some point. But with Megan, he hadn’t been enough from the very beginning.
Chapter 29
The loud ring of the video call had Megan squeezing her eyes shut. It was the third call to her parents in the last five minutes. The first time she’d tried to call, her mother had accidentally hung up on her. The second time she’d called, there was audio but no video. Hopefully, the third time was the charm, because her parents’ ineptitude with modern technology was enough to make her insane.
“Megan?” came her mother’s insistent voice seconds before her face popped up on the screen.
“Hey, Mom. Can you hear me?”
“Yes, dear. Finally. Your father was fiddling around with some buttons, but it looks like we have a proper connection now.”
“Is Dad there with you?”
“Yes, he just went to grab a beer. He said I drive him to drink.”
Megan couldn’t help the laugh that escaped.
Connor McKenna appeared on the side of the screen and waved at her. “Hey there, Meggie. How are you?”
“Good, Dad. Thanks for getting on the video chat with me. I have some news.”
Katherine’s eyes lit up, and she clasped her hands in front of her chest. Megan knew where her mother’s thoughts were going, so she held up her hand and said, “But Mom, before you get all excited, it’s not exactly what you think.”
Dropping her hands into her lap, her mother schooled her features. “Okay, dear. We’re all ears.”
“I’ve actually had this news for a while, and I’m sorry I haven’t told you sooner.” Megan took a deep breath. “Niall and I got a divorce.”
Her parents sat there staring at the screen, and for once, her mother didn’t have a response.
“The divorce was finalized last year, and I’m sorry I’ve kept this from you.”
She was reaching for more reassuring things to say when her father finally cleared his throat. “Are you okay, Meggie?” he asked.
Hating the worry etched on his face, she said, “I’m actually really good. After it happened, I was let go from my teaching position at Gillson. I found a new job teaching second grade at a public school on the Near West Side. I share an apartment in Greektown with a roommate. Her name is Calli, and she’s really great. I even bought myself a car.” She smiled, trying to reassure them that she was okay.
Megan was about to just tell her parents that things hadn’t worked out between her and Niall, but she stopped. She didn’t want to tell half-truths anymore.
“I’d say things started to go downhill a couple years ago. He was working more, and we were having trouble getting pregnant. And then I found out he was cheating on me.”
Her mother gasped. Her father frowned.
“It was a hard pill to swallow for a while. But I promise, all that is behind me, and I’m good.”
And she meant it too. Just talking about her inability to get pregnant before and the fact that Niall had cheated on her were no longer painful to think about.
“Megan,” her mother said, clearly distraught. “Why on earth didn’t you tell us? You had to go through all of this alone.”
Katherine’s face started to pinch, and Megan hated that she was making her mother cry.
“I didn’t tell you initially because I thought you’d be disappointed in me.”
Megan held her breath, waiting for their response. They shook their heads simultaneously. “No, no, dear,” her father said at the same time her mother replied, “Never.”
“I know I was wrong. I should have told you. And I’m so sorry I didn’t.”
Megan felt her eyes start to get warm and moist. She wasn’t sure if it was because she’d hurt her parents by being dishonest or if it was from the relief of finally telling them the truth. She wished she would have just told her family months ago.
“Do you need anything?” her father asked. “Money? Things for your apartment? Can we help in any way?”
Megan smiled, feeling like it was the first time she’d smiled all week. “No. I’m good. But thank you.”
“Well, don’t you hesitate to ask us,” her mother ordered. “And from now on, no more leaving us in the dark.”
Taking another deep breath, Megan readied for the next bomb she was about to drop on her parents. “I promise. And with that said, I have one more thing to tell you.”
Connor looked at Katherine, who tilted her head in confusion.
“Shortly after my divorce was finalized, I met someone. His name is James Foley, and he owns an auto garage nearby. I actually met him at his shop because my new car needed some repairs.” She said this with a smile because “some repairs” was another half-truth when it came to her Honda. “I’m not just telling you about him because he makes me really happy. I’m telling you about James because, as it turns out, I’m pregnant.”
Her mother’s hands flew to her mouth, and she squawked. Her father frowned and blinked. Megan laughed, trying not to blush and failing miserably.
“Pregnant?” her mother asked, her voice breathless.
“Yeah,” Megan replied, smiling from ear to ear. “We’re due at the end of October.”
Katherine’s shoulders shook as she laughed. “I think I already know the answer to this, but I have to ask it anyway because I’m your mother. Are you happy?”
“Deliriously,” she said, meaning it with her entire soul.
“And is this James happy about the baby?” her father asked.
Megan nodded. “He is.”
“And how are you feeling? When did you find out? When can we meet James?” her mother gushed.
“Soon. I hope.”
Although the smile stayed on her face, Megan steeled herself for the next thing on her to-do list. And it wasn’t a video call. It was a house call.
“This James,” her father began. “Do you love him?”
Megan knew her dad’s hesitation wasn’t misplaced. But it was her job to reassure him.
“I do, Dad. I really, really do.”
###
“Can I please go upstairs and play video games now?”
James looked over at the uneaten peas and carrots on his son’s plate and gave him a pointed look. “What did I tell you the last time you asked?”
Cade’s shoulders slumped, and he scrunched up his nose. “That I couldn’t leave the table until I finished my vegetables.”
“Well, I guess you have your answer then.”
Scooting his chair back, James rose from the table and took his empty plate and bowl to the sink. Now that school was officially out for the summer, he’d be arguing with Cade about finishing his vegetables instead of finishing his homework.
Abel appeared at the bottom of the stairs wearing a tan blazer. It was Saturday night, and his dad had a date. Pulling at the bottoms of his sleeves, Abel asked the room, “How do I look?”
Cade spun away from his vegetables. “Looking good, Grandpa!” Then he glanced over at James and asked, “Dad, did you know you’re the only one in the house without a girlfriend?”
He raised an eyebrow. “You have a girlfriend?”
“Yeah, her name is Ashley.”
“And when did you get a girlfriend?” Abel asked as he slipped his wallet into his pocket and grabbed his truck keys.
“Like a year ago, Grandpa.”
Cade said it as if it was common knowledge, even though this was the first time either Abel or James had heard of a girlfriend named Ashley. Cade turned around and tried to chase a few peas around his plate with his fork. At this rate, he’d be there for at least another hour.
As Cade rambled on to Abel all about his girlfriend, James washed his dishes. He hadn’t spoken to Megan since he’d stormed out of her apartment last week. James didn’t think of himself as the type of person who brooded or pouted over things, but damn it, he couldn’t help but still be hurt.
He’d texted Megan the morning after their fight to contact him if there was an emergency with the baby. Bottom line was she was still pregnant with his child, and regardless of whether he was upset, she needed to know he wasn’t cutting her out of his life. If she needed him, he’d be there.
With every passing day, he tried to come to terms with his feelings. He even tried to make excuses for her, but none of them made any sense. If the situation had been reversed and he hadn’t told Abel or his family about Megan, she would have been terribly hurt. So he had every right to feel the way he did.
“I’m done. Can I go upstairs now?” Cade said, nudging James on the elbow as he placed his dish in the sink.
James looked back at the table. There weren’t any signs of peas and carrots on the floor or hidden under any placemats, so he told his son that he was excused.
As he finished drying the last plate, he heard the doorbell ring.
“Dad! Door!” Cade yelled from upstairs as if James hadn’t heard the bell.
After throwing his towel on the kitchen counter, James went down the stairs to the front door. The mailman was usually the only person who ever rang the bell, but it was too late for deliveries. Maybe his dad had forgotten something and locked himself out.
Opening the door, he froze when he saw Megan standing on the front step.
She gave him a hesitant smile. “Hi.”
She wore a pair of skinny jeans and a loose fitting pink T-shirt. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail, and an army-green jacket hung over her arm.
A part of James was relieved to see her. Like he’d been dying of thirst for her and just a glimpse was enough to wet his throat and bring some relief. But he hadn’t anticipated the way his heart twisted at the sight of her or the way he couldn’t forget how she’d hurt him. It felt like the pain was still fresh, even though their fight happened a week ago.
With his feelings still raw, he debated whether to let her in. But his good upbringing won out in the end. Shuffling aside, he replied, “Come in.”
Megan stepped through the door and waited for him to close it. “Sorry I’m just showing up like this at your house.”
“No worries. Go on up.”
He indicated for her to go up to the main floor, and he followed her. He wasn’t trying to check out her ass, but her shirt rode up just enough for him to see a thic
k elastic band at the top of her jeans for her growing belly.
“I hope this isn’t a bad time, but I wanted to talk to you.” Megan waited just inside the dining room.
“Sure. Have a seat,” he said, motioning to the living room.
Megan was silent as she waited for him to join her. After sitting, he leaned back into the corner of the couch, trying to keep some needed distance between them. Just being in the same room with her squeezed his heart with every beat.
“I came here to apologize. You were right about one thing you said last week and that was that I should have told my parents about my divorce and about you. I should have told them a long time ago. I was a coward. And you were right to be upset that I waited so long.”
Her eyes were leveled on him, and they pleaded for understanding. Damn straight he had a right to be upset. At least they were on the same page now. He sensed she wasn’t done, so he just nodded.
“I’ve wanted to rush over here all week long. But I stayed away because I needed to make sure I explained things correctly. And in order to do that, I had to understand them myself.”
He waited for her to continue.
“I’ve unfairly blamed my parents for a lot of things in my life. They are wonderful people, and I’m so lucky to have a mom and dad who love me unconditionally. I’d thought they had put pressure on me all my life to be perfect, but that’s not true. The pressure came from me.” She shifted in her seat and looked down at her coat draped across her lap. “When I achieve something, my family is delighted, and I love making them proud. So as my achievements mounted, I started feeling more and more pressure to succeed. There were expectations, and I was going to meet or exceed those expectations at all costs. It became this silent anxiety for me. Get good grades. Get a good job. Make something out of myself.”
Megan raised her eyes to his and shrugged. “I’d done pretty well until I wasn’t able to have children and I got a divorce. In my mind, they were the biggest failures possible. And I wasn’t ready to share them with my family. But then I realized that the only person who considered them a failure was me.”
Where I Need To Be Page 25
