His best friend leaned back and exhaled softly, his face easing as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his back. "I want to see your baby boy." Renegade pushed to his feet and gave him a careworn smile. "Glad you gave Rini a second chance. She's quite a lady."
"She's pretty amazing, all right." He led his friend to the nursery and together they leaned over the crib, speaking in hushed voices.
"He's beautiful. You're one lucky son of a bitch."
"Better believe it." Cole turned to his friend. "What about you and RaeAnne?"
Renegade's jaw hardened. "She's mixed up with some creep." He glanced up, looking Cole straight in the eye. "If he hurts her, I swear to God, I'll kill the bastard."
He was dead serious. Cole knew what doing something like that, even in the line of duty, would mean to his friend's career as an FBI agent, let alone to his life. "You'd really do that?"
"Oh, yeah."
Cole gazed down at his sleeping son, knowing he'd do the same for him. "Would she thank you for it?"
"She still loves me."
Cole gripped the side of the crib. "How can you be so sure? How do you know she won't just let you solve her problems and then run off?"
Renegade regarded Cole closely. "I don't. I just have to trust that what I see and feel is real." He laid his bandaged hand on Cole's arm. "If you can't imagine life without her, it's real. If she's the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing on your mind before you fall asleep, it's real. If you watch her eyes when you tell her you love her and they go all soft and mushy, it's real."
Cole tore his gaze from his friend's.
Renegade exhaled again. "You haven't told her."
He shook his head.
The big, tough, FBI agent reached out and smoothed a finger tenderly through Chance's hair. "You're an idiot, compadre."
"She won't stay. I can feel it."
Straightening, Renegade stuck his fists on his hips. "Any reason she should leave?"
He swallowed heavily, facing the one man in the world who knew him best. "None of the others had any reason, either."
The tall man before him spoke with a voice as soft and gentle as dandelions in the wind. "There's always a reason, Cole. You just got caught in the middle. You've got to stop blaming yourself for things you had no control over."
Cole made a deprecating sound.
His friend continued to study him. "You know, it was you who gave me the nickname Renegade, but it would suit you a whole lot better. You reject everything and anyone that threatens to get too close—your adoptive family, your real mom. You set yourself up for failure by marrying that Lindsay woman...
Cole's jaw set.
"You deny your white upbringing, yet here you are out in the 'burbs in your little Craftsman bungalow, Mr. Yuppie Lawyer. You play the role of the great warrior at powwows, but when was the last time you went to a sweat lodge?"
Cole touched the front of his shirt, seeking the soothing reassurance of his silk tie, but came up with a fistful of cotton. "You're full of crap, Roman."
"Am I? The surname you chose for yourself tells it all. Lonetree. I'm surprised you didn't take the middle initial A. Then you could be Cole A. Lonetree. A for Alienated." Renegade shook his head and slung an arm around his shoulders. "You've got a fine family here. This is the real thing, compadre. If you blow this one, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Take it from someone who knows."
* * *
"Speaking." Rini juggled the phone on her shoulder as she adjusted Chance's romper.
"This is Dr. Redcloud from the Rincon Health Service. My niece, Marie, met you at a barbecue several weeks ago at Tanya's."
"Oh, Marie! Yes, how is she?" Rini smiled, thinking of the day.
"She's fine. She mentioned to me that you are a nurse."
"Well, almost. I'll be graduating in a week or so, if I pass all my finals. Then I'll need to take the R.N. exam."
"Close enough. How would you like a job?"
Rini's hands stilled. "At Rincon?"
"You could start Monday after graduation."
She squeezed the snaps closed on Chance's romper and set him on a blanket on the floor. "I'm flattered to be asked, and I wish I could, but Cole's practice… We really can't move."
Dr. Redcloud pushed out a breath. "I was afraid of that. Well, it was worth a shot. Do me a favor?"
"Of course."
"Talk to him about it? We would do everything we could to help make the transition easy. Find you a place to live, a babysitter for your son."
She laughed. "You must really want me."
"Desperately." Dr. Redcloud laughed, too, but Rini could hear the seriousness in her voice. "It's not often there's someone qualified who also has connections here at Rincon and might consider us over the big hospitals in the county."
"Well, I'll let you know what Cole says, but I don't think he'll go for it."
"I understand, and thanks for thinking about it." After Rini said her goodbyes, she couldn't help but fantasize about the possibilities. She'd always dreamed of finding a small place out in the country. And now with Chance to consider, it sounded even better than before. He could grow up among flowers and fresh air instead of pollution and crime. As she walked to the utility room, she smiled at the image of hanging her wash out on a clothesline to dry in the sun and wind.
Her smile faded when she couldn't picture Cole's clothes hanging alongside her own.
Cole had been unapproachable ever since his friend had dropped in out of nowhere a week ago and left just as quickly. Short-tempered and moody, Cole hadn't said more than ten words to her the whole time since. It was so bad that she was actually relieved when he'd gone in to the office this morning.
As she dumped the clothes out of the laundry hamper and sorted them, she wondered sadly what had made Cole so broody. They hadn't even made love since then. She didn't want to think it was her fault, but the change in him was so great she couldn't help thinking it must be. Now that she had given herself to him, had he just gotten tired of her? After seeing his free-and-easy bachelor friend, was he regretting having a wife and child to support?
Picking up one of his cotton shirts, she caught a whiff of perfume. She frowned and put the shirt to her nose. Obsession. Her legs suddenly felt weak. Her hand shook as she ran it over the cotton, then threw the shirt into the washer. She shoved the rest of the whites into the tub. Just because she knew Cole wasn't seeing any clients right now didn't mean a thing. There could be any number of explanations.
And she wouldn't—couldn't—believe that he had already grown bored after only a few weeks of making love to her, and had found someone else.
No! There was no one else, she told herself sternly. She was imagining the whole thing. It was just the jealous tendencies caused by David's philandering that were sneaking out again. But she'd learned her lesson from the girls at the powwow. She would not give in to those destructive emotions. Cole was different.
Resolutely, she poured detergent into the washer and pressed the keypad. She trusted him. Her husband would never betray her with another woman. He just wouldn't do it.
Even if he didn't love her.
* * *
Cole tugged the soft flannel blanket up to Chance's chin and smoothed a hand over his cheek. The room was dark, as was the whole house, but moonlight poured in through a gap in the curtain. Crickets chirped a homey lullaby outside the window.
Cole swallowed, feeling a pull on his heartstrings he wouldn't have believed possible just a few short months ago. How he loved his son! And as much as it scared him witless, he knew Renegade was right. He loved Rini, too.
Admitting it, even silently to himself, had launched him into a tailspin of panic after his friend had driven off a week ago. Since then, Cole had meticulously avoided being close to Rini. He couldn't look into her eyes without feeling abject terror at the vulnerability he was suddenly experiencing.
When she sought him out about some household thing he'd snap
at her. When she touched him, he'd shrink away in fear that he would blurt out everything. And he wasn't ready to do that. Not yet.
He padded barefoot down the hall and stood in the doorway to their room, watching her sleep. He knew he had to deal with it—this love he'd be a fool to deny. He should tell her. And deep down, he wanted to tell her. To share it—that giddy helplessness of having one's heart held so precariously in another's keeping, the heady vertigo from the plunge into trust that he'd taken without quite realizing what he was doing.
Rini's chest rose and fell under his wool blanket. He longed to slip into bed with her. Just hold her tight. Throw caution to the wind and whisper the words in her ear.
But he didn't have the guts.
Besides, she'd be taking her last exam in the morning. She was dead tired from studying all day. She needed to sleep—more than she needed to hear the pleas of a lovesick man whose only thought was to bury himself deep inside her and tell her he loved her again and again until sunlight trickled through the windowpanes.
It would wait. Just a couple of days. Until she'd finished with studying and tests and graduation rehearsals.
Then he'd tell her.
She'd be rested and happy. He'd cook her an extra special dinner and buy her something really nice. Then he'd look at her over the lighted candles and tell her he loved her.
He wouldn't worry about her abandoning him one day. He'd just say it. I love you, Rini, he'd say. Then she'd tell him she loved him, too.
And she'd never leave him. Ever.
"Cole?" Rini rose up on one elbow.
He started. "What? Go back to sleep."
Her face wasn't visible in the dark, but he saw her chin wobble. "Aren't you coming to bed?" Her voice was a thready whisper.
"I, uh…" He took a step toward the bed, then halted. "I, uh, need to finish up something." He shot a hand through his hair. "In the, uh, living room. I'll be back in a few minutes. You go back to sleep."
She didn't move. He backed out of the room and quietly pulled the door closed. Ho boy. He stood with his sweaty palm on the doorknob and took several deep breaths. He'd nearly lost it.
His stomach was knotted almost as hard as his—
Aw, hell. He turned stiffly and headed for the guest room. If he made it through the rest of the week with his sanity intact it would be a pure damned miracle.
* * *
Cole shot out of bed and groaned. It was Rini's graduation day and he was late. He rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes, wincing at the rocks and gravel that ground into his eyeballs. Hell, he had to get some sleep soon.
Thank goodness the waiting would soon be over. Ready or not, today was the day. His pulse pounded in terror at the mere thought of what he was going to do later.
Rini had already left for the early morning graduation festivities. He had fallen back to sleep after being up much of the night with Chance, who seemed to have acquired colic at an age when other babies were just getting over it. And now Cole had overslept by a mile.
His nerves were nearly shot by the time he and Chance peeled into a parking garage at UCLA. Chance had wailed for the whole forty-minute ride, only falling asleep as they got off the freeway in Westwood. But when Cole lifted him from the car seat, the baby woke up and started again with gusto.
Two old ladies scowled as he slid into an empty spot next to them on the bleachers. He killed the impulse to glare back and instead gave them a helpless shrug, jiggling his screaming son on one knee.
The sun was merciless, Chance was miserable, the ceremony was interminable and Cole hadn't even had his coffee. He sighed and slumped down on the hard seat.
He was so damned proud of Rini, sitting out there somewhere in the sea of black and gold. This was what she had worked so hard for. He should be excited for her. Irritatedly, he pushed back the traitorous thought that now she could make it on her own with no help from him.
No. She wouldn't leave him. Not after tonight.
The names of the graduates droned on.
Damn, he needed to get himself into a better mood. How was a man supposed to feel romantic with a splitting headache and a cranky kid squirming in his arms?
He stuck a bottle in Chance's mouth and went over what he had to do before tonight. The steaks were marinating and he'd already made the lemon meringue pie, so he just needed to stop at the Chinese grocery to pick up spring rolls, and the bakery for crusty French bread. He had a nice bottle of Pouilly-Fuissé chilling, and hazelnut chocolate coffee beans waiting in the freezer. Thinking about the nice dinner he'd planned eased the throb in his head somewhat.
What else?
He had to remember to hide the box containing the pearl earrings he'd bought her somewhere handy, near the fireplace. A corner of his mouth lifted in anticipation.
He hoisted the baby to his shoulder and patted him. Chance let out a gurgly belch and warm milk spewed down the back of Cole's shirt. He clenched his teeth in frustration. The day could only get better.
* * *
After the ceremony, Rini accepted a kiss from Cole and gave Chance a hug. The little guy appeared positively wrung out, and the big guy didn't look much better. The masculine angles of his face seemed pinched and she couldn't for the life of her figure out how his beautiful bronze skin could possibly have turned that dreadful shade of pinkish gray.
"Rough morning?"
"A bit. Congratulations, honey. You done good."
"Thanks." She looked down at her graduation gown billowing in the breeze. He was always so supportive and encouraging. She glanced up. "Shall I take Chance home with me?"
"I've got the car seat. Why don't you just feed him before we go? Most of his last bottle is on the back of my shirt."
They settled under a shady tree while she fed Chance. Cole looked tired. But oh, so handsome. His hair was getting longer. She wondered if he planned on growing it past his shoulders again, as it had been when she first saw him. She closed her eyes briefly, imagining running her fingers through its coarse silkiness. Then forced her eyes open again. No use daydreaming.
Cole unscrolled her diploma and studied it. Her gaze trailed across his broad shoulders, admiring how his male frame stretched his knit shirt as he held the parchment up to view. Looking from him to the diploma, she blinked back the tears that suddenly swelled in her eyes.
It wasn't until she was alone in the car driving home that she allowed them to fall freely. In her heart, she wasn't sure whether they were from finally fulfilling her lifelong dream, or from the knowledge that she could do nothing but watch as she slowly lost the only man she had ever loved.
Chapter Sixteen
Two hours later, Cole finally pulled his truck into the driveway, fuming like a geyser ready to blow. Rini ran out from the house to meet him. When she caught sight of him, she stopped dead. He knew his shirt was torn and he was covered from head to toe with dirt and streaks of black grease. Judging from her reaction, he must look as angry as he felt.
"Cole, are you okay?"
Reining in his instinctive retort, he rubbed a hand over the middle of his chest, then scratched agitatedly at his knit shirt. "Do me a favor and don't ask," he said wearily. "Can you get Chance?"
Thankfully, she bit back her questions, nodded, and hurried to gather the crying baby and diaper bag out of the truck's cab. The instant Chance's head hit her shoulder he fell into an exhausted sleep.
Cole ground his teeth. Figured.
"I'll just put him in his crib," she murmured.
A blissful silence reigned over the house as Cole made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of beer. His Adam's apple bobbed gratefully as he swallowed the cold liquid, and he swiped over his eyes wearily.
Rini walked in. "He's out like a light."
Cole peered over at her. "I don't know what's gotten into him lately. For the past few days he's done nothing but cry. My nerves are about to snap."
She averted her gaze. "Probably just picking up on all the stress. From finals and
graduation," she said quickly. Too quickly, he thought. "You have a flat tire or something?"
He took a long swallow from the bottle, wondering what was making her so jumpy. "Or something."
"On the freeway?"
Another pull. "Uh-huh."
She walked to the kitchen counter and poured herself a glass of wine. "The police hassle you?"
He paused in mid-draught. "What do you think?"
"Chance scream the whole time?"
"Yep. Amazing they didn't arrest me for suspected child abuse." He was still wound tight as a spring and his head pounded. It didn't get much worse than changing the truck's tire on the side of a freeway with a baby screaming in one ear and a redneck California Highway Patrol officer making thinly veiled racist remarks in the other.
"I'm sorry."
He grunted, opened the cupboard, popped three aspirin, and eyed the pretty white, eyelet-lace sundress Rini had changed into. All the adrenaline that had been rushing around his bloodstream for the whole rotten day zeroed right in on his groin. He was instantly hard.
"God, you're gorgeous." How could she wear something like that and not expect him to ravish her on the spot?
Her smile faltered when she spotted the huge, straining erection his jeans did nothing to hide. The worn denim couldn't begin to disguise the throbbing length he longed to impale her on. Damn, he needed her badly.
He allowed her to take one hesitant sip of her wine. Two. A big gulp. Then he moved in. He captured her mouth hungrily, pushing his tongue between her lips. She stiffened, but after a second or two her body sagged against his. A soft moan escaped from her throat. Groping toward the counter, he set aside his bottle, then did the same with her glass.
He ravaged her mouth, all the frustrations of the day pouring out into his passionate assault. She tasted so good; she felt so right in his arms. "Oh, Rini, honey." He crushed her to him, reveling in her heated response. "I've missed you so. Missed this."
Her lips pulled away when he grasped her breast. "Wait—"
"Oh, woman, I want you."
Lucky 7 Bad Boys Contemporary Romance Boxed Set Page 71
