Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2)

by Sarah Jane Duncan

I’ve barely pressed send on my reply when my phone starts buzzing with an incoming call from Ayden. My heart rate picks up, anticipation pumping through my veins.

  “Hey.” My voice is raspy when I answer the call.

  “Hey,” Ayden responds, his voice soft. “Thanks for letting me call. And for picking up.”

  “Ah... yeah. No problem.” I’m awkward as hell. This guy does weird things to my insides.

  “I wish I could be over there with you instead of stuck in this loft.”

  I wish I could be over in that loft with him instead of stuck in this creepy lilac bedroom... but I keep that to myself.

  “I think that would overstep the whole friend's thing. Besides, do you really want to be in this room with those creepy dolls?”

  Ayden's deep chuckle comes through the phone and instantly warms my chest, relaxing me.

  “Probably not.” Ayden pauses, and I can hear the rustling of blankets through the line, “Tell me something honest, Lex. I know you have a thousand and one things on your mind right now but tell me one thing that is eating at you.”

  “Why?” I ask. I’m unsure if I should be opening up to him. He has enough to deal with as it is.

  “Because I know from experience that talking about things helps.” He says honestly.

  Why does he have to be such a good guy? It would make it so much easier to stay away if he’d just be an arsehole.

  “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you about one thing that is bothering me if you let me ask you a question.”

  “Hmmm... I don’t know if I like the sound of that.” The wariness in Ayden’s voice is a reminder that he is definitely still battling his own demons. I wish I could be the one to slay his dragons for him.

  “It seems like a fair trade to me.” I coax, and he chuckles.

  “Fuck it. Let’s do it. You first. Tell me something that’s on your mind.”

  I giggle at how easily he caved, and then take a moment to think over all the shit that bothers me, but it doesn’t take me long to decide. I haven’t spoken about this much, but it has me fucked up pretty bad.

  “Abbey.” It’s all I can say without the waterworks starting up. It’s all I have to say for Ayden to understand as well.

  “Yeah, Abbey. Something more is going on there. There’s no way after the lifelong friendship you two have had, that she would turn her back on you like this without a reason. Not that any reason is good enough for her to do that.”

  “I think something more is going on too. At first, I thought it might be because of her parents. They obviously have a problem with me, but the Abbey I know would never do what she has done. She would find a way to stay in contact with me. She would fight for me. Instead, she has stood by and watched Tasha try to bring me down. I have no idea why Tasha is doing that either. It’s just another one of the many mysteries fucking up my life right now.”

  “We’ll get to the bottom of it. I know the guys noticed something going on before you even went back to school. So maybe they have more information. We should have a chat with them tomorrow or something.”

  I shrug, even though I know Ayden can’t see.

  “Ayden?”

  “Yeah?”

  “What was it like when you went to the rehab clinic after the party with Muz?” I ask, unsure if I am overstepping. Ayden tends to be tight-lipped about his past, about his drug use. The moment Muz inserted himself into our life, Ayden’s past caught up with him, and now I’ve seen a glimpse at the person he’s been trying to run from.

  “Actually. It was good. I never thought I’d say that. Isolating from my parents and you guys was a hard decision to make, but I knew I needed to go through some of the steps, even though I didn’t have to worry about a full-on withdrawal process this time. I needed to get my head right.”

  “Did it work? Is your head right?” My voice quivers as I ask that because I’m pretty sure I know the answer.

  “It kinda worked. The party brought up a lot of old memories and feelings. Cravings. My biggest problem is anger, Lex. That potent shit I snorted turns me into a monster.”

  I hate the devastation in his voice. It cracks my heart wide open.

  “You’re not a monster,” I whisper loud enough for him to hear.

  Ayden is silent for a beat. These conversations really are too heavy, too deep to have before going to sleep.

  “Ayden?” I whisper.

  “Yeah?” He whispers back.

  “I’m wearing a white Crossfade t-shirt and navy bootie shorts.”

  The low rumble of his chuckle tops my heart up with a sprinkling of happiness.

  “Thanks, Lex. I should let you get some sleep.”

  “Okay,” sleep is hard to come by for me, but I agree anyway. “Goodnight, Ayden.”

  “Good night Lex.”

  When the line goes dead, I lay back in the darkness and look up at the shadows that dance across the ceiling. My heart seems both happy and sad right now. Happy because I really needed to have a conversation with Ayden that wasn’t me trying to fight him off, and sad because he hung up the phone, and now, I can’t hear his voice.

  Today has been a massive day from hell. This morning feels like it happened two days ago, and as I toss and turn in the floral bed in the lilac bedroom, I strangely wish that I was back in my house so I could go out to my garage and punch the crap out of the bag.

  I try to force myself to go to sleep, but as soon as I start to drift off, the silhouette of a man standing in the doorway intrudes my sleepy haze. I almost scream, only to realise that there is no one there. It had been a dream, but after the fourth time it happens, I throw the blankets back and tiptoe around the bed to crack open the door, peering into the dark silent hallway.

  Marcus’s room is right across the narrow hall, so I close the door to the horrid lilac room and sneak through the one Marcus is behind.

  “Marcus, are you awake?” I whisper-yell into the darkened room, unable to make out anything in the shadows. The sound of rustling sheets comes right before the bedside lamp clicks on, and I see Marcus sitting up in his bed, shirtless and his hair a tousled mess.

  “You okay, Lex?” He asks, and I nod, but then shrug, and he chuckles.

  “Can’t sleep?” He asks, and I shake my head at him. He nods and kicks his blankets back to stand out of his bed.

  “Nightmares again?”

  “Kind of.” I don’t want to elaborate, but he knows how things have been for me.

  Walking over to his wardrobe, he grabs out some blankets and a pillow and puts them on the floor on the other side of his bed.

  “I’ll take the floor.” He says, laying out a makeshift bed.

  “No, don’t be silly. I’ll take the floor, Marcus.”

  He scoffs. “Lexi, I’m taking the floor. Don’t even try to disagree. It’s what’s happening, so suck it up.”

  I can see he’s not going to budge on the idea, so I walk across the room to climb into his bed.

  “Jesus Christ, Marcus, when did you get so grumpy?”

  “Shut up.” He chuckles, turning off the light and laying on the floor.

  We are quiet for a few minutes as both of us try to get comfy.

  “Marcus,” I whisper in the dark, “when did you notice Abbey acting weird?” After speaking with Ayden about Abbey, I can’t get her off my mind.

  “On the Monday after you got back. Tasha was telling anyone that would listen that the news report was a lie and that your brother didn’t assault you. She...” Marcus hesitates.

  “She what?” I demand, my blood turning to ice in my veins.

  “She was telling everyone that you’ve been trying to seduce your brother ever since he moved back in and that you got him drunk and made him fuck you. She said you cried rape after your parents sprung you, and you’re trying to put the blame on your brother.”

  Tears stream down the side of my face at hearing what Tasha has been saying. The light flicks back on, and the bed dips before Marcus pulls me to his che
st in a hug.

  “Why would she say those things?” I whisper past my tears.

  “I don’t know, Lex. We’ve been trying to find out. Me and Jared tried to speak with Abbey a few times, but she pretended to ignore us or would walk off and hide. Then Daniel grew some balls and started acting like her fucking bodyguard or something. We haven’t been able to get close to her since. If it’s not Daniel blocking us, it’s Tasha.”

  Sitting up, effectively breaking Marcus’s hug, I swipe away my tears and push my blonde waves back off my face.

  “I don’t understand what I did to Abbey to make her turn against me. It just doesn’t make sense.”

  Marcus offers me a sympathetic smile. “We’ll get to the bottom of it, Lex. The most important thing right now is keeping you safe.”

  I return the smile, “Thanks, Marcus.”

  Marcus stands from the bed, and I sink back down as he switches off the lamp again and resettles on the floor.

  “Lex.” He whispers. “Give me your hand.”

  I roll over onto my side, knowing what Marcus means, and I dangle my arm over the edge of his bed, my hand finding his in the dark.

  “Marcus?” I whisper.

  “Yeah?” I can just make out his shadowed form.

  “Thank you.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “What the fuck!”

  A familiar deep voice drags me out of sleep, and I crack my eyes open looking around, only no one is there. Did I dream that? Confused, I take in Marcus’s bedroom, from the crumpled blankets on the floor where he had slept last night, to his open bedroom door.

  I should sneak back to my room before Andrea or Barb find me in here. It probably won’t go down too well if they find me in Marcus’s bed, so I move to slip out of his bed but freeze when I hear a door bang down the hall, followed by shouting.

  What the hell?

  The next thing I know, I’m having a deer in headlights moment when Ayden drags a still dripping wet, barely covered by a towel Marcus into the bedroom.

  “Wanna explain this to me?” Ayden hisses, his face turning red in fury as he points to me.

  Well, fuck me. A fury faced Ayden is even hotter!

  “Stop being a dick man! What the fuck is your problem?” Marcus hisses, clutching the towel to keep his junk covered.

  Ayden growls, slamming Marcus up against his door, their faces mere centimetres apart.

  “What the fuck do you think dickhead? Why is my girl in your fucking bed?”

  Oh, Jesus. I know I shouldn’t be getting all swoony about him calling me his girl since I’m the one pushing this whole friends only thing, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it makes my tummy do a stupid little flip.

  Marcus shoves Ayden back off him, barely catching his towel in time when it slips down his hips.

  “Look on the floor on the other side of the bed, cockhead!”

  Ayden rips his glare away from Marcus to me before he takes the few steps past the end of the bed to see the pile of blankets on the floor.

  “What in the hell is going on?” Great! Barb is here to join the party!

  “Ayden, what is all the yelling about?” And… there’s Andrea.

  Kill. Me. Now!

  “Why don’t you ask this tool? He’s the one carrying on like a dickhead.” Marcus sneers, causing his mum to glare at him.

  “Stop swearing, Marcus.” She scolds with her hands firmly on her giraffe flannelette covered hips.

  “Ayden?” Andrea snaps, glancing at me warily before turning her attention to her son.

  Ayden’s eyes are still locked on the floor where the blankets are, and then his face twists in torment. I hate seeing it. I really just want to climb across this bed and wrap my arms around him. But I won’t, because he deserves more.

  “Lexi slept in Marcus’s bed,” Ayden says quietly before looking at me in confusion.

  “I can see that.” Barb’s curt tone draws my attention, and I silently wish I could shrink back into the shadows and disappear.

  “Mum quit it, would you? Lexi gets nightmares, and if she’s alone, she can’t sleep. I offered her my bed because you bloody raised me to be a gentleman. I slept on the floor.” Marcus pushes past his mum to grab some clothes out of his drawers, his pale arse exposed to everyone in the room. Meanwhile, I’m still huddled in his bed with Ayden, Andrea and Barb all staring at me.

  My face heats, and I feel a whole new level of humiliation. Not only am I the girl that got assaulted by her brother, manhandled by her dad, forgotten by her mum, and pushed to breaking point by Tasha, but I’m also the girl that needs to co-sleep with someone just to get some fucking shut-eye.

  I throw the blankets off me, sliding out of the bed on the opposite side where Ayden stands, and turn my glare on him.

  “You know, instead of going all caveman Ayden, you could have just asked me what was going on.”

  Beyond embarrassed with four sets of eyes on me, I run out of Marcus’s room and back into the one that is meant to be mine, locking the door behind me. I hide under the horrid floral blankets and ignore Ayden and Marcus each time they come to the door, asking if they can come in. I stay that way until the house goes silent, and I know that the boys have left for school, and the adults have left for work.

  Deciding it’s safe to come out now that the house is empty, I shower quickly, keeping my eye on the door the whole time, even though it's locked. After I’m clean, I stew over what to wear today since I don’t know what to do with myself for my first day of suspension. Deciding to go with comfort, I slip into my red trackies and my black Billie Eilish tee, tucking it up under my bra at the back.

  I’ve never been suspended before. It seems weird to me that the school thinks it’s a punishment. Kids don’t even want to be at school. This is totally not a punishment to me. I guess if I had to stay alone in my house, it might be a different story.

  After readying myself for the day, I make my way downstairs, only to find Andrea in the kitchen doing dishes. I thought she had left earlier when the others did, but I guess I was wrong.

  “Take a seat, honey. I’ll cook you some toast.” Andrea smiles warmly, and I give her a small smile trying hard to hide my embarrassment from earlier.

  Sitting at the kitchen bar, I watch her cook the toast and pour me some juice before I give my thanks and nibble on the crust, not really feeling all that hungry.

  “Was that true, what Marcus said this morning? Are you struggling with nightmares and sleep?”

  I nod, not wanting to talk about it. Keeping my eyes cast down at my plate, I’m hoping to avoid the pity I know will be in Andrea’s eyes. I hear her sigh, and she turns back to finish washing the dishes.

  “I have the morning free. How about we go and buy some new bedsheets and things to make that bedroom less creepy?”

  I can’t help it. I laugh and nearly spit out the piece of vegemite toast that was in my mouth.

  “That would be good, thank you. I have my card, so I’ll pay for it.”

  “Lexi, you should keep your money. I can buy them for you.” Andrea comes to stand in front of me on the other side of the counter, but I shake my head.

  “Thank you, but I’d rather buy my own things if it’s okay with you?”

  Andrea studies me for a moment and then nods. “That’s totally fine, honey.”

  So that’s how I spend my Friday morning, my first day of suspension, with Andrea buying new things to help me turn Rachel’s old room into my new temporary room. Even though it’s not necessary, I appreciate Andrea trying to make me feel more welcome. Of course, it doesn’t have her desired effect, but I’m not going to burst her bubble and tell her that I feel like an intruder.

  While we’re out, I get a new set of earphones and fill my pill script so I can try to get that back on track. We talk while we shop, and the whole experience makes me feel sad. Is this what it would be like if my mum were normal? Would we go on shopping trips together? It’s not something I can ever picture my m
um doing, but there’s still a part of me that hopes we could have a better relationship.

  Andrea uses our time together to ask about the things Tasha did to me at school, and I admit to her that I have been struggling to control my anger and that it feels like it’s consuming me. She tries to make me feel better by reminding me it’s probably normal to be feeling anger after what I’ve been through, and then she grins and lightens the mood telling me she couldn’t stop laughing when she asked Ayden what happened to his nose yesterday and he told her I had clocked him.

  “I know some of your anger is coming from what happened in Melbourne.” In typical Andrea style, she says exactly what she’s thinking. I can’t even escape the conversation because we’re in her car driving back home. “That’s understandable too. We were meant to keep you safe when you were with us in Melbourne, Lexi, and we failed.”

  “No, that’s not true.” I insist, even though I do feel bitter about it. It shouldn’t have surprised me, though. All the other adults in my life had let me down, so what was a couple more?

  “It is true, Lexi. I also need you to know that Ayden isn’t normally like how he was after the party with Muz. He’s only ever like that when he’s coming down off his high. That’s what those drugs do to him. They change who he is.”

  “He should have let me take some of them too, so it didn’t affect him so bad.” Guilt squeezes my heart, remembering that night all too vividly. He had me kicked out of the room so I couldn’t snort the white powder when Muz forced his hand.

  “He thought he was doing the right thing, honey. He told me he was scared that you would like the drugs, and then he’d lose you like…” Andrea trails off, obviously unsure how much I know about Ayden’s past.

  “Like Dani?”

  Her brows shoot up in surprise, and she nods, trying to keep her eyes on the road. “He told you about Dani?”

  “Yeah, he did.”

  “Well, you get it then. He could never live with himself if something happened to you, Lexi.”

  I don’t say anything to that, and she frowns, “I’m surprised he hasn’t told you how sorry he is about everything that happened.”