I’m about to cut my study session short when Ayden stands up from the couch and takes the three steps across the small space to where I’m sitting cross-legged on the floor. My eyes follow his every movement as he shifts my books aside and sits where they were, bringing him extremely close.
He mimics the way I’m sitting and holds out his phone with his earphones attached. One of my blonde brows shoot up, but he doesn’t speak, just nudges them in my hands.
Sitting face to face like this with him is intimate. He is so close, with only centimetres between our knees. I have no option but to look into his piercing blue eyes, making my face instantly heat. He notices it too. I can tell he’s trying to hide the grin that wants to show itself.
I glance over Ayden’s shoulder to see that Jared is the only one paying us any attention. His eyes are squinted a little, not really a glare but close to it. Shaun and Simon are too busy looking at something on their phones, and Garrett looks deep in thought with his brow furrowing, his teeth biting down on the top of his pen.
Returning my attention back to those blue eyes that lure me in, Ayden takes an earbud in each hand, brushes back my hair from my ear and inserts a bud before repeating it on the other side. His scent wraps around me as he leans in, and I fight the moan that wants to escape. My eyes dart past Ayden again to see that all the guys are watching this time.
When Ayden pulls back, I think he’s going to play me something on his phone, but he doesn’t. Reaching into his hoodie pocket, he pulls out some card-sized pieces of paper. I glance back to his eyes in question, but he gives nothing away. He’s nervous, though. I can tell by the edge of fear in his eyes and the slight tremble of his hand.
Then he holds up a piece of paper.
I’LL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THE WAY I TREATED YOU THAT DAY IN MELBOURNE.
My heart instantly aches. Not for me, but for him. Even though I haven’t said the words, I know deep in my heart that I forgive him. I should probably tell him.
He puts the card down between us on the floor and then reveals another.
I’M NOT PERFECT.
I STILL CARRY DEMONS.
I STILL HAVE MEMORIES THAT I WISH I DIDN’T REMEMBER.
BUT…
Shit, But? But what? He places that card down on top of the first and then reveals another.
I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF FORGET THAT DAY.
THE LOOK ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE.
THE HURT IN THOSE SWEET INNOCENT EYES.
“Ayden.” I try to speak, but he quickly silences me by placing a finger over my lips.
For a moment, his eyes lock onto my lips where his finger rests, longing written all over his face.
Oh my god. I’m going to cave. Shit!
No, Lexi, don’t give in. He deserves better!
Pulling his hand away, he returns his attention to the cards, placing the one in his hand down and pulling out another to show me.
I DON’T DESERVE YOU LEXI.
ESPECIALLY AFTER WHAT I DID.
BUT THE PROBLEM IS…
He’s killing me. Its torture the way he’s dragging this out. But I also don’t want him to stop. Again, he places that card down and reveals another.
I NEED YOU!
“Ayden.”
Again, he stops me from speaking, this time by shaking his head.
He repeats the steps, putting the card down and holding up a new one.
LISTEN TO THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG.
IT’S NOT COMPLETELY ACCURATE.
BUT SOME OF THE LYRICS RING TRUE.
Ayden leans forward, unlocks his phone, and presses play.
I instantly recognise the song. It’s called ‘Prove how I love you’ by Archer 9.
I do as Ayden asks and focus on the lyrics. As the words are sung, he holds up more cards when he wants me to pay attention to certain lyrics.
YOU ARE THE CURE FOR MY EMPTY SOUL
A POTENT DRUG DRAGGING ME FROM THE DARK HOLE
He puts that card down and holds up another in sync with the lyrics.
I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU THAT WAY
I JUST WANTED TO KEEP YOU AT BAY
UNTIL I COULD FIX THE MESS IN MY HEAD
I’M SORRY FOR THE HURTFUL THINGS I SAID
BABY, PLEASE
LET ME PROVE HOW I LOVE YOU
Keeping that same card in his hand, he holds it up each time the chorus plays.
Then he holds up a new one.
KNOWING THAT YOU HAVE SEEN
THE FUCKED UP PART OF ME THAT IS MEAN
BRINGS ME CRASHING TO MY KNEES
BABY FORGIVE ME, PLEASE
TAKE ME BACK INTO YOUR EMBRACE
PULL ME OUT OF MY DARK PLACE
BABY, PLEASE
LET ME PROVE HOW I LOVE YOU
Then he holds up the chorus card again when it returns to the chorus.
By the end of the song, I am fighting to hold myself together, and then he holds up one last card after the music stops.
IT’S TRUE.
YOU ARE MY DRUG LEXI.
I NEED YOU MORE THAN I NEED AIR.
YOU ARE MY GIRL.
AND I FUCKING CRAVE YOU SO MUCH IT CONSUMES ME.
PLEASE TAKE ME BACK.
PLEASE REMOVE THE LINE.
PLEASE LET ME BE MORE THAN YOUR FRIEND.
A tear slips free, and Ayden leans in to remove the earbuds from my ears. The room is silent, but I know we still have company. I can feel their eyes on us, watching our exchange. I can’t handle the eyes. I can’t handle being so close to Ayden and not being able to touch him. I stand abruptly and race out of the room as tears fall freely. Before I even realise what I’m doing, I’m out the back door and in the garage clutching onto the punching bag that hangs from the ceiling. The gift Ayden surprised me with this morning.
“Lex.” Ayden’s pleading voice comes from right behind me. I hadn’t even heard him follow.
His warm hand lands on my shoulder, turning me to him.
“Talk to me.” His eyes are begging, and fuck me, I want to give in. But I can’t, so I shake my head. “Help me understand why you won’t take me back.” His beg nearly undoes me.
“You deserve better than me, Ayden. You deserve to heal and move on and find someone whole and not ruined by vile acts. You deserve to be with someone that can be happy.”
“You see, this is the problem. You think you’re not good enough for me, but the thing is, Lex, I think I’m not good enough for you. We both have pasts. Both carry baggage and bad memories. But don’t speak of happiness as if you will never be happy. We were happy until I fucked it up. You were happy, despite the horrible things that happened. You had times of happiness with me. We can have happiness together if we stop pushing each other away.”
I want to believe his words. I want to have what he’s offering. But it would be wrong of me to drag him down like that, so I shake my head.
Taking hold of each of my shoulders, Ayden rubs his hands up and down my arms. It’s like he’s trying to give me comfort, but also like his need to touch me is giving him comfort. I should push him off, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
“What if we are stronger together, Lex?”
“What if we’re not?” I whisper, looking up at him through the veil of my dark lashes.
“There’s only one way to find out. Please remove the line.” He begs, his hands lifting to cup either side of my head near my ears.
I shake my head and pull away from him, needing space. I can’t think clearly when he’s close like this. I spin towards the door, but Ayden grabs my upper arm and turns me back to him, anger reddening his face.
“You said I took your decision away from you when I decided to have the drugs and not allow you to have any. How is this any different, Lexi? I fucking want you, and I know you want me too, but you are making the decision for both of us. For what? A what if? Fuck that! What if we get our happily ever after together?” He lets go of my arm, his hands fisting in frustration in his dark hair. “Be honest with
me, dammit! Do you care about me?”
“Fuck it, Ayden! Yes, I fucking do, okay! I feel like I can’t breathe without you, and it fucking hurts!”
His eyes darkening is the only warning I get before Ayden’s mouth crashes into mine. Lifting me in his arms, my legs wrap around him, clamping tight as a small whimper escapes me. My back slams into a wall and I revel in the sting it brings as my hand's fist in Ayden’s hair, keeping him in place. Our tongues clash as our desperation takes over, and our moans fill the room the moment our pelvises grind against each other.
I feel like crying because fuck I have missed him so much. To have his touch that I have ached for, his lips that I have craved to taste again, and his scent wrap around me like a safety blanket feels like too much, yet not enough. I know now that if he is ever taken away from me again, I will surely die from the pain.
I switch my thoughts off before I spiral and let myself feel every little thing, from the way one of his hands kneads my arse cheek to the other, mimicking it at my breast. The way he has me trapped between his firm body and the garage wall means I can hardly move, but I don’t need to; Ayden has things covered.
His hand leaves my breast and travels down between our bodies to the place I crave his touch the most. The first brush of his hand nearly sends me over the edge.
“Tell me this is okay, Lex.” Ayden's breathless voice breaks the silence, and I nod.
“Yes. Fuck yes.”
Ayden chuckles against my mouth, taking a moment to taste my lips again before speaking. “This is going to be quick, baby. I’ll do slow to you after, but right now, I need to fuck you here against this wall.”
“Yes.” I cry out when his hand slips under the band of my trackies. I’m desperate for him. The need to have him impossibly close is all-consuming and his not so gentle words about fucking me against the wall sends a pool of moisture between my legs.
Warm fingers slip between my folds and slide inside, feeding the need that’s building inside me. I lose my connection with his lips as I throw my head back, so close to going over the edge as he fills me with two fingers. My hips surge forward, seeking more, riding his hand and fingers as they work their magic until an intense orgasm rips from me.
I’m yelling. Or screaming. I can’t be sure, and I don’t care. This feels too good. Ayden feels too good.
“Fuck, you’re hot.” Ayden hisses, drawing my attention as he struggles with the tie on his sweatpants before he finally gets them undone and releases his hard length.
Before I get the chance to admire it, he drops my feet to the ground, pulls my pants free of my body and then lifts me back into the same position before he slams into me. Deep. I scream and pulse around his cock while he grunts, burying his face into my neck.
“Fuck you feel good.” His words have no restraint, not like the last time we were together, and I love it. I think I like this version of him better.
He thrusts his hips, sliding in and out of me hard and fast as his pleasure builds. Warm needy fingers return to my breast, but when he finds my t-shirt covering it, he growls and reefs it up and over my head in one smooth motion, all while continuing his thrusts. He doesn’t bother trying to unclasp my bra; instead, he pulls the fabric of the cup down, freeing my aching flesh.
I cry out again when his lips cover my nipple, his tongue swirling over the peak before his teeth lightly graze them. That’s all it takes to send me over the edge again, and my release clamps down on him sending him over too.
Our heavy breathing is all that can be heard in the silence of the garage. We stay in the same position for a few minutes. Me wedged between Ayden and the wall, legs wrapped around him while he stays seated inside me.
It’s only when I feel something warm and wet between my legs that I realise we didn’t use protection. Shit!
“Ah- Ayden?”
“Yes, beautiful?” His husky voice nearly makes me forget about our dilemma.
“We kind of forgot to use protection.”
Ayden pulls back, dark brows furrow as he realises his mistake.
“Oh, fuck Lex. I’m so sorry. Shit. I didn’t even think.” He looks so upset. I shouldn’t laugh, but I do.
“It’s okay. I’ve only ever been with you, so I’m clean, but my pill taking has been screwed up over the last month.”
Ayden scans my face, his ocean eyes holding so much emotion. He lifts a hand and brushes back my wayward hair. I bet it resembles a bird’s nest right now. I must look ridiculous.
“We’ll go get the morning-after pill. I really am sorry Lex. I didn’t do that on purpose. I’m clean too. It’s only been you. No one else for a long time, and I’ve been tested. I can get tested again if you like?”
I smile. “Stop apologising. It's fine, I believe you.”
Ayden returns my smile. “So, just to be clear. This is you taking me back, right?”
I laugh. “No way! That was just sex. I was horny.”
Ayden’s mouth opens in surprise, and then he grips my bare arse and squeezes. “You little minx. You’re going to pay for that comment.” Ayden slaps my bare arse then, and I can’t help it... I fucking grind against him.
“Well, would you look at that? Someone likes to be spanked.” Ayden's blue eyes are filled with a combination of lust and amusement.
“What? No, I don’t.” I disagree, but he slaps my arse again, and this time I moan at the same time as my hips thrust forward, searching for more.
“Oh yes, you do! This is going to be fun trying out new things to see what you like. I’m going to make you come so many times that you’re going to pass out.” He slaps me again, and I arch my back, throwing my head back. “Can you feel me inside you, Lex? You’ve made me hard again.” Then he slaps my arse and bites my neck at the same time. I nearly come. Again!
“I need.” I manage to breathe out, not entirely sure how to finish that sentence.
“I know what you need, beautiful. Let me take you to my bed and give you what you need.”
“Yes.” I nod right before he slaps and bites in unison. I start to ride his cock while he struggles to walk, carrying me to the staircase and up the stairs to his room. By the time we are inside the door of his loft, he’s unable to make it any further, so overcome with need that my back meets the floor, and he fucks me hard until we are both screaming again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
After making me scream on his loft floor, Ayden finally gets me to his bed, where he sends me over the edge two more times before Rhys lets herself in. Like a creeper, she stares at us from the opening of the curtain divider with mischief written all over her face. Then her dark lips spread into a grin before she says, “Thoroughly fucked Lexi looks hot!” Then she skips out of the loft, calling out that she’ll message me later to find out if Ayden has a pretty cock. When Ayden asks me what she means, I shake my head and tell him not to question the things that come out of Rhys’s mouth.
Returning inside the house not long after Rhys departs, we find that Shaun, Garrett and Jared have already left as well, but Simon is still doing homework with Marcus in the living room. I tried my best to tame my hair and splash cold water on my face to take away the flush on my cheeks before we came inside. I must have failed, though. It was as if I was walking around with a flashing sign above my head saying, ‘Lexi had sex… multiple times!’ because Marcus frowns when he sees me, and Simon raises his brows before nodding, a knowing grin tugging at his mouth.
It doesn’t take me long to decide to do a runner after that, and I leave Ayden with the boys while I hide in my room until Barb arrives home a little after 6 with Chicken and chips for dinner. Ayden deliberately sits beside me at the dinner table and holds my hand underneath it every chance he gets. Marcus notices but doesn't frown at us again, so hopefully, things between him and me will be okay. He has been getting busy with Rhys after all.
Once the day finally comes to an end, I feel the usual dread of going back up to that lilac bedroom and attempting to get some sleep. Bes
ides my mind reeling from Muz’s visit earlier and how easily I fell back into Ayden’s arms, I know nightmares are hovering in the shadows, waiting to plague me. I’m so exhausted yet too scared to go to sleep, but then my door creaks open just after 1am, and my ocean eyed boy sneaks in, slipping under the covers and snuggles up to me. Then, as if he willed it once again, my eyes close for a soundless night of sleep.
I don’t know why I fought so hard to give in to my feelings for Ayden. Well, I do know, but I don’t know why I thought I could fight it. The way we came together in the garage is unlike anything else I have ever experienced. No one else has the magnetic pull on me the way Ayden Mitchell does. Some of the lyrics from the Archer 9 song he had me listen to, meant the same for me as they did for him. He is the cure for my empty soul. He is the potent drug that drags me from the dark hole. Even now, while he is at school, just thinking about him and the things he did to my body has me walking in the clouds like I’m high.
My Tuesday morning may be quiet and lonely when everyone is at school and work, but I could honestly sit and stare at a blank wall all day, just thinking about what Ayden and I shared while I anticipate the moment he gets home from school.
The ringing of my phone pulls me out of my Ayden trance, breaking the silence in the kitchen where I’ve been sitting for over an hour. When I look at the screen, I answer it without hesitation.
“Hi, Val.”
“Lexi.” My name is whispered, “There’s someone at your house.”
Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2) Page 27
