by Addison Cole
He reluctantly drew back and touched his forehead to hers. They were both breathing hard, their bodies plastered together from thigh to chest. The backs of her thighs were hot and tense, and he knew she was feeling the flames, too.
“Kitten, I’ve never stopped loving you.” Her body was doing it again, vibrating from the inside out. Purring as she snuggled in close, her cheek pressed to his chest, her hands beneath his shirt, pressing against his skin.
She gazed into his eyes with love and confidence. “I know.”
Tony took her hand in his. His thumb moved in slow, circular motions over her wrist. Amy’s emerald eyes darkened as he drew her mouth to his again. He kissed her softly, slow and deep, with the silent promise of all he had to give of himself, his heart, and his life.
“Tony,” she said after a long while. “Take me home.”
Chapter Eleven
TONY SLID HIS hands around Amy’s waist and nibbled on her neck as she fumbled with the keys to the back door of her cottage.
“I love the way you taste.” He loved the scent of her skin, the curve of her shoulder. The way she squirmed when he sucked her earlobe into his mouth was sinful. Her body stilled when he ran his tongue along the shell of her ear.
She exhaled loudly and pressed her back to his chest.
Tony gathered her hair over her left shoulder and lowered his mouth to the curve of her neck, grazing his teeth over her skin. He turned her in his arms and pressed her back to the door. The keys dropped to the deck as he took her lower lip in his teeth and gave it a gentle tug. She was so sexy, burying her hands in his hair and guiding his mouth back to hers. Their lips met in a deep, probing kiss, breathing air into her lungs in order to kiss her longer, deeper. When they finally parted, every muscle in his body was tight and Amy was breathless. Her hands grasped his shoulders as he crouched to retrieve the keys.
He ran his fingers lightly up her legs as he rose to his feet. He pressed his forehead to her chest, exhaling her name. “Amy.”
He lifted his eyes to hers. They’d gone smoky and dark. He could get lost in their seduction, but beneath the heat he recognized love. He hadn’t seen such raw emotions in Amy’s eyes for so long that it momentarily stalled him.
He managed to open the door. The cottage was dark and quiet as he set the keys on the counter and folded Amy into his arms again.
“I want to wrap you up and hold you tight.” He kissed the corners of her mouth. “I want to get to know every inch of your beautiful body again, until I know how it changes when you breathe.”
Their lips met in a tender kiss as he lifted her into his arms and her legs circled his waist. In a few determined steps they were in the bedroom, lips locked together. He lowered them both to the bed. The intimacy brought a rush of emotions. Not crazy, lustful stranger kind of emotions, but emotions of what they’d shared, how deeply they’d loved, and the carnal memories of how their bodies came together. He wanted to stay there and revel in the feel of them connecting on an emotional level again. He fisted his hands in her hair and deepened the kiss. Her delicate fingers traveled up and down his back.
“Kitten, I’ve waited so long to touch you. I need you to be sure, because if you’re not, then we need to wait. I won’t be able to take loving you again and then hearing that you regret it.” He searched her eyes. There was no doubt in them, only love and raw desire, but he needed to hear it from her lips. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Oh, yes. But, I haven’t been with a man in a very, very long time. Fourteen years to be exact.”
His heart nearly stopped.
She trapped her lip between her teeth again.
“Kitten?”
She shook her head. “I couldn’t. I’ve done other stuff, but…you’re the only man I ever wanted to be with.”
“Oh, baby. That’s a really long time.”
She shrugged and closed her eyes. He kissed her closed lids.
“I’ll make it up to you.”
“You don’t need to make it up to me. Just love me. Love the past away.”
He lowered his forehead to hers. “The past will always be there.” No lies. He’d promised to be the best man he could, and that meant pure honesty, no matter how much it hurt him to say it.
“Then love me through it.”
Amy lay with him as she’d done a dozen times that summer. He breathed deeply, allowing the memories of the past and the present to coalesce.
His sweet kitten was back.
Chapter Twelve
AMY AWOKE TO an empty bedroom. She listened to the silence of her cottage and knew Tony had left. She had a fleeting thought that perhaps she’d made up last night in her hopeful mind, but when she rolled over and buried her nose in the other pillow, Tony’s scent remained. She exhaled loudly and covered her eyes with her arm. Tony. She waited for the longing and the inevitable pain that she’d been squelching for too many years, and when it didn’t come, it gave her hope that she could move forward. They’d talked about that summer, and she hadn’t fallen completely apart. And he’d loved her—oh, how he’d loved her. Like they’d never been apart.
Amy heard the slider open to the front deck. Her heart leapt. Tony.
“Hurry up.”
Jenna. Amy heard feet scurrying across the floor and turned to find Leanna, Bella, and Jenna lined up in the doorframe with stupid grins on their faces and steaming mugs in their hands—two in Leanna’s.
“I saw Tony leave for his run,” Jenna explained as they piled onto her bed.
“And Sky said she tatted him up last night.” Bella leaned in close and whispered, “Kitten.”
“Oh my gosh.” She covered her eyes. “Isn’t there some rule of confidentiality with tattoo artists and their clients?”
“They’re tattoos,” Bella explained. “Think of skin like a billboard. Even beneath the waist.”
Amy groaned. Bella was the only one not wearing pajamas. Unless Amy counted herself, because she was quite nude beneath the blankets.
“Oh, come on, kitten. We think it’s cute.” Jenna curled her fingers into claws and pretended to paw at Amy while holding her mug in the other hand. “Meow.”
They all laughed.
“It’s not a sexual thing.” Well, it kind of is.
“Uh-huh.” Bella patted Amy’s shoulder. “You keep up that lie. We’ll back you up.”
Leanna handed Amy a cup of coffee. “Sit up and drink up. We want the scoop.”
Amy held the sheet over her chest. “Hand me a T-shirt?”
Jenna snagged a shirt from Amy’s drawer and tossed it to her. After putting it on, she sheepishly added, “And underwear,” to which Jenna laughed and obliged.
“Please tell me you’re clean,” Bella said.
“Geez, Bella.” Amy felt her cheeks flush. “We showered last night.”
“Oh, this is better than I was hoping for. Details?” Jenna fixed her cami, which was slipping off her shoulder. She scooted closer on the bed.
The girls formed a semicircle around Amy. She felt a little like it was sharing time at school, but no student would be grinning from ear to ear with delectably sinful memories.
Amy sipped her coffee and gave in to her friends’ expectant gazes. “It wasn’t like a real first date. I mean, it’s Tony.” The man I made love to at least once a day the summer when I was eighteen. The only man I’ve ever made love to. Only they didn’t know that. She bundled the guilt into a ball and mentally tucked it away.
“Well, that’s true,” Leanna said. “You guys have known each other forever. I’m happy for you, Amy.”
“Okay, enough mushy stuff. Was it wonderful?” Jenna leaned in close, eyes wide. “Or were your expectations too high? Sometimes that happens. You know, when you’ve thought about being with some guy for so long and then it’s like…Oh, really? That kinda sucked.”
“Been there, done that,” Bella added.
“Usually it’s the guy thinking that in my case.” Leanna frowned.
“Not true.”
Amy had learned to cover her abstinence by embellishing what she did do with guys. She’d had to learn to embellish in college in order to save face with the other girls in her dorm who hadn’t lost a baby and given up the man they loved in the course of a few hours. That bundle of guilt rolled out again, and she kicked it away.
Leanna nodded. “Totally true, but I don’t care. Kurt loves how I am in bed, and he’s the only man I want or need. Gosh, remember how scared I was to sleep with him? I was so awkward in bed, and my rhythm was always off.”
“Kurt seems to have fixed that,” Jenna said. “Night after night after night, according to the sound track of your love life…thanks to open windows.”
“Remember that one guy I slept with a few years ago who said he’d expected more after we’d done it for nearly an hour?” Bella laughed. “What did he expect, a gold-plated coochie?”
They all laughed, while Amy wallowed in guilt. Her friends had shared their secrets over the years, but she’d kept hers close to her chest. So close it nearly smothered her.
“Right, Ames?” Bella tapped her arm.
“What?” Uh oh. She hadn’t realized they were talking to her.
“Wow. Last night must have been really something. You zoned out there.” Bella pushed Amy’s mug toward her mouth. “Drink a little more before Tony comes back and wants to ravish you again.”
Amy’s mind sifted through potential outcomes of telling her friends what she’d gone through and how she’d lied to them. They’d never trust her again. How could they when she had kept such a big secret?
“Amy?” Leanna patted her leg. “Are you okay? Did things not end well last night?”
“No. It was perfect, actually.” More perfect than she could have imagined.
“Does this mean you’ll stay and turn down the job with Duke?” Bella asked.
“Oh no. Duke. What am I going to do?” Duke was a friend, and he was offering her an opportunity of a lifetime. Although she had accepted the job only a few days ago, she couldn’t just blow him off. Maybe he’d understand. But maybe she was rushing things. What if she and Tony didn’t work out? It had been a long time, and—
“Did he slip you a brain-numbing pill last night or something?” Bella asked.
“That would be called a triple orgasm,” Jenna quipped.
For once in her life she could actually agree with Jenna’s assessment and it would be true, but sharing those details of her and Tony’s intimacy seemed like a betrayal to him. Amy’s pulse sped up. There were so many things to think about, and she felt ill equipped to handle any of them.
“Okay, something is very wrong here.” Bella took Amy’s mug from her and set it on the bedside table. She brushed Amy’s hair from her shoulders, and her voice turned serious. “Honey, what is it? We’re here for you. If it’s good, bad, or complicated, we can help.”
“Maybe Tony couldn’t…you know,” Jenna whispered.
Amy shook her head. “It’s nothing like that. Tony is…He’s exactly who he’s always been. He’s a thoughtful and caring lover.”
“Then what is it?” Bella asked.
I need to do this. She swallowed hard, trying to push away the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
“What I’m going to tell you might change our friendships, and I just want you guys to know how much I love you and that I do trust you.” Amy drew in a deep breath as the others exchanged worried glances.
“You’re scaring me a little.” Leanna set her coffee down and fidgeted with the edge of her pajama shorts.
“Well, it scares me a lot.” She needed to come clean to her friends, no matter how much it hurt to do it. She had a momentary thought about telling Tony she was going to share their past with them, but one look at her friends and she knew she didn’t need his permission. This was her burden from the start. Her secret. It had to be her decision to reveal it.
She pulled her shoulders back and sat up straighter, needing to be brave. “Do you guys remember the summer before we went away to college?”
“How could we forget?” Jenna asked. “It was amazing. Parties, learning to surf, picking up those hitchhiking surfers in your convertible on the way to the beach.”
“Remember Leanna’s brothers trying to hit on the female lifeguards?” Bella patted the sheets while she laughed. “That was the funniest. The guards were like, A nerd, a musclehead, and a guy who likes fireworks a little too much. No thanks. Little did they know how hot they’d grow up to be.”
Leanna’s solemn eyes were locked on Amy’s, as if she saw the turmoil brewing inside her.
“What about that summer, Amy?” Leanna asked.
Amy dropped her eyes to the bed and contemplated playing off her silence as a joke, but she knew they’d never buy it. She’d had nine months to get her game face in place before returning to the Cape the summer after she’d had the miscarriage. Nine months…Long enough to have a baby, or forget you were ever going to. She’d had fourteen years to prepare for this moment, but not only had she not prepared; she’d blocked out the event entirely. There was no more hiding. If she wanted Tony, she had to accept what happened, and accepting meant honesty all around.
“Sweetie, what are we missing? Whatever it is, it’s not going to change a thing. I promise.” Jenna’s voice was so sincere that it deepened Amy’s guilt.
“I’m not so sure about that.” Amy swallowed hard and stared at her hands. It was easier than looking at the women she knew she was about to hurt.
“That summer, Tony and I were together,” Amy began.
“Of course. We all were,” Jenna said.
“No. Together, together.” She lifted her eyes.
“Wait.” Bella drew her brows together, and a soft laugh escaped before she clamped her jaw closed and shook it off. “You don’t mean…”
Amy nodded.
“What?” Jenna practically yelled. “No way. You couldn’t have kept that a secret.”
Amy cocked her head. “You do know my father, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but…” Jenna’s eyes widened as understanding dawned on her. “You thought we’d tell him?”
“No. No, that’s not why.” Was it? Bella’s arms were crossed, putting an effective barrier between them that scared Amy. Please don’t turn me away. Leanna’s brows were drawn together, her forehead streaked with worry.
“Okay, maybe that was partially why. I don’t know. I was afraid of disappointing my father, and Tony’s father wasn’t exactly the nicest guy on earth that summer.” The words fell fast, and as she shifted her eyes to each of her friends, the impact of them were evident. Bella’s eyes were filled with something between worry and anger. Leanna and Jenna had empathy written all over their faces, but when they dropped their eyes to the bed, she knew she’d hurt them.
“And I was finally with Tony,” Amy continued. “And he loved me. He loved me. And—”
“So all these years, your pining over him was what? A lie? You’ve been seeing him?” Bella’s voice was anything but understanding.
“No. I was pining for him.”
“Yeah,” Bella snapped. “For a guy you’d already had, and here we were feeling bad for you that you loved him and he thought of you as a friend.” She looked away.
“It wasn’t like that. I mean, it was, but…” She wanted to slip to the floor and hide under the bed until her life rewound to ten minutes earlier, so she could not tell the truth. Her heart was beating so fast and hard she felt like the room was spinning. Her friends were waiting for an explanation that she wasn’t sure she could give without falling apart, yet not explaining would be worse than spilling her guts.
“It was…” Tears slid down her cheeks. “I got preg—pregnant. Okay? It was—”
Silence.
Jenna stared at the blanket. Bella held Amy’s gaze, and Leanna’s brows knitted together as she looked from Amy to the others, then back again.
Amy’s lower lip trembled. Her guilt felt magnified in their silence. Her throat was s
o thick no more words could pass through. And then Leanna’s arms were around her. Her tears fell on Leanna’s shoulder as she wept.
“Amy…” Bella’s voice was thin, rattled. “Oh, Amy. I’m so sorry.”
“But what happened?” Jenna reached for Amy’s hand.
Amy sucked in one breath after another, as Leanna released her, giving her room to breathe. That ball of guilt she’d tucked away bowled her over. She felt raw, completely exposed.
“I…I didn’t know I was pregnant until I started school in the fall, and then Tony and I snuck up to Seaside for a weekend alone. I was going to tell him, but we went surfing and…I…I lost the baby. I never told anyone. No one. And I never talked to Tony about it again.” Sobs stole her voice, and in the next breath she managed, “I sent Tony away to save him from…from…ruining his surfing career. To save him from me.”
Bella folded Amy into her arms. She held her in the quiet of the room for who knew how long. Long enough that Amy cried all the tears she had held in over the years. Long enough for the others to get in on the cathartic hug and weigh Amy down with a new type of heaviness. She couldn’t breathe, but this time it wasn’t caused by fear. She was smothered in their love, felt their tears on her skin.
“You didn’t need to go through that alone.” Bella’s voice was just above a whisper.
“I was afraid,” Amy admitted. “I nearly tanked my grades, and I could barely think, let alone talk about it.” She took a deep breath, preparing herself to unveil the rest of her lies.
“All that talk about sleeping with guys…” Amy shook her head, she couldn’t admit any more than she had. She felt emotionally drained and exhausted, but she’d opened the floodgates and she had to let it all out.
