by Boyle, T. C.
At home, still half-looped, he parked the Beemer in the garage beside the Yukon—“Let’s go to your place, and then maybe walk down to one of the restaurants in the village,” Anise had said—and he’d said that that sounded just fine, and he was feeling no pain at all. Then he remembered the cages and he led the women out onto the lawn in the fading light to examine the depredations of the raccoons and it became a sort of game to position the cages, set the triggers and smear peanut butter all over the bait trays. At one point Anise had gone into the house for a bottle of wine and he shouted to her to see if there were any sardines in the pantry—there were—and when she returned they laid three sardines atop the smears of peanut butter in each cage, then stood back, satisfied with their work, sipping wine while the night deepened around them.
And now, at dawn, he awakens with a lurch, because something’s wrong, something’s definitely wrong, but what is it? He’s been dreaming . . . what? Of pursuit, terror, faces out of the past diachronically summoned to cluck over his failures and inadequacies. A height. A drop. Laughter as ragged as hate. He sits up. Shoves the dreads up out of his face. His scalp itches. His stomach curdles. He has a mild headache, a fact of which he’s just becoming aware in a stealthy crepitating way. While he’s at the bathroom sink, staring numbly at his reflection in the mirror and mechanically filling and draining two glasses of tap water, he remembers the traps.
Filled with purpose, he ducks back into the bedroom to pull on a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt and slip into his sandals—made of synthetic materials, not leather, because leather just allows the killers to profit all the more—and then he’s out the door and into the cool of the morning, shutting the dogs in behind him so they won’t run on ahead and mess with the traps. He doesn’t really expect to have caught anything, not yet, not the first night, but he finds himself quickening his pace nonetheless. Yesterday, when he picked up the traps, the Animal Control officer—he of the blowhard’s voice, hoarse, too-loud and far too pleased with itself—had answered the question he’d posed over the phone. “What do you do with them?” the man had thrown back at him. He was skinny as a bread-stick, his eyes close-set and his hair slicked down over his scalp like the pelt of a sea otter. “That’s your decision. But we can’t take them here. And it’s illegal to possess wildlife.”
“So what do I do—release them somewhere? Up in the hills?” He pointed in back of him, to where the Santa Ynez Mountains rose up abruptly beyond the window to crowd out the sky.
“That’s what people always think,” the man said, “but when you displace animals like that it’s very hard on them. They don’t know the environment and they’re disoriented. Plus, it’s ninety-nine percent sure that the available range is already occupied.”
“What are you saying?”
The man shook his head slowly, side to side. “I’m not saying anything. But these are problem animals, right?” A sardonic smile took hold of the lower part of his face. His irises pinched inward as if the pressure of focusing were too much to bear. “You reported them. They’re damaging your property—your lawn, you said. Right?” He paused to hold up his palms by way of disclaimer and then lifted his shoulders and dropped them in a baroque shrug. “Our feeling is it’s up to you to dispose of them.”
So here he is, stalking across the grass, which is still wet with dew. There’s fog this morning, drifting insubstantial shreds of it snarled in the lower branches of the trees and rising up overhead to pull down the sky. He’s chosen to go with two traps rather than one, reasoning that since there were two raccoons they’d be more likely to prefer their own cages, but then he’s no animal behaviorist—or trapper, for that matter—and all he can do is hope for the best.
The near trap, the one he’s set right in the middle of the lawn, is as gray and empty as the fog itself, or so it seems until he gets right up on it and sees the patch of fur shoved up against the steel mesh there. But the color is all wrong—it’s white, not brown or golden or tawny even. He’s thinking of the danger suddenly, of puncture wounds, festering cuts, rabies, and he’s on his guard even as he bends forward to peer inside and recognizes the bloated overfed Angora from two doors down, the one he’s forever chasing off the property for the cardinal sin of stalking birds. Its eyes are soft pleading puddles. It begins to purr.
For a moment he thinks of taking the thing, trap and all, back to its owners, an elderly couple who seem always to be unloading groceries from the trunk of their car as if they’re expecting a siege, but then he thinks better of it, feels along the outside of the trap and lifts the door back up on its hinges. Instantly the cat bursts out as if ejected on a blast of air, but then it stops, preening, and gives him a long steady look before mincing off across the lawn, tail held high. The peanut butter, he sees, is still intact, but the sardines are gone. He’s thinking he’ll have to re-bait the thing—and wondering how he’s going to avoid catching the same cat night after night—when he glances up at the second trap, which he tucked in against the far wall in just the place where he saw the raccoons rise up and flow over it. He can’t be sure at this distance, but there seems to be something in the depths of the trap, a dark concentration of shadow, and he can see already that this is no cat.
Approaching warily—he doesn’t want to spook it, whatever it is—he comes up on the cage from the rear, where the dropped metal door screens him from view. He becomes aware of the chatter of the birds then, as if an unseen hand has just switched on the soundtrack of the morning. There’s a cool clean smell off the ocean. Everything is still. When he’s just there, just behind it, he slides to his right so he can see down the length of the cage, and the shadows separate—there are two of them—before bunching again. Two raccoons, the very ones, their eyes fixed on him, hands clutching the wire like prisoners in a penitentiary. It takes a moment to understand that the larger, sitting up now so he can see her gray nearly hairless underbelly, is the mother, and the smaller the pup or kit or whatever you call them. But then he goes down to one knee for a better look and the animals bunch again and the larger one, the mother, shows her teeth.
What does he feel? Wonder, certainly—here are the mysterious shapes of the night made concrete, captured, under his control, their existence as tangible and traceable as his own. Satisfaction. Vindication. And a strange sort of power, of species superiority—they’d assaulted him, however unconsciously, however naturally—and now he has them and it’s up to him to dispose of them as he chooses. For a long moment, poised on one knee, he simply watches them—and they watch him in return, as aware as he is that they’re his now, that they’ve been caught by a larger, more gifted predator, that any hope they might have had of escape or even survival is nil. After a while his knee begins to stiffen and he eases down on the verge of the grass and folds up his legs under him in the lotus position, a posture he adopts wherever he might be—in one of the stores, on the rug in front of the big-screen TV, outdoors on the patio or the lawn—when he needs to take a moment to shut himself down, to go deeper, to focus and see, really see.
What he sees is blood: the gray-gloved claws of both animals’ forefeet are stippled with it, bright flecks where the flesh has been abraded, and there are worn red gashes at the corners of the larger one’s mouth. The enormity of it hits him with the force of a blow: they’ve been clawing at the steel mesh since the door dropped down behind them, all night and into the break of day, tearing their own substance, in pain, bleeding.
He’s on his feet suddenly, pounding with urgency. All he wants now is to set them free, but where? He looks again to the mountains rising out of the fog. He sees himself lifting the cage by the handle on top—or dragging it; it’ll be heavy—setting it in the back of the SUV while the animals scramble and hiss in terror, then driving all the way up to the road that cuts into the hillside, as high as he can go, to release them at one of the trailheads. They’ll be tentative at first, like in the nature films, but eventually they’ll emerge, unable in those first few seconds to grasp t
he radical change in their fortunes, and then, heads down, almost comical, they’ll barrel off into the bushes. Yes. Only to starve or fight their battles with the established population, with the coyotes, pumas and whatever else is out there, mountain bikers, pyromaniacs, hunters—or come right back and dig up his lawn all over again.
It’s a conundrum. He feels as if he’s still asleep, still dreaming, the animals slipping in and out of the cage as they please, their snouts glistening with the oil of the sardines, the lawn restored and the earthworms burrowed deep. How long he stands there, he can’t say. But the phone has been vibrating in his pocket for some time now, off and on, and he needs to snap out of it if he’s going to get down to Ventura to do any good on the picket line, especially after blowing them off yesterday to go wine-tasting, and how frivolous that seems to him now. How idiotic. Irresponsible. And then he feels the sun breaking through to chase the fog, the warmth of it on his shoulders and the back of his neck, and something makes him lift his eyes from the cage and gaze out over the wall and the gate and the red-tiled roof of the neighboring house to where the long crenellated run of Santa Cruz Island suddenly fills the horizon, all its chiseled facets aflame in a solid sheen of early morning light.
He knows then that he’s going to be late, very late, and that he’ll have to call Anise and Wilson to let them know, a dozen things running through his head at once. He can foresee draping a blanket or maybe a painter’s tarp over the cage to spare the animals, maybe stopping for a bagel and a cup of coffee, just to have something on his stomach. But no, no time now, no time for anything. If he calls at all—and he has to, he promises himself—it’ll have to be from the boat.
The Black Gold
That night, she stays late at the office, propped up behind her desk long after the others have gone home. It’s not that anyone would ever question her over her hours or that she feels any compulsion to clock in like a factory worker because she’s her own boss and her schedule is flexible—but she’s conscientious, that’s all, and when four-thirty rolls around she never even glances up. The breakfast meeting was work, certainly, but it took a chunk out of her day and there are things she wants to catch up on. Vital things. Purchase orders. E-mail. The latest figures from Island Healers, who need to be paid in monthly installments. And, not least, Alicia’s computer.
She didn’t say a word when Alicia did finally come in, fifteen minutes after she herself arrived, and Alicia, tentative, red-faced, her eyes dodging away from the issue—apostasy, and nothing less—murmured only that she was sorry she’d decided to take an early coffee break but that she was starving because she’d overslept and left home without breakfast and since nothing was happening in the office anyway, she thought no one would mind. Alma, mortified herself, had only stared at her as coldly as she could manage. Then it was lunch hour and Alicia stayed anchored to her desk. Conspicuously. Rising only to go to the machine for a Diet Pepsi and then, half an hour later, to the ladies’, answering the phone in her breathy nuanced voice, entering data, typing, her fingers in swift softly clicking motion as people came and went, telephones rang and the fluorescent lights hissed overhead.
Shadows lengthened, the afternoon fell back and finally dropped into the ocean. At five-thirty, quitting time, Alicia stood, fluttering briefly round her purse and backpack before murmuring, “See you in the morning,” and pulling the door shut behind her as she left. A full hour drifted by, Alma absorbed in her own work, before she went to Alicia’s computer, and it was another half hour before she shut it down. She was looking for irregularities, outside contacts, e-mails that might have tipped her secretary’s hand, but there was nothing whatever beyond the usual business correspondence. And yet Alicia had been with Wilson Gutierrez—had been intimately engaged with him, his arm around her, his tray of coffee and cakes set down before her as if he were used to courting her, serving her—and that was beyond the bounds on every level she could think of. But was it a firing offense? Was there anything in the Park Service’s contractual agreement with its employees that proscribed consorting with the enemy? On company time, no less? Or was that considered free speech or free association or whatever?
At any rate, when finally she does leave the office, it’s past six and all traces of light have faded from the sky. The yachts sit patiently at their berths, muted amber lights showing in one cabin or another, the water as still as the boardwalk that parallels it. There’s a faint echoing thump, a noise so soft it’s been sealed and wrapped twice over by the time it reaches her, and she looks up to see a working boat—uni divers—gliding past the ranks of ghostly masts, lights slowly pulsing, in search of its berth. It’s a moment stolen out of the day, a moment of tranquillity and surcease, but she doesn’t linger. She’s always been a brisk walker, always in a hurry, and she’s moving quickly, ducking around children, exiled smokers, strolling couples. Just as she’s passing the Docksider, she becomes aware of the music drifting down from upstairs, a cover band sloppily working its way through one of the tunes from her mother’s day—and that’s when she pulls up so suddenly the jogger coming up behind her has to swerve wide right to avoid her, very nearly colliding with a pair of oncoming women in the process. She sees the women’s faces flood with alarm and annoyance beneath their flap-brimmed whale-watchers’ hats, there’s a murmured apology, a scramble of limbs—the jogger’s legs glowing as if they were fluorescent—and then he’s gone and one of the women calls out something, but she’s not listening. She’s rooted to the spot.
Her mother. In the confusion of the day she’s forgotten all about her. Her mother’s baking a birthday cake. She expects to be taken out to dinner, as promised. At this very moment she’s no doubt sitting in the easy chair in the living room, with Ed, abusing vodka, the images of chaos on CNN drifting past like clouds in a flattened sky. Guiltily, Alma digs out her cell phone and dials her home number.
Her mother answers on the first ring.
“It’s me, Mom. I just wanted to say I had to work late and—”
“On your birthday?”
“Well, yeah. Some things came up.” She can hear the falseness in her voice, the amateur theatricality—and why does it always seem as if she’s hiding something when she’s speaking with her own mother? When, in fact, she’s not? Because many things have come up, one of them—Alicia’s duplicity—as disorienting and disturbing as anything she’s been through in a long while. Aside from the protestors, that is. And they tend to give it up when the sun sets. “But I’m leaving now—I’ll be home in half an hour, half an hour tops.”
“I’m cooking.”
“But I wanted to take you out, my treat—”
“I said to Ed, ‘Ed, she’s overworked, and I want to make it nice for her today of all days, no stress, know what I mean’—just like when you were a girl, and Ed agreed with me.” A pause. “If you really want to, we can go out to that restaurant tomorrow, but it’s our treat, definitely our treat.” And then she muffles the phone with one hand and calls out to Ed for confirmation. “Right, Ed?”
“But tomorrow’s the concert. Remember? Tim got me tickets?”
No response.
“You said you’d go with me because Tim’s out on the island?”
“Who was it again?”
“Micah Stroud? I told you, I think you’ll like him. He’s”—she’s about to say Just like what you were listening to this morning, but not as soft-brained and poppy, because he sings with fire, real fire, and commitment , but catches herself—“I don’t know. But you’ll like him. Trust me.”
“Okay, fine. But forget the restaurant. The lasagna’s already in the oven—meatless. Homemade. And both Ed and me are fine with a quiet night at home. Okay?”
She’s about to chirp “Okay” into the receiver because it’s been a long day and the idea of letting her mother baby her is beginning to enlarge for her, since what’s the point of having your mother installed in your guest bedroom if you can’t let yourself go? when she reaches the car and sudden
ly loses the ability to form a coherent sentence, to speak even. Because the car, parked in the shadows facing the artificial lagoon with its tethered boats and strolling tourists, has been defaced all over again. The fact of it, the discovery of it, after Alicia and Wilson Gutierrez and the muffled chants of the protestors that kept breaking through the pianissimo passages of the string quartets on the classical channel so that it became a kind of static in itself, is as much a shock as a sudden fender bender or the savage propulsive snarls of the dog at the window of the car beside hers. From the phone, clutched in the hand she’s dropped to her side, the thin complaint of her mother’s voice, lost to circumstance: “Alma, are you there? Alma?”
This time the color of the paint is red, or at least it shows red under the streaming yellowish illumination of the arc lights running along the promenade, and the message, though its import is the same, aims at a more general application. What it says, in the ballooning continuous letters of spray-can fluidity that loop up over the hood to obscure the view out of the windshield, is: Pig Killer. Only that. An epithet and accusation wrapped up in a single compound noun, which is, she has to admit, in her case at least, incontestable.
For a long moment, she stands there, feeling the sting of it. She is a killer, of pigs, of rats, of fennel and star thistle and of the introduced turkeys that will have to be removed in good time, a killer in the service of something higher, of restoration, redemption, salvation, but a killer all the same. Sadness, with its rotten edges, fills her—and weariness, weariness too, an exhaustion that saps her like the first withering assault of a winter cold—as she leans forward, and with the raised plastic wedge of her cell phone, begins to scrape the dark red paint from the glass.
