by Logan Jacobs
I chimed half a dozen times while I learned everyone’s names and relationships to the duke, and then I reset for a final time to wow the entire table with my knowledge of their household.
“Eurikson, Eurik,” I greeted in a friendly tone. “Mind if I join you?”
“You know my son?” the impossibly old duke asked in a hoarse voice. “He was not in Vallenwood the last time we met.”
“While I may be the Archduke, I’m also the God of Time,” I reminded him. “I know all things.”
“Yes, Great One, forgive my ignorance.” The Duke of Edinburg bowed his head, but I thought I saw a bead of nervous sweat trail down his temple.
“Already forgiven.” I grinned. “Now, on to the matter of the attempt on my life. You wouldn’t happen to know who was responsible for that, now would you?”
I kept my voice and expression neutral while I waited for a response, but the Duke of Edinburg merely stared into his soup bowl for a long moment. Still, I waited patiently until the old man met my gaze.
“Well, no, I can’t say that I do,” Edinburg said in a thoughtful tone, but his eyes were hard when they looked into mine. He was hiding something, and I had an idea what it was.
I just needed proof.
“I hear the king’s royal wizard was recently poisoned,” I continued with a shrug. “Certainly something nefarious is going on around here.”
“Indeed.” Edinburg nodded his head solemnly. “There are nefarious deeds occurring all over Sorreyal. Our very presence is necessary because of the recent death of the Duke of Arginold, after all.”
His expression and tone belied no knowledge of my hand in the duke’s death, but there was a gleam in his eye that said he thought he had me in checkmate. I’d cracked tough nuts before, though, so I wasn’t intimidated by the impossibly old duke.
Worst case scenario, I just had to wait until he died of natural causes.
Chime.
I skipped the conversation with Edinburg and Mistvale this time, and instead I appeared lofty and unreachable from my personal table on the other side of the room from the duke and duchess. I’d learned what I could for the moment, but I needed some time to consider my next step before I pressed them for any more information.
Edinburg definitely smelled fishy, but I still had no proof to take before the king, so I’d just have to do my god thing until I got what I needed. I was sure to be rewarded after I eliminated all of the king’s personal threats, but even without the possibility of treasure or title, I was happy to drain the swamp a little.
Things were changing in Sorreyal ever since I’d been summoned to this world, and I was beginning to think it wasn’t a coincidence.
I listened to the happy banter of my entourage while I thought over all the strange things that had occurred since I’d come to the kingdom, and it was nice to know my followers were having a good time at the banquet. I planned on enjoying myself plenty of times before my final run through, so I wasn’t worried about missing out on the fun during this attempt.
I would make sure I figured out the perfect sequence of actions to accomplish all of my goals.
Just then, the music from the band sitting in the corner increased in volume and tempo, and several people got up to dance. Evangeline grabbed my hand as she shot me a questioning look, and I couldn’t help but smile into the smoky-grayness of her eyes. I found myself nodding to the silent request, and the next thing I knew, the two of us were twirling toward the dance floor.
I was a talented dancer by this point since I’d spent so many respawns dancing all over the kingdom. I’d come a long way from the man with two left feet performing the obligatory first dance with my wife, and I spun Evangeline beneath my arm like I’d done it a million lifetimes before.
Because I had.
The duke’s daughter giggled as she flashed me a toothy grin, and her cheeks were flushed an excited hue of pink that complimented her pale skin nicely. She moved with the practiced ease of a noble who’d been taught the movements by a tutor, so the two of us made quite the pair.
We attracted a lot of attention not only from the other dancers, but from the nobles who’d remained in their seats as well. I basked in the glory of the thirty odd eyes on me, and I even caught the king gazing our way with a pleased smile on his face.
“You look stunning,” I murmured during a moment where I held Eva closely against me. “Everyone is jealous of you, they would switch lives with you in an instant.”
“I don’t care about any of them,” Eva said with a mischievous twinkle in her gray eyes. “All I care about is you, pleasing you, serving you, following you.”
“Easy there,” I growled in a voice heavy with the desire that suddenly coursed through my veins. “I can’t be getting hard in the middle of a party, now can I?”
“You would only make everyone even more jealous of us,” Eva assured me with a wink.
“You like teasing me, don’t you?” I chuckled, but before she could answer, I spun her around in time to the music, and she was moving too fast to speak.
Once I’d left her completely breathless, I allowed her to return to her seat to take a break while I danced with some of the other nobles. There were several ladies, dames, and Edinburg’s wife, Emilia, also cut in for a turn. She felt like a skeleton in my arms, so I handled her with the utmost care. Surprisingly, her eyes were sweet and full of the innocence of the insanely elderly, and I wondered how involved she was in her husband’s schemes.
Most of the women talked about the various palace gossip I’d already heard a dozen times in previous run throughs, but I listened patiently while the fairer sex lamented about the king’s lack of an heir and blasted affairs. It seemed like everyone was trying to sleep with someone else, and it wasn’t often it was their own spouse. Marriage in this realm was more of an arrangement for political and prestige gains than an act of undying love, but that just made me even more grateful for the relationship I had with my own women.
After what seemed like several hours of dancing, the king’s herald stepped into the middle of the room while a trumpeter blew a fanfare. Everyone fell silent, and the band ceased its music.
“The entertainment portion of the meal is about to begin,” the herald declared in a loud tone for all to hear. “Please resume your seats as the center of the room will be occupied by the performers.”
“I wonder what kind of entertainment there’s going to be,” I mused out loud as I made my way back to my chair. Even with the countless respawns I’d already used, I hadn’t let time continue to that point yet.
“His Majesty always puts on a good show,” my current dance partner, the Lady Jaketta, said with a wry smile. “You’re in for a treat, Your Grace.”
I still wasn’t used to being called Your Grace, but it was slightly easier to bear than the ever constant Great One I had finally acclimated to.
I smiled politely at the lady on my arm, and I escorted her back to her seat before I returned to my own. Then I let out a grateful sigh when I was back in the presence of the beautiful, intelligent, wonderful women I called my own. It definitely appeared as though I’d taken the three most amazing women for myself, but what else was a god supposed to do?
“What’s coming next?” Elissa asked in an excited tone as she bounced up and down in her seat.
“Entertainment,” I answered, but I made a mental note to respawn after the performances so I could predict everything flawlessly when prompted.
“Well, I know that, silly,” my wife replied with a shake of her head. “I heard the herald the same as everyone.”
“I sense some sarcasm in Bash’s voice,” Mahini observed with a smirk.
“Perhaps,” I said in a mysterious tone.
Just then, a group of people carrying a large box between them entered the throne room, and they set their load down in the middle of the open space between the tables. The box was roughly four-feet squared, bright red, and covered in gold polka dots. It looked completely sealed, bu
t I had a feeling there was something inside it.
A fanfare of trumpets blared in the background with slowly increasing intensity, and just when I thought the music couldn’t become more suspenseful, a figure burst from the box like one of those jack-in-the-box toys. It was a man wearing a tight gold-polka-dotted, bright red one-piece outfit, and he wore a jester’s hat upon his head complete with bells and everything.
I should have known.
I chuckled to myself as the jester tripped over the edge of the box on his way out, but he tumbled into a smooth somersault before popping to his feet before the king.
“Your Royal Majesty,” the jester greeted with a bow so low his nose literally scraped against the floor. “Any requests on this fine evening?”
“Something new and different,” the king said loud enough for everyone to hear. “I’m starting to get bored with your same old routine.”
“There is a reason I am the first of this evening’s performances,” the jester agreed with an enthusiastic nod. “If I was the grand finale, we would all go home in tears.”
A wave of chuckles swept across the room, and this seemed to perk the jester up a bit, since he turned and grinned at us all.
“Carry on,” the king instructed with a dismissive wave of his hand.
The jester bowed low once more, and then he turned and bowed to each of the tables one at a time. I inclined my head politely in response when it was my turn, but then the jester moved on.
“My name is Bartolomeus, and I am here solely to entertain you until better performers arrive.” The jester did a backflip like it was just a normal way to end a sentence, and applause echoed softly around the room. “Please, please, I only aim to please. Save your applause till the end, your tears for the middle, and your laughter for the whole show.”
I chuckled. This guy was the perfect warm-up to the night’s entertainers, and I was eager to see what he did next.
Bartolomeus proceeded to tell jokes, roast the royal servants, as well as a few of the lesser nobles, and sing songs all while standing on his head. Despite his warning, I clapped loudly several times just from the pure joy his performance made me feel. He was a good soul, and I wiped merry tears from the corners of my eyes as I laughed at his antics.
“Oh, yay!” Elissa cheered as she clapped her hands excitedly. Her emerald eyes were locked on the jester, and they were lit up with joy. My wife seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself, and she was beautiful doing it.
Eva seemed slightly bored, and Mahini looked neutral, but I had a feeling they would be interested in some of the other entertainment. If Bartolomeus was just the warm-up, then whatever was coming next had to be even better.
The royal jester bowed to us all once more before he announced the end of his routine, and we all applauded yet again. The king merely nodded in satisfaction, and I wondered if the jester was in danger of being beheaded or something. King Frederick seemed kindly enough, but I almost wouldn’t put it past him at the same time.
Next came a group of thespians, and they wore animal costumes in the shape of an elephant, a zebra, and a panther. Through the acts of their short play, they told a story of morals and comedy that had the room filled with the sound of laughter. It reminded me a little of Aesop’s Fables.
Elissa was disinterested this time, and she occupied herself with some of the remaining pastries still strewn about the table. Mahini looked neutral again, and I wondered if anything would impress the stoic warrior woman.
Evangeline, however, was entirely moved by the experience. She laughed at every joke, wept at every death, and kept her smoky-gray eyes locked on the performers until the play was over.
I applauded louder than anyone, and Eva flashed me an adoring glance.
“Did you enjoy it as much as I did?” she asked with a flutter of her moistened eyelashes.
“I enjoyed you enjoying it even more,” I informed her with a wink. “Have you never seen a play before? I figured with your noble upbringing that you would be bored out of your mind tonight.”
“I’ve seen plays before, but they always move me.” Eva looked down at the table with a soft smile. “I’ve loved them since I was a little girl. I used to read copies of anything I could get my hands on. The tales of grand adventures contained within the pages were irresistible to me.”
“That’s how I felt about video games back in my old world,” I agreed with a nod. “I could escape my life and explore different worlds, all with the touch of a button.”
“The button unfastens the portals between worlds?” Eva tilted her head to the side as her gray eyes lit up with curiosity.
“No,” I laughed. “Well, kinda. Don’t worry about it. Just know that now I have a life I never want to escape from, and it’s partially in thanks to your presence.”
“That brings me great joy, Bash.” Eva grinned, and she opened her mouth to say something else, but we were interrupted by the blaring of the trumpets again.
In marched a troupe of very oddly dressed people. They wore what looked like strips of leather armor, but it didn’t cover or protect very much of their bodies. All the performers were covered in intricate, tribal-like tattoos, and they had darkly tanned skin. A couple of the men in the group had jagged mohawks, and the artistic ink covered every inch of exposed flesh. Every one of the performers carried what appeared to be random items in their hands, but I knew there had to be a purpose for them.
“Oh, this should be good,” I mused as I scratched my stubbly beard.
“Have you never seen the sword jugglers of the Kotar Desert?” Mahini leaned forward against the table and rested her chin in the palms of her hands. Her now interested eyes scrutinized the performers closely before her piercing blue gaze returned to my face. “It is very dangerous.”
Sounded like something I needed to learn how to do myself, if my desert goddess was actually showing signs of interest in it.
I smirked at the thought, but then I returned my attention to the sword jugglers lining up in the center of the room. The band started a lively tune, and then several things happened at once.
Multiple swords were tossed back and forth in the air by four of the jugglers while three of the performers began to form a standing human pyramid. Random items began to join the flying blades, among them a hat, a chair, and a broom. It was hard to keep my eyes on the sharp-edged weapons that could plummet into one of the jugglers at a fatal angle at any moment.
Then the person at the top of the pyramid clapped their hands, and the other performers tossed first one, then two, and finally three swords up to them. The blades danced in the air high above our heads close to the great domed ceiling of the throne room, and awed gasps erupted from the gathered nobles.
Mahini applauded enthusiastically while giving me a pointed look that said I needed to be doing the same thing, so I quickly mimicked her motions with a broad smile on my face.
“You’re adorable,” I murmured in her ear as the crowd began to calm once more.
Mahini shot me a sideways glance full of skepticism, but she didn’t argue with me.
My attention was pulled back to the jugglers when they began to exchange the swords being juggled at the top of the pyramid with the other random items, and I watched with fascination as the chair made a circle through the air.
They were truly talented, and I was glad the king had arranged for some quality entertainment for the banquet.
The jugglers finished by throwing all the swords up in the air at once, and they bowed while the blades made their descent. The weapons thudded into the floor, and all the blades sank several inches into the boards beneath their feet. The gathered nobles roared their approval, and many gave the performers a standing ovation.
I decided to join them, since the jugglers had worked hard on their performance, and they deserved all the accolades they could get.
As the performers made their departure from the throne room, the king stood from his seat and made his way into the center of the room,
and the nobles quieted as all eyes fell on His Majesty.
“The next part of the banquet will have you on the edge of your seats,” the king announced in a loud voice. “As part of the interview process for choosing the next court wizard of Arginold holdings, there will be a display of magical prowess. I have sent out invitations to the four corners of the world, and many have traveled to Vallenwood for this opportunity. Prepare yourselves to witness the greatest example of magic ever seen!”
Oh, fuck, yeah.
I was about to learn a lot more about the magical side of this medieval fantasy world I’d been thrust into. The king had organized them neatly into one place and time for me, so I could efficiently spam respawns until I learned as much magic as possible. I was going to have one-hundred percent completion of this video-game like experience, and I was going to have a blast doing it.
What could be better than that?
Chapter Thirteen
I wanted to be able to efficiently learn everything I could from the array of wizardry coming before me, so I reset back to my save point, and then I did a final run through of the banquet.
Chime.
I walked into the audience chamber with my head held high, and I thanked the herald personally by name before my entourage and I took our seats. The herald guffawed as his jaw fell open, and I continued to greet each of the king’s servants as well as the nobility I encountered on my way to the table.
I’d already learned all I could from the Duke of Edinburg and the Duchess of Mistvale, so this time my focus was entirely on enjoying the party. My gaze swept over the vast quantity of food before me, and I considered what to devour first. In the end, I grabbed a little bit of everything, and then I settled in to feast on the meal.
