I stifled a giggle a fraction too late.
“You have got to be kidding me?” Aiden’s mouth split into an amazed grin as his eyes widened to saucers. “Really? Of course, but it’s so incredibly obvious now that I know. It’s no surprise that Fiona could see it! I just never in my wildest dreams expected . . . No wonder they were so keen on me finding you after our scouts saw your arrival in New York.”
“I’ve been meaning to say thank you for that. I know I wasn’t exactly friendly when you first met me, but you pushed through that and, well, I’m glad that you persisted. Who knows where I’d be now if you hadn’t?” It had been hard to open up to trusting someone after suffering two rejections so soon after one another, but Aiden had opened his house and his life to me without question.
He waved me off. “Don’t worry, Lynnie, you are most definitely worth every effort.”
I watched the merriment of the weekly feast from the sidelines. Aiden danced with a number of the young fairy maidens, including Willow, the healer who I’d met in the healing wing, but after each dance, he came back to ensure that I was having a good time. Without fail, I was, because the feast was nothing more or less than a celebration of being alive. I’d never experienced anything like it before, but it filled me with a sense of joy that was a bit overwhelming. By the time it had wound down, I was practically giddy. Aiden walked me back to my room, and I couldn’t stop grinning. It was a more natural high than the one I’d had with the alcohol months earlier. It was better because of that.
He walked alongside me, linking his arm with mine as his body thrummed with the same excitement that seemed to course through me.
“It’s still utterly mindboggling that we have got a phoenix in our humble court,” he said with a sudden burst of excitement. “Why on earth didn’t you tell me?”
I shrugged. “It didn’t seem that important. Regardless of what I am, I’m still just me.”
Despite Aiden’s enthusiasm about discovering my secret, I didn’t think that it was something to be celebrated. After all, that secret had cost me so much: Dad’s death, Clay leaving, Brian’s rejection. It was all evidence that my real self was not cause for celebration. Who could know what life I might have had if I’d been just a regular human girl?
“Are you all right, Lynnie?” Aiden asked.
I focused my attention back on him. “Uh, yeah.”
“It felt like I lost you for a moment there.”
“Sorry, I just . . . I come with a past that isn’t altogether pleasant.”
He shrugged. “Then forget it.”
“I don’t want to forget it,” I said, somewhat resentful that he could even suggest such a thing. “There are things that happened to me, people I cared about, who I don’t want to forget.”
“But if it makes you sad, why would you want to think about it?”
I could tell he genuinely struggled with the concept. It struck me that I’d been wrong when I’d told Clay he had an optimistic view of the world—no one could ever beat Aiden’s positivity and enthusiasm. He was upbeat to the point of dismissing any unpleasant aspects of his life. Although from what I’d ascertained, it was generally a relatively common trait among the fae.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“Can I try something?” he asked, no doubt trying to change the subject.
“Sure . . .” I said, a little uncertainly.
In the next instant, he quickly pressed his lips against mine. Almost the moment our mouths met, he’d pulled away.
“What was that for?” I asked, unable to hide my shock at the action.
He shrugged. “I’ve spent a good portion of the day wondering exactly what it would feel like to kiss you.”
“And?” I asked, still a little bewildered.
The corners of his mouth lifted into a small grin. “It was quite pleasant. In fact, I’d go so far to say it was very agreeable.”
I thought about his choice of words and found I couldn’t disagree. It wasn’t at all like the kisses I’d shared with Clay—all heat and fire and passion—but neither was it entirely unwelcome. After giving away my virginity, just to face rejection, it was almost helpful to my sanity to have someone, especially someone as attractive as Aiden, show some interest in me.
A knot in my stomach warned me that it wasn’t what I wanted, that Aiden wasn’t who I wanted, but I disregarded it. He’d saved my life and seemed genuinely pleased by what I was. He didn’t want to kill me, and he hadn’t called me a freak. For all of those benefits couldn’t I at least try to overlook the fact that his hands were too smooth as they caressed my face and that his lips were thinner and softer than the ones I longed for?
Don’t I owe it to myself to try to be happy? It was what Dad would want for me
Staring at Aiden, I swallowed down the twisting in my stomach. I focused instead on my desire for acceptance and love as I said, “Well if you want to do it again, it’s okay by me.”
His face lit up like a beacon as he leaned down to claim my lips once more. As he kissed my mouth—sweet, light kisses at first but quickly evolving into need-filled caresses—I was once again reminded of how different things had once been with Clay.
Closing my eyes to relive the lingering caresses we’d shared in the warehouse before his family had returned, I could almost imagine that Clay was right in front of me. That it was his tongue seeking entrance to my mouth.
If I closed my eyes and ignored the pungent floral scent, I could almost believe it. For a brief shining moment, I was back in the warehouse—back by his side.
Reaching out, I clung to strong arms and pressed my body against a firm chest. Together with Clay, at least in my mind, I was in heaven.
An hour later, I was staring at the ceiling wishing my lust-filled visions were real. Hoping against hope that when I glanced down at the warm body curled tightly around mine, it would be Clay, and not Aiden, sharing my bed. Slowly, Aiden’s wings wrapped around us both like a blanket, holding me against him in a warm cocoon, and the image of being held in a lover’s embrace by Clay instantly faded.
As the moment passed and reality slipped in, the realization that Clay was still out of reach settled heavily on me. I didn’t even know where in the world he might be and had no idea how to start searching for him. He was lost to me, and I didn’t see any way of getting back to him. I wanted to insist that Aiden leave because the realization brought with it a fresh round of sorrow, and I just wanted to wallow in it.
Aiden hummed softly and offered me a grin as he kissed my collarbone, drawing my attention back to him. “That was new,” he said. “The heat was just . . . unbelievable!”
“For me too.” I tried to hide my melancholy when I spoke, my mood wasn’t Aiden’s doing, and I didn’t want to inflict it on him. I couldn’t admit to him that I’d only ever been with one other person, and that experience was what had led me to the desolate state Aiden had found me in.
“I believe this would be an opportune time to inform you that contrary to how it may appear right now, I do not bed everyone that I find on the streets of New York.”
“Just the unique ones?” I asked, trying to shake the melancholy that had settled over me and find the fun I’d been having earlier in the evening again.
“Just the pretty ones,” he laughed. Then he pulled away, his features set into a solemn expression. “I do have to talk to you about something serious for a moment though.”
I pushed up onto my elbows, based on everything I’d experienced in my two weeks at the court, Aiden and serious weren’t really compatible concepts.
“We fae view relationships a little differently than other species may. What I mean to say is that we’re not exactly known for our monogamy. Generally, when two fae make the agreement to be together, it’s not about exclusivity or commitment. Unlike human mating, there is no risk of disease for us, and with two fae there is no reproduction without conscious choice and mutual agreement by both parties. Unless there is an extraordinary u
nion, the sort that only happens to one in one-thousand fae couples, a relationship is generally not sufficient reason to abstain when we desire a little extra fun.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I know I have not known you for very long, but I do feel a certain responsibility toward you. I am pleased that I was able to offer you my assistance when you required it. Because of this, I do not want to accidentally hurt you through a miscommunication that could have been avoided.” He stroked my cheek. “I care for you.”
His last words settled over me pleasantly.
“If you want me to try monogamy”—his mouth twisted as if he’d tasted something horrid as he said the word—“I will, for you. You need only to say the word.”
My heart thudded in my chest as I thought about the implications of his statement.
Did I want that?
Did I want him to forsake all others?
Did I want him?
I didn’t even have to think about the question to know the truth—Clay was the one who had inspired the passion in me that Aiden was responding to. I had absolutely no right to ask Aiden to commit to me exclusively when I couldn’t offer him the same courtesy in return—at least not mentally.
“I care for you too,” I said carefully. “But I could never ask you for that.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“GET UP and get dressed,” Aiden said, pulling my blankets off me.
I’d been at the court for a little over four months, and Aiden loved surprising me with random little treks. The months had passed by quickly, and I’d been able to settle into life in the court—even if I still largely kept to myself. Most of my time was spent with the fledglings, with Aiden, or reading in my room.
“What are you doing in here so early?” I grumbled, trying to fold in on myself and get back to the blissful state I’d been in only moments earlier. I’d been comfortable, warm, and, best of all, spending time with Clay in my dreams before I’d been so rudely awakened.
“We are going to put on our exploring hats today.”
I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palm and yawned. “Okay, but why do we have to go so early though?”
“The sights I want to show you are a wonder to behold. For instance, today you will be lucky enough to witness firsthand exactly how beautiful the sunrise is from the roof of the school on North Brother Island,” he said.
“But North Brother Island is inaccessible—unless you’re talking about a pre-dawn kayak to a protected area, which really isn’t my idea of a good time.” Was Aiden monitoring my habits? Over the last few weeks, I’d been borrowing books from the fae library to learn more about New York. Just last night I’d come across an article about the General Slocum tragedy on North Brother Island. When I’d read further, I’d discovered that the island was an old quarantine station that had been repurposed a few times before being permanently closed for use as a protected bird sanctuary.
“Will you please just trust me and get dressed?”
I groaned. “There’s no way I can say no, is there?”
He grinned. “Nope.”
“Fine,” I grunted, giving up any notion of going back to the sweet dreams I’d been having. I pulled myself out of bed. “Give me five minutes.”
“I shall return in two,” he said with a laugh as he swept from the room, dodging the pillow I’d thrown at his head.
As much as I disliked the rude interruption to my sleep, I had to thank him for it. It was all part of his desire to keep me from wallowing, which was what I’d wanted to do more often than not. As much as it bothered Aiden having to remain inside the court, he stayed in each day for as long as he was allowed just to ensure I had company. The hours he spent away on duty were when I escaped to the classrooms or the library. The excitement and splendor of the fledglings were contagious, making the school corridors one of my favorite places to visit. After discovering that I spent most days indoors, he created these impromptu dates to get me outside.
I dressed as fast as I could, throwing on a clean pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Just as I was tying a scarf around my head to cover my hair, Aiden came back into the room.
“We must be going, or we will be late. Dawn will break soon,” he said, taking my hand and yanking me from the room.
Through the net-like exterior that covered most of the common areas of the building, I could see the creeping grayness that indicated the sun was about to rise. “We’ll never make it in time,” I said as I struggled to keep up with him. There was no way I could think of that we’d be able to reach North Brother Island before the sun rose above the horizon.
“Just trust me,” he said again.
Dragging me behind him the whole way, he raced through the corridors that led to the back of the court. I wanted to say something because we were going the wrong way to get out of the building, but I bit my tongue. It was too early in the morning to be admonished again.
Eventually, we reached a part of the court that I had yet to visit—a large indoor forest filled with flowers and trees, the like of which I’d never seen before. All thoughts of North Brother Island and sunrises were swept from my mind by the beauty of the room in front of me. Tangles of vines twisted endlessly around gnarled tree-trunks. Roots snaked out of the ground and coiled around makeshift pathways through the trees. Bursts of bright colors in every hue imaginable almost appeared to explode in vivid displays of blossoming bouquets from among the deep greens of the foliage. The air was filled with the delicious intermingled scents of the multitude of different blooms. Through the flora, I could see the fluttering of wings belonging to fairies of various ranks. The whole garden seemed to thrum with energy and life.
In the middle of the whole thing, the series of pathways weaved together to form a large meadow. Dotted across the grass were rings varying in diameter to accommodate different group sizes and each was decorated with mushrooms or small mounds of earth.
“This is our Grand Central Station,” Aiden explained as he dragged me toward one of the circles. Holding out his hand to me, he stepped over the mushrooms and into the circle. “Our ticket to anywhere. Care to join me?”
“What are they?” I asked.
“Fairy rings—they take us to the places we want to go. It is rare for any outsiders to be privileged enough to witness this room, but you’re not just any outsider.”
Taking his statement as a compliment, I took his proffered hand and, after eyeing the ring beneath me skeptically, stepped into the circle.
Almost instantly, the world blurred. I held Aiden’s hand tighter as I was thrown completely off balance. I tried stepping forward, but there was no solid ground beneath me. I stumbled into Aiden’s chest.
“It should have passed by now, Lynnie,” he murmured. “You can open your eyes.”
I hadn’t even realized I’d closed them, but my eyelids ached as though I’d squeezed them tightly shut. I opened one eye just a tiny sliver. The magical fae forest had disappeared. In its place stood a large redbrick building surrounded by slender, moss-covered trees.
“Race you to the top.” He fluttered his wings slightly as he said the words.
“Not fair!” I cried as I raced toward the building.
I’d barely taken three steps when his hands slipped beneath my underarms, and he lifted me from the ground.
“Wait!” I giggled. “I’m not ready for this.”
His laughter joined with mine as he struggled to lift me higher. “I am not used to doing this with another person. It is certainly a workout and a half.”
“Are you saying I’m fat?” I pretended to be indignant.
“Hardly,” he snorted. “You would need several more decent meals before I would even go so far as to call you slender.” He dropped me down so that my feet were back on the ground. “I think we should attempt this another way. Turn around.”
I followed his direction. He grabbed my arms and wrapped them around his neck. He hitched one of my legs around his waist. I used the levera
ge to circle the other one around him as tightly as I dared.
For a moment, he nuzzled his nose into the crook of my neck. “That is remarkably better,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me, flexed his wings, and then lifted us both off the ground.
“Is this really easier?” I asked as I tightened my hold around him to ensure that I didn’t fall.
“Who said anything about easier?” He chuckled. “I said better.”
I nudged my shoulder against his chest in response.
“Be careful,” he whispered in my ear. “Or I might just drop you.”
We rose painstakingly slowly toward the roof. Once we’d cleared the top, he whispered against my neck that it was safe. I held on to him for a moment more as I tried to get my bearings. Between the fairy rings and the flying, I’d had enough of unusual travel methods.
Once I was back on my feet, he took a moment to catch his breath. “You didn’t actually have to carry me up here,” I said as he bent forward at the waist to recover.
He stood and slung his arm over my shoulder. “And miss this spectacular view?” he asked, sweeping his other arm in front of him to draw my attention to our surroundings.
My gaze followed the path of his arm, and I drew in a sharp breath. For the second time since waking, I was left utterly stunned by the pure, understated beauty of nature.
This place—which I’d only just read about in books—was the quarantine station. With its crumbling and ramshackle buildings being reclaimed by nature all around us, it really was a spectacular location, completely different to the urban jungles I was used to. The school building we stood on, one of the most recently constructed buildings, was also one of the few that still remained mostly erect.
Even though I hadn’t had a home since Dad’s death, I’d never really been able to appreciate the outdoors either. Or life in general in fact. During the years that I’d been on the road, I hadn’t had the time or inclination to just stop and look at the world like I could with Aiden now. We stood in silence, his arms resting around my waist, as the sun crept over the horizon.
Through the Fire (Daughter of Fire Book 1) Page 13
