“Colton?” Alyssa clenches my hand when I remain mute. “Are you all right?”
There’s that faraway quality again. It makes the edges of my vision blur, and her voice sound as if it’s traveling over a great distance. It’s funny, I didn’t think it was possible for this woman to inflict any more pain than she already has, but I was wrong. My chest constricts, making it difficult to breathe.
“Colton?” Concern floods through her voice. “Please talk to me.”
A ragged sound escapes from between my lips.
It’s carefully that Alyssa pulls the computer from my hands before setting it on the desk at the far side of the room and returning to the bed where I sit frozen in place. She maneuvers her way between my legs before threading her arms around my neck. With her standing so close, I have no other choice but to tilt my chin in order to meet her worried gaze.
My first instinct is to shut down so the pain-riddled emotion rampaging through me is stopped dead in its tracks before it can inflict further damage. If I do that, I’ll close myself off from Alyssa, and that will only push her further away when all I want to do is hold her close.
It doesn’t escape me that this situation is completely self-induced. If I hadn’t gone looking for Candace, I would still be unaware of her new family. I shutter my eyes and allow the grief to crash over me like a tsunami.
Her hands grip my face, forcing me to acknowledge that I’m not alone in this moment. I take a breath and force out the words. “I’m all right.”
That’s a lie.
Her lips feather across mine before she whispers, “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Should I leave? Would you rather be alone?”
The thought of being left to my own devices with all this foreign emotion crashing around inside me is a frightening one. “No, I want you to stay.”
“Okay.”
We stare at each other for a long heartbeat. Instead of dwelling on Candace, I focus on each steady inhalation as it fills my lungs. One breath. Then another. My gaze stays pinned to Alyssa. She’s the only thing grounding me in the here and now.
My head falls forward, resting between the gentle swells of her breasts. Her hands rise, fingers tunneling through the strands, holding me close. There is something so comforting in the way she touches me.
Before I can fully sink into her embrace, she steps away. I open my mouth to protest the distance when Alyssa’s fingers settle on the hem of her T-shirt. For a moment, they hesitate. And then she’s dragging the soft cotton up her body and over her head. My gaze skims across bare breasts as she shimmies out of the sleep shorts. The material slides down her thighs before revealing her slim form. Not giving me time to soak in the sight, she grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet. With quick fingers, she strips off my clothing until I’m standing before her, as naked as she is.
Somehow Alyssa manages to accomplish the impossible, and all thoughts of Candace and the hurt pounding through me vanish. Maybe it’ll be short-lived, and in an hour, the pain will come rushing back, filling me to the brim, but I’ll take it.
I’ll take whatever she’s willing to give.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Alyssa
This night has swerved in a direction I could have never predicted when I found Colton waiting outside the fine arts building earlier this afternoon. Even though I’ve done everything possible to keep him at arm’s length in an effort to avoid developing further feelings, it’s been a losing battle from the beginning. If I hadn’t realized it when we talked in his bedroom earlier this evening, I certainly do now.
There has always been something undeniable between us, and I’m tired of fighting the feelings that continue to simmer beneath the surface. I’m tired of denying they exist in a feeble attempt to move on. I can’t do it anymore. I have no idea what will happen between us or how it will end. If it’s anything like last time, it’ll be badly. What I do know is that there is relief to be found in finally coming to terms with the situation.
I place my palms on his chest before slowly sliding them upward, needing to feel the sinewy strength that lies beneath. I rise to my tiptoes until my lips can brush across his. My hands drift from his chest to the rock-solid definition of his abdominals before dropping lower and brushing over his hard length. He stiffens beneath my touch. With one final kiss, I sink to my knees and angle my head to hold his gaze.
“You don’t have to do that,” he rasps, carefully sweeping the hair away from my face. “It’s not the reason I asked you here.”
“I know.” My lips feather over the blunt tip of his erection. “I want to.” As the response bursts free, I realize just how true it is. I love Colton’s cock. I love the way it feels in my mouth. I love breaking him down and the way he loses control. Especially now that I know how tightly leashed he keeps his emotions.
As if to prove the words, my tongue darts out to lick the crown. When he groans, I draw him into my mouth. My gaze stays trained on him as his fingers tangle in my hair, holding me loosely in place.
“Fuck, baby. You have no idea how much I missed this,” he growls.
The feel of him turning to steel as he slides against the muscles of my throat is its own reward. It only proves what I’ve been so intent on denying—not only to him but to myself. Sex with Colton has always been explosive. Addictive. All-consuming. Whether I realized it or not, Colton has been the measuring stick I used against every guy I’ve been with. And they’ve always come up sadly lacking.
At this very moment, with all these emotions careening around inside me, it seems foolish that I ever thought I could move on from him so easily. Or that I could somehow will it with my mind.
His fingers tighten around the sides of my skull as I draw him in so deep that he nudges the back of my throat. The lines of tension filling his face ease, leaving behind pure bliss in its place.
Me.
I’m the one capable of making him forget. I’m the one who is able to wipe away all the anguish that plagues him.
Instead of feathering his eyes closed and tilting his head back, so he can savor the pleasure, his gaze stays pinned to mine as if he doesn’t want to miss a single moment. As if he’s singeing this experience into his memory for all eternity.
“I love the way you suck my cock. There’s nothing hotter than watching it disappear between your lips.”
A punch of arousal slams into me full force, and my panties flood with heat. No one has ever turned me on like he does. His erection grows unbearably hard. When his muscles tighten and his fingers dig into my scalp, I know he’s hovering at the edge of his release.
“I’m going to cum,” he groans.
The admission only spurs on my movements. My mouth turns voracious as I draw him deeper until the crown of his cock hits the back of my throat. Until I’m able to reach the root of him. It takes every bit of concentration not to gag.
“Fuck.”
And then he’s exploding. I drink down the hot spurts, milking him until his body loosens, and his thick length turns slack in my mouth. It’s only then that I release him and nuzzle the velvety tip with my lips. His hands loosen, sliding from my hair to beneath my arms as he drags me off my knees and to my feet. His lips descend in a hungry kiss that is both possessive and consuming before he spins us around and walks us backward. Before I realize what’s happening, my back hits the bed, and he’s falling on top of me, pinning me to the mattress.
“Do you have any idea how much I want you?” His mouth roves from my lips to my chin before descending. “I always have. Even when I forced you away, I wanted you. You’re the only girl who has ever scared me.”
His words circle viciously through my head as I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. Knowing everything I do, the confession now makes perfect sense. More than a year and a half ago, I admitted my feelings for him, and he shoved me away, terrified of being hurt again.
Colton spreads my thighs wide before settling between them and peppering soft caresses agains
t me as he continues to mutter. I’m not sure if he realizes the secrets he’s so intent on spilling.
“I have no idea what you see in me, baby. I really don’t.”
When his tongue darts inside my heat, I suck in a shuddering breath.
“I never wanted you to get so close. I never wanted you to matter. I fought against it for as long as I could.”
He spreads my lower lips with his thumbs. Cool air hits my core as the velvety softness of his tongue swirls intently around my clit. This man knows exactly how to touch me. It’s only been a handful of moments, and already I’m perched at the precipice. Every stroke is deliberate. He understands what will shatter me into a million broken pieces.
“It doesn’t make any sense,” he whispers. My ears prick, trying to catch the words as pleasure continues to wash over me. “How could you love me when my own mother wasn’t able to?”
Heartache spears through the pleasure unfolding inside me, jerking me back from the ledge. It’s almost as if Colton realizes that his words are counterproductive to what he’s trying to achieve. With renewed efforts, he attacks my flesh, pushing me relentlessly when I’d prefer to stop and hold him close, soothing the pain that resides deep inside him. Grief he barely acknowledges to himself and never to me. But he refuses to do that. Instead, his tongue spears inside my body before lapping at my shuddering softness, driving me relentlessly toward orgasm until I have no choice but to dive headfirst off the cliff.
I scream out my release, pressing a hand over my mouth and squeezing my eyelids tightly closed as waves of pleasure crash over me. There’s a ruthless determination to his movements as his tongue relentlessly circles my throbbing clit. When I squirm, attempting to lessen the intensity, his grip tightens on my thighs, not allowing me a second of respite.
When my muscles turn lax, he raises his head. My eyes crack open to meet his glowing stare. He crawls up my body and settles between my legs before driving his hard cock inside me with one swift motion. It’s only when he’s buried to the hilt, and we’re locked together, am I able to breathe. There is a rightness to our joining. As if this is exactly where he belongs. In my arms.
When his gaze fastens on to mine, the world around us falls away.
I expect him to take me in the same abrupt manner he did moments ago. Instead, there’s a tenderness to his movements as his body rocks gently against mine. Almost as if he’s making love to me. The need to ground myself in this act floods through me, and I lift my hands until they can cup his cheeks. Even though I’ve just cum, another orgasm brews inside me.
“Don’t ever leave me, Alyssa,” he whispers into the darkness. “Don’t leave me the way she did.”
Instead of my body splintering apart into a million jagged pieces, it’s my heart that does so.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Colton
Just as I’m adding the finishing touches to a paper, an email pops up in the corner of my computer screen. Everything inside me freezes as I stare at the name. It’s as if I’m dangling at the tippy top of a sky-high rollercoaster, perched for descent.
C. Radcliffe.
In what universe did I think reaching out to my mother was a good idea? Why did I assume it would give me the closure I needed to move on with my life?
At the moment, it seems like the worst idea imaginable. A heavy wave of nausea crashes over me, and bile rises in my throat.
Instead of opening up the message and reading it, I slam the laptop closed and shove away from the table I’ve been working at. The more distance I put between myself and the computer, the better off I am. My chest grows heavy. Tight. As if there is a thousand-pound elephant sitting on it, making it impossible to breathe.
A cold sweat breaks out across my brow as I grab my keys and wallet and head out of the apartment. Twenty strides later, and I find myself at Alyssa’s door. I rap my knuckles against the heavy wood and shift impatiently from one foot to another. When half a dozen seconds tick by, I plow a hand through my hair.
Where the hell is she?
I’m about to raise my fist and knock for a second time when the door swings open, and I find Alyssa on the other side of the threshold. Her eyes widen as she takes me in before throwing a cautious glance over her shoulder. “Hi.” Barely does her voice hover above a whisper.
My gaze shifts, and I realize we’re not alone. Mia straightens on the couch in the living room, watching our interaction with interest. When Alyssa’s attention returns to mine, it only takes a moment before her expression morphs into one of concern. It’s like she realizes without me having to spell it out that something is wrong.
“Hey.” My voice drops, matching hers in tone. “Do you have time to talk?”
“Yeah.” She continues to search my face for answers to questions she has yet to pose. “Are you all right?”
I jerk my shoulders. Not really, but there’s no way I can get into it here with her roommate looking on in fascination.
With a jerk of her head, Alyssa shoots another tentative look into the apartment before clearing her throat and raising her voice. “So…we’re going to grab something to eat.”
“Really?” Mia points to the empty food container on the coffee table. “You just inhaled an entire enchilada.”
Alyssa’s eyes narrow. “I have a big appetite. Are you trying to food shame me?”
Her roommate’s lips twitch as her shoulders shake with silent laughter. “Not at all.”
When color seeps into Alyssa’s cheeks, it occurs to me that she hasn’t told Mia what’s going on between us. After the way I broke up with her, I can’t blame her for wanting to be cautious. I just need to keep proving that I’m worth taking a chance on.
Not bothering with any further explanations, Alyssa mutters, “I’ll see you later.” Then she swipes her purse off the credenza in the tiny entryway.
“Yes, we’ll definitely talk—”
The sentence dies an abrupt death as Alyssa yanks the apartment door closed. With a huff of breath, she drags a hand down her face before it settles against her lips. The words come out sounding muffled. “I’ll have a lot to answer for when I return.”
“Sorry. I’m not trying to complicate matters for you. It’s just...” my voice trails off.
Her fingers drift from her mouth before settling on my hand. I stare at them and focus on the connection between us. Some of the fear and anxiety bubbling up inside me gradually recedes. Now that I’m with her, my chest doesn’t feel quite so heavy.
“It’s all right.” She gives me a tentative smile. “I should really come clean and tell Mia what’s going on.”
For one glorious moment, I forget all about Candace as I step closer and take Alyssa into my arms. “Hmmm. Is there something going on between us?” Why does everything feel so much better when I’m holding her close?
Her expression softens. “I really hope so.”
My lips descend, sliding over hers. Just as I sink into the kiss, needing her sweetness to soothe my soul, her palms press against my chest, creating unwanted space between us.
“Tell me what happened.”
That’s all it takes for everything to come crashing down on me again. And then I’m buried beneath an avalanche of suffocating emotion. “Let’s go somewhere else and talk about it. Are you hungry? Did you want to grab something to eat?”
An impish smile curves Alyssa’s lips as she shakes her head and pats her belly. “Mia was right, I just inhaled an enchilada. I’m stuffed. How about a walk?”
“Sure, that works.” Maybe I can burn off some of this excess energy simmering beneath my skin. Any moment, it’s going to burst free.
With our hands threaded together, we move down the hallway. As I push through the stairwell door, the elevator dings, and the metal gate opens. A man steps off, and Alyssa falters.
“Oh, boy,” she mutters under her breath.
I quirk a brow as my gaze slides over the older man. “Do you know him?”
“Yup.” She quickly d
ucks into the stairwell as he stops and glances in the other direction. “That’s Mia’s father.” She digs through her pocket before pulling out her phone. “I need to warn her.”
Warn her?
About her own father?
Looks like I’m not the only one with parental problems.
Alyssa fires off a text before slipping her cell back into her pocket. It only takes a couple of minutes before we’re walking out of the building and heading up the block. Everything that I’ve been desperately trying to push to the outer recesses of my mind slams back into me again. I’m so lost in those thoughts that I don’t realize we’re on campus until Alyssa points to a park bench off the beaten path on a grassy knoll. “Want to sit over there?”
Dread pools in my belly. As much as I don’t want to delve headfirst into this conversation, it needs to be purged from my body before it can fester any more than it already has. Maybe the smartest thing to do would be to delete the email and pretend I never saw it.
“Yeah.” My fingers stay clasped around hers. She’s like a lifeline. One I never realized I needed. Or wanted.
After settling on the bench, she turns her body until we’re able to face one another. When I remain silent, she says, “Tell me what happened.”
A burst of air escapes from my lungs as I slide the phone from my pocket. My fingers tremble as I pull up the email. It’s so much easier to show her than say the words out loud. Alyssa leans closer as we read the message together in silence.
Shock washes over her features as her widened gaze darts to mine. “When did you reach out to her?”
“The day after we found her online.” I jerk my shoulders self-consciously. “I’m not sure what I was expecting.”
That’s not altogether true. I haven’t heard from the woman in more than a decade. I figured there was no way she’d bother to reply, and I could put to rest all these uncomfortable and turbulent emotions inside me. Instead, she responded.
The Boy Next Door Page 22
