by Jax Hart
“I told her everything.”
“Seb has a way of seducing everything out of the girl.”
“That’s sick! Twisted! Let her go!”
My mind races as I recall all the photos of her looking up at Le Blanc with nothing but sweet adoration.
“It’s fine. I’m fine. I wanted it. Want him. He’s a drug.”
And what could I say? Because I know what Tati means. Roque’s touch did the same to me as Le Blanc’s is doing to her.
“Where are you, Red? Dragging this out will only make it worse for you.”
“How could it get any worse, Roque?”
He pauses. “Damn, I love the way my name sounds rolling off those lips.”
I hate myself. My nipples harden. My pulse is slightly faster. He still has so much control over me and I hate it. I want to knock him off his axis. Make his world tilt and make him burn for me.
“Do you remember… how I moaned it in your ear when you were inside me. Can you still feel the tip of my tongue against your skin, feel my breaths against you neck as you drove into me?”
“Romina.” His voice is strained.
“Pretty soon, it’ll be another man feeling and hearing all those things. I’m not going to let the ghost of who I thought you were dominate me anymore.”
“ROMINA!” This time my name is a roar. “If you let anyone else touch you… I’ll kill you both.”
My lips turn into a wry smile. “Ah, but you’ve already killed me before.”
Boom. I’ve successfully slammed an iron door between us, and he knows it. Whatever magical weave of seduction we were spinning ourselves in, I just cut through with the sharpest knife.
“And in the end, I couldn’t, and you now know why. There was a thread sewing our souls together, even back then. I felt it. You felt it.”
“The only thing I felt was the burn in my throat and the panic when I couldn’t breathe.”
“Liar. You felt me stealing your soul and getting mine in return.”
A shiver runs through me. Something utterly fucked happened in those dark moments between us and what he describes with his words is close to whatever it was.
“Goodbye Roque”
“Romina wait! She's after you. The families know you're alive now. You can't run, but if you do let me be the one to catch you. If it's not me, it'll be them And I promise you, love my punishment will hurt much sweeter than their revenge.”
“Like I’m scared of them or your bitch of a wife.”
“I might be married to her but it’s your face I saw when I said the vows. It was your name I whispered when I promised to cherish forever.”
“Are you saying you love me? That you’re in love with me? You couldn’t even be honest with me about who you were.”
“Neither could you. Baby Blue and my Little Red. Do you know what you are? When you mix blue and red—you get purple. The color of royalty. It symbolizes power and ambition. Be my queen, Romina. Together we can take down all of them and build a new empire.”
I pause, almost seduced by the image he’s weaving. I lift my chin. The only way I’ll ever be his again is if he bows to me. “I’m not interested, because I’m going to personally take you down. I’m the Fiorelli heir and I’m coming for you and any one that’s left of the families that turned their back on mine.”
“Don’t be a little fool. It’ll get you killed.”
“That’s fine. It was only luck that I’m still here anyway.”
“Fuck, little girl. When I catch you—you won’t be able to sit for days. I’m not sure what’s twitching more, my palms or my dick.”
“Probably, your eyelid. Calm down, Roque before you have a stroke. It’ll be a shame if you go out like that before I can cut your heart out and shred it to pieces.”
“You’ve already done that.”
I can’t listen anymore. He’s breaking me down. Lies. It’s all lies. A murderer mobster like him doesn’t love. It’s obsession. I do believe he’s obsessed with me only because I beat him at his own game. I disconnect, take the sim card out, place it on a rock and stomp it with my foot. I can’t contact Tati again. She’s already brainwashed by Le Blanc’s dick. I can’t trust her to be on my side. Sighing, I go back inside and check on Keisha. She’s fast asleep. At least someone will get some rest in this house tonight.
Roque
The Past
“She’s going to get herself killed.”
“And that would be all your fault. You better not let that happen or I’ll dismember you myself.”
I shake my head at the angry girl held tight in LeBlanc’s arms. “You’ve got a feisty one.”
“She’s just like her friend.”
“No offense, but no one can compare.”
Tati rolls her eyes. “You’ve got it so bad for her.”
I smile tight. “Maybe.”
“I can’t believe you let Johnny fuck your wife.”
I shrug at Le Blanc. “He practically begged me to. I hate the woman. In fact, if I end up a widower tomorrow it’d suit me just fine.”
I stride over to the limp girl in my friend’s arms. “Don’t mess with me Tati. I need you to think extremely hard where my girl might have gone.”
“I have no clue. I swear.”
I nod to Le Blanc. “Make sure she’s telling the truth.”
He grins. “Don’t worry. I will.” Then he steps back and grabs Tati’s forearms. “On your knees.”
“No, please.”
“You forget to call me Master,” he replies with a wink, bending over to swat her butt.
“That S & M shit doesn’t work on me.” Her eyebrow lifts.
“No. But my tongue does…”
She shrieks as he hauls her over his shoulder, and I leave with the bitter taste of my own failed romance in my mouth. I had that. What they have and I want it back. I want it all back right mother fucking now. “Where did you go baby girl?” I hop in my car and drive to the house she left behind. Anger radiates off me in waves. Her ghost is everywhere. The smell of her lingers in the air. I’ve come here a dozen times looking for clues but never found a thing.
My footsteps echo across the lonely hall. On a whim I open the door to the dryer. My heart freezes. Inside are her jeans, one of my T-shirts and the last pair of pink panties I remember sliding down her thighs.
My fist goes straight through the drywall. Shards of plaster and blood from my knuckles fall to my feet.
I had it all and let it slip right through my fingers leaving me feeling like the lyrics to a forlorn eighties love song.
I call Johnny. “Anything?”
“Not a damn thing.”
“I need to find her before they do.”
“Your bride is pissed AF. She just placed a contract out for 500k on your girl. I’ve told my men to stand down. If anyone takes the hit, the Lamatti’s would take their life and their loved ones in return.”
I hang my head. “I owe you.”
“Don’t worry I have a running tally of all the shit you’re gonna owe me.”
“I bet you do. I’m going back to our compound. Keep me posted.”
“I will.”
I take the contents of the dryer in my arms and walk back out not caring if I’m a sick fuck for sniffing the smell of her detergent, remembering it like some signature perfume.
Back at my lair I deposit my goods on my bed and remove the false wall hiding the floor to ceiling safe, guarding my weapons. I have a bride to kill. Other wise how can I marry my one true love? My cousin is keeping tabs on my bride and her brothers. They’re in Manhattan. I’ll have to draw them out. There’s too much surveillance, it’s too populated...
I text Johnny:
Invite my bride for a sex-fest in the Hamptons. Include a dick pic if it’ll help.
Johnny: Only if you let me do her before you do her in.
Me: *** EYEROLLL*** Just do it.
As I’m choosing my weapon of choice he responds.
Johnny: Three d
ays. My house in Sag Harbor.
Me: Don’t worry I’ll be clean.
Johnny: What about her brothers?
Me: I’m handling that shit tonight.
Johnny: They’ve been at the new club in the Meatpacking district, Nitrous the past two nights…
Me: Perfect.
I call my cousin’s. Their sisters owe me a few favors. I’ll fly them in, give them a few pills and have them drug my brother-in law’s drinks. Death will be too good for them but serving the Cartel down South… will make them pay while helping me create the friendships I’ve been trying to make. Payback for forcing me to marry their bitch of a sister will be sweet indeed. I put my plans in motion while pondering what to do with Julietta. I might have trained for this moment my whole life but the thought of killing a woman still pesters my conscience. Maybe I’ll just leave her to Johnny and let him do with her what he wishes… anything but set her free.
Romina
The Past
Somewhere in the plane of consciousness between sleep and being awake, the smell of percolating coffee, frying eggs and bacon reach me. My lips curve as I snuggle deeper under the blanket. Zio always gets up early to cook a full American breakfast for us on Sunday’s.
I roll out of bed stumbling into the hall with groggy eyes. But it’s not Zio. It’s my new friend Keisha or K.
“Hey. I hope you don’t mind.”
My jumbled response is barely coherent as I reach for a coffee mug. My hands shake as I recognize the first one I had grabbed. It was Zio’s favorite. Hand-made from ceramic and bright blue. He often said it reminded him of the way the Mediterranean looked as the water shimmered in the sunlight.
Gingerly, I place it down and pour the steaming coffee inside. The big things don’t break me, but the little things just might.
“Do you think he’s waiting for you back at the dorms?”
“Doubtful. He hit up a party last night and posted pics with baller bunnies all over him. I’m sure he didn’t sleep alone.”
“Baller bunnies?”
K rolls her eyes. “Basketball groupie whores who aspire to be baller wives and if they can’t get that ring, they’ll ride all the dick trying.”
I roll my eyes too. “I’d rather earn my living than mooching off someone else.”
“Me too, girlfriend which is why I picked the major I did. It pays because it’s so hard.”
“I have no idea what I want to do. I never gave it much thought.”
She stares at me hard while placing the hot food down on the counter between us. “You better start. Fall is only a few months away.”
I grimace. “That doesn’t give me much time to take the GED and SAT’s.”
She waves a fork in the air. “Do you know what my IQ is? 160, bitch.”
“That makes you some sort of freak,” I snort.”
“That’s exactly what he said.”
“Fuck him. I should’ve dismembered his balls.”
“I will. If he ever comes at me like that again.”
“And you’ll be ready to. I train you—you teach me?”
“You’ve got yourself a deal.”
“Ugh,” I take sip of the coffee. “This brew though. It’s way too weak.” I grimace placing Zio’s beloved mug down.
“When shall we get started?” K asks.
I shrug. “I have nothing to do today.”
She grins. “I have nothing but work to do today. Grab your laptop and whatever you’ll need. We’ll head to my dorm and then the library.”
“Cool.” I scarf down the rest of breakfast and take a quick shower. Spending time away from the cabin will be good for my mental health. Well, that and keeping my mind too busy on academics to even spare one thought to my sexy, ex-mob boss boyfriend.
An hour later we roll up to the sprawling green lawns still wet from the sprinkler system. Spread out on the rolling hills are different brick buildings. The backdrop is a blue sky with mountains. I breathe deeply. I can live here. Hide here. Maybe even learn something new. I need to shed my past, forget vendetta’s, and just be a normal girl coming of age and starting her own life. Simple. Easy. Right?
“My dorm’s over there to the left but you can park in guest parking for a bit.”
I pull off to where she directs me and park.
“Are we going to barge in on your roommate or anything weird?”
“It’s summer. I have a single.”
I nod my head, getting my first taste of normal college life, not the ivy-league frat vibe from Princeton. This is average America, regular students getting by on Ramen and pre-paid Visa’s. A hunger fills me. I want to do this. Be here. Fit in.
K swipes her fob and I follow her inside her dorm. We tale two flights of stairs and she stops short at her door.
“What a total immature douche.” On K’s door is the word “whore” spray painted in black.
She rolls her shoulders. “Whatever. I’ll call the RA. The University will handle it.”
K grabs new clothes and I sit on her bed while she showers. This is nothing like Princeton. Her room is not a room but more like the size of a jail cell. But I get it. It’s yours and the opportunities are endless if you just take them.
K is done in fifteen minutes and I’m impressed. Tati used to take an hour just to shower and shave then she insisted on flat ironing her hair.
We walk over to the library and my eyes are once again traveling from building to building trees to sky.
K elbows me in the side. “Girl. You’re getting checked out.”
I turn my head to the group of athletes jogging down a trail. Their bodies are moving forward but the heads are angled at us.
“Me? Doubtful. They are looking at you.”
“Is your hair real?”
I laugh. “It is. I used to be a blue.”
“Why on Earth would you ever cover that up?” she indicates at my thick auburn waves. In the sun some strands burn, catching the light.
I shrug. “Sometimes a girl just needs a change.”
K shakes her head. “I get that. We’re here. Let’s see whatcha got. If you have a good general grasp on the core subjects, we’ll sign you up to take the GED in two weeks. Then study for four for the SAT. It’ll be too late to get you accepted for fall, but you can at least register for a few classes to get a feel.”
“That sounds like a plan. If I eat, sleep and breathe calculus and trig.”
“That’s better than eat, sleep and breathing some doomed romance, right?”
“Definitely. I’m never going to lose myself for a man again, putting my future at risk.”
“Me neither.” She finds a quiet table on the third floor and plops down. “You ready?”
“Bring it,” I grimace, opening my laptop as she slides over a workbook full of advanced Calculus problems. “I feel a headache coming on already.”
“Girl, you got this. Math is just numbers making a puzzle. Each number having its place. It’s easy when you crack the code.”
“I’ve cracked the code to monsters. Calc won’t beat me.”
“That’s the attitude.”
We work for hours until we both decide we need iced-coffee and lunch. K gives me a tour of the rest of campus and a few guys call out inviting us to some party later. “You want to go?”
My chest tightens. “Nah, parties are overrated. Nothing but meatheads looking for blowies.”
“True. But we’ve worked hard today. Let’s blow off a little steam.”
“What if your ex is there?”
“So, what if he is? I’ll have superwoman by my side to kick ass.”
“No doubt,” I grin. “But I’ll take a raincheck. I still need to unpack and grocery shop.”
“Cool. I get that. I need to work on my paper anyway.”
I can tell she wanted to go and she’s been so chill not pestering me or asking me questions about my past. “Next one. We’re there and We’ll bring it.”
She smiles. “We will.”
&
nbsp; The rest of the day passes between her typing her paper and me silently working math problems. We exchange numbers and I wave bye as she enters her dorm. My car is silent and the air so hot it’s suffocating. I let the windows down, driving back to the cabin with fresh air blowing in. Now that the easy silence I shared with K all day is gone, melancholy creeps back in. The life and love I lost just won’t go away no matter how hard I wish to forget.
Instead of going straight back I hit up a super Walmart and grab groceries and supplies. But I can’t shop and dawdle forever. As dusk settles over the valley, I pull into the long, dirt drive to my small house nestled against the wooded hills.
“Might as well rip-off the band aid,” I mutter, pressing down the gas. I might as well get used to being lonely. If I’m alone with no one to love I can’t get hurt.
After wiping down the rest of the dusty cupboards, I stock them, take a shower and find an old pack of cigarettes Zio had in one of the drawers. I walk out back, sit on the stoop and light one up. My nerves are shot no matter how cool I play my emotions to the outside world.
When the cigarette is almost gone, I snuff it out against a rock and walk back inside. I study for a few more hours, until my eyes blur. Someday this moment will just be the past, too. Someday…
Days turned to weeks and weeks to months. Soon, three went by. True to her word, K helped me pass my GED and ace the SAT’s. I got admitted to campus for the spring semester but chose to stay alone in my cabin in the woods. Taking fifteen credits kept my mind busy. Only late at night, I miss his touch.
I hooked up with a few guys I met at random parties. But it was of no use. No one could compete with Roque on any level. I guess that’s what
happens when your first bad love is with a man like him.
I try not to keep tabs on him too often but whenever I did, I noticed he was in Chicago at the helm of a rumored crime syndicate. No one could prove a thing, but I knew he probably had his hand in everything from national politics to trafficking. Roque always wanted his own kingdom. But then again so do I.
But I’m still not ready. It’s not time. I want him to forget my face, how I feel like moving under him and just when the last memory of me fades from the pages in his mind. I’ll strike hard and fast, painfully re-inking those lost, forgotten pages.
