“You are so poetic,” I said with an eye roll to mask the fact that I wanted to cry.
He smiled softly at me before placing a kiss on the tip of my nose. “Should we call over more friends to help us? We could turn it into an impromptu house warming party.”
“That sounds awesome,” I said but he caught the glimmer of despair in my eyes.
Neither Elena nor Mama would come.
We wouldn’t even bother to invite them.
I had tried to reach out to Mama a number of times since our conversation but she remained radio silent and I wasn’t surprised by it. Of course, my understanding didn’t soften the blow of hurt I felt each time her phone went to voicemail, each time something new and exciting happened in my life that I wasn’t able to share with her.
It was hell, but as far as consequences went, not having my mother and one of my sisters wasn’t the worst fate I could have been dealt.
Sinclair and the beauty he infused in my life every single day was a testament to that.
By the time the sun was setting on our Saturday, I had been further proven right.
Cosima had arrived on the arm of her husband, Alexander, both of whom had mostly kept to themselves because my sister was still recovering and Alexander wasn’t exactly a comfortable man to be around. She hadn’t divulged much about her relationship with him, only that she cared for him and that she would give us the full story when she was feeling stronger. Still, it felt marvelous to have her alive and well on my new couch in my new apartment while the rest of us, Rossi, Eddie, Candy, Richard, Emma, Duncan and Sebastian, all painted the nursery.
Sebastian had pulled me aside as soon as he’d arrived because we hadn’t had time to speak alone since Cosima’s accident.
“I suspected,” he began, straight to the point. “It was obvious that there was some serious chemistry between you the moment I saw the both of you in Mama’s kitchen the night you finally came home to us. From then on, it just became increasingly more difficult to ignore.”
He sighed, his gaze cutting over my shoulder to where I knew Sinclair was arguing with Rossi over the type of music that should be played for a baby in the womb. They had been bickering about it for the last half hour, Rossi for classical, Sinclair for jazz, but they didn’t seem to be running out of steam.
“He loves you,” he said with another dramatic sigh. “It’s always been so fucking obvious that I’m surprised either of you took so long to act on it. We both know that Elena and I aren’t particularly close and that you, bambina, have always been my girl, but I just have to say, what is happening here, as beautiful as it is for you two and as happy as I am about it, it’s a nightmare for Elena. I haven’t seen her much but I know she’s hurting. Unfortunately, you did that to her. I hope that you can understand when you see her in the future. She never had any reason to be mean to you before but now, well, I think you know she has reason.”
“I can understand,” I said after swallowing back the acidic taste of guilt in my mouth. “I’m not mad at Mama for taking her side and I’m not mad at you for saying what you need to say to me. I did a bad thing and I regret so much that it hurt her but…” I bit my lip and my hand found my tummy.
I had only known that I was pregnant for a few days, the pregnancy tests that Sinclair had gone out to get for me that morning confirming it, and yet I was already so aware. My breasts were sore, swollen slightly already and there was a tight sensation in my womb as it swelled with our baby. Sin and I had both already geeked out and bought nearly every book known to man that was written about pregnancy.
I had never imagined a man like Sinclair loving me and I had certainly never imagined having a child with that man, but now that it was happening, I was loving every single minute of it.
In fact, part of me was sincerely convinced that I was the luckiest person in the world.
“But I have never been happier,” I finished, looking up into Sebastian’s burning gold eyes. “And I’m determined to enjoy it.”
My brother stared at me, a war raging in his eyes. He had spent his entire life providing for me, protecting me from the real life monsters that haunted our reality. Sinclair had now, effectively, usurped his role and he had done it in a way that my brother had a hard time with. He was the man of our family, more a father to me even though he was nearly two years younger than me, than our own father had ever been. Now, the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with was also the man who had broken the heart of another one of his charges.
I went on my tiptoes and pressed my hand to his cheek. “I’m sorry to put you in this position.”
He closed his eyes, leaning into my palm. “As long as you can tell me, every day, and Gigi, I am going to be calling you every day for a while now, that you are happy, then I will be happy for you.”
“Thank you,” I said earnestly.
He nodded curtly and cleared his throat. “Now, I’m going to go say the same thing to your future baby daddy.” He looked down at my stomach and shook his head. “He sure doesn’t waste time when he really wants something, does he?”
I giggled, “No, he does not.”
Now, all of us were settled in the sunken living room having ingested far too much Di Fara’s pizza. Brooklyn was a gorgeous miasma of lights and inky blackness outside the massive windows in the clock face that sat in the center wall of the living room. The men were drinking beer, Cosima and I were sticking to tea, and the atmosphere had relaxed a little since Sebastian had his requisite talk with Sinclair and Alexander Davenport had bent enough to join the conversation.
After hours of fun and work, the mural was shaping up to be extraordinary even though we had non-artistic people helping. At one point Emma, Eddie and Cosima had sat beside each other and started a Pinterest board for the nursery that they were determined to turn into a reality.
“I can’t believe my bambina is pregnant,” Cosima said now, her head on my lap so that I could stroke her hair.
She was still pale and there was a long line of stitches on the left side of her hairline that were still an ugly red.
“I can’t believe you are married,” I half-teased, half-scolded her.
She closed her eyes. “Don’t bug me about it, Gigi, I told you that I would tell you everything soon. I just want to wait until things are less volatile.”
“What do you mean?” I asked with my hand paused mid-stroke.
“Can’t we just focus on how beautiful this afternoon has been? Look at all the people who love you,” she said, gesturing to the assorted member of my gang.
Warmth seeped into my heart at the sight of Sebastian with his tongue between his teeth as read one of my baby books. Sinclair, Richard and Candy were talking about an upcoming event for Romani International, Eddie and Rossi were bent together over the Pinterest board they had created on my iPad and Emma was actually flirting with the nerdy but adorable Duncan Wright.
It was a good scene and it hit me hard that Sinclair and I had created this family for ourselves, this network of good people who only wished good things for us. I wished that Stefan and Odile could have been there, Brenna too, but it was enough to know that they would be there if they could. Cage was out of town for an interview on Ellen de Generes in LA but I couldn’t wait to show him our place and tell him about the baby when he got back.
I closed my eyes to absorb the beauty of having a home, a man and a family for the first time in my life before I looked down at Cosima. She was staring up at me with pride and satisfaction.
“You just successfully distracted me,” I admitted.
She smiled. “Good. You deserve this, Elle. Mama will come around, especially when she hears that you are pregnant. Her first grandbaby? She will be at the door in a second.”
“I would rather you didn’t tell her,” I said.
Sinclair and I had talked about it and I didn’t want the world to know yet. We weren’t that far along and more, I didn’t want to take Mama away from Elena. She needed someone in her c
orner that was assuredly not in mine, and I wasn’t ready to take that away from her yet.
“You are too good to her,” Cosima said, understanding.
I flinched. “I don’t know how you can say that, knowing that I cheated with Sinclair.”
Her eyes glazed over with painful memories as she tipped her head up slightly to look at Alexander who sat with her feet in his lap at the end of the couch. He had picked up one of the baby books that littered our new glass coffee table and he seemed completely absorbed in it.
“I encouraged you to go for it when you asked for my advice back in Cabo and even knowing that it was my other sister you were hurting, I wouldn’t have advised you any other way. I’ve known Sinclair longer than both of you and I have never seen him like that,” she said, pointing over at my Frenchman as he laughed loudly with Richard and Candy.
He caught my eye and winked.
I beamed back at him.
“See?” she said softly. “That is exactly why I do not begrudge you the affair or the secrets you kept from us for so long. Not only because you have that unspeakably epic kind of love with Sin, but also because, as you now know, I’ve kept my own secrets too.”
She sighed deeply and bit her lip before continuing, “I have to go away from a while now, bambina, and I cannot say where I am going or for how long. I need you to be okay with that.”
“I’m not,” I said immediately.
“Well, then, I’ll just disappear.”
“That’s what you are saying that you are going to do anyway,” I pointed out.
She stared at me with those beautifully intense golden eyes until I was lulled by them. “You need to trust that I’m doing what I need to do to be happy, to be better.”
I slid a glance over at Alexander. “Does it have anything to do with him?”
“Yes. I know you don’t understand but Xan is a huge part of my life. I would do anything for him just as you would do anything for Sin.”
I closed my eyes, overcome with worry. “What do you want me to say to that Cosi? That I am okay with you disappearing with a man that I don’t know anything about except maybe for the fact that he likes to seriously cause you pain?”
“I know that you and Sin don’t exactly have a normal relationship,” she pointed out with flashing eyes.
“He would never leave deep purple welts on my wrists,” I countered.
Cosima lay stiff as a board in my lap but her voice was soft, pleading as she said, “You won’t see me again after tonight for a while. I’m not even telling Sebastian.”
“He wouldn’t let you go,” I interjected.
“No, he wouldn’t because he can’t understand. I thought, hoped, that you would at least try to,” she said.
I sighed heavily because there was nothing else I could do. Cosima was her own woman and she would do what she wanted.
“Okay,” I said. “As long as you can promise me that you’ll be happy wherever you go and that eventually at least, you’ll come back to us.”
“I promise,” she said solemnly, turning her cheek so that she could kiss that hand that I rested at her hairline. “Thank you, Gigi.”
I leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, as there was a knock on the door. Sinclair and I locked eyes before he got up to answer it but we both had a bad feeling about who may be on the other side.
We were right.
“You fucking adulterer,” Elena screamed as soon as the door was open.
I closed my eyes for a brief second to gather my wits before I gently pushed Cosima’s head off my lap and scurried to the door to be by Sinclair’s side.
Elena’s red face turned to me and she shrieked so fiercely that spittle flew across my face. “You are the biggest bitch I have ever met! I cannot believe you are my sister, you spiteful, hateful shrew. You think that you can just take whatever you want, don’t you? First you take all of Mama and the twin’s affection because you are so fucking fragile and pathetic that they need to waste all their time taking care of you.”
She had stepped through the door and was stalking me, forcing me to move backwards until I hit the glass wall of the elevator in the middle of the room. Sinclair was beside me, keeping a wary eye on Elena but he was letting her get it out and I thought that was good of him.
“Then you took Christopher and turned him into a fucking psychopath. He was good to me before you corrupted him. He took me to museums and festivals, he read to me and so patiently taught me English even though I sucked at it. Then you grow those God damn tits and suddenly he only has eyes for you,” she sneered at me. “You practically begged for his attention and yet you go crying to the twins as if he raped you. Do you know what that made him do? Do you know what a man goes through when he is accused of rape? It turns him into that fucking animal.”
“Elena,” I breathed, because she was confirming my worst imaginings.
“Yes, Giselle. Christopher couldn’t have you but he could have me, even when he didn’t want me and he raped me for six God damn months.”
My heart was beating in my throat and my sensitive stomach was thrashing against my other organs violently. I needed to throw up so badly that my entire body shook.
“Elena,” Sinclair said quietly, authority still clear but calm in his voice. “Please, take a deep breath and let’s talk about this privately.”
I had forgotten that we had an audience.
Apparently, Elena didn’t care.
“Finally, years later I find a man that I care about, that cares about me. I get out from under the weight of Christopher, of that stinking fucking Naples and all that poverty and actually make a life for myself. And what do you do? You show up and fucking. Ruin. Everything. Again!”
Elena moved forward so quickly that Sinclair couldn’t stop her. She grasped my shoulders and brought my head back sharply against the glass wall as she shook me.
“He leaves you for me and now Margot tells me that you are GOD DAMN PREGNANT?”
“Elena, please,” I said, trying to ignore the ache echoing out from the base of my skull. “I am so, so sorry.”
“Elena,” Sinclair said his voice cutting into her so hard that she flinched a full foot away from me, releasing her grip before she could even consciously be aware of it. “You will not touch Giselle like that. I understand that you are angry, rightfully so, but you do not touch a woman, your sister or a pregnant woman like that, for any reasons.”
“Fuck you, Daniel. You are just as bad as that slut and everyone is going to know it.”
Sinclair vibrated with fury and it was Elena’s turn to retreat backwards as he moved closer. She may have played at being a predator but Sinclair was the ultimate alpha wolf and her man handling of me had caused he to shed his thin veneer of civility.
“If you think that you can come into my house and hurt my woman, physically, mentally or emotionally than you are just fucking stupid. We hurt you. Fuck, if we don’t feel that regret every day. There is nothing to do for it but apologize, but empathize. We have kept as far away from you as we can and allowed you to treat us, particularly Elle, with absolute cruelty. That is done now. I hurt you, Elena. It was me who did this and me you should be angry with just as it is Christopher that you should be angry at. Not your little sister. Have you ever thought that treating her like shit for her entire life may have led her to this? Maybe she would have tried harder to resist if you’d given her any kind of love or warmth over the years.
As it is, I’m fucking glad she didn’t because she is mine now and no one messes with her, not even you, not even if you think you deserve to. So, get out of our fucking house and stay away unless you can pretend to be fucking civilized.”
His voice was not loud like Elena’s had been, or coarse with excess of emotion. Instead, it was stripped of anything but cold, cold malice and I watched as every word hit Elena like a physical blow. In the end, she stood shaking in the doorway, her eyes skirting over the entire space, over our collection of friends including Cosim
a and Sebastian in the living room, before they landed on me again over Sinclair’s shoulder.
“You took everything from me,” she breathed, so broken that it was painful to look at her. “And somehow, I’m the bad guy.”
I wanted to say something but the bile in my stomach had finally flooded over and when I went to open my mouth, I threw up all over the floor.
“Damn it,” I heard Candy curse as she dashed over to me, holding my hair back as it came flooding out of me.
Sinclair appeared a moment later with a small copper trashcan for me to heave into.
“I think it’s time everyone went home,” Eddie said softly over the loud sounds of my sickness.
By the time I finished dry heaving minutes later, everyone but Cosima, Candy and Alexander were done. Sinclair scooped me up, vomit stained clothes and all, and strode with me up the glass staircase two steps at a time until we reached the master bathroom. Candy had followed us up and immediately turned the bath on while, surprisingly, Alexander, turned the shower on.
Sinclair was busy undressing me, his jaw ticking like a countdown to another explosion.
“Sin,” I croaked through my sore and dry throat. “It’s okay. She needed to do that.”
He paused after stripping me naked to look me in the eyes, his utterly haunted. “I am so sorry.”
“Mon amour,” I breathed, placing my hand over the thudding heart in his chest. “Please, don’t be.”
“Get in the shower, honey, then the bath will be ready once you’ve rinsed off,” Alexander said softly.
He looked me in the eyes, not once at my bare flesh. I was too hollow to thank him for that but I noticed it all the same. I nodded and stepped through the open door to the walk through shower. Surprisingly, Sin came with me, clothes and all. I hiccoughed as he tugged me into his arms and pressed my cheek to his chest. I burst into tears when he stepped us both under the hot spray.
“Let it out, my siren,” he cooed over and over again as he gently gathered my vomit splattered hair and lathered it with my honey-scented shampoo.
He moved me like a precious doll as he tended to me, washing and conditioning me before picking me up in his arms to transfer us both into the waiting bubble bath. He arranged himself behind me in the huge white tub and tucked both his arms and legs around me.
The Consequence Page 18
