‘What am I meant to do with these?’ I said, frowning at the plastic bucket and spade.
‘Build a sandcastle, of course,’ Mum said, setting up the windbreak and laying out her beach towel. ‘All the other kids have them and they’re not complaining.’
I looked at the other kids building sandcastles and they were all half my age. I think Mum was trying to teach me a lesson or something because I’d spent half the drive to the seaside begging for an inflatable surfboard. And when Mum said they were too dangerous because I might get swept away, I spent the other half sulking.
‘I’m too old for sandcastles,’ I said flatly.
‘And yet still young enough to sulk when you don’t get your own way,’ Mum sighed, plonking herself down on the towel. ‘You don’t have to build sandcastles. There are plenty of other things to do.’
‘Can I bury you in the sand?’ I asked, eagerly waving the plastic spade.
‘Absolutely not!’ Mum said. ‘I want to get a nice tan for the summer.’
‘Then I’ll dig for crabs instead,’ I suggested.
‘CRABS!’ Mum gasped. ‘You know how I feel about crabs!’
Mum is terrified of crabs because one nipped her toe when she was little. She even squeals when they’re shown on TV and hides behind a cushion until they’ve gone.
‘Then can I have a s–’ I was about to make one more plea for the inflatable surfboard, but Mum must be a mind reader because she quickly interrupted me.
‘If you say surfboard one more time, we’re going home!’ she snapped.
‘Um, I was only going to ask for a sandwich,’ I lied.
‘Not until lunchtime,’ Mum said firmly. ‘If I open the box now they’ll get covered in sand and we don’t want sandwiches with sand in them.’
‘All sandwiches have sand in them,’ I joked. ‘That’s how they’re spelled.’
Mum dipped her sunglasses and glared at me over the top, which meant she wasn’t in a joking mood. I did hear someone else chuckling, though, but when I looked around I couldn’t see who it was.
That’s odd! I thought.
Mum didn’t notice because she was too busy rummaging inside the beach bag.
‘Why don’t you play with this?’ she said, pulling out my snorkel and dangling it in front of me. ‘The last time we had a day at the seaside you spent half the journey begging for it and the other half sulking until you got your own way.’
The determined look on Mum’s face told me I would not get my own way this time, so I reluctantly took the snorkel and wandered down to the sea.
I’d begged for the snorkel last time because I thought the water would be full of interesting creatures, but the people paddling must have frightened them away because all I saw was lots of pairs of legs.
This time there were lots of pairs of legs again, so I swam further out, hoping to find an ancient shipwreck or an underwater city. I did see something that looked like a sea witch, but it was just a rock with seaweed sprouting from the top.
I know what a sea witch looks like because I met one once at the local aquarium. I got into loads of trouble when she flooded the gift shop – but I’ll tell you about that another time.
I splashed around in the sea for a while and then made my way back up the beach, hoping it was close enough to lunchtime for Mum to crack open the sand wiches. But as I got closer to our stripy windbreak I found Mum replaced by a large mound of sand!
On closer inspection I found Mum beneath the sand mound with her face neatly framed at the top. She was snoring her head off.
‘Mum?’ I said, a bit annoyed that she hadn’t let me bury her because she’d obviously wanted to do it herself. Mum didn’t answer because the sand was covering her ears so I picked up the plastic spade and gave the mound a little prod.
The snoring stopped with an abrupt snuffle and Mum’s eyebrows frowned above her sunglasses. Then she slowly lifted her head, saw the mound of sand and leapt up, causing a sandy avalanche!
‘How could you?’ she screamed, eyeing the spade in my hand.
‘But, I didn’t…’ I pleaded.
Mum shook her head angrily and then stomped down to the water to wash off the thick layer of sand that was stuck to her suntan lotion. I looked at the spade and realized Mum had every reason to think I’d buried her.
‘Chuckle! Chuckle!’ chuckled a nearby voice.
‘Who is that?’ I asked, looking around to find no one there again.
Mum returned dripping wet, shook the sand from her buried beach towel and patted herself dry. I said nothing because there was nothing I could say that would convince Mum I hadn’t buried her.
‘What a waste of suntan lotion!’ Mum grumbled, sitting down and reaching for the beach bag. ‘Honestly, Jake, I sometimes wonder if you do these things on purpose just to –’
Mum didn’t get to finish the sentence because at that moment the bag tipped over and a dozen tiny crabs tumbled into her lap! The next thing she said was ‘ARRRRRGH!’ and legged it halfway down the beach.
‘Chuckle! Chuckle!’ chuckled the voice again.
By now I was certain the invisible chuckler was responsible for the burial and the crabs, so I walked around the towel and peered behind the windbreak. But after searching all over he was nowhere to be found.
I collected the crabs in the plastic bucket and released them into the sea.
Then I had to go and fetch Mum. It took me a while but I eventually convinced her that the crabs were all gone and led her back along the beach.
Instead of the tan she was hoping for, Mum looked very pale so I suggested an early lunch. Mum agreed, but I could tell she was still cross with me. There was nothing I could say because I’d mentioned the sand burial and the crabs earlier, and they’d both mysteriously happened.
I was wondering what else I’d mentioned, when Mum produced two plastic plates and dished out the sandwiches.
‘ Sandwiches!’ I gasped.
It was too late. Mum had taken a bite from the first sandwich and her face froze mid-munch. I heard the crunch from where I was sitting and watched with horror as the sand poured from the half-bitten bread.
I lifted the corner of the sandwich on my plate and found it was not just a little sandy – the filling had been carefully removed and replaced with a handful of the stuff!
‘I think I’ll pop to that little shop and buy us some more sandwiches,’ Mum said calmly and quietly, which is always more scary than her yelling. She dropped the remains of the sandwich on to the plate and wiped her mouth with a napkin. ‘And when we’ve eaten those, we’re going home.’
Mum took her purse and left me on the towel to think about what I’d done, even though I hadn’t done it. And if I hadn’t done it…
‘Chuckle! Chuckle!’
This time when the chuckler chuckled, I was looking at a mound of sand and I saw it tremble slightly. Then the mound shifted as the underground thing hurried away. It reminded me of my cat Fatty when he tunnels under my duvet.
I quickly grabbed the plastic spade and followed it, determined to find out what had got me into trouble. When the fleeing mound paused under Mum’s towel I whacked it with the spade.
‘Come out where I can see you!’ I demanded.
The thing below the sand was still for a moment before it spoke.
‘I’m too scary,’ it said. ‘You’ll run away screaming. Everyone does.’
‘I’m not everyone,’ I said, because I’ve seen lots of scary things in my unbelievable adventures and you kind of get used to it. And, besides, I was much too angry to be scared. ‘Show yourself now or you’ll get another whack!’
The thing sighed and shifted, then a massive head peeped out from under the towel. It was obviously a monster because it was green and lumpy and had big yellow teeth, and it was pretty scary-looking. But to be honest, I’ve seen worse.
I realized the other people on the beach probably hadn’t seen worse and, not wanting to add a stampede to my list of beach crimes, I q
uickly moved the windbreak to hide it from view.
‘You’re a sand monster!’ I said, waving the spade in case he made any sudden moves.
‘No, I’m actually a sea monster,’ he said. ‘I moved to the sand because the sea is really boring. I tried playing with the legs, but they kept running back up to the beach.’
‘So now you hide under the sand and play tricks on people?’ I said.
‘I have to stay hidden or people will run away again,’ he explained. ‘But I only want someone to play with. It’s lonely being the only monster and very difficult to make friends.’
‘Then why did you get me into trouble?’ I asked, thinking it was a really bad way to make friends. ‘I heard you chuckling.’
‘Your sandwich joke made me laugh,’ said the monster. ‘So I tried to make you laugh too by doing the things that you said. I didn’t mean to get you into trouble. I thought it would be funny.’
I suppose it would have been funny if I hadn’t been blamed, so I put the spade down. The sea monster was obviously friendly and I felt sorry for him being lonely and having to hide in the sand.
‘I would play with you,’ I said, ‘but I’m pretty sure my mum’s taking me home soon. And we probably won’t be back for a while, especially after the burial and the crabs and the sand sandwiches.’
The sea monster nodded sadly.
Mum was heading back with our lunch so I told the monster to hide again.
‘I’ll try to get my mum to stay longer, but I can’t promise anything because she’s very cross with me,’ I whispered. ‘If I can talk her round, I’ll meet you in the sea after lunch.’
The head-shaped mound nodded and then slowly shrank beneath the sand.
‘And no more crabs!’ I hissed after him.
As Mum returned with the non-sand sandwiches I prepared myself for some serious begging. But not for an inflatable surfboard – this time I’d be begging forgiveness for things I hadn’t done.
I have to say the begging was very hard work and I had to use various different strategies. I began with apologies and promises of future good behaviour. Then I moved on to guilt and regret for everything I’d done. And to clinch the deal I ended with flattery.
‘… I’d feel really bad if we went home before you got a nice suntan,’ I sighed, ‘because it always makes you look so pretty.’
‘Really?’ Mum smiled. ‘A suntan makes me look pretty?’
‘And young,’ I added, which was my final ace card.
I waited eagerly for the verdict.
‘Well, I have to say I’m very impressed,’ Mum said, reaching for the suntan lotion. ‘I think it’s very grown up of you to take responsibility for your actions, and to think of others for a change.’
‘Does that mean we can stay?’ I asked.
‘Yes,’ said Mum, already rubbing the smelly sun protection into her arms.
I ran down the beach and waded into the water as quickly as I could. The apology negotiations had gone on longer than I expected and I was worried the sea monster had given up waiting.
I swam through the sea of legs and out into the deeper water, then I scanned the depths for something that looked like a monster. I’d only seen the sea monster’s head, so I wasn’t sure how big he was or what the rest of him looked like.
Then I saw a dark blue shape sitting on the seabed and peering up at me.
I waved and coaxed him to the surface, and was very impressed when he unravelled his tentacles and soared through the water towards me. I would have been terrified if I hadn’t known he was friendly.
‘Hello!’ I said, as his head bobbed just above the water. ‘I made it!’
‘Are you talking to me?’ The sea monster frowned and glanced behind him.
‘Of course,’ I laughed. ‘There’s no one else around.’
‘And you’re not going to swim away screaming?’ he asked.
‘No,’ I said. ‘Didn’t we cover this earlier?’
The sea monster frowned and scratched his head with a tentacle.
‘In the sand!’ I said. ‘With the burial and the crabs and the sandwiches?’
The monster slowly shook his mighty head.
‘You are the sea monster who moved to the sand to make friends?’ I asked cautiously.
‘No,’ said the monster awkwardly. ‘I’m the sand monster who moved to the sea to make friends.’
It was then that I noticed something odd. Instead of two little fins sticking out of its head, there were two little spades, meaning this was a completely different monster altogether.
GULP!
Suddenly a second giant head popped out of the water, and this one did have two little fins. Although, aside from that difference, the monsters looked exactly the same.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ said the sea monster, and then stared wide-eyed when he saw the sand monster bobbing beside me. And the sand monster looked just as startled by the sea monster!
It was obvious to me that these two monsters had never met before, and as I’d met both of them it was left to me to make the formal introductions.
‘Sea monster, this is sand monster,’ I said, nodding from fin-head to spade-head. ‘Sand monster, this is sea monster,’ I added, nodding from spade-head to fin-head.
Both monsters shyly extended a tentacle and shook them politely, and it was then that I spotted something I hadn’t noticed before. My old friend sea monster was blushing really badly and my new friend sand monster was batting her eyelashes.
Spade-head was a lady monster!
Both lonely monsters were obviously very pleased to meet each other and spent quite a long time exchanging stories. They also quickly worked out that they’d swapped homes during the same summer and must have just missed each other.
I was very happy for them, but I was also getting bored.
‘Er, I don’t want to interrupt,’ I said, waving at the pair of chatting monsters, ‘but my legs are getting a bit tired from treading water, so I think I should go back to the beach –’
‘Don’t go!’ they both said together. ‘We haven’t had a chance to play yet.’
With this the two monsters ducked under the water and the next thing I knew I was rising out of the sea like Neptune! I looked down and saw my feet planted firmly on the monsters’ heads.
‘WOW!’ I gasped, and then realized everyone could see me standing on water.
I quickly looked back at the beach. Mum was stretched out in the sun, and none of the paddlers were looking at me because there were loads of other kids standing on surfboards.
‘Hold on tight!’ the monsters said together.
With this they shot through the water at high speed, and even though I didn’t have anything to hold on to, I still managed to keep my balance most of the time. The times I did fall off, a handy tentacle scooped me out of the water and set me upright again.
Forget inflatable surfboards – monster surfing is the best water sport EVER!
Luckily I was treading water when Mum called me in from the beach, but before I swam back to shore the sea monster told me to wait and shot away towards the deep dark ocean.
He returned moments later with a small brown rock.
‘This is for your mum,’ said the sea monster, looking very pleased with himself, ‘to say sorry for everything. And it will make her happy and not cross with you any more.’
‘Are you sure?’ I asked, frowning at the rock.
The sea monster nodded and I promised to give it to her.
Back on the beach Mum was packing the bag, and it was taking her quite a long time because she was checking everything for crabs.
‘I got you this from the sea to say sorry,’ I said, because saying it came from a sea monster would have just got me into more trouble and a lecture about making up stories.
‘Oh, a rock!’ Mum said, trying to look pleased. Then she held it up to eye level, tipped her sunglasses and frowned. ‘Actually, it’s not a rock at all. It’s a crusty old clam!’
Great! I thought. Even worse than a rock!
‘I wonder…’ Mum said, tapping the brown lump with her knuckle and trying to prise it open with her fingers. None of these things worked so she put it down and whacked it with my spade.
The two halves of the shell cracked open.
‘Oh, Angel Cake!’ Mum squealed, plucking out the shiny white pearl.
Mum grabbed me and gave me a massive embarrassing hug, but I didn’t mind because I was glad she was happy again. And looking over her shoulder I could just make out two tentacles waving on the horizon.
‘But it looks rubbish!’ I said, frowning at the rundown ghost train and comparing it to the cooler rides at the funfair. The cool rides were huge and fast and everyone was screaming. The ghost train was deserted like a ghost town! ‘Can’t I have another go on the Dinosaur Dipper or the Rocket Launcher?’ I pleaded.
Jake Cake: The Football Beast Page 2
