I devised intricate plans on how I could kill her and then the leaders. In the very least, I would take revenge upon her. I hated that evil girl and the humiliating scar she had created on my upper chest.
I figured she must have blackmailed one of her friends, probably Tomaru who also hated me, into falsely confessing as the second witness to me crossing the boundary line. Whatever the case, there was no way out of this cell and my plans of revenge were futile. Who was I kidding?
As usual, I missed my mother something awful. I worried about her incessantly. I knew she must be suffering tremendously knowing I am all alone in here. Now, I would never see her again and that was the worst knowledge I had ever sustained. My circumstances rendered me entirely powerless. If only I could somehow get through the skylight way, way up above. But, there was no way out of this cell. The skylight was too high.
That night was worse. I hated thinking in the dark. I hated hearing that latch lift, that key turn, that slider raise, and the horrible sound of the food tray sliding through the door.
I wanted so badly to grab that gray haired woman’s hand and break it off. Every night it took everything in me to stop myself from trying.
I couldn’t do it anyhow. If I was to pull her hand through the little sliding door, I had nothing to cut her arm off with aside from my fingernails and teeth. I figured she’d scream and the male guard who brought me here would save her and then torture me. There were the sounds of footsteps and muffled voices above the stairs at meal times, so I knew the tall woman wasn’t alone. And, anyway, she was a big, burly lady who looked much stronger than me, probably even stronger than most men.
So, that night when my anger reached its peak, at one point, I put my hand against the wall that separated my cell from my dungeon mate’s cell and to my surprise, my thoughts calmed. I heard a strange, soothing beat in my mind. Tenderness filled my body. I eased my way to the floor with my hand still in place and I fell fast asleep.
Over the course of the next few months my days tended to be of a similar nature. Most days I kept to my regular routine of bathing, styling my hair, and singing with my companion. On other days, I lost control and fell into fits of crying that escalated into mini inexplicable earthquakes that frightened me. And other days I just slept, wallowing in depression.
But, today, December 14th, was my worst day yet. I was so depressed that I just sat on the floor and cried. Aside from missing my mother, I also missed Shaul Hainsworth. Though I didn’t trust him nor did I even know him well, I was entirely desirous of him. The separation from Shaul crushed my spirit and today it even murdered my will to live.
The pain was overwhelming and helplessly dramatic, but I just lost all control. I was glad nobody was around to see me because I felt entirely pathetic.
After awhile, my cries turned to screams and although I knew I had to stop myself before the guard reprimanded me, I just couldn’t. I became hysterical. I couldn’t stop thinking about how lonely I was and how the feeling would last forever, how much I needed Shaul. I thought that I should be strong and because I wasn’t, that made me feel worse. I wanted to die. I was possessed. The music blared in my mind, maddening me.
As I screamed, I heard noises on the other side of the wall. Then the ground started shaking beneath me something awful this time. Much worse than before.
The louder I cried, the more violent the earthquake became. The stone floors started rolling in waves and the waves got bigger and bigger.
Then I let my voice escalate into a high, piercing pitch. It was the strangest sound, but it felt so good in my throat that I continued.
The pitch of my voice rose and rose. Then the walls started shaking and, to my amazement, a stone fell from the wall separating me from the other cell mate.
This is miraculous, I thought!
At once, I stilled my voice to a sudden silence. Everything stopped shaking and moving and it was quiet. After a minute, I heard rustling upstairs and some voices from the guards yelling to each other.
I walked over to the wall where the stone fell out and looked inside. I could see through the hole right into the other cell!
14
The stone that fell out of the wall separating my cell from the neighboring cell was quite large. It left a hole big enough to stretch my arms through to the other side. I felt around and was able to take out a few more big loose stones without collapsing the wall.
As I was doing this, I heard a chain dragging and then my neighbor’s face peered through the hole. I shouldn’t have been startled, but I was. I fell back on my behind and stared up at the boy looking at me with wide eyes.
He had a black beard and wild, wavy hair. I wouldn’t have recognized him except for his piercing silver eyes that I remembered so well.
“Shaul?” I stared at him in disbelief for a moment, feeling so happy to see the boy I desperately yearned for, pondering the possibilities that this miracle held. I wanted to hold him in my arms, to press my body up against his.
He smiled at me as he shook his head, pain in his eyes. “Cordellia!” he whispered. He shook his head again. The sadness in his eyes was even more intense now. Then it turned to anger and he walked away from the hole to a part of the cell I could not see.
I waited for a moment, but when he didn’t return, I got up off the floor and crawled through the hole in the wall. It was dusty and rough against my skin, but I managed to make my way through all right, spilling to the floor clumsily.
Standing upright, Shaul had his head against another wall, facing it with his arms stretched up, resting upon it. I think he was crying because though he was quiet, his body shuddered. A thick metal clasp was soldered around his ankle with a heavy chain attached to it that connected to the wall.
I didn’t know what to do, so I just stood there looking around silently for a minute. His cell looked just like mine—old fashioned and gloomy with a bathtub, a toilet, and a sink with a small cabinet. There was also a skylight high, high up on the ceiling.
Seeing him living like this in isolation made my heart sink. I felt so sorry for him. I knew how much pain I had experienced in this prison and knowing that he had been through the same thing, broke my spirit.
I wondered why he was chained to the cell and I wasn’t. But, then I realized that with his strength and fighting skills he could easily escape by overpowering the guards. They must have known this and took extra precautions.
After a moment, I walked up to Shaul and reached my hand up to his shoulder. I wasn’t used to touching boys, but I felt like he needed human touch even more than I did.
He turned to me and we held each other for quite awhile. His grip intensified the longer I was in his arms. There was desperation in the way he held onto me, like if he let go, I’d disappear and he’d be alone again. I figured that was how he was feeling because that was how I felt.
But, then, he pulled away from me, gripping my shoulders. “Go back to your cell and put the stones back,” he whispered harshly, an unexpected glare in his eyes.
I was startled by his sudden transition.
“I don’t want you in here with me.” His voice was cold.
“But, it’s so horrible being alone. Don’t you want a friend?”
“I’ll report you to the guards if you don’t leave. They’ll torture you if they find you in here.”
I looked at him in astonishment. “You’d do that to me?”
“Get out, Cordellia. Get out.” His voice raised a pitch as he scowled at me.
I shook my head, trying to hold back tears.
He picked up the empty metal mug sitting atop his food tray and said, “I’ll bang this cup against the door until a guard comes if you don’t leave.”
I was shocked at his cruelty. How could he be so heartless and cold after all that we’d been through? Didn’t he need a friend as much as I did?
He raised the mug in the air as a threat. I quickly crawled back through the hole replacing the stones to their original spots. I was so
hurt and confused at the same time, but I didn’t have time to dwell on my feelings. The guards rarely entered my cell, but after the commotion I had created with the earthquake and my high pitched cries, it was possible they might come to check on me or beat me.
Only moments after I replaced the stones back into the wall, the cruel woman guard unlocked my cell and stepped inside. My pulse raced.
“What was all that crying about?” she demanded.
I shrugged my shoulders hesitantly and whispered, “I just miss my mother.”
She stared at me for a moment and then began walking around my room inspecting things. As she looked about, I noticed a pile of dust on the floor just below the stones I had replaced. The grout that held the stones together originally must have crumbled with the movement. My heart raced faster. If she noticed the pile, she would become suspicious and inspect the wall.
If she discovered that I had snuck into Shaul’s cell, she would lock me in the torture box she had warned me of prior, so I tried to think of something to distract her to send her away from my cell so I could clean up the pile before she found it.
In awkward desperation, I grabbed onto her, pulling her away from the pile, and begged, “Please help me!” I forced myself to cry. “Don’t leave me alone. I just need some company.”
Her eyes widened, shocked at my unusual pleas. “Get off me—you ornery child.” She hardly had to struggle to get away from me because she was so big and strong compared to me.
“Please, please—save me.” I fell to the floor, wailing. It was easy to cry because overall, I really felt devastated in general.
She took her baton from her belt and began zapping me with high volts of electricity. “Don’t ever do that again, you foolish girl,” she said in her crackly voice.
The pain was excruciating. I thought I was going to die. My body flopped around on the floor. I bit my tongue. Then she must have taken the whip from the other side of her belt because, she whipped me several times across the back before she left the cell, locking the door behind her.
I could hardly move, but I managed to drag my body over to the pile where I passed out on top of it.
When I awoke it was dark in the cell. My dreams were all about Shaul. It was amazing how vividly I saw him. The dreams were even clearer and more vibrant than real life.
I felt like we had an entire life together in a dream world, a life where we were very close and shared everything. We did so many fun things together—swimming in a crystal clear blue sea with dolphins and tropical fish, flying through heavenly skies, dancing on the moon, and laying on our backs under the stars upon a bamboo raft on a glistening lake. I was in such a contemplative mood that the pain from the electrical shocks and whippings hardly registered in my mind.
I carefully got up so to not irritate my injuries and checked to see if my food tray had come. It wasn’t there yet, so I knew it was still early into the night. This made me hopeful because that meant I still had time to sneak into Shaul’s cell after my food came.
15
Awhile later, I heard footsteps coming toward my cell. The latch lifted, the key turned, the slider raised and the tray was pushed inside. It was ground fish with chopped greens on a stale bun with a side of grasshoppers and a cup of wine. I knew the meal well and could tell what it was just from the smell.
I picked at the food avoiding the insects and gulped down the wine. I made sure to put the tray back in front of the slider for retrieval. It was very important to always return the tray because if it wasn’t there during pick up, it would give the guard reason to enter my cell. Usually tray pick up wasn’t until noon the next day when lunch was served.
Now, despite my injuries, which, to my surprise, weren’t too bad this time, my mind raced. I had to see Shaul. I remembered how he saved my life and my mother’s life before we came to the community in the Seneca Mountains. He was a good person.
But, then I remembered how he told Jezebel’s friends that I was his sex toy. Even though a part of me believed her at the time, I just couldn’t imagine now that he would have said such a crude thing about anyone. She must have lied.
Yes, I was a skinny legged humpback, but Shaul liked me enough to bring me to the community and give my mother and me all sorts of supplies. It just didn’t make sense that he could act so immature and heartless.
But, then, when I started analyzing him more, I realized he was entirely unpredictable. His behaviors were erratic. Sometimes he was heroic and charming and at other times he was cold and avoided me like the plague. So, possibly he did say such a crude lie to Jezebel’s friends. Oh, I just didn’t know!
His cruelty today when I went into his cell didn’t make sense to me. I couldn’t imagine actually wanting to be alone after living so long in isolation under such harsh conditions. I would be happy to have any sort of companionship. Even if the person didn’t appeal to me, someone would be better than no one.
If I could get him to talk to me, maybe some of the loneliness that was eating me alive would dissipate. Maybe the yearnings for him would subside.
I so desperately needed someone to converse with even if he was an unsavory soul. To me, in my present state, trying one more time would be worth the risk of getting caught. I would rather die than spend another night alone.
Then the music I was so accustomed to since I had been locked away raised a notch in volume in my mind. It was a beautiful, romantic tune, a sweet song that lifted my spirits whenever I was sad. I enjoyed the familiarity of the piece and its soothing qualities.
As the song played, I felt my way through the dark and very quietly removed the stones from the wall. I moved slowly, trying not to make any noise because I didn’t want to wake Shaul if he was sleeping. I also wanted a chance to get into his cell before he sent me away.
It was a little more difficult climbing through the wall with my injuries, but I made it through fine. Once inside, the music in my mind stopped. The silence was sudden and strange.
I saw a twinkling ball of light floating in the air before Shaul’s face. He was sitting Indian style upon the ground with his eyes closed. The vision frightened me and I considered climbing back into my cell. How in the world did he get a ball of light and how did he get it to float in mid air? I stared at him for quite awhile. Even with his overgrown hair and beard, he was extremely handsome.
Quietly, I sat down before him with the ball of light between us. It looked like there was a hologram of an apple inside the light. How odd, I thought. I must have startled him because his eyes opened suddenly and the ball of light fell to the stone floor still aflame.
“What are you doing here?” he said icily.
“I, uh, I…”
“Get out.” He jumped up. His presence was startling. Red light exuded from his body. He was really scary. He looked evil.
I scrambled to my feet. “Shaul,” I pleaded. “Can’t we just talk for a little while?” I started to wonder if I would be better off alone in my cell.
“No.” He gritted his teeth. His eyes flamed in intensity.
Remembering the excruciating loneliness I had been feeling these last months, I decided not to give up my one chance at some sort of companionship. In determination, I stepped toward him.
“Get away,” he demanded. The red light surrounding him intensified. It was so strange and I wondered if I was just seeing things, but I knew I wasn’t.
Then, at once, he charged at me, throwing me down. I was shocked as I fell backward, but he caught my head in the palm of his hand as I landed beneath him. I was all right—the hump on my back rested lightly on the floor without injury, but my whipping slashes burned and I felt startled and confused.
For an instant, he gazed at me with smoldering eyes that made my heart race. I forgot all about the pain. I should have been angry, but I wasn’t. I hardly understood what I was feeling, but it was something oddly pleasurable. Then he kissed me softly.
I had never kissed a boy, so my mind went in a bunch of different
directions. I felt self-conscious, but the kiss felt sensual and loving at the same time which I liked. He had the softest lips. I felt drawn to him like I was under some sort of spell.
Before I knew what was happening, the kissing became passionate reminding me of a love scene from one of the dome cinema shows I used to attend before the economy crashed. I wanted to breathe in his essence. This surprised me. He stroked my hair. Wow! Was this really happening? His hands slid over my body atop the cell robe I wore. I wasn’t expecting that.
He stopped himself. I wondered what was wrong, but then he whispered breathlessly, “You smell like paradise.” Still staring at me, he shook his head side to side with the slightest movement like he was trying to wake up from a dream.
From the way he acted, it felt like he thought I was the most appealing girl in the world. This shocked me because no boy had ever viewed me that way, especially not a boy as gorgeous and mysterious as Shaul.
I could hardly catch my breath.
Then he rolled onto his back and muttered so softly that I wondered if he was talking to himself, “I have understood you.” He grinned in the most charming way that utterly confused me. My mind was floating on high, but it sounded like he chuckled for a moment and then didn’t say anything for some time.
I wondered what he was thinking.
Then he shook his head again and scowled through gritted teeth. At that, he pushed himself away from me, stumbling to his feet. He had a pained look in his ravishing silver eyes that I had never seen in a boy my age. Please leave,” he begged. “You should stay away from me, Cordellia.”
“But…” I sat up, searching in his eyes for an explanation.
“Just go,” he looked at me coldly. But, something in his body language suggested that he desired otherwise.
I was so overwhelmed and confused by his odd behavior. I got to my feet nearly losing my balance, but I managed to find a steady foot. In his presence, I felt so inferior, like an awkward child. “I don’t understand,” I said in an irritated tone.
Girl Possessed (Book 1 of The Girl Trilogy) Page 7
