"Well, she is a pretty incredible lady," I said, looking at her. We shared a sweet smile. I didn't bother to hide my joy at being with her and seeing her happy. As far as I was concerned, I could tell everyone and not care a bit who knew. It would not change the way that I felt about Michelle. I knew from the moment that I saw her that I wanted to know more about her and now that I was getting the chance to see what she was really about, I was even more impressed.
"Okay, we've had our walk," said Harlow, trying to contain his mounting frustration. "Now, I think that it would be a good idea to get things ready so that we can head back. Just seeing how involved it is going for a walk, let's me know that we should probably have started packing to leave three days ago."
"We still have a little bit more time to get ready," said Monica. "But after that walk, I'm hungry. Hope, do you still have any of that amazing pie of yours?"
"Sure do. And I would love it if you guys would do me the favor of helping me get rid of them. Otherwise, we will sit here and eat and entire meal of pies. And by us, I mean Darren."
Darren smiled sheepishly.
"You know it's actually more your fault than anyone's," he said. "If your pies weren't so delicious, I might not be tempted to eat so much of them." Michelle then heads toward the cabinet to retrieve plates.
"I'll help you serve it." she says. She was so thoughtful and generous. Always thinking about other people. I loved that about her.
"Thanks," said Hope, disappearing into the pantry and emerging with two of most gorgeous pecan pies I’d ever laid eyes on. The group started "ooooo"ing and clapping, eyes fixed on the pies as Hope carried them to the counter to be cut and served.
“Whipped cream… ice cream anyone?” There were several drawn out “Yeeeeeeess’s.”
Once everyone had been served, the room quieted down with the scraping of forks and moans of satisfaction the only sounds heard.
I sensed that the trip had come to an end and I thought it would be best if I took my leave before everyone else. I hadn't thought that I would end up spending the night, but I was glad that I did because I had two more chances to be with Michelle.
"I'm going to be taking off here soon," I announced. Michelle looked at me with a look of sad panic in her eyes. I felt a jolt of sadness within me, but I knew there was no sense in prolonging the inevitable.
"What a funny surprise seeing you out here," said Harlow. "Just when you think that the world is small, you find out that it's even smaller."
"Yeah," I said, shaking my head in wonder. "It’s definitely been a memorable weekend, an adventure for sure." I stole a glance over at Michelle and saw that she was grinning from ear-to-ear.
"We have to do this again soon," said Harlow. "What are you up to these days?"
"I took a job doing some remote contract work with the military," I told him. "I wanted to be able to do something that allowed me to live in the wilderness and still be able to live comfortably. With my military background and experience, it just made sense that I would work for them. I didn't think that I would get back into military work after I left the SEALS, but it's been working out for me so far." I didn't want to go into too much detail about the work that I was doing for the military. They had me working on some classified cases that I didn't want to talk to them about. But I felt like I had answered his question without lying.
"And how have you adjusted to life after officially leaving the military?" asked Harlow, turning his head sideways to get a better look at me.
I remembered how hard it had been emotionally for me when I came home. I had spent many months talking to a therapist, trying to sort through my feelings about everything. But I didn't necessary want to share that with everyone, especially with Michelle standing there. I wasn't ready to share that part of me with her just yet.
"It's been pretty good. No complaints. I imagine that it's been similar to anyone else leaving the military, I guess."
"You'd be surprised," said Harlow, nodding slowly. "Some of us come home and struggle to get back to our lives before deployment. Sometimes, we see too much and that can affect everyone differently. That's why I started a foundation that helps soldiers coming home from the military to readjust to civilian life. It's called ‘Home Free’. I know how it can be to go from one world to the next and struggle to stay grounded and connected with life and your loved ones. It can alienate you. . I had to find ways to cope once I got home and now with the foundation, I help other soldiers who might have challenges in these areas. It's really good that you adjusted so well once you left the military because not all soldiers have that experience. But if you ever decided that you wanted to check out what the foundation does to get some extra support, I definitely suggest it. Or who knows? Maybe you could be an incredible resource to help others going through the challenges associated with adjusting back to civilian life?"
Wow, I thought, This is a different side to Harlow. I really enjoyed being around everyone and thought that maybe it might be a good idea to try to connect with more people.
"I'll definitely keep it in mind," I said. "Things have really been looking up for me lately, so I would love to come out and see if there's anything that I can do to help."
I looked over and winked and Michelle. I wanted her to know that she was a large part of the reason why I had felt more optimistic lately.
I thought about what Harlow was telling me. I realized that he was not that same reactive man that I had met all those years ago in the SEALS. I thought that his constant shots over the past few days had been coming from a place of hate, but having this conversation made me think that maybe that wasn't the case. In fact, I was starting to think that I had been completely wrong about him, really all of them. They had been very welcoming and warm, allowing me to spend time with them as if I was a long lost family member. I felt so welcomed by them. And the fact that Michelle had been here was an added bonus. Actually, she was my favorite part about the last few days.
I could see myself being friends with them now that I knew that they were actually decent guys. I tried to think of a good reason for me not to take Harlow up on his offer and couldn't think of reason not to. I had been dreading my trip ending and not being able to see Michelle anymore. Now that I’ve had time to spend with her and experience amazing love making session, I knew that I wanted more. This gave me the perfect opportunity to be around her.
"You know what, I'll do it. I'll go with you to Albuquerque and help with the foundation. I think that it would be just as good for me as it might be for others. I can always do the work that I do for the military somewhere else. And there really isn't anything keeping me in the woods. Not anymore, anyway."
I could see Michelle beaming at me out of the corner of my eye. My heart almost leapt up in my chest at the thought of being able to spend more time with Michelle and seeing what the future might hold for us.
"What a relief," said Monica. "I wasn't sure how much more orchestrating I could do before you two found a way to get together. My task is completed!" Michelle laughed loudly.
"Yes, you have definitely been on the job," said Michelle. "I'm just glad that things are working out the way that they are because I didn't want to have to think about how I was going to go about getting back into the mountains on a regular basis."
I walked over and wrapped my arms around her, glad that I could now show my affection for her publicly.
"Awwww," said Whitney, starting to tear up. "I'm really happy for you guys. And I would be lying if I didn't say how happy I am that you decided to come back with us, Elijah. To be honest, I was starting to panic a little bit as I noticed that you two were becoming closer. Michelle is the best thing that has happened to our family. Our children have flourished, and our household has been happier with her here, so I understand how you can be so taken with her. I kept imagining when she didn't come back the night of the storm that we had lost her…that she had decided she was going to stay with you and live in the mountains forever. But this is e
ven better."
Whitney smiled brightly, rushing over to hug both of us.
"Group hug!" yelled Monica, walking over to join us.
Soon, everyone had joined us. I felt squished and uncomfortable in a web of arms. I smiled though, because it felt good to be connected to such wonderful, warm-hearted people. It almost felt like…dare I say…a family!
Chapter 23
Michelle
Riding with Elijah back to his cabin reminded me of the drive home after picking my father up from the police station, the day he was kicked out of our old house. He had his arms folded and was pouting like a toddler while he stared out the passenger's side window.
"So do you want to tell me what happened?" I asked in what I hoped was an inviting tone. He said nothing. I waited a few beats and repeated the question. When he didn't answer yet again, I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car.
"What are you doing?" he asked me, bewildered.
"Oh, now you can speak?" I asked, angrily. "Look, dad, I know that it's been hard for you adjusting to things since Mom has been gone. It's been hard on me, too. But I need you to focus. I need you to act like you know that life is worth living. Most of all, I need you to be present. I love you, Dad. Seeing you become someone that I don't know has been hard. Mom might not be here, but I am still here. And I’m not going anywhere."
I stood on the passenger's side window yelling words at what looked like a blank face. It was at that moment that I knew that the father who had raised me, whom I had known my entire life, was gone. Long gone. And I didn't really hold out hope that he was ever coming back. The look of defeat on his face told me that the best that I could expect to do was to love this shell of a man and hope that things didn't get any worse than they already had.
Unfortunately, things did get a lot worse. But, it was in that moment of resolve that I saw something that I had never seen before: ultimate defeat. And the fact that it was something that I saw in my own father, the man at whom for many years I looked on as my hero, was unnerving and disappointing.
I drove the rest of the way home in complete silence, trying to sort out my own thoughts and feelings. My father didn't even try to say anything. I think he was hoping that we would both ignore the elephant in the room. My father had been broken by life.
As I sat next to Elijah and saw the lively way that he spoke about our future, I was filled with an excitement that I couldn't have conjured up in my wildest dreams. I didn't really know the details of what was going to happen next, and, to be honest, I wasn't sure that Elijah knew, either. All we knew was that what we thought was going to be a short trip had now turned into something longer. That alone gave me hope that things were, at the very least, going to turn into an amazing adventure.
Elijah reached over and put his hand on top of mine, splitting his view between me and the road.
"I am so glad that you decided to join the rest of them on the trip this weekend," he said.
"Me, too," I said smiling, placing my hand on top of his.
His hands were warm, and his skin was soft, yet the palm part was rugged from years of working outdoors. I noticed it the first time that he touched me. I hadn't expected that any part of them would be so soft, considering all that he does out in the woods. But the experience that I had with Elijah let me know that sometimes there is more to life than what meets the eye.
We drove for a while holding hands, taking in the beautiful mountain scenery around us. Soft country music drifted from the radio, making me feel like I was in a classic movie, with one of those happily ever after endings. I couldn't wait to see what adventures we would have next. And I was more than ready for it.
When we pulled up to the cabin, he sat there staring up at the darkness of the house, the place that he had called home for so long. I could tell that his thoughts were everywhere.
"What are you thinking?" I asked, softly.
He jumped a little, as if I had startled him out of his thoughts. Then he looked at me and forced a smile.
"A lot actually. Don't get me wrong, I am really excited about being able to spend more time getting to know you better and creating the best life possible, the life that you deserve. I look forward to doing everything that I can to make you happy. It's just..."
He stopped and looked away.
"What is it? You can talk to me. I promise I won't get upset. I just want you to be happy."
He turned abruptly to face me.
"That's just it. I know that you want me to be happy. And just being around you, having you near me, is enough to make me happy. But, I wonder if I can really make you happy? I have been out here for so long in my own world that I can't say I'm fully convinced that a few fun days of hot passionate sex and hanging out is going to be enough to have changed me from the person that I have been for so long. I really hope that it can, but the truth is... I'm just not sure.”
I stayed silent while he paused, and then continued. “One thing I am sure about, though, is that I want to help out the guys who are struggling in the ways that I have. I know that all these fears that I have are because of what I went through. And I know that there are others who are suffering in silence. I lied to Harlow about being okay. I just didn't want him to ask me any more questions. I was afraid that if I opened up to him that he would judge me."
I touched his face. He was such a gentle giant. It was crazy how sensitive he really was despite his strong, impenetrable exterior.
"You know that I am by your side every step along the way, whatever it is that you decide that you want to do. I just want to make sure that you make a decision based on what you really want and nothing else. Are you sure that you really want to give up your life, the one you love and have gotten used to for so long?"
Elijah stared ahead out the front window of the truck and slowly nodded his head.
"You know what? Yeah. Until I met you, I didn't realize that I wasn't living. I thought that I had the best possible life that I could have, especially after my embarrassment in the SEALS. And then leaving them and not being able to fit in with civilian life made me feel like I had more to gain by being alone.”
I nodded at him, and he continued. “I put everything into building this house so that it would be perfect. I hadn't made any plans beyond this. And now, I am actually excited about the prospect of starting a new life. I feel my mind opening up to new possibilities that I had never dreamed of. And it feels really good. It makes me feel more alive. I know that I am not really giving up anything, but I am gaining even more in deciding to move to be with you. And at the same time, I can help men like me who have shared my struggles. This is what I was meant to do."
My heart felt filled with joy.
"I am so happy to hear you say that."
I really was. I felt so grateful for him. And I was even more grateful to hear him say that I had something to do with his happiness.
"I almost feel strange saying this, but I know that it's right. I feel it so deeply. It wouldn't be right if I didn't talk to you about it. I know things have moved really fast, but... I love you. I love you so much. The main reason that I knew that my decision to move was a no-brainer is because I tried to think of what life would be like if you weren't in it. It suddenly doesn’t feel like any a kind of life at all."
I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes before they poured out.
"I love you too," I managed to say, after tears streamed down my cheeks for a few minutes and I finally had a chance to find my voice. Normally, I would have agreed that it was too soon to make such declarations since we had just met each other. But it felt like the right time; it so did.
He opened the car door, walked around to my side of the car, extended his hand and said, "Come on."
I wordlessly took his hand as he guided me into the house and down the short hallway to his bedroom. There were things scattered everywhere. He swept an arm across the bed and clothes toppled onto the floor like a dust storm. He motioned for me to lay on the b
ed. I did as was requested. It was time for us to give each other a parting gift in this cabin that had been his home for so long.
Epilogue
Michelle
Elijah and I had been living together in Albuquerque for six months, and things had been going well. But right now, he was late to dinner. This was something that I wasn’t used to. I had been in situations where dates had stood me up or left me sitting for a long time. But Elijah had never done anything that would make me think that he was that type of person. Unless there was very good reason, Elijah was always communicative and punctual. Just then, he arrived.
The energy in the room almost seemed to shift when he walked in. A hushed lull filled the room as I watched his large frame make its way from the front door to the table where I sat leaning against the wall. When I asked why he was late, he sighed and told me that he would tell me everything once he got to the restaurant. I nervously nibble on a dry piece of bread as I waited for him to walk in.
"Hello, gorgeous," he said, throwing me a toothy grin.
"Hello," I answered back.
"I am so sorry for leaving you sitting here like this. I thought that I was going to have more time...doing what I was doing..." His voice trailed off and he down as he scooted his chair up to the table.
"What were you doing?" I asked nervously. He was acting very distant, like he was hiding something. I didn't like it at all. The thought of what he was going to say (or maybe what he was not going to say) was making me feel physically ill.
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