“I would gladly take them on, if I could,” Raze said fiercely. “I adore your children, Lucia—and your mother and your pets,” he added, before she could blame his own failure on herself again. “But I can’t Join with you, no matter how much I love you and your family.”
She shook her head.
“But…why?”
Raze drew a deep breath.
“Because I’m a hybrid,” he said harshly. “A mutt—a blending of two branches of the Kindred tree. And my kind can’t form a bond.”
“A bond?” Lucia shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“No…” Raze sighed and ran a hand over his head. “I guess you wouldn’t, since humans don’t bond. But it’s very important for Kindred. When a Kindred warrior finds the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, he bonds her to him—forges a soul-connection that ties them together forever.” He shook his head. “I can’t give you that, Lucia—can’t offer you the most basic, vital piece of a Kindred relationship. I’ll never be able to.”
“But…but what if I don’t care about the bond?” Lucia protested. “What if I just want to be with you?”
Raze was aware of what it must cost her to lay her heart on the line like this and it broke his own heart to refuse what she was offering him—what he wanted so badly. But he knew he had to.
“You say you don’t care now,” he told her darkly. “But you would. Once you met other Kindred and their mates and saw what they have—the level of communication they can achieve that we never would—you would hate me for denying it to you.”
“Communication? But…but we talked all night the other night,” she protested. “About everything. I never had that with Tony. He never gave a damn what I was thinking or feeling. Not like you, Raze.”
“Try to understand…” Raze took her hands in his, caressing her soft, slim fingers with his own. “It’s because I care about you that I can’t do this—can’t Join with you, no matter how much I want to. And I do want to, Lucia—so damn much! But I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
She yanked her hands out of his.
“You know what’s not fair? The way you’ve been playing with my heart! You acted like such a nice guy—being so good to my kids and my mom. Acting like you actually cared about them—about me.”
“I know.” Raze looked at her wretchedly. “I never should have gotten involved. I knew I could never have you,” he admitted, his voice going low with shame. “But I wanted to pretend—just once—that things were different. That I could find a mate and a family to love and care for and protect.”
“Well, you found us.” There were tears in Lucia’s big brown eyes now and a tremble in her voice that squeezed Raze’s heart. “You found us but I guess you decided you don’t want us after all.”
“That’s not true! Lucia—”
“I think you’d better go.” She pointed a shaking finger at the door of her apartment. “Just…just leave me alone!”
Raze rose from the couch, feeling like his body was made of lead.
“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely. “So sorry for the pain I caused you.”
“What am I going to tell the kids?” She blinked, tears rolling down her face. “It’s not bad enough that you made me love you, but Frannie and the twins—they love you too, Raze! How could you do this?”
“Gods, I don’t know,” Raze muttered miserably. “I’m so sorry, Lucia. So Gods damned sorry.”
“Your sorry doesn’t cut it, pendejo!” she snapped, her eyes flashing through the tears. “Go away! Go away and never come back!”
“That’s exactly what I’ll do.” Raze felt numb as he said it. “My leave is over anyway. I’ll be going back to the Mother Ship tomorrow morning.”
“What? You were planning to leave all along?” Lucia shook her head. “Dios, I never really knew you at all.”
“Know this, Lucia—I love you.” Raze felt as though someone was ripping the words from his throat—and his heart from his chest at the same time. “I love you too much to lie to you and Join with you when I know I can’t properly bond you to me.”
“Liar!” she cried. “You’re just making some kind of excuse. I know why you don’t want me—because I come with too much baggage. But you could at least me honest about it!”
“I am being honest!” Raze protested. “Look…” He sighed. “There’s no point in staying and fighting about it.”
“Especially when I told you to go!” She crossed her arms over her chest. “So go on—get out.”
“I will. But Lucia…” He paused for a moment, wishing so badly that he could touch her just one last time. Reaching out, he caressed her heated cheek with just one finger.
Lucia jumped, her eyes growing wide.
“What…what are you…?”
“Remember,” Raze told her, withdrawing his hand reluctantly. “If you ever need me or need anything from me—help, money, anything I can offer—I’ll be on the Mother Ship. I’ll file a permanent pass for you, so all you have to do is mention my name and you’ll be allowed to board.”
“As if that’s going to happen!” she snapped, but the fire was gone from her eyes now, replaced by a sadness so deep it made Raze ache to see it.
You did that, whispered a little voice in his head. You put that sadness there. You broke her heart!
“I’m so damn sorry, Lucia,” he said again. And then he left.
What else could he do?
Eleven
“He never wanted me in the first place,” Luci said dully, when Rochelle asked what had happened the next day. “He made up some bullshit excuse about how he couldn’t ‘bond me to him’ and said that was why we couldn’t be together.”
“Oh, no! Honey, I’m so sorry!” Rochelle enfolded Luci in her arms and held her tight while Luci cried.
“I don’t know what to tell the kids—or my mom,” she sobbed into her friend’s shoulder. “They all love him so much—as much as I loved him! And then he tore out my heart and stamped all over it, the big pendejo!”
“Get it out, girl,” Rochelle murmured, patting her back. “Go on and get it out. Men are assholes. I thought the Kindred were different, but I guess I was wrong.”
“I was wrong too—about everything.” Luci took a deep, shuddering breath and swiped at her eyes. “Dios, I feel like such an idiot, thinking someone like Raze could fall for someone like me.”
“Don’t let this get you down,” Rochelle told her firmly. “You’re still a beautiful, strong woman and any man would be lucky to have you.”
Luci appreciated her friend’s words, but she didn’t feel like they were true. The way Raze had left her had only reinforced her feeling that she would never find a man to love her again—not one that would accept her with her kids and mom and pets in tow, anyway. But her family was her life. She couldn’t and wouldn’t abandon them—not for any man, she told herself fiercely.
She would just have to learn to live without love, that was all there was to it. She would be the best mom and daughter she could be and try to forget about the big Kindred who had stolen her heart and then stomped all over it.
Life would go on. It might feel gray and dreary right now, but eventually she would feel better—wouldn’t she? After all, just two short weeks before, she hadn’t even known Raze existed. In time she would forget him and be happy again.
Or so Lucia told herself. But at the moment, her heart was so broken she didn’t see how it could ever heal.
Twelve
“Where’s Raze? I want Raze—and I want to see the kitties! Wanna see Spots and Little Bit and Pirate Cat,” Frannie whined.
This kind of behavior wasn’t like her at all, but they had all been out of sorts in the two weeks since the big Kindred had left. The twins were fussy, Frannie was fractious and prone to tears, and Luci’s mom seemed to be feeling her age. She was limping around with a hand on her back all the time, her face lined with pain.
Even the animals seemed to miss Raze, Lu
ci thought. Lady was sad and subdued and Lucky had taken to hissing when anyone tried to pet him. Oreo and Hippy and Hoppy were always hiding in their hutches. Only the turtles seemed largely unaffected by the general malaise the big Kindred’s absence had brought to Luci’s little family.
Dios, I miss him, she caught herself thinking and then tried to push the thought aside. But there was no denying it. Life was hard and dark—an endless cycle of work at the clinic, housework and childcare at home, barely enough food, not enough sleep, and then she had to get up and repeat it all again.
Before Raze, the cycle had seemed normal. But the big Kindred had lightened her load—helping with the housework and dishes, buying groceries, playing with the kids, being kind to her mother, feeding the pets… In so many big and little ways, he had brought light to their lives. And now that the light was gone, Luci sometimes felt she couldn’t go on in the darkness anymore.
Still—she had to try for her kids.
“Raze isn’t here, mija,” she told Frannie as patiently as she could. “He had to go back to the Kindred Mother Ship.”
“Well then, I wanna go to the Mother Ship!” Frannie declared.
“You can’t—it’s way up in the sky, orbiting the moon.” Briefly, Luci closed her eyes and imagined him up there, among the stars, doing whatever it was he did. Did he miss her at all? Or was he happy to be away from her and the kids?
“I wanna go anyway!” Frannie insisted. “Please, Mami! I thought Raze was going to be our new daddy! I thought you found a nice daddy for us since our real one was so mean!”
“I thought so too, mija.” Luci’s heart clenched like a fist and she felt tears fill her eyes, though she tried to stop them. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” she said, gathering her daughter into her arms for a hug. “But we still have each other. And we’ll always be together—I promise you that. I’ll never leave you.”
At last, Frannie seemed somewhat comforted. She put her arms around Luci’s neck and held on tight.
“I love you, Mami,” she whispered in Luci’s ear. “I’m sorry I was sad.”
“It’s okay to be sad, mija,” she murmured. “I’m sad, too. I miss Raze as much as you do. But sometimes things just don’t work out. I know it’s hard to understand, but you’ll get it when you’re older.”
“Okay.” Frannie sniffled and finally eased her choke-hold on Luci’s neck. “As long as we’re together, Mami, we’ll be okay,” she said, and sniffed again.
“That’s right, mija.” Luci felt her heart twist again. “That’s right.”
But she had no idea how soon her little family would be torn apart.
Thirteen
“I saw you with your new boyfriend.” The sneering, angry voice was too familiar for Luci to mistake. She knew it was her ex before Tony even came into view.
“What do you want?” she demanded as he stepped out of an alleyway to block her path.
The Paws and Purrs parking lot had been full that morning, forcing her to park down the street at an overflow lot. Now she wished she had tried harder to find a spot in the regular area. A run-in with her ex was the last thing she needed at the moment—especially if Tony was feeling belligerent, which he usually was.
“What I want is for my wife to not be slutting around with some big fucking alien!” Tony growled, glaring down at her.
He was a pretty big guy—though nowhere near Kindred size—so he loomed over Luci. But unlike Raze, who made her feel safe with his superior size and strength, she knew Tony might use his physical advantage to hit or overpower her at any time. After all, he had done it plenty of times before.
Instinctively, she looked around, but the street was deserted. Tony had probably picked the least crowded area on purpose to confront her, Luci thought. So he could bully and frighten her as he always had when they were together. Well, she refused to be bullied anymore—especially by a man she wasn’t even married to anymore!
Lifting her chin, she stared right into Tony’s beady, bloodshot eyes.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said coldly. “I can’t be ‘slutting around’ with anyone because I’m not your wife anymore, Tony.”
His face flushed red with anger and he glared at her.
“Don’t lie! I saw you with that big Kindred bastard! I was coming to see my kids and there he was, trying to take my place.”
“You have no place in our lives anymore,” Luci reminded him. “You lost it when we got divorced and then you never came to see the kids.”
“Because when I do try to come see them, you’re already shacking up with another man!” he spat. “Letting some other man play with my kids. Well I’m not putting up with it, Luci! You better get yourself a lawyer because I’m taking you to court and I’ll take all three of them away from you!”
Luci felt cold all over. Her children were her life. Surely he couldn’t do this—could he? She tried to keep her face blank and her voice calm as she answered.
“Get real, Tony—you haven’t paid me a single cent of child support. What judge would take the kids from me, the mother who is caring for them, and give them to their deadbeat dad?”
Her ex’s face turned from red to purple and his big hands clenched into fists as his nostrils flared with rage. Luci knew that look—he was about to lash out. She took a few hasty steps backwards and looked for help again. The street was still deserted.
“You think you can keep my kids from me?” Tony snarled, glaring at her with real hate in his eyes. “Well you’re still gonna have to get a lawyer. You’ll need one once I report your mom to ICE!”
Luci felt sick.
“You wouldn’t’ do that,” she whispered. “Tony, not my mom! She’s been in the country for years! She has a job—she’s never hurt anybody!”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s either her or the kids.” His thin lips curled into an ugly, triumphant smile. “Or maybe both. How is it going to look in court that you’re hiding an illegal immigrant in your house? Maybe once he hears that, the judge will decide he should deport her and send the kids to be with me after all. Did you ever think about that, you bitch?”
“No. No, no, no!” Luci couldn’t pretend to be calm anymore. “Why are you doing this?” she pleaded. “Why do you want to hurt me?”
“You left me.” Tony stabbed a finger at her. “And if I can’t have you, no one can. Think about that while you wait to hear from my lawyer. And you’d better get one of your own too—if you can afford it.”
He raised a hand as though to hit her and Luci flinched back—she couldn’t help it, the terror flooding her body was a force of habit deeply ingrained in her.
Tony laughed at her fear—his face curving into an ugly expression of glee.
“That’s what I thought, bitch,” he spat. “You better be ready because I’m coming for you!”
Then he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Luci feeling devastated and frightened and so horribly, terribly alone.
Fourteen
“Okay, okay, take it easy. Take it easy.” Rochelle rubbed her shaking shoulders as Luci sobbed out the whole story.
After the confrontation with Tony, she’d gone back to Paws and Purrs to try and compose herself. She couldn’t drive home while she was crying and shaking—she needed a minute to try and get hold of herself. Luckily, her friend was still there. One look at Luci’s face and she’d known something was wrong. She had taken Luci in the back supply room of the clinic and asked what was going on—whereupon the whole, ugly story came rushing out.
“He knows I don’t have money for a lawyer,” she said, wiping at her red eyes with the tissue Rochelle handed her. “But I’ve got to get one somehow. If he reports my mom to ICE and then tries to get the kids, I need someone to defend me in court. Only how am I going to pay for it?”
“Oh honey, I wish I had the money to lend you.” Rochelle gave her a troubled look. “That no good asshole! I never liked him, even when you two were together. I always thought he was
beating on you.”
“He was,” Luci admitted. “That’s one reason I left him. That and the fact that he scared the kids so bad and I was afraid they might be next.” A long, shuttering sigh escaped her. “You know what Frannie said to me the other day? She said she thought Raze was going to be her new daddy because her real daddy was so mean.” Luci sniffed. “Can you believe that? Even my five-year-old knows what a piece of mierda her father is—and now he’s going to try and take her and the boys away from me!”
Rochelle frowned.
“He’s not taking your kids or deporting your mom. Girl, you have to fight this!”
“I want to—but how?” Luci swiped at her eyes again. “Tony’s got way more money than me and he’s got all the leverage since he knows my mom is illegal!”
“You’re going to get yourself some help,” Rochelle said firmly. “From the person who started all of this.”
“What?” Luci frowned, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about Mr. High and Mighty Kindred,” Rochelle said, frowning. “He’s the reason Tony is getting after you, isn’t he? Didn’t you say it was because he saw Raze with you and the kids that he lost it and got so nasty?”
“Well, yes, but…” Luci frowned. “But I hate to ask for help from him. Not after the way things ended between us.”
“Look, one thing I do know about Kindred is that they defend women. Even if the two of you aren’t together anymore, he’ll still help—I’m sure of that.”
“But…” Luci bit her lip. She hated to ask for help from the big Kindred, especially after he had rejected her so finally.
“But nothing.” Rochelle crossed her arms over her considerable bosom and gave Luci a stern look. “I know you don’t want to swallow your pride, but it’s either that or lose your mom or your kids or maybe both. Those ICE bastards don’t play, girl! You need help and since Raze started this whole thing, he ought to be the one to help you finish it.”
Dark and Light: A Kindred Tales DUET Novel. Contains: Saved by the Drake AND Captured by the Kru'ell One Page 6
