by Emma Roman
“Juniper?”
I gasped and bowed over the sink as a wave of pain ripped through my stomach. Holy crap…
Chairs scratched across the tile as all three of them jumped to their feet. I waved a hand in their direction. This was the no-touchy zone. If I was about to throw up, the last thing I needed was them to close in on me.
But before I could reassure them, a sudden cry tore past my lips. I gripped the sink and bent in half, my brow touching the counter.
“Juniper!”
“S—Stay back,” I wheezed.
“What the hell is this?” my father demanded.
Oh, I’m just dying, that’s all. At least, that was how it felt. Like something was trying to punch its way through my gut. Images of Alien formed in my head. I couldn’t help but laugh, even though it might have been a touch hysterical.
I choked on my breath and positioned my head over the sink, stunned by the sudden cramping ripping through my insides. “What…” Another groan. I dropped to my knees next to the counter and squeezed my eyes shut. “What’s happening?”
Oh, God. This was the worst misery I’d ever known. My skin itched. My muscles ached. My bones throbbed. It couldn’t have been the pizza. The skillet, maybe? Had I eaten something foul?
“Juniper?” Mathis’s voice came from above.
“I don’t feel well,” I panted, tears pricking my eyes.
As though I was about to—
Snap.
I screamed and fell onto my side. Something had broken. I couldn’t tell which bone, but I knew without a doubt I’d broken one.
“Juniper!” my mother shouted.
“Get back!” Mathis ordered. His palms cupped my damp cheeks and turned my head toward him. “Open your eyes. Look at me.”
It took every ounce of strength I had, but eventually, my lashes fluttered open, and I stared up at him.
“It’s your first change,” he told me.
A whimper crawled free of my dry lips. Of course it was. Just my luck to turn into a writhing, sobbing mess in front of not only Mathis but my parents as well.
Crack.
My second scream rent the kitchen. Hurt more than the last. God, I’d never imagined it would feel like this. Like every last bone had been ripped out of my body.
“You can do this,” Mathis whispered, his face stern but his words warm. “This is what you wanted, right? Remember your reasoning. Remember everything you told me. About the person you want to be. Just breathe. You’ll get through this.”
Would I? Maybe if I just kept telling myself I would… But the pain… God, the pain.
Pop.
My shoulder that time. I buried my face in Mathis’s chest and wept.
“What do you mean she’s shifting?” My father’s voice rose above the din in my head.
“A werewolf? No, Juniper isn’t—”
I tuned out their voices and focused on breathing. In through my snotty nose, out through my blubbering mouth. Wasn’t that the advice when tackling extreme agony? Fuck, I had no idea. And right now, I didn’t give two shits. I just wanted it finished.
My body contorted against Mathis, and I spasmed, my fingers gripping his legs as I fought for control.
“Shh,” Mathis whispered in my ear. “Stop struggling. The first shift is always the worst. Go with the pain, Juniper. The more you fight, the worse it is. Let your wolf guide you. She knows what you need. She knows what to do, even if you don’t. Trust in her.”
Damn bitch was trying to kill me, and he wanted me to trust her? “You’re…insane,” I wheezed.
“You can do this, baby,” my father’s voice encouraged in the background.
All right. They were all crazy. The craziest of which was the wolf pacing a large circle in my head. Every third or so step, she’d pause and turn, as though gauging my reaction. When she glanced my way this final time, I nodded inwardly. I could do this. And I had to, for her, for me.
I pushed away from Mathis and crawled to the middle of the floor.
She watched me, her eyes aglow with excitement and her tongue lolling from her mouth. For her, it was the promise of freedom. I needed to give her that.
“All right,” I muttered to her. “Let’s do this.”
She inclined her head, then slowly started to walk toward me.
With every step, the torment grew. Through my heavy breaths came the sound of snapping bones and tearing flesh. My cries were nothing compared to the strain on my body. I felt my muscles relocating, my tendons severing and reconnecting, and my bones reforming, all to accommodate her form. Until finally, she merged with me and the pain came to an abrupt stop.
I gave a shuddering breath and fell onto my side, half-unconscious.
“Holy shit,” I heard someone sputter.
“Juniper?” a tentative touch brushed against my furred cheek.
My…furred…cheek.
Holy crap on a cracker! My eyes shot open. I tilted my head and stared up at an oddly-hued Mathis. I blinked in an attempt to focus, but his coloring didn’t change. Gone were his tanned skin and blonde hair, and in their place was a strange spectrum of faint colors.
“I know. It’s weird,” he said with a warm smile. “You did it. I can’t believe it.”
I scrambled to my feet, then chuffed under my breath when my rear slid out from underneath me. All right. Four legs were not the same as two.
Laughter rose through the room. My parents crept toward me, tears streaking their awed faces. “It’s like watching Bambi learn to walk.”
Ha, ha. I curled a lip and growled a string of obscenities at them. Doubtful they’d shot up running the first time they’d shifted.
“Now, now,” my father chided. “Nice wolves don’t curse.”
Like he’d even known what I’d said. Counting to three, I attempted standing once more. One foot, then the other, until I had all four beneath me. Wobbly from the pain, but firm. Awestruck, I lifted my head and grinned.
“Yeah, we see you,” my mother whispered. She wiped a tear from her eye, then crouched down in front of me, her hand outstretched. “May I?”
I braved a step, then snickered when I slipped.
“We’re going to have to work on that,” Mathis chuckled before helping me the rest of the way.
I butted my head against my mother’s hand, my eyes fluttering closed as I reveled in the feel of her fingernails threading through my fur. Oh, the pain had been worth it. To finally stand on my own four legs as a wolf, and to feel the strength in my paws. This was like nothing I’d ever imagined.
I shook out my fur, then moved toward my dad, my nails clicking on the tiled floor. Then I glanced back at Mathis, my brows raised as best I could.
The look in his eyes stopped my heart. There was more than pride there.
“I’m sorry I didn’t listen last night,” he told me. “I get it now.”
I nodded.
“We’ll make it permanent tonight,” he told me with a wink.
Thank God for my fur! I felt the heat rush to my cheeks, but for once the blush didn’t show. Couldn’t believe he said that in front of my parents. I playfully nipped at the air, then threw him a chiding look.
“Make it permanent?” my dad repeated. “Make what permanent?”
I growled and stumbled toward the back door. They could stand around and talk all they wanted. Not me. I wanted to run. The moon was up and the snow was falling.
“We’ll explain later,” Mathis assured them. “For now, how about a run? All of us?”
“What about the rest of the pack?” my father asked.
“Leave them be. Just the four of us. Give her some time to acclimate before asking her to join everyone else.”
I bobbed my head.
“But…” My mother shot me a glance, then nodded. “Of course. I’d never miss my baby’s first run.”
Damn straight, woman. I grinned, then turned and butted my head against the door.
“Patience, little wolf,” Mathis teased.
“We need to shift too, you know.”
But first, he walked over and slid open the door.
Hallelujah! I bolted out into the snow, then faceplanted when my two back legs slipped on fresh ice. Their laughter encouraged me to pick myself up and try again.
Behind me came the telltale sounds of their shifts. With mine still fresh in my mind, I didn’t want to listen. Instead, I ventured out toward the trees, my nose lifted as I scented the air. Fresh snow, the wind, the pines, the animals…I could smell every bit of it.
Impatience won the upper hand. I cast off my human nature and bolted through the trees. I was hardly the most graceful, but I let my wolf take over. She knew how to move, how to think. I wove around the trunks and plowed through the snow piles, hopped over the train rail, and dove down the hills. Then I leapt into the air and snapped my teeth at the snowflakes.
This was wondrous. Better than anything I could have hoped for.
For the first time in my life, I felt whole. As though I was always meant to run on four legs.
Exhilaration drew me deeper into the woods near the base of Whistlers Mountain. I skirted around a copse of trees…and froze.
Something stood in the distance, their hulking frame visible through the trees. A wild animal? Wouldn’t be a human—Parks Canada had closed the campgrounds for winter. I lifted my nose and sniffed the air, but I had nothing to reference it to. It smelled almost like a barnyard. Musty and furred.
Seemed the wiser course to back off and let it be. But the moment I moved, the sound of the crunching snow beneath my paws drew its attention.
A massive head rose in the darkness, but it wasn’t until the moonlight caught the polished ivory-tipped antlers that I knew. Oh, shit. Trust me to stumble across an elk in the wild. And where there was a bull…
More heads rose. All female.
Double shit.
The entire herd. And from the shrill bugle, my presence here offended the bull. On two legs, he might have ignored me. Maybe pawed the earth and bluffed a charge. But on four? I was a threat to his entire herd, a natural enemy.
A twig snapped behind me.
I whirled around and caught sight of a younger bull circling around me. The scent of damp fur rose to my nose, their breath steaming in the wintry air as their eyes followed me.
Fuck it.
I hightailed it back toward Mathis’s house. If I was lucky—
Nope. Not lucky. The sound of the bull’s hooves thundered in my ears. Bastard was chasing me. Forcing me away from his cows. Course, I could barely keep on my feet. The terrain had turned dangerous and sleek beneath my inexperienced paws.
Come on, feet… Just a little further.
In the distance, a blinding pair of lights cut through the swath of darkness. The ground beneath me started to rumble, and the squeal of brakes rent the silence. The train! I pushed myself harder than I thought capable. The rail sat at the top of the small hill. If I could make it in time…
Ears pinned back, I sprinted across the terrain, cursing silently when I stumbled in a thatch of weeds. The stench of the elk grew stronger, his breath ruffling my tail fur.
So close! Another twenty meters. But would I make it? The beast was hot on my ass. Hell, I’d never heard of an elk attacking a wolf before. I must have pissed him off, coming that close to his females. Not to mention, a single wolf wasn’t as big a threat as a pack.
I hunkered down and kept running, weaving as best I could around the trees.
Ten meters! And the train was close. By the skin of my teeth if I made it at all. Playing chicken with a ten-tonne vehicle wasn’t the ideal way to spend my first night in wolf form. Not to mention, it didn’t feel like I was even going to make it to the tracks.
Damn beast scraped my side with one of its antlers. I turned my head and snapped my teeth, grazing the side of its jaw.
Before I could attack again, a massive shadow unfolded from the night. With a deafening snarl, Mathis leapt in the air and struck the elk’s side, his claws latching onto the bull’s hide for dear life.
A pained cry rose in the night air right before the two spilled into the snow. I skidded to a stop, then turned and watched as Mathis rose on all fours. The elk scrambled to his feet, his attention flicking between us.
Two other shadows approached from each side. My parents. The three of them flanked me, their imposing bodies a wall between me and the bull. Shaking himself off, the elk turned and bolted back toward his herd.
Holy crap on a cracker.
Relief loosened my muscles, and my rear plopped down in the snow, my front legs shaking as I fought to remain upright. Running was one thing. But sprinting? Every muscle in my body quivered.
Mathis stepped up in front of me, his dark coat blending with the night. He buried his nose in my ruff and sniffed. But I was fine. Not a hair out of place. Miraculous. I released a long breath, then pushed back to my feet and shook myself out. Foolish of me to take off like that. Born and raised in Jasper, I was well-versed in the local wildlife. I knew not to wander around in the dead of night.
Might qualify as my second werewolf faux pas. Here was hoping I didn’t commit a third.
My parents both brushed along my side, then with a quick nip on the nose, vanished back into the darkness. Headed home, I gathered. And from the look in Mathis’s eyes, it was pretty easy to guess why.
Just the two of us, he turned and caught the tip of my ear between his teeth. After a quick nibble, he turned and bolted through the woods, opposite the elk herd. My mouth curved, the adrenaline still pumping through my veins.
Time to play.
7
After a night of frolicking through the snow, the moonlight faded and with it, my energy.
I settled in next to Mathis and watched as the sun began to rise over Pyramid Mountain, tipping the rocks with splashes of color. Clouds drifted across the coral sky, hinting toward a beautiful but cold day. This winter had been particularly frigid, but today, I couldn’t feel the bite of the wind through my fur.
Mathis shuffled next to me and rested his head on my shoulders. A sense of belonging and happiness welled within me. For the first time in my life, I felt content.
Today was the day. By sunset tonight, I would become a permanent werewolf. Though not unless Mathis and I…
I felt better about us mating today than I did yesterday. And even better than the night before that. I might not remember him, but I knew what I felt. Knew that I could trust him. We laid there in silence, watching the sun crest over the mountains and listening to the serene sounds of nature waking.
But with nature came the humans.
The first sound of children rose in the distance, near a resort. The day had started. Mathis rose up from the ground and nudged my shoulder. With a huff, I climbed to my feet and trotted after him, across the frozen lake and back home. The entire town knew of the werewolf pack, but we strove to keep ourselves removed from them.
Once across the lake, Mathis broke into a jog, pushing us at a steady pace down the road. But rather than enter the town, he skirted alongside the trees and followed the back paths. Maybe the humans didn’t mind our presence, but their pets felt differently. For some reason, dogs hated us. And even as we moved, I could hear their telltale barks as we passed.
Mathis trotted into his backyard and nudged open the patio door. I trotted into his living room. Right. Now came the hard part. Shifting back. I had no idea what to do. What if I couldn’t shift into a human? I’d never learned the process, and…
I grunted the moment a wave of pain swept over me.
All right then. Apparently, it wasn’t that difficult.
Mathis brushed against me, then nodded a silent encouragement.
I staggered forward, my head bowed. So far, it wasn’t as bad. No waves of nausea, no snapping bones… Oh, nevermind. There went my leg. I gasped and buckled beneath my own weight.
The shift came faster this time, rushed as though my wolf was eager to retreat back into the darkness.
Following Mathis’s previous advice, I didn’t fight it. And before I knew it, I was standing on two shaky legs. I pressed a hand against my heaving chest and stumbled toward the nearest seat.
I dropped onto the plush seat and hung my head between my bare legs.
“How do you feel?” Mathis asked as he draped a blanket over my bare shoulders.
Regardless of the lingering aches and pains, I grinned. “Amazing.”
He gave a soft chuckle, then rounded the chair and kneeled in front of me, covered in a pair of boxers. “I wasn’t sure you’d enjoy this.”
I lifted my head and met his gaze. How anyone could hate shifting was beyond me. Such a freeing experience. To run with abandon, to feel connected to the earth, to finally feel united. As though I’d always been at war with myself, always struggling to find that something that was missing. And here it was. Everything I’d ever wanted, kneeling at my feet.
“I know I said we’d make this permanent,” Mathis started, “but if you’re tired—”
I slid off the chair and silenced him with a heated kiss. His lips parted beneath mine and, ah…his tongue tangled with mine. One smooth stroke after another, his movements purposeful and divine. With a low growl, he wrapped his arms around me and took me to the floor, discarding the blanket without a second thought. The floor was cold beneath my back, but I couldn’t have cared less. Mathis was warm and mostly naked above me. Right now, that was all that mattered.
He drew back and stroked his fingers down my jaw. “Are you sure about this?”
“God, yes,” I whispered.
Relief smoothed his face. “I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted you.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Who’s to say I didn’t?” he asked with a wink.
I couldn’t help but laugh. He was right. Maybe he had. I had no way of knowing. But still, I suspected…
“You’re so young,” he murmured, his eyes drinking me in. “There’s an eleven-year gap between us.”
“So?”
He chuckled and leaned down, his teeth grazing the side of my jaw. “So, when I was twenty-five, you were fourteen. I was a bit busy trying not to think about you that way. Then when I was thirty, you were nineteen. Still too young.”
