by Jayce Ellis
Matt tapped his flank and Jaq craned his head to look over his shoulder. “Yeah?”
“Turn over.”
He frowned. “Why? I thought—”
“I want to see you.”
Jaq sucked in a gulp of air. Another first. Something that elevated this, at least mentally, beyond fucking to...he didn’t even know what. He prayed Matt didn’t see how he trembled, how his brain maniacally went through the connotations of what it meant that Matt wanted to fuck face-to-face. Which was stupid—it didn’t have to mean anything at all. Just a preference, right?
Matt draped himself over Jaq’s back. “If that’s what you want. If you don’t, I can—”
Jaq shook his head. “I want it,” he insisted, cutting him off. Boy, did he ever. “It’s just new.”
“How new is new?” Matt murmured, alternating between tiny bites and kisses against his back.
“Like never-have-I-ever new.”
He felt Matt’s smile against his back, and his moan at Jaq’s neck sent tremors through him. Matt rocked against him, his dick leaving a trail of wetness against Jaq’s back. “It’s been a long time since I wanted to be first.”
“Jackass.” Jaq bucked Matt, who rolled off him, then turned over, settling himself and spreading his legs wide again. Matt was smiling at him, his eyes trailing over Jaq’s body, before he winked and leaned down for a peck on the lips.
“Goddamn fucking beautiful.” Matt gripped one leg and lifted it up over his arm, pulling Jaq farther down the bed. Matt tapped Jaq’s balls with the tip of his dick, then leaned over to grab the condom Jaq had missed.
He palmed his balls while Matt positioned himself, lubing himself up before leaning over and spreading Jaq even wider. Matt held the tip of his dick at Jaq’s entrance and pushed.
“Fuck,” Jaq swore on a long moan, reaching overhead to grab at something, anything.
“Let me in.” Matt leaned down and took his lips in a kiss, short ones that centered Jaq’s entire world to the man hovering above him. “Breathe out for me and let me in.”
Jaq nodded, then craned his neck to snag his mouth again. Matt deepened the contact, and as Jaq sank into his embrace Matt pressed forward, short, rhythmic strokes that didn’t stop until he was fully seated. Matt never stopped kissing him, even as Jaq’s arms tightened around him and he dug his fingers into Matt’s back.
For a moment there was nothing, just the sensation of Matt throbbing inside him and soft kisses and nips along the hollow of his neck. “You good?” he asked, swirling his tongue around the perimeter of Jaq’s ears. He trembled, a full-body one that made his ass clench and had them both moaning, then nodded.
“Good. Hold on to me.”
Those were the last words they exchanged. With one more firm kiss, Matt pushed up to his elbows and started to move, dicking him down with long strokes. Matt shifted angles and grazed Jaq’s prostate, making him buck. There was no way he could last. From there it was a mad race to the finish. Jaq grabbed his dick, jacking off in time to Matt’s thrusts. Matt leaned down and nestled his head against Jaq’s neck, then bit his shoulder.
That was all it took to send Jaq over the edge, spilling into his hand and over his chest. Matt grunted as Jaq spasmed around him. He reached around and tapped Jaq’s leg, encouraging him to hook it around his back. Jaq complied, did the same with the other leg, and dug his heels into Matt’s back.
Matt propped himself up long enough to kiss him, then touched their foreheads together. His speed quickened and his rhythm faltered until he stiffened, then let out a shuddering sigh. He pumped a few more times before he stopped, bracing himself on one arm and massaging what of Jaq’s leg he could reach with the other. Holy mother of god.
Jaq dislodged himself and let his legs fall open, and Matt gently pulled out. He didn’t get off the bed immediately, instead rolling Jaq to his side and settling in behind him. Matt tightened his arm around Jaq’s waist and kissed the back of his neck.
“I could stay in you all day,” Matt whispered.
A little chuckle escaped, but his stomach tightened at the thought. Did Matt think he’d forever bottom? Be the “woman” in the relationship? Which was a stupid thing to think anyhow, and bore no relationship to anything. Jaq had no great designs on topping, but he didn’t want any other expectations getting tagged to that.
“You wanna flip?” Jaq asked. “I can do you next.”
Matt hummed into his back but didn’t respond. After a few moments, he patted Jaq’s hip, muttered, “Be right back,” then disappeared to the en suite bathroom. Jaq nodded, his mind whirling, and watched his ass work as he walked away. He hadn’t answered the question. He’d gotten up and left without so much as an acknowledgment. Jaq’s stomach tightened. He didn’t know enough of what they were, whether this was a one-time gig or something more, to fight now, but he’d be damned if he’d let it lie.
Jaq shoved those thoughts away, or tried to anyway. That had been...something. Jaq’s prior encounters had always been anonymous. Talking wasn’t on the agenda. Just dick in, spurt, dick out, move on. Matt had wanted him comfortable, had taken care to make this a pleasant—no, that wasn’t strong enough—mind-blowing experience. And that care, Jaq didn’t know what to do with it. How to handle it. He didn’t need to be taken care of, but he couldn’t deny he wanted someone to think him worthy of it.
That, combined with Matt’s lack of response, meant he was grossly overthinking this whole damn thing. They’d had sex. That was it. They weren’t declaring themselves to each other yet, and he was busy worrying if Matt was trying to emasculate him. For fuck’s sake, he needed to get it together.
“You okay?”
Jaq startled at the sound of Matt’s voice. He hadn’t heard him return, and shifted uneasily on the mattress at the direction of his thoughts. “Yeah, I’m good.”
Matt watched him, his eyes narrowing just a fraction before he swallowed hard and looked off to the side. He huffed, a small sound Jaq didn’t think he was meant to hear, clutching the washcloth Jaq hadn’t noticed before. Finally he walked over and wiped Jaq down in silence. And Jaq let him, even as he waged an internal battle between thrilling at the attention and wanting to do something to assert his masculinity.
Apparently satisfied he was clean, Matt stood back and stared down at him. “What’s on your mind? It damn sure wasn’t what we just did.”
But it was, and that was the problem. Jaq couldn’t put those thoughts into words yet, so he did the next best thing, swinging his legs over to the side and giving Matt his best grin. One they both knew was fake as fuck. “You wore me out. Feed me some of that bacon you were cooking.”
Matt wasn’t buying it. Jaq could tell by the raised brow and the little shake of his head, like he couldn’t figure out Jaq’s hot-and-cold spells and didn’t plan to try.
Matt leaned in for another kiss and stepped back. “My pleasure.”
Yeah, Jaq didn’t buy that either.
Chapter Thirteen
Matt kept his mouth shut after fixing another batch of bacon and bringing it to Jaq, who’d stayed in the room. How, in the span of time it’d taken to let the water get hot and wet a towel, they’d gone from a post-coital high to an almost embarrassing tension, he didn’t know. He knew he hadn’t answered the question but hell, he’d never bottomed. He’d had one experience with a guy and then met and married Diane. But he wasn’t going to be uncomfortable in his own house. Own temporary housing. What-the-hell-ever, he wasn’t doing it.
He marched to the bedroom, intent on hashing it out, only to find Jaq standing at the foot of the bed, fastening his jeans. Matt’s breath stopped, just flat out left him at the thought Jaq was getting ready to leave, but Jaq didn’t hesitate. He crossed the room and took the plate of bacon from him, setting it down on the dresser. Then he wrapped a hand around Matt’s nape and tilted his head down for a kiss. He was aggres
sive, his tongue plunging in and out of Matt’s mouth, staking some level of claim.
Matt let him. He needed this reassurance as much as Jaq did, that what they’d done wasn’t a mistake that would screw not only with the project but with Matt’s embarrassingly needy heart. So he let Jaq lead, welcoming his mouth, his hands mapping the terrain of Matt’s back, landing on his ass. Matt moaned and felt Jaq’s chuckle against his lips before he broke away.
“Sorry about that,” Jaq murmured against him.
Matt’s brain scrambled to catch up. “Sorry about what?”
“Zoning out on you,” Jaq said, leaning back to meet Matt’s eyes. “I got a little in my head, about what this all means, and I should’ve just said something.”
A little laugh escaped. “Funny you say that. I came back to force that conversation out of you.” Matt stepped back and looked at him. Seeing him on screen, even watching him in the office, was nothing compared to the feel of Jaq beneath him, the sensation of Jaq’s hands on him. His recovery wasn’t what it used to be, but he felt sure he could go for another round. He leaned in, then stopped. Because Jaq hadn’t just zoned out. He’d asked a legit question and Matt had avoided answering.
“To answer the question you asked and I ran away from, I’ve never bottomed, never thought about it, and now am terribly curious to do it.”
Jaq raised an eyebrow. “You’re a fucking lie.”
Matt laughed and pulled him close. “I’m nervous as fuck about the idea, but I’d do it.” Shit, now if Jaq wanted to.
Jaq seemed to know what direction his thoughts were headed, because he sidestepped Matt and swiped his shirt from the floor. “What do we do now?”
That wasn’t sex-related? Good question, and one Matt didn’t have an answer to. He shrugged. “Whatever you want. You can leave if you need to, or we could watch TV. Whatever,” he repeated.
Jaq watched him, then nodded. “TV it is.” He snatched the plate and moved toward the door, grabbing Matt’s wrist at the last minute and tugging him along. He followed, laughing, while Jaq motioned for him to sit on one side of the cream leather couch, and then made himself comfortable against Matt’s shoulder. Another thing he and Tanisha had in common, and Matt not-so-secretly loved it.
Matt grabbed the remote on the etched-glass side table and flipped to Food Network.
“This channel is dangerous,” Jaq muttered, folding an entire strip of bacon in his mouth.
“Truth, but it’s also delicious.”
Jaq laughed and settled in, and they munched quietly. They sat like that for a while before Jaq asked, “Everything okay with Angela?”
Matt hummed low in his throat. “You know what happened?”
“Only that they broke up. T came home last week saying she needed to get away for a bit.”
Matt ran a hand down his arm and squeezed. “I’m sorry. Halo’s a good kid, but—”
“Nothing to apologize for. They’re in college. These things are going to happen, and it doesn’t really have anything to do with us. As long as they handle it appropriately and don’t go all Jazmine Sullivan on it, they’ll be fine.”
Matt laughed. He couldn’t imagine either Angela or Tanisha smashing someone’s car, but stranger things had happened. “That was a nice speech. You have it prepared?”
Jaq straddled Matt and rested his arms on his shoulders. “No, but my mom pretty much read me the riot act for remotely suggesting that it could impact us.”
A part of Matt bristled. Jaq had considered breaking things off with him before they got started because of their daughters? A knot wormed its way through his gut before he tamped it down. Jaq’s closeness with Tanisha was a good thing, his desire to not make her uncomfortable with their relationship admirable.
Apparently Matt wasn’t great at keeping his thoughts off his face because Jaq climbed off and sat next to him, putting close to a foot of space between them. “I must’ve said something wrong.”
Matt couldn’t speak, not when bundles of decorative beads were sewing themselves into his throat, cutting off his words. Jaq waited, then smiled and stood. Matt watched him walk away, through the bedroom. Faintly he heard the door shut, the sound of Jaq closing the en suite bathroom.
Now he needed the time he’d been loath to give Jaq earlier. He huffed, the sound over-harsh to his ears. Dating had never been easy for him. He’d gotten lucky in a sense that Diane had decided she wanted him early, and he’d been more than fine with following her lead. Twenty-five years later, he wasn’t any better at navigating this world, and it showed. It just...it’d never occurred to him that their daughters’ relationship would impact their own. And maybe that was the problem, that he didn’t think enough about the impact of his actions on the kids. That they were grown didn’t mean he no longer needed to be cognizant, right? Shit. Maybe he’d fucked up again.
Jaq came out a few minutes later, shirt and shoes on and wallet in hand. Matt stood, determined to fix this. They were letting their own insecurities run roughshod, and he needed to try to get them back on track. He couldn’t stomach the thought of them ending the weekend like this, not after Jaq had given him so much.
Before he could figure out what to say, the doorbell rang, and he checked the time on his phone. Great. Kennie would take one look at them and grill him the minute they were alone. He sighed, not ready for the imminent conversation, then turned and walked to the entrance, willing his throat to open up and create the words that still failed him.
He opened the door and Spitfire yowled, bypassing him and going straight to wind himself around Jaq’s legs. Kennie pushed past Matt, and together they watched Jaq saunter over to the couch and Spitfire make himself at home on the man’s lap. Matt could only laugh. Jaq had been about to leave, and now seemed content to stay and chill. With the cat.
“Oh my,” Kennie murmured. “You did good with this one.” She walked in, squeezed his arm, then strolled over to Jaq. He sat there, running his fingers through Spitfire’s hair, a pleased smile gracing his face.
“You must be Kendra,” Jaq said, extending one arm while the other rubbed Spitfire, who was nestled contentedly on his chest.
She beamed. “Indeed. Kendra Washington.”
“JaQuan Reynolds. A pleasure to meet you.”
She plopped down next to him and angled so Matt could barely see her over the hair she had piled on her head. He shut the door and coughed. Spitfire popped his head up, and Kennie craned her neck and peered at him over her shoulder, then winked. Brat. But Jaq didn’t move at all, his attention focused squarely on Kendra. And again, tendrils of jealousy squirreled their way through his veins. This was fucking ridiculous.
He maneuvered to the kitchen and grabbed three bottles of water. The sound of the fridge door opening must’ve been enough to truly get Spitfire’s attention, because he zoomed into the kitchen and planted himself by his bowls. Matt took care of him, then walked back out to the living room.
Kennie was already going full throttle. “So wait, your girls were dating each other? And then broke up?” She looked from Jaq to Matt, her mouth open, like the words didn’t make sense. “That wasn’t weird to y’all?”
Matt shrugged. “I don’t know how serious they were, but they were...” He paused and looked at Jaq, remembering the more-than-casual affection they’d shown each other at the steakhouse. “Something,” he finished lamely.
Jaq laughed. “That’s one way to put it.” To Kennie, he said, “It was a little weird for me, but maybe I shouldn’t have cared.”
“You should’ve,” Matt cut in. His voice sounded like a chain saw had been scraped over his larynx, but he pressed on. “I’ve never been as close to Angela as you have been with Tanisha, and I actually envy you. You’re right to worry about the impact our dating would have on them, and I’m sorry for making you feel otherwise.”
Kendra’s mouth hung open, but he refused to
look in her direction. He refused to acknowledge his own pounding heart, or Spitfire rubbing against him. Matt waited, until Jaq cracked into a wide smile and bounced up from the couch. He crashed into Matt, his lips hot and hungry, and Matt gave it back to him tenfold. It had barely been fifteen minutes, but he missed it. The connection. The desire. The need. He cupped Jaq’s face and took over, thrilling when Jaq moaned into his mouth. He could do this forever. Or until Kendra whistled.
“My word,” she said when they broke apart, fanning herself in mock desire, “that was the hottest thing I’ve seen in a minute. Mattie, didn’t know you had it in you.”
“Whatever,” Matt grumbled, even as Jaq managed to move even closer and chuckle into his neck.
Kendra laughed and stood. “As much as I’d love to stay and chat, I’m on duty bright and early tomorrow and need to get some rest.” She came around the couch, shook Jaq’s hand, and stretched to press a kiss to Matt’s cheek. “I’ll talk to you later.” She disappeared with a wave.
The door clicked shut, but Matt didn’t let Jaq go. “We good?”
Jaq nodded. “We’re good. I keep thinking this is new territory for only me, but I guess not?”
He shook his head. “No. This is definitely outside my wheelhouse too. I kept thinking this was just sex, something to pass the time. To get out the pent-up aggression from this ridiculous time frame to launch.”
Jaq laughed. “Same,” he admitted, then pulled back a fraction. “It’s not, though, is it?”
Matt hadn’t expected to be this vulnerable this soon, but the hell with it. “It’s not. Not for me.”
“Good.” Jaq stepped back and pulled his shirt over his head. “You got plans for the rest of the day?”
Matt smiled and pulled him forward. “I do now.”
* * *
Jaq walked into the office Monday morning with the tiniest apprehension in his step. And some soreness. Matt had taken him multiple times, pausing once to answer the door for takeout and again this morning so he could go home and get ready for work. He’d even offered to bottom, but honestly, Jaq hadn’t had someone take such care of him before, and he wanted more of it. He’d snuck into the house, but hadn’t been able to escape Gran’s knowing smirk when he left again.
