by Unknown
I look over the edge and suddenly feel dizzy. I didn’t realize how high forty-five feet was before now, and I can’t help but feel a little anxious.
“I’m ready to do this,” I tell Toby and Gabe. Victoria is standing quite a few feet away from the edge. “If I don’t do it now, I will have time to talk myself out of it and I really want to do this.”
“Then go,” Toby says.
I look at Gabe. “Will you jump with me?”
He smiles and walks toward me. I grab his hand and together we run and jump off the ledge. I love feeling the force of the wind as I fall. I love the nervous tension in my stomach. And most of all, I love how I am not scared anymore. I don’t know if it’s because I’m holding Gabriel’s hand, or if it’s because there really isn’t anything to be afraid of. Free falling is the best feeling in the world.
We hit the water hard, and it takes me quite a few seconds before I can push my way up toward the surface. Once I break through, I take a deep breath.
I feel victorious and on top of the world. I just face my fear and I conquered it. Now I won’t be scared to do it again. In fact, I want to do it again.
“Again?” I ask Gabe when he comes up a few seconds later.
He grins. “You’re the coolest girlfriend ever.”
“What makes you say that?”
“How many girls would just run and jump off the edge of a cliff? Victoria won’t even get close to the edge, but you just grabbed my hand and went for it,” he says. “You’re so fearless and brave.”
“I want to live my life to the fullest. No regrets.”
We both swim to the edge and start climbing up. There is a small walking trail, but it’s really steep. By the time we get to the top I am completely out of breath.
“How was it?” Toby asks me.
“Amazing,” I answer.
“Were you scared?” Victoria asks.
“Before I jumped, yeah. But the second I was falling I was having too much fun to think about being scared.”
“Will you jump with me?” she asks me. For a moment I am shocked that she didn’t ask Toby. “It’s just… You helped me face my fear of the waterslide, and I figure if anybody can help me now, it’s you.”
“I would be honored.” I take hold of her hand and can feel that she’s shaking.
“Right now?” I can hear the terror in her voice. “I thought maybe we could talk about it for a few minutes first.”
“If you don’t do it right now, I don’t think you will do it at all. It’s now or never.”
She nods, and a look of determination comes over her face. “Let’s do it.”
Together, we walk closer to the edge. Victoria really isn’t a run and jump kind of girl. When we get to the edge, she starts to look down and I stop her. “Don’t look down. If you do, you will not follow through.”
Victoria looks at me and nods.
“On the count of three,” I tell her. “One… two… three.”
Together we jump. I really thought that she was going to chicken out, but she didn’t.
Beside me Victoria is screaming loudly. It’s a lot like the waterslide. First, it’s screams of panic. Then it’s screams of enjoyment. And right before we hit the water, I can’t help but think how awesome it was to share this experience with her. I’m glad she chose me.
When we land in the water, I hit differently than I did last time. My butt is stinging. The pain reminds me of the one and only time my mom used a belt on me. I was five years old, and I drew on the wall with my crayons. I had done it about five times before, and no other punishment was working. After that, I never drew on the walls again. Lesson learned.
When I push myself up through the water, Victoria is waiting for me on the surface. She has a huge smile on her face.
“That was amazing.”
“Told ya,” I say. “Want to go again?”
“I don’t know. I think once today was enough.”
We swim towards the edge and then climb back up the path to the top. Toby, Gabriel, and I jump twice more before we decide we want to just go swimming. Climbing up the hill is rather exhausting.
We walk down to the little stretch of beach and wade out into the water.
I’m having fun, but in the back of my mind I can’t help but think about how much this stalker has completely screwed up my life. But not just my life — now they’re messing with my family. It has to stop. Even if it means letting my stalker have exactly what they want.
6pm
Let’s just pretend our whole life isn’t completely falling apart.
When we get back to the house, Dad is standing in the foyer. He looks distraught. My heart accelerates as dread washes over me.
Does he look like this because he told her?
Is she leaving him?
Are we still going to be a family?
All the questions run through my mind, and all I can hope is that everything is going to be alright.
“Toby, Kihanna,” he says. “I need to talk with the two of you.”
I turn to Gabe and Victoria. They both give Toby and me sympathetic looks before heading up the stairs. I can’t help but thinking I wish I was going with them. I wish I never would’ve confronted my dad about the picture. I wish I would’ve just deleted it. Because of my curiosity, my family is hurting.
We follow my dad into his office. He shuts the door, and tells us to sit down on his futon.
For a few moments, he doesn’t say anything. He just paces in front of us. He stops a few times and starts to talk, but then he stops.
“Veronica left,” he finally tells us. “She decided that she needed time to think about what I did, so she and Libby went back to California.”
“So what are you still doing here?” I ask him. “Why aren’t you on a plane right now? You should go after her.”
“Did you not hear me? She left. She said she needed time away from me to figure out her feelings.”
Toby stands up. “I don’t condone what you did. I kind of want to punch you in the face right now for hurting my mom. But Kihanna is right. You’ve been a dad to me since I was young — the only dad I’ve ever known really, and I don’t want to lose what we have here. You need to go after my mom. She needs a grand gesture to know how much you really care. If what you did truly was a one-time thing then you need to make her believe it.”
He looks at the floor while he lets Toby’s words sink in. “You’re right,” he says. “I will leave for California tonight.”
His words relieve me. I’m glad to hear that he’s willing to work on fixing his broken relationship. Now I just hope that Veronica is willing to do the same.
“But I can’t leave the two of you,” he says.
I roll my eyes. “Dad, we’re both seventeen years old. It’s not like we need a babysitter. Besides, Jack is here. He’ll make sure we don’t do anything stupid or illegal.”
“Are you sure?”
“YES!” Toby and I say at the same time.
“Fine. I’m going,” he says, and then walks out the door.
I turn to Toby, who looks just as relieved as I do.
“Do you think she will take him back?” Toby asks me.
“Toby, they’re not broken up. They’re married. He just told her that he cheated on her seven years ago. She just needs time to think,” I tell him. “I don’t know what will happen though. What do you think will happen?”
“I don’t know,” he says. “She’s pregnant with his child, so I’m pretty sure she can’t completely get rid of him.”
“Right.” I say. “I really just don’t want to think about this anymore.”
“Me either,” he agrees.
“So let’s just pretend our whole life isn’t completely falling apart,” I say, getting up from the couch. “I’ll see you at dinner.”
Toby and I head up the stairs. In the hallways, he heads to the left, and I head to the right.
I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t wait to get out
of Hawaii.
If I get out of Hawaii.
9pm
A complete psycho.
At nine, Victoria and I are messing around on Staying Connected when I suddenly get a video call come through on Skype. I’m shocked to see that it’s Courtney.
“Oh my God! Courtney is video-calling me,” I tell Victoria. She slides over by me as I hit answer.
Courtney comes up on my screen. She’s looks… different. Usually her brown hair is perfect with not a hair out of place. Today, she has it in a French braid and from the looks of it, the braid has been in for a couple of days. She’s not wearing any make-up, and she’s wearing a plain gray t-shirt.
“It’s so good to see your beautiful face,” I tell her. Because even when Courtney looks like this, she’s still one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen.
“It’s good to see you too, Kihanna,” she says. “And Victoria. I didn’t know you were going to Hawaii with Kihanna!”
“She didn’t come with me,” I tell her.
Courtney smiles. “Oh, I get it. You went with Toby.”
Victoria’s face flushes a little.
“I want to hear all about it when we go back to school after Christmas break.”
“Just not in front of me,” I say. “I so don’t need to hear about how good my stepbrother is in bed.”
“Deal,” Victoria says.
“So how are you doing?” I ask Courtney.
“I’m okay,” she says. “The medicine is helping. For the first couple of days I was a zombie, but they’re finally getting the prescription balanced out. If things go well, I should get out of here before New Year’s.”
“That’s great!” I say.
“Yeah, it is. They finally let me have visitors today, so Emmett came to see me.”
“Are you two back together?” Victoria asks.
“Yes, we are,” Courtney answers. “I can’t figure out why he’s with me. I am literally crazy, and I treated him really bad.”
“It wasn’t you,” I tell her. “It’s your illness.”
“I know, but it still doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. I’m just glad he’s willing to forgive me,” she says. “Another reason I wanted to Skype you is to tell you how sorry I am. Both of you. I know that I was acting like a complete psycho, and I am embarrassed about my behavior.”
“All is already forgiven.”
“Yes, it is,” Victoria says. “You just need to focus on getting better right now.”
“I am,” Courtney promises. “Also, thank you all for pointing out my behavior. I can’t thank you enough for caring about me. Most people would’ve just stopped being my friend instead of getting me help.”
“We’re your friends, Courtney. There is no way that I could have abandoned you,” Victoria says. “Especially not after all you’ve done for me. You’re my best friend.”
“We will always have your back. We love you,” I tell her.
“I love you both too,” she says. “I don’t have a lot of time left, but I just needed to call you and see your faces for a few minutes. I miss you both so much.”
“We miss you too!” Victoria says.
“But we will see you soon,” I say. “Hang in there.”
“I’ll talk to you later,” Courtney says.
“Bye!” Victoria and I say, and then the chat ends.
At least one thing is going good… Courtney is getting better.
Too bad that’s the only thing that is good right now.
Wednesday, December 22
8am
I hate you.
On Tuesday night, I have a hard time falling asleep. There are a million things on my mind, but one stands out.
The stalker and how do I stop them.
When I wake up on Wednesday, I go sit out on the ledge where we cliff dove, and I watch the waves roll in. I think about every crappy thing that has happened to me, my family, and my friends since I came here. The more I think, the angrier I feel. So, I pull out my phone and I text back the blocked number that sent me messages yesterday.
Me: I hate you. Why are you trying so hard to ruin my life?
Blocked ID: You don’t hate me. And soon enough you will find out why this is all happening.
Me: So there is a reason behind it? I’m not just some random person you decided to torture.
Blocked ID: I have a pretty good reason to do all of this.
Me: How can I stop it? I don’t want anybody else that I love to be hurt.
Blocked ID: I will make you a deal.
Me: I’ll do anything.
Blocked ID: Break up with Gabriel Johnson — for real this time.
Me: He would never believe that I was breaking up with him. He would know.
Blocked ID: Make him believe it. Tell him you hate him. Do whatever it takes to convince him that you are no longer in love with him.
Me: If I do this, will you promise to leave my family, my friends, Gabe, and me alone?
Blocked ID: Yes.
Me: I need time to consider this.
Blocked ID: You have until Christmas Day. I will leave you alone until then. If you and Gabriel break up, I will back off. For good.
Me: Why don’t you want me with Gabe?
Blocked ID: That’s my little secret.
Me: If Gabe is going to believe I’ve really moved on, I will have to date somebody else.
Blocked ID: I don’t care who you’re with, as long as it isn’t him.
Me: Who are you?
Blocked ID: You will find out one day. But not now. Goodbye, Kihanna Evers.
I put away my phone and look out at the waves again. I have a lot to consider. If I break up with Gabe, my stalker would leave me alone.
Could I be happy without him?
Part of me says no. Gabe has a part of my heart that I will never be able to get back. He’s my first love. But the other part of me says yes, I will eventually get over him. I am seventeen years old. I have many heartbreaks ahead of me.
One thing is certain — I have to protect my family. I have to protect him. And I have to protect myself. If breaking up with Gabe will do that, then that is what I have to do.
11am
Cold-hearted.
I’ve spent the majority of my morning trying to figure out how to break up with Gabe. At first I thought maybe I could use the old “It’s not you, it’s me”, but then I decided that was way too cheesy. I have to do something that Gabe will believe. I need him to really think I’m breaking up with him because I don’t want to be with him anymore. I have to cut every string between us. I have to make him hate me. So, I’ve decided to go with, “It’s not me, it’s YOU”. And I’ve been practicing my speech in my head.
I feel like crap for what I’m doing. I said I wouldn’t give into my bully, but here I am waving the white flag. I am going to do what they ask. And I can’t help but think if I would’ve done this a long time ago, I could’ve saved a lot of bad things from happening.
I have two more days to spend with Gabriel. Two days where my stalker won’t bother me and we can be a normal couple.
Breaking up with him on Christmas Day will be cruel, but that’s when it has to be done. I need Gabriel to come out of this relationship with bad thoughts of me. I need him to look the other way when he sees me in the school hallway. I want him to leave the room when I walk into it, because the further he is from me the safer he will be.
“You’ve been out here all morning,” Toby says, taking a seat beside me. I was so deep in thought that I didn’t hear him walk up.
“Yeah, I’ve just been thinking,” I say.
“Me too.”
I feel bad for Toby. His life was so perfect before I came and screwed it up for him.
“Mark called,” he says. “He made it safely to California. Mom has agreed to meet him and talk to him.”
“That’s good.” Maybe their marriage isn’t totally doomed.
“You know that I don’t blame you, right?”
&
nbsp; I keep my eyes on the ocean as I reply. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”
The truth is, I do blame myself. If I never would’ve come here, everything would be perfect right now. Nobody would’ve known about my dad’s affair. The stalker wouldn’t know I exist. And everybody would be enjoying their Christmas vacation as normal. But I am here. And now I have to make this right. I can’t take back what’s already happened, but I can make sure that nothing else bad happens — even if it means sacrificing my own happiness and hurting somebody that I care about.
I turn to Toby. “I am going to break up with Gabriel.”
He rolls his eyes. “You say that every other day.”
“But I’m serious this time.”
“Why?” he asks. It’s obvious he still doesn’t believe me. I need to make him believe. If I can’t convince Toby then I definitely won’t be able to convince Gabe.
“He just… annoys the heck out of me,” I answer. “Little things that I used to find cute I just don’t anymore.”
“Right.”
Dang it. I am sucking at this. I have to think of something to say.
“I’m talking to another guy,” I blurt out. It’s a complete lie, but I sound very convincing.
“Are you serious?” Toby asks.
“Yeah,” I answer. “I realized about a week ago that I’m not in love with Gabe anymore. I worked so hard to have the relationship with him that I just felt bad about it. But I can’t deny how I feel any longer.”
