Chapter Twelve
I didn't protest when Keller sat us both on my bed or even when he moved me so that my own back rested against his chest while he leaned back against the headboard. His hands made quick work of my blanket, bringing it up to cover our legs. His chin rubbed against the top of my head, and I could feel his breath, warm and even across my skin.
Caught between the security of the blanket and the heart emanating from his body, his arms tightly wrapped around me, I began to feel again. The numbness began to reside, and the shock of what I had been told was almost bearable.
I nudged Keller with my elbow to loosen his hold, and his small grunt of pain gave me more satisfaction than I cared to admit.
"Why," I asked him, "even in my darkest moments, are you always trying to get me into bed with you?"
"Trying, sweetheart?" Keller let out his old, familiar laugh. "Please, I think I might argue that I've actually succeeded this time."
My face broke into a shy, answering smile. He was right, and I was too exhausted to beg him to move. I felt safe for the first time in hours. If he tried to move away from me, I would be reduced to begging him to stay.
I felt his lips brush the top of my head, and then Keller's head dipped lower, and his cheek rested against mine. "Do you want to talk about it yet?"
Sighing, I knew there was no easy answer to Keller's question. Did I want to talk about it?
Probably not.
Was it important that I make sure I understood everything I'd been told tonight?
Obviously.
So, ready or not, I didn't have much choice, and I was certain his question had only been Keller attempting to be polite. What a strange time for him to choose to be a gentleman, I mused.
"I need to ask you a few more questions," I began, "to make sure I really understand, if that’s even possible. Do you mind?"
The shake of his head against my cheek confirmed his answer and I knew he was ready to listen, but being this close to him made it hard for me to think clearly.
"You know, Keller, I've stopped shivering. I think it might be better if we sat side by side. You've got me wrapped up so tight I can hardly breathe, much less talk.” I tried to lean where I could see him. “Or was that your intention all along?"
Keller's laughter rang through the room. Shivers of another sort ran along my arms as the sound of him reverberated off my bedroom walls and wrapped me in a different type of warmth.
Surprisingly, without argument, he gracefully unwound himself from around me and adjusted the blanket until we were sitting side by side and using the headboard to support our backs. Only our arms were touching now, but it was enough to still make my breathing slightly off.
"Better?"
Probably not, I thought, but I answered, "Much. Thank you."
The look in his eyes told me he knew what I was thinking, but still playing the gentleman for now, he let me have my imagined moment of victory.
Keller reached across the blanket and pulled my unresisting hand into his own as if he needed to still touch me in whatever way I would allow him.
"So," he let out a deep breath, "why don't you talk this time, and I'll listen for awhile."
I bit my lip, realizing that I had the same dilemma Granger had mentioned earlier. I wasn't sure where to start. So, I just dived right in.
"You aren't from around here, then?"
"No,” he laughed under his breath, “Granger and I are definitely not locals."
I nodded my head as though I already knew that, but hearing him say it again made a thousand questions flood through my mind. "Are you immortal?"
Keller's hand stilled a moment before he gripped mine tighter. "No, I'm not immortal. This age is...simply the age I am for now. Timeless might be a better word to describe a guardian."
"Timeless?"
"I'm actually quite human. I have a soul. I have a heartbeat, love, and I know you've felt that and other things about me, so you can tell I'm quite a lot like your average teenage boy."
I couldn't stop the blush that rose in my cheeks remembering how close I'd been to him before, and how very human I knew he was. Not wanting my thoughts to go there, I blurted out, "So, human guardian, how old are you?"
Keller shook his head. "I don't really know. I'm being honest," he rushed on before I could accuse him of lying. "Guardians are chosen as babies. None of us remember it, but to become a sovereign guardian of the heavens, something had to happen where those chosen to serve in the role never had the chance to live on Earth. Once someone is selected, the child is raised to have specific duties which include watching over other humans when needed and to help when someone crosses over."
Keller's eyes narrowed, choosing his words carefully. "Sweetheart, I know it's hard for you to understand, and there's much that, honestly, I'm not allowed to explain. I mean, you do understand we're talking about a greater power here so there has to be some topics that are off limits. I do think it's important for you to know I've always been happy there. We don’t spend our time looking down on Earth. It doesn’t work like that, but we can tell when something is wrong, and we take the assignments we are given to correct any disturbances seriously. I've always been proud to be a guardian, and I never thought I wanted anything else."
I stared at our entwined hands, wondering if I had imagined the unspoken words of “until now” that might have followed the rest of his statement.
My brow furrowed as another thought crossed my mind. “Keller, if I had stayed and not crossed back, would I have become a guardian, too? Would I have been there, with you, this entire time?"
He shook his head from side to side. "No. You had your mother waiting on the other side, so you would have gone on with her. Only children who have no one waiting for them are considered to become sovereign guardians."
“You keep saying that word, sovereign. What exactly do you mean?”
Keller shrugged his shoulder causing his arm to move over mine. Even such a slight touch sent shivers all through me. I was certain my reaction had to confirm I was out of my mind crazy because with all I had learned tonight, there was no way my brain or my body should still be focused on all the sensations Keller Jones made me feel.
The words heaven help me ran through my mind, but I was quite certain heaven was sitting right beside me in bed causing most of the thoughts that were giving me...problems.
I forced myself to focus as Keller attempted to explain.
“There are different types of guardians in the heavens. Granger and I are sovereign guardians. We have freedom to come and go as needed for the assignments we are given, but we always have to return. It’s different for some of the other guardians. Some never leave. Others can choose where they go.
Wanting to know more, I asked, "Have you and Granger always worked together?"
Keller laughed out loud. "Granger and I aren't joined at the hip, you know. We don't always do everything together. There are more guardians than simply the two of us. But have we always been friends? Yes, although his situation is somewhat different than mine. Granger was never really alone; he has a brother and a sister. They're triplets."
I tried to imagine a world with two more people who looked like Granger. Seeming to read my mind, Keller explained, "They aren't identical, sweetheart. Bradley really doesn't act or even look much like Granger. Colleen, I guess, resembles him the most in both looks and actions."
Keller shrugged his shoulders and added, "I'll admit I'm sometimes jealous he has true siblings and I don't. We're all family, of course, but I've often thought it must be nice to have someone you're close to like that. Being a triplet is a special bond, much different than being by yourself."
I was still having a hard time imagining Granger with family I'd never met, when another thought suddenly entered my head.
"If you don't know who your parents are, then how did you get your last names?"
A smile that was just big enough to bring out Keller's dimple erupted on his face. "Now th
at part was fun. Normally we aren’t on Earth long enough to even bother with last names, but this time we had to get settled here, and we knew we needed believable identities in case you came back home to stay. We couldn’t simply keep using our shields on everyone, making them believe we belonged here. Real identities meant last names, and we got to choose.”
He laughed again, like he had some private joke before he added, “I thought Jones was a name that wouldn't raise suspicion, and I liked the sound of Keller Jones."
"And the Panera?" I prodded further, thinking of Granger.
This time there was no holding back the laugh that escaped past his lips. "Granger's last name was all thanks to his stomach. We went there, to the restaurant, one day and he ordered three different meals from the menu plus two desserts from the bakery section, and he ate every bite. All he could think about the next day and the day after that was going back and getting more food. I tagged him with name, and after that - it just stuck, kind of like the ten extra pounds he picked up before he finally backed off driving into Nashville and eating out every day."
I smiled, imagining Keller and Granger trying to choose their own last names and thinking the extra pounds hadn’t caused Granger Panera any permanent damage, as an image of him without his shirt on popped unbidden into my head.
"What else can I tell you that will help assuage your insatiable curiosity?" Keller teased, lightly jabbing me in the side with his elbow.
I thought about how many things I still wanted to know, trying to narrow down my questions to the most important, knowing that even if we stayed up all night, I’d never be able to have all the information I wanted from him. I was also cognizant there were going to be a lot of things he simply wasn’t allowed to share with me. I knew I would have to be okay with that, even if right now it seemed like it would be hard to accept.
“So,” I began slowly, carefully deciding what I most wanted to know. "Where was my Gran the night I was born?"
"Out on a date with Mr. Mac."
Keller shifted more towards me as he continued. "Do you know it's the reason she won't accept the one hundred marriage proposals he's thrown her way? She blames herself for not being there when you were born. She thinks if she hadn't been out with Mac, then maybe things would have turned out differently. Not marrying the love of her life is her way of making a sacrifice that compares to what you had to go through by leaving home."
"That's crazy! She has nothing to apologize for. She did everything she could for me."
Keller didn’t say anything, and I let it go because I knew there was nothing we could do right now that would help change things.
I still had so many questions I wanted answered, and despite my exhaustion, it seemed like now was the best time to ask.
"Can you explain some other things to me? Like, you mentioned that you can shield people? I don't really understand what that means except that you seem to use it to make people calm or get them to agree with you. Thinking back on things, I would guess it has something to do with your ring and Granger's necklace. Does the silver help you communicate? Do you use the items to help you travel back and forth? Wait! Maybe you shouldn't answer that question because I'm not sure I want to know. I keep picturing something like a scene out of Star Trek, and my brain can’t handle much more right now.”
I looked at him from the corner of my eye to judge how well he was handling my fountain of questions before I added a few more. “Does shielding help you bend people's thoughts when you need to? Is that why my head was all fuzzy that day at school when Granger and I were headed to registration?"
I was struggling with so many things Granger and Keller had told me, but this was especially hard to accept. If shielding was what I thought it was - losing control, taking away a person's free will, it made me wonder how much of what I'd done in the last couple of months, or what I'd felt for that matter, was even real.
Keller's brow furrowed as he tried to explain. "When you describe it like that, we do sound pretty horrible, but it's not like you think it is. I mean, yes, we do use our pieces of silver as a talisman, if you will, to be able to bring the power of the heavens with us."
He arched one perfect eyebrow as he spoke. "And yes, we do harness the power to be able to move back and forth from the heavens to here.”
His eyes were serious as he continued. “Granger and I are skimming around the edges of a lot of unspoken rules tonight by even explaining as much as we have to you. There are some things I can't tell you, and I am sorry, but if the Star Trek image works for you, then just hang on to that one."
He leaned over and kissed me, his lips briefly touching mine, before he settled back beside me.
"Sorry, but you needed that. You looked like you might be going back into shock."
Before I could argue that kissing me was not the way to revive me, I quickly changed my mind. The tingling from my toes to the tip of my head was definitely a delicious experience that had nothing to do with shock.
"We do use our ability to shield for suggestion, but shielding someone isn't about taking control away. We only use it when we are trying to protect someone."
He squeezed my fingers and added, "And, yes, before you ask, we tried to shield you, but it was only to help keep you safe. I tried to shield you the first time I met you to convince you to go back to boarding school because we believed you were safer there, but you weren't to be persuaded.
He gently nudged me with his elbow. "You were so beautiful that day we met, standing there with your grief and your anger and your uncertainty of where you belonged. I only wanted to help you, but I realized immediately that something about my shield seemed to have the opposite effect on you. You were anything but calm after our conversation."
I was quite sure my feelings that day had nothing to do with any power Keller might have tried, and it was more accurate that it was simply that from the moment I'd met him, he'd driven me half crazy. A thought flittered through my head, as I began to wonder if my reactions to him were, in fact, caused by something other worldly.
Watching me closely, Keller misinterpreted the frown I was wearing.
"Don't be angry, sweetheart. I had to try and talk you into leaving. You were safe when you were away from Fairvue, even though you often felt the evil, it never attempted any type of attack while you were gone. It was that certainty that kept your father pushing you away, even though Ms. Ellie never wanted to believe it. Eventually Granger and I realized you weren't going to leave, and we had to find a way to be near you so we could protect you. Working here helped, and you joining our lunch crew was obviously a plus. We couldn't be certain that our natural charm would necessarily persuade you to let us hang around you, you know." Keller grinned at me then, and I knew he was perfectly aware that his own charm was hypnotic all on its own.
"Most of the time, like I said, shielding seemed to have the opposite effect on you. You became guarded and suspicious instead of relaxed and open to suggestion. You simply aren't as...susceptible as most people. It has puzzled us that it doesn't always work right when you're around."
"The night at the club - you did something to me then, didn't you?"
Keller frowned and nodded. "Yes. But it only worked because you were already under the influence of some type of drug from that piece of scum that we let get too near you. But even then, you eventually remembered everything - tonight, when you got into the truck. When a shield is truly working, you should never be aware of what has happened. You proved again it was useless, too, when Granger used it that day at school. We began to realize it wasn't only me; you were equally immune to Granger's shield. To be certain, I tried it myself on you again when you were frightened, to try to help you calm down, and finally for the last time, when you began to suspect there was something going on. We thought it best, at the time, that you knew as little as possible. It's probably still best, but it's too late for that now." He shrugged his shoulders and gave me a half grin, as if keeping me in the dark would have never wor
ked anyway.
"You know, love, there were times where I thought my shield might be working, but I wasn't sure, and that isn't supposed to happen. Shielding someone is supposed to be a sure thing one hundred percent of the time. Anyway, you really should be glad we used it on Ms. Ellie, though, because I'm pretty sure we saved you from getting grounded that one night."
I wasn't amused.
Thinking of them manipulating Gran, even if it had been to keep her from worrying, I simply wasn't sure how I felt about that. I knew the next week’s events might require her to be shielded from whatever might happen to help keep her safe, but even then I wasn't sure if it was really what should be done.
The line between what was right and what was wrong was beginning to blur for me.
It was getting late, but there was still one thing I desperately wanted to know before we moved to a different subject. I slid my fingers from Keller's grasp and clasped my hands together in my own lap, trying to work up the courage to ask him what I most wanted to know about his ability to shield.
When Granger had kissed me, even though I hadn't wanted to feel anything, I had been swept up in emotions. I thought at the time it was because Keller hadn't wanted me, and it felt good to believe someone like Granger did. But when he'd taken off his chain, I'd managed to push him away. Had he used his shield when he'd kissed me, possibly unintentionally? Of course, things were different than the day he'd used his shield at school. When Granger had shown up at Fairvue, I was caught up in feeling like someone cared about me. Deep down I'd known it wasn't just the feelings of being wanted that I craved. It was something else; it was someone else.
Yet still, accepting that truth, I couldn't stop myself from wondering if the attraction I felt to Keller, and what I thought he felt towards me, were all part of some game he'd been playing - some power move he attempted to use to keep me in the dark about what was really going on.
Crossings: A Sovereign Guardians Novel Page 20
