by Carol Lee
“You will have a baby. And you will be great parents,” I agreed as we parked and got out of the car. Sarah was back and she was looking toward the future.
Sam – September 2009
“Judy, this is going to be hard. Are you sure you want to do it?” I asked her as I parked the car outside the station.
“I need to. I saw the body already. I should have already known it was Sarah. I can’t believe I didn’t see it. I need to know it’s her,” she said, the lost look in her eyes still giving me goose bumps.
“OK. Just know that I’m here, and we’re all supporting you, no matter how you react or what you need. The next few days will be especially bad. I know. But we’re here for you,” I said again.
“Sam, I told you to come back tomorrow, today is your day,” Captain Edwards said as I walked into the office.
“Captain, you remember my sister, Judy. She’s come to help identify the body. Since she’s the one who found her, I thought we could fulfill her request to see the body again,” I explained.
“You know as well as I do that only family can ID a body,” Captain Edwards whispered in my ear as he led me away from Judy, holding hard onto my arm.
“Captain, she’s completely in denial. She won’t believe it’s really Sarah until she sees her. She already saw the body. She knows more than any other civilian at this point. We could use her help. Get her statement as early as possible in the investigation, see if she knows anything we don’t. She’s already promised me off the record that Jack’s away on a business trip, so that’s all adding up. Let her do this for herself and for Sarah’s sake,” I pleaded.
“OK. But don’t go leaking this to the media. And don’t let her leak it either,” he said, turning back to Judy. “Judy, Sam will take you down to the. . .the morgue to ID the body. When you’re done, we’ll need your statement. If you weren’t here and requesting this, we could have waited to get a statement, but we’ll need it now.”
“You already got one yesterday after we found the body. Why do you need another one?”
“We need to corroborate your story now that we know who the body is. It won’t be anything different than yesterday. But we’ll need another statement. Sorry to put you through this.”
“OK,” she said, starting to look glum.
“Come on Judy, it’s this way,” I said and led her through a set of doors to the basement.
The morgue was not a busy place. We had to contract services from the nearest town big enough to hire a full time medical examiner. It had been over a year since we’d brought him in, but we all treated him like family when he was needed.
“Judy, you’re sure you want to do this?” I asked again, giving her one more chance to back out.
“Sam, I have to,” she said adamantly and walked through the door. “Stay here. Let me do it alone.” Her voice was nearly cut off as the door closed behind her and I stayed put.
***
“Allen, I’m going over to your house with Judy. I think she should be with Krista this afternoon. I’m going to come back even though Captain doesn’t want me here. I’m going to go with you to Jack’s,” I told him after I’d gotten Judy settled into the car and she’d given her statement to Allen.
“OK. I’ll see you in a little bit. Make sure you stay with them until you know they’ll both be OK.”
“Of course,” I said and turned to walk back outside.
“Judy,” I started as I got into the driver’s seat, but I didn’t know how to continue. I’d dealt with family members identifying loved ones before, but it was never my family.
“Sam,” she said back.
I started the car, put it in reverse, turned up the radio and opened the windows. I let the sounds of wind and music drown out the possibility of conversation as we headed to Krista, who didn’t know we were on our way, nor that we had life changing news.
“This was their song,” Judy said as a new song came on. Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison. “Sarah loved this part,” she added and turned the radio up even louder.
“Sometime I'm overcome thinking about/Making love in the green grass/Behind the stadium/With you, my brown-eyed girl/You, my brown-eyed girl,” Morrison crooned from the speakers, Judy scream-singing along.
At their house, we didn’t even knock. Judy opened the door and found Krista sitting on the back porch, reading. She stood up immediately and Judy collapsed into her arms.
“What’s going on?” Krista asked.
“Krista, it’s Sarah! The body we found, it’s Sarah!” Judy mumbled into her shoulder. I had come out just behind her.
“No, it can’t be. I saw her last week before you got here. She’s fine, just frustrated with Jack’s work travel. But she’s fine.”
I was surprised at how quickly she went into denial just like Judy had.
“It’s her. I saw the body,” Judy continued.
“I know, you found the body. You would have told me that day. What’s going on?” she asked, turning to me for confirmation and guiding Judy into a chair before we all sat down.
“It’s Sarah,” I confirmed.
“No, it can’t be,” Krista said again.
“We’re coming from the station just now,” Judy finally started explaining between deep breaths, trying to compose herself. “I had to see the body again. . .to know it was really her.”
“No. . .it can’t be!” Krista exclaimed, grabbing her stomach.
“It is. It’s Sarah,” Judy said and dissolved into sobs again. Now both women were crying, trying to come to terms with a new reality. I walked inside, heading back to the station, to let them comfort each other the way only women can.
Marissa – April 2009
“Welcome to upstate New York!” I said as Sarah and Judy walked through my front door.
“Thanks for having us,” Judy said.
“Of course! Anything to get Sarah to finally visit! She always says I’m too far, but the drive wasn’t too bad, was it?”
“I’m glad I wasn’t alone!” Sarah said, reaffirming her justification on not having visited before.
“Oh come on,” I teased.
“No, really. The car broke down twice! One was only a flat tire, but the other one, we had to get towed to a garage. Luckily it was just outside Burlington, VT so it wasn’t far. But I wouldn’t have wanted to have been alone!” Sarah explained.
“What happened? You’re not even too late.”
“It ended up being an air bubble in the gas line. They said it only happens in the older models of Volvo like the one we’re driving. He said it doesn’t usually happen until it’s really hot out, but with the change in temperatures lately, it could have gotten in after one of the extra cold nights,” Sarah explained.
“Well, that’s not how it usually goes! It sounds like you need a new car soon!” I said, laughing. “Just leave your bags here for now, let me show you around.”
We walked through the front room and I showed them the rest of the house. “This is where you can sleep. Sorry, you’ll have to share the futon. But it’s a really comfy mattress! I’ve moved my office stuff to my bedroom so I won’t have to use that space at all while you’re here.”
“Thanks Marissa. You really didn’t have to do that. We’re excited to be here. I didn’t tell you, but one of the reasons we wanted to come now was because Judy is thinking of going back to school and maybe coming here to study elementary education,” Sarah said, turning to Judy with a smile. I knew that Sarah didn’t fully support Judy’s continued choice to live out of a backpack and find a new place to call home every few months. I’d never asked how she financed her lifestyle, but I could see that Sarah thought this more conventional route would be a good change.
“That’s great! Are you doing a tour? Have you talked to anyone in the department yet?” I asked Judy.
“Nope, just taking it all as it comes. I’m visiting schools where I know someone. And this was nice and convenient for both of us.”
“That works
for me, it’s great to have Sarah finally visit!” I said again and turned to show them the rest of the house.
***
“I’m worried we won’t have kids,” Sarah said to Judy behind their closed bedroom door. I hadn’t realized how thin the walls in the house were, but I could hear straight into my office through the wall it shared with my bedroom.
I remembered our conversations from the previous year when I’d visited after her miscarriage. We hadn’t talked about her having kids again. In fact, we’d only talked a handful of times since my last visit, falling into our old patterns of only getting in touch when we needed something. But now I couldn’t get the image out of my head of her dead eyes looking at nothing that left a feeling of hopelessness.
“And if you don’t?” Judy asked her.
“I’ve always wanted kids. Since I was little. I was always jealous of Marissa for being the older sister. And she hated it. I wanted a little sister or brother who I could take care of. And now that I’m married, that’s all I want.” I could tell she was on the verge of tears.
“Would you adopt?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure Jack is willing to do that. His cousin is adopted and he’s had a lot of issues around dealing with that.”
“You don’t have to treat it the same way his family did. I don’t know how they told him or what their relationship was like, but it would be your family and you would get to shape it how you saw fit.”
“I know. I try to tell him that. He’s never liked the idea of having kids. He’s OK if we have one—he thinks he’ll be able to connect with them then—but doesn’t feel like it’d really be ours if we adopted. The birth parents would be able to take it back, he thinks. I try to explain how it works, at least my understanding of it. And we could always adopt from overseas where the chance of them finding their birth parents would be much less, but I don’t know. We don’t seem to see eye to eye on adoption, so having our own would make the most sense.”
“Sarah, whatever is supposed to happen will happen. Keep your head up. Have you been to a doctor about it?”
“Of course! I’ve been to so many of them I don’t ever want to see another one again. But it’s on me. Jack is fully functioning!” I heard them giggle like they were back in high school.
“Well, I am hopeful that things will work out. I bet in a year, you’ll be visiting me with your first born,” Judy said, encouragingly.
“I hope so,” Sarah said but I could tell she didn’t have the same hope Judy felt.
***
“Judy, I can bring you to meet the department chair of the elementary education program if you want,” I said over breakfast the next morning, ignoring the conversation I’d overheard the night before.
“That’d be great! Sarah, do you want to come too? I’d love to see what you think. I still barely know what I’m looking for in a college.”
“Sure. We could take a tour of the whole campus too. And maybe spend some time in the town this afternoon while Marissa is working,” Sarah said. It was now her turn to offer encouragement and advice.
“There’s a bar that a lot of the undergrads go to—The Hoot Owl. It might be a little out of your scene, but if you get there early enough it shouldn’t be busy. And you could at least see what’s available for night life!” I didn’t think they’d enjoy it, but Judy should know what she was getting into if she was thinking of going to school here.
“That’d be great—a personal department visit, a tour and a drink. . .or two,” Judy laughed. Maybe it would be her scene after all.
Sam – September 2009
“That was faster than I expected,” Allen said when he saw me approaching his desk.
“Yeah. They were crying. I couldn’t deal with it. It’s somehow harder when it’s your own sister you have to comfort. You care too much I guess. What time does Jack’s plane arrive?” I asked, ready to jump into work.
“Landed three hours ago. Should be getting home about now. Let’s head over there and let him know what happened. We’ll need him to identify the body even though we all know her.”
“Is the final autopsy report completed yet?” I asked, wanting as much information as possible to make sure this was consistent with hiking accidents.
“Not yet. Should be done first thing in the morning,” he said and picked up his keys to get going.
“You don’t want to swing by and make sure Krista’s OK?” I asked as we pulled out of the parking lot.
“I’ll give her a call on the way.” He pulled out his cell phone to call. She must have picked up on the last ring before going to voicemail because he seemed to wait forever to talk.
“Krista, is Judy still with you?” he asked. I could only hear one side of the conversation. “She told you the news I guess. . .Yes, it’s really Sarah. . .We’re on our way to Jack’s right now to notify him. . .He’ll have to come to the station with us to identify the body and give a statement, but I’ll let you know when I’m on my way home. . .I’ll pick up dinner, don’t worry about it. . .Love you too.”
As nice as it was having Judy home again, I felt lonely listening to him take care of his wife and realized that’s what I was missing in my life.
***
“Allen. Sam,” Jack greeted us at the door to his house that he’d shared with Sarah until recently.
“Jack. Welcome home,” I said.
“Thanks, I just got back about ten minutes ago. Good timing on stopping by. You working in the area?” he asked. There had been a few occasions in the past that we might be working late on his side of town and I’d drop off Allen for dinner if Krista was already over there. We’d never stopped by before unexpectedly or without Krista and Sarah already hanging out.
“No, we’re actually here on official business,” Allen said.
“Oh.” Jack’s face dropped. He knew enough to know that us showing up wasn’t a good thing if it was work related. “Can I get you some water? Something else to drink? Something to eat?” He was suddenly a bit more nervous, as I would have been too.
“We’re fine. Can we come in and have a seat?” Allen asked.
“Of course,” Jack said and turned and led the way to the kitchen. We each took a seat at a round table with four chairs. “What’s this about?”
“Jack, we found Sarah’s body yesterday. She was hiking and took a fall. The time of death was Sunday afternoon,” I said matter of factly, needing to get it all out at once so he would hear it.
“Sunday,” he said after his face had lost all color and his eyes were unseeing.
“Yes, she died on Sunday and her body was found yesterday,” I repeated.
“I was out of town Sunday. What happened?” he asked.
“It looks like she was hiking and got caught in a torrential downpour. A big storm came through Sunday around noon and lasted several hours. She was likely near the top of Mount Potash when the weather turned and she was heading down. Her body was found at the base of a cliff. The autopsy report will be finished by the morning and we’ll be sure to let you know. But right now we need you to come identify the body and collect the items that were found on her,” I finished.
“I can do that,” he said without looking up. He was in shock.
“I know this is really hard, and we’re all very sorry for your loss, but we’ll also have to get a statement from you. Just about where you were and when you left.”
“OK.” His eyes were still unfocused and looking at nothing.
***
“Jack, I’m Dr. Liddell,” the medical examiner introduced himself when we brought Jack into the morgue. “I’m very sorry for your loss. I know this is a hard time for you, but we need you to confirm the body.”
“OK.” Jack was still in shock and answering in one word answers.
Dr. Liddell pulled the sheet back that had been covering Sarah and Jack looked away.
“It’s her,” he whispered. Tears came to his eyes.
“I’m sorry to have had to put you through th
at. There was a bag with her that she was hiking with. It all belongs to you now,” Dr. Liddell explained, handing Jack the small hiking bag. She’d been ill prepared for the drastic change in weather that is common in that part of the state. Nearby Mount Washington has recorded some of the worst weather on the planet, and the rest of the White Mountains are not immune.
