I don’t know if it was for my benefit, or if he just doesn’t do that shit out in public like the other guys. I grin to myself. I have a feeling it was just for my benefit. Pierce would undoubtedly participate in a full evening of free flowing pussy if he was single and had the chance.
Fury
I call my father.
I don’t call him often, but I try to check in.
“You’re a fuck up,” he mumbles into the phone before I can even tell him hello.
“Hey, Pops,” I grumble. He sighs.
“Laid eyes on her, son, and you’re a fuckin’ fuck up if I ever knew one,” he barks.
I want to flinch, but I don’t—not where anybody can catch me.
“On who?” I ask, even though I know exactly who he means.
“Went to Idaho to check shit out about a month ago. The whole charter went. Wanted to make sure Drifter was keeping shit in line. Met the girl. Gorgeous, though I wouldn’t expect you to sink yourself bare inside anyone that wasn’t. She’s sweet, too—innocent, shy, so I get it. One thing she ain’t that you said she was—is weak. She’d make a fine Old Lady,” he informs me.
It makes my defenses go up.
“You don’t know her,” I bark into the phone, pissed and fucking angry.
I’m not mad at him. Not really. I’m fucking jealous. He laid eyes on my woman, on Kentlee, and I haven’t seen her in over two and a half years.
“Don’t need to know her, son. I saw her with my own eyes. She’s strong as fuck. You don’t claim her the fuckin’ minute you pass those walls, I’ll give her my protection and bring my grandson to California with her,” he warns. I feel my blood pump, really pump through my veins as rage quickly follows.
“You won’t do a damn thing, old man,” I growl so the guards don’t overhear my anger.
“Get your shit together, or that’s exactly what I’ll do,” he informs me before he gives me a low fucking blow. “I’ll give her my protection, my patch, and my bed, Pierce. Don’t test me. Get your fuckin’ act together.,” he says.
Then the old fuck hangs up on me.
My father is not only threatening to take them out of Idaho, he’s also threatening to take her as his woman. His Old Lady. It makes my head spin and my stomach ache to think about Kentlee being in any man’s bed other than mine. I won’t let him do a fuckin’ thing.
I wonder though, does that mean that it’s obvious she’s over me? Have I fucked up past the point of being able to make it up to her? Will she accept me back? Maybe she wants another man, maybe that’s what this is about? Maybe she wants my fuckin’ dad?
I try to push everything from my mind.
I thank whatever god is up there that it’s time for leisure. I make my way toward the gym and I work out until dinner. I eat and shit and go to bed, all while eyes are on me. I’m so sick of guards fuckin’ watching me. I can’t breathe without someone’s eyes plastered on me.
I close my eyes when I’m in my cot and grind my teeth.
My own fucking father is threatening me, and I know the bastard will come through, too. It isn’t an idle threat, it’s a goddamned promise. He’ll do it. He’ll come in and take them from me if I don’t step up.
After spending two and a half years in here, away from her and away from my child, I’m not sure I deserve them when I get out.
Maybe I should let my father swoop in and take them away.
They’d be better off without me at this point.
I’m a worthless fuck.
I don’t deserve them.
But I want them.
Fuck that. I’m not letting anybody take my family from me. She’s mine. Her cunt’s mine and her heart’s mine. Everybody else can pack sand. I’ll slit the throat of any man that tries to take them away, father or not.
My father is the second man to tell me that Kentlee is strong. Sniper has been saying it this entire time, but he has a soft spot for her—always has.
Is she strong enough for me?
For this life?
I open my eyes and stare into the darkness.
For the first time, I hope that she is strong enough.
God knows I’m not going to be easy to put up with after I get out. I’m probably going to break her.
No matter what Sniper and my Pops say, I don’t trust that she can handle me, handle the life, and handle the role of Old Lady.
Fuck, I think I want her to be strong enough.
For the first time in my life, I’m hoping that Sniper and my Pops are right—that she’s Old Lady material—because fuck me, I think I might want to publicly claim her, stamp her, and brand her as mine.
If for no other reason than another man knows she’s fuckin‘ mine. Since they’re all so fuckin‘ hot to try and take her from me.
Kentlee
Today is the day.
Pierce is being released.
There’s a huge party and Bates is insisting that Bear and I be there. I’m not sure that it’s appropriate, though. I don’t know the emotions Pierce will have at seeing his son for the first time, and I don’t want him to be embarrassed or angry.
“LeeLee,” Bates sighs.
“No, Bates. He’ll need a few days to decompress. You guys do your party thing. Besides, I have to work tonight,” I say. He narrows his eyes on me.
“You don’t. You weren’t scheduled,” he says wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into his side. I smile as I rest my head on his chest.
“Candy is down with the flu. She called me an hour ago. She feels horrible, but I heard her puking her guts out. It’s Friday night, it’s going to be busy, and you need a waitress. Pierce will be happy to spend the evening with his brothers. I don’t want to throw too much at him at once,” I explain. Bates growls.
“You are being a chicken shit,” he announces giving me a little shake. I nod in agreement. “He’ll be happy to see you LeeLee, trust me. He’ll want to see you. Don’t hide away the way he’s been doing all this time.”
I am such a chicken shit. I’ve had this image of Pierce in my head for three long years. This image that he’ll see me and fall to his knees with such joy and jubilation at the sight of me in front of him. It’s all complete fanasty.
Then, there is the image I have of his complete rejection. Of him taking one look at me and being disgusted with me. I’m not the same twenty-three year-old girl I was the day he left. I’m twenty-six. I’ve had a baby and I’ve had countless sleepless nights. I’ve worked my ass off and I’m fucking exhausted.
I had hope that he wanted me, that he loved me. I held onto that hope for so fucking long, but what if he doesn’t want me. If a man wants you, he’ll do anything to have you, to keep you, to make sure you and everybody else in the world knows you’re his. Pierce has done none of this, in fact he’s pretended I don’t exist.
I’m too confused to see him. Too confused with my own wants and desires, with my own feelings. I honestly thought that this day wouldn’t come. That I would just forever live in limbo. Now that it’s here, I need more time. For me. For my head. To figure out exactly where my head is at.
So I tell Bates a little of what I’m thinking, but not everything. He thinks I’m so fucking strong. He doesn’t realize how weak I really am.
“I am a total chicken shit. I can admit it. He hasn’t wanted anything to do with me for three years, Bates. Do you blame me for being scared? I’m petrified. What if he really doesn’t want me? What if I’m standing there waiting for him to hold me and confess his love for me, and he doesn’t even remember me?” I ramble.
Do I even love him? Truly? We had weeks together that resulted in Bear. Maybe all of this is just me having misplaced feelings because he’s the father of my baby. I don’t want to look at him and feel nothing; I don’t want what happened between Bates and me to happen to Pierce and me. I don’t want to kiss him and feel no desire for him. I want to keep that time we had together wrapped up in a perfect little memory, never to be destroyed, forever to feel like
perfection.
Bates holds his hand up to shut me up.
“He ain’t gonna forget you, babe. Trust me on that.”
“It’s better this way. He can party with the boys and then come around when he’s ready. Bear and I are a package, and we’re an intimidating package at that,” I say.
I should demand he comes home immediately, and I should kick his stupid ass. But my insecurities are too high. I’m too scared and nervous and all around—weak.
“I don’t know how to convince you LeeLee, I don’t know what else I can tell you other than I know he wants you, and he wants to see you. You guys have some serious shit to work though. I love you Lee, I really do, but this is so far over my head, I don’t know how to help you.” Bates stomps off, muttering to himself just as Tammy walks through the door.
“He got a problem?” she asks, watching him storm off to his bike.
“Pierce gets out of prison today. Bates thinks I should be waiting at the clubhouse for him with Bear. I don’t want to overwhelm him, and Candy called in sick, so I need to work anyway. Bates doesn’t agree,” I explain before I shrug. Tammy nods.
“You must be terrified,” she says softly. My eyes meet hers.
“I am. It’s truth time. Does he want us, or do we continue not to exist to him? If he ignores us now, it’s not because he’s in prison and doesn’t want to put us through all that crap, like he claimed—it’s because he really just doesn’t want us,” I confess. Tammy wraps me in her arms.
“If he doesn’t want you, then he’s a fucking fool,” she whispers into my hair. I shake a little with laughter. I have never heard Tammy curse, ever.
“If he doesn’t want us, then we move on. Three years is a long time to wait for someone, but for him I’d wait forever if I had to. Jesus, I’m such a mess, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore,” I say, giving her a watery smile and she cups my cheek.
“Because you are a girl who falls in love and she’s forever in love. I understand it. I’m the same kind of girl. I got lucky. My husband fell in love and it stuck with him, too. I hope that your Pierce is the same,” she whispers.
I don't miss the doubt shining behind her eyes. She can see the heartbreak writing on the wall, and it makes my heart ache with self-pity.
I thank Tammy for watching Bear on such short notice, and she brushes me off. I’m glad I have to work tonight. Hopefully it will keep my mind off of Pierce, off of what he’s doing down at that clubhouse.
I know Kitty is still there. She graces me with her presence every single time they close down the strip club and have a club party.
I close my eyes in the parking lot of the Devils Club and I try to calm down. I try not to picture him fucking some nameless, faceless, club whore while I’m working my ass off. I try not to picture him at all, because if I do, I’ll lose my shit completely.
I walk inside and begin to set up for the evening. Friday nights are always crazy here, and tonight promises to be the exact same. I watch quietly as strippers begin to file in, followed by the bartenders.
A few moments later, the doors open and we are officially open for business. I hope that it is one of those insane nights where I forget to take a break because we’re so swamped, that way I won’t be able to think about Pierce and what or who he’s doing.
Fury
Freedom.
Fuck.
Finally.
I grin when I see Sniper, Dirty Johnny, Drifter, and some recruit waiting outside of the gates of hell for me. There’s a truck with my bike on the back and I grin as the recruit walks it down a ramp. My fuckin’ bike. Finally.
“Brother,” Drifter says. He takes my hand before hugging me, slapping me on the back.
“Good to be fuckin’ outta there,” I murmur, stepping away from him, clasping hands with Dirty Johnny and then Sniper.
They all tell me they’re glad to have me back.
Then, Drift hands me my cut and I slide it on.
Fucking hell.
So good.
“Let’s get the fuck outta here and get you home, brother,” Drifter says.
I can’t agree more. I climb onto my bike and start her up. She rumbles between my thighs and I take off.
Freedom.
Fuck.
Finally.
It’s a fuckin’ trek home back to Bonners Ferry, Idaho. Eight hours, but we make it in seven, hauling ass and not giving a shit because I am finally free. When we arrive at the clubhouse, I’m not shocked to see a party already in full force. There’s pussy and brothers everywhere.
I’m welcomed by the entire club, and a beer is immediately thrust into my hand. Someone tries to give me a joint, but I don’t take it. I’m on parole for twelve months, including random drug tests.
Beer is one thing, green in my system? Nope.
“Where’s she at?” I ask Sniper when he slides up to me at the bar.
“Didn’t want to be rejected or some shit. Scared to be here waiting for you. Said she’d see you once you’d settled in,” he informs me. I nod.
Kentlee is nervous, scared even, and I don’t blame her. Three years is a long time to go without contact, and she’s been completely on her own. Sniper tells me her brother has only come to town once, and it was a complete clusterfuck.
Apparently, her parents tried to sway him to their side. It didn’t go over too well. Now, he stays away from town, but calls her regularly to check in.
My conscious is telling me to go and find my woman—to fuck her into the mattress, to remind her who owns her.
Remind her who her man is.
But I need to calm my ass down a little. I can’t run to her. If I do, what kind of weak ass bitch do I look like in front of my men?
“Well, then—let’s fuckin’ party,” I say with a wide smile, pretending like it isn’t killing me to stay away from her.
Sniper shakes his head, shooting me a look of sheer disappointment.
Yeah, well he can shove his disappointment up his fuckin’ ass.
“Hey, lets go down to Devils, show the Prez the club,” Bull cries out.
Everybody cheers. I’ve had updates on the club from Sniper. It’s making a fuckin’ mint, and it’s a great place to have parties. Tits and Ass? I’m down. There’s only one body I want my hands on, but I’m not fuckin’ blind, and I need to look as though I’m single for my boys. Until I decide what exactly I’m going to do with Kentlee. If I’m going to make her my Old Lady or continue to keep her separate from the life.
“Sure you don’t want to go back home?” Sniper asks. I shake my head.
“I want a clear head for Kentlee. I’ll see her in the morning,” I say.
I should want to go over there to see her, and I do, but this, my brothers, this is what I need right now. It’s late, and Kentlee is no doubt asleep. So is Bear, I’m sure. I don’t want to disrupt their routine. God knows my presence alone will probably cause my feisty Kentlee to come out, and we’ll end up in some kind of fight.
I also don’t want to see the look of disgust and disappointment on her face, aimed straight at me. I know she probably hates me. I know she’s probably going to tell me to go fuck myself. I can’t have that tonight. I can’t handle it.
“You should see this one cocktail waitress. Fuck, she’s stacked, and the ass on her makes me fuckin’ weep. Been beggin’ her to dance, but she refuses. I’ll wear her ass down one of these days, though,” Bull rambles as we make our way inside of the club.
It’s fucking insane.
It’s crowded, and there are three stages with dancers all around, plus waitresses and dancers on the floor. It’s everything I pictured when I rented the space. A feeling of pride and gratitude wash over me at seeing my idea come to fruition. I can’t keep the smile off of my face. Sniper outdid himself. Without him, this wouldn’t be what it is. My vision has come to light and, thanks to him, it didn’t just vanish and rot away with me in prison.
I follow my brothers over to a table that’s marked res
erved in front and center. Bull informs me that it’s always reserved for Notorious Devils.
Sniper wanted to make sure any member that wanted a seat always had the best one in the house. I laugh, shaking my head, and my long hair hangs in my face. It’s buggin’ the shit out of me, so I quickly put it in a bun at the top of my head. I haven’t got around to cutting it. It was my little bit of rebellion in hell.
“Where’s that hot bitch you were tellin’ me about?” I ask Bull. He nudges me, lifting his chin behind me.
I turn around and my eyes scan the figure walking toward me. She’s got on bright red, fuck me high heels and bare, long lean legs. She’s wearing tiny little black shorts that are high on her slim waist, hips— holy fuck, her hips are curvy. My mouth waters. My eyes continue to her tits, and fuck me, my dick hardens at the sight of them in the little bra she’s wearing as a top. Then I scan her face and I—see—red.
Kentlee.
Kentlee is a fucking cocktail waitress.
In a strip club.
In MY strip club.
She walks closer, and as I stand, her eyes stop on me and her step falters.
I watch as the color drains from her gorgeous face and she freezes. The guys are whooping and hollering for her, but she’s frozen in place, staring at me.
I can’t look away.
I’m so fucking pissed, but I’m so fucking turned on all at the same time.
I thought my attraction might have dwindled, like maybe I imagined her being prettier, sexier, and hotter than she really was. I figured I built her up in my mind. Sure I had pictures of her, but nothing compares to the woman standing across from me.
After three years, she’s standing in front of me, and she looks like a goddamn wet dream. She looks tough, badass, and like a dirty little slut; but still manages to ooze sweet innocence.
A dirtied up angel.
“Fury,” Sniper grunts behind me. I don't acknowledge him.
I can’t take my eyes off of her.
Rough & Rowdy (Notorious Devils #1) Page 17
