by Jonas Sunico
Oh no.
25
These guys are weird... I mean they’re all bald; they’re all wearing glasses; they’re all wearing suspenders. They look quite... despicable. They’re taking us to Malacañang inside this helicopter which I didn’t hear coming earlier by the way. I guess Carla’s pissed-off voice drowned out the sound of the helicopter. What a beast.
Uuugh. This is so awkward. Carla’s seated right in front and facing me and I can’t even look at her straight. I think she’s looking at me. Maybe she’s still angry. I CAN look at her but I CAN’T look her in the eyes. What happened earlier was just too much. What was I thinking? How can a loser like me make a girl like that fall in love? She’s a real catch... If you forget the fact that she was a pulubi once.
Mr. Senator and Father are seated up front. From the sound of it, I think they’re trying to talk with these people. Here with us in the back are 4 of those baldies. I notice a tag at the bottom right of their tummy pockets, the tag says “NiNions.” I thought it was that one guy’s name but it’s written on all of their pockets. I wonder what that means. Anyway, I think I’ll call them that for now. I’ll ask for their names later.
I didn’t notice that Askal wasn’t by my side till I tried to pet him. Askal was always at my left side, and I’m used to him being there. This time is different. Instead of Askal’s long majestic fur, I petted this denim like material. And well, it was the leg of one of the NiNions. I slowly raised my head to see if the NiNion noticed what I was doing. We stared each other in the eyes with an intensity that can be compared to that of 2 long lost lovers.
“Banana?” he said.
I’m not really one to strike up a conversation in the middle of an awkward situation so what came out of my mouth next was totally the most weirdest (most na, weirdest pa ) thing I said... apparently.
“Banana? Meron ata akong banana rito sa pants ko. You want? It’s mahaba so it’ll be enough.”
Everyone stopped for a second. Mr. Senator, Father, Askal, Carla, the NiNions, the pilot NiNion, all looked at me like I said something wrong. It was only then that I realized how dirty my sentence sounded. Ah shit.
“Oh... OH! What I meant was I have a banana here! In my pocket! I wasn’t referring to my... Arrrrgh!” I said.
What happened next was much much weirder. The NiNions suddenly went berserk. They flailed around shouting “banana!” over and over. Even the pilot joined the freak show and stopped flying the chopper. Before we knew it, the helicopter was already falling. Mr. Senator and Father tried to calm the pilot down but it wasn’t working. Askal leaped from the front seat to the back and sat beside me. He got scared; he was shaking like a kitten. Everyone was panicking. Everyone except for the girl in front of me.
She had her hand covering her face: the ultimate sign of disappointment, a face palm. She was so disappointed in what I did that she didn’t even care that we were about to die in a blazing inferno seconds from now. All of this just because I told them that I had a huge banana in my pocket... Wait! That’s it! A banana. They’re craving for one right now. But who do I give it too? Do I give it to these guys inside? Or should I give it to the pilot? If I give it to the pilot, they might gang up on him. They must be really hungry. What the hell has ChiNoy been doing with them? I thought he gives people sanctuary?
It’s hard to think and the fact that we’re seconds away from death doesn’t help me think clearly either. And it’s all because of this stupid banana.
“Saging! Saging ba ang gusto niyo? Intindi ko kung bakit di kayo magkandaugaga sa prutas na ’to kasi SAGING LANG ANG MAY PUSO! SAGING LANG ANG MAY PUSO!” Mr. Senator shouted out of nowhere. I guess he isn’t much with pressure either.
I pull out the banana from my pocket and to my surprise, it only takes 2 seconds before the banana flies from my hands because of the strong winds this crashing helicopter is causing. Now we’re really doomed. Our last hope flew away moments after I pulled it out.
“Banana?” asked the NiNions.
They were all sad. Their faces said it all. It was as if the last piece of food just flew out of their reach. They all put their heads down in sheer sadness. Then they calmed down. They sat down back to where they once were. The pilot gave the same look and also calmed down. He then resumed flying the helicopter just when it was inches away from a building. It was as if nothing had happened. As if they weren’t going gaga a while ago.
The 4 of us (5 if you count Askal) looked at each other in confusion. Mr. Senator and Father focused on the front of the helicopter again. Askal stopped shaking. And Carla, well, judging by the angry look on her face, it appeared she was still pissed off.
Well I’m actually starting to think that these people and ChiNoy are not what I made them out to be. First of all, I expected varying faces and appearances, not a group of bald, four-eyed, suspender wearing, gun-toting NiNions.
I smell trouble up ahead.
Mr. Senator and Father may have been brainwashed. Carla however has been with me all the time, so she’s okay. I know there’s something between us now, but she must know the trouble we might be heading for.
I see Malacañang up ahead. I saw this place in a 20-peso bill so I’m pretty familiar with it. In the middle of it is a big-ass platform. Surrounding the platform are at least a hundred NiNions. All shouting some gibberish thing I still can’t understand.
We go down one by one. Mr. Senator and Father are as jolly as hell, while me and Carla keep to ourselves. The NiNions that accompanied us hurry to join the crowd as they cheer for... US. The doors to the palace open slowly and there he is.
Bald, four-eyed, thin and tall.
The NiNions go silent. The (former) president of the Republic of the Philippines Mr.ChiNoy steps out of the palace. He walks towards us with an eerie smile. Mr. Senator and Father approach him with glee but ChiNoy just walks past by them. I see Askal hiding behind me... He’s scared again and he’s shaking more than ever. Carla on the other hand moves closer to me.
Her cold and sweaty hands grasp mine. She’s afraid as well. I hope she’s knows that we’re in trouble now. I don’t know what the hell is going on but I’m pretty sure it’s not good.
“Kamusta?” says ChiNoy as he offers me a handshake.
26
Agad-agad kaming pinaghiwalay sa mga malalaking kwarto. Medyo suspicious kaya umapila ako agad. Umapila rin si Joe. Kaso sabi ni Father, “Mga bata pa kayo. Di kayo dapat magsama sa iisang kwarto na walang patnubay ng magulang.”
E hindi naman yan ang dahilan kung bat ayaw ko na magkahiwalay kami e. Ayoko. Kase may kakaiba sa aura ng lugar na ’to. Ramdam ko na may masamang balak si ChiNoy. Sana ramdam din ni Joe. Di ko alam kung nabrainwash ba si Father at Mr. Senator pero di ko alam kung bakit parang napakaignorante nila’t di nila napapansin ang mga masamang intensyon ng may ari ng palasyong to.
Di ko nakita kung san ang kwarto nila. Nung huli kong nakita si Joe, bakas sa mukha nya ang pag-aalala. Tinuro nya ang daliri niya sa direksyon ko. Akala ko may dumi ako sa mukha. Pinapupunta lang pala niya si Askal sakin. Di niya hinayaan na ako lang mag-isa. Sweet.
Sabi sakin ni Father may dinner daw mamayang 6. Wala akong gana kumain. Kahit na sandamukal na Chicken Happy pa ang ingudngod nila sakin, wag na lang. Sana nandun na lang kami sa labas at umaasa sa mga de lata.
Naghanda daw sila ng damit na isusuot ko mamaya. Oh well. Kahit na wala akong ganang kumain, wala namang masama sa damit. Siguro naman di bongga ’tong mga dam....
OH MAY GAAAAAHD! Ang ganda ng gown na ’to! Gold na may lining ng white gold, tapos mahaba pa. At etong bracelet, ilang karat kaya ’to? At... at ’tong 5 inches na heeeeeeels! Bagay na bagay dun sa gown. Excited na kong makita ako ni Joe na suot ’to!
Teka... Ano namang pake ko sa reaksyon ng taong yun? Yung taong pinagtabuyan ko kelan lang.
Pero sa totoo lang... nagsisisi ako sa ginawa ko. Nasaktan ko na nga siya, tinaboy ko pa nang tuluyan. Ang masama pa dun, mukhang nasa panganib kami. Kasama ko si Askal... Pero siya nag-iisa lang. Kinu
ha pa nila mga armas namin “as a sign of peace” daw sabi ni panot. Leche.
May kumatok sa pinto. Mukhang nagmamadali at tarantang-taranta ang kumatok.
Kinakabahan ako.
“Banana! Chuwariwaputoy-putoy!” sabi ng isang alipin ni ChiNoy. Kelangan ko ng translator. Juice colored! Pano ko naman kasi maiintindihan ’tong mga ’to.
Sumunod na pumasok si Father na naka-barong na mukhang mamahalin ang itsura. Di lang ata simpleng kainan ang mangyayari.
“Dinner starts in 1 hour. Magbihis ka na. Naghihintay na si President ChiNoy. At eto oh, collar para kay Askal. Bigay ni Mr. President,” wika ni Father.
Isang leather na collar na may nakasulat na No. 8, wag ka gold ang sulat na ’to. Napakamisteryoso naman neto. Para san kaya ’tong No. 8 na ’to at bakit nakasulat ’to rito?
Ugh. A lot of things are going through my mind right now. Like, what’s for dinner, what the hell is this shiny, thin and see-through suit-like shirt in front of me? But the thing that’s bothering me most is how on earth are we gonna get out of this trouble this time?
Fighting with zombies is no biggie. They’re a bunch of brainless saps that are only in it for our brains. With humans though... things are different. They think like us and I can’t see through their actions. They don’t just bite and hit, they THINK and hit.
ChiNoy’s got something planned and I know it.
But enough about those things first. I need to go with the flow and act like I don’t suspect a thing. I already took a bath, a good bath at that. Now it’s time to wear this thin piece of clothing. I think I remember what this is. This is a saya. I saw it in a book once. It’s the national dress of this country: barong for the women and saya for the men.
I’m gonna look so hot in this saya.
I’m sure I’m wearing it right but do these Filipinos really wear this thing? I mean look at it, it’s so thin. My body is VERY visible in this suit. I can’t believe Filipinos walk around with their nipples poking out.
Now that I’m perfectly “dressed,” I need to be prepared to fight. Okay nang sumabak nang nakahubad, wag lang walang armas, I heard my father say once. It was when he was going to a truck stop bathroom to shit. He bought toilet paper and said this before heading out to the bathroom. I didn’t know what it meant then but after reading a couple of pages from my books, I finally got it.
I look around the room to see anything I can use as a weapon but there’s nothing in sight. Oh well, guess I’m gonna have to go bare-knuckled.
“Tagal ka pa ba? You’re like a girl! Ang tagaaaal mo mag-ayos,” I hear Mr. Senator shout outside.
“Shut up!” I said. “I’ll be there. You go on ahead of me.”
He said okay, then I hear him walk away. I wish I could say that I’m prepared for anything that might happen but I’m not. I’m scared... again. But I shouldn’t lose hope.
We’re against a bald dude and a bunch of weirdos... who are heavily armed. We’re doomed.
I step outside with my head up high and my chest out. It does feel kinda awkward to have my whole body being seen though, but what the hell.
To my surprise, I see that two NiNions have been guarding my room. Why do they have to be so strict? What’s worse is that they’re heavily armed as well. What’s MORE worse is that they don’t know how to properly hold a gun! For God’s sake, one of them is looking inside the barrel! If I’m going to be escorted by them, I think I won’t make it to the dinner table.
27
As I enter the dining hall, I see a lot of things. There are the NiNions dressed in their usual get-up. Father and Mr. Senator, dressed like me...
Wait a minute.
I may have dressed inappropriately for this one. I didn’t wear an undershirt because I thought I didn’t need one. So are you telling me that I’m the only whose nipples are revealed tonight?
“Crap, wait! I forgot something,” I say to them. So I hurry back to my room, put on a shirt blah blah blah.
Anyway, I go back to the dining hall and see the NiNions, Mr. Senator and Father. This time they all have this curious look on their faces. Probably because I ran off earlier. If they knew why I ran off, they would have had even more curious looks.
The table was filled with food I was familiar with. My dad loved to cook, and I loved his cooking. There was adobong baboy, daing na bangus, tapa, sinigang na hipon and there it was, my favorite Filipino dish... tinolang manok! It was food! Real food in front of my eyes. Not from cans that I have been eating from for oh so long. I hurry to grab a seat beside Mr. Senator. Only then do I notice that something isn’t right.
I look around and there is no sign of them.
“President ChiNoy said he’ll pick up Carla and Askal. Don’t worry they’re in safe hands,” said Father.
I almost spray out the water I’m drinking! He’s going to what!? Safe hands? Please! They’re in safer hands with zombies. How blind could they be? Isn’t it obvious that this bald guy wants something from us? I need to find them before ChiNoy does something.
But just as I stand up, these huge doors at the north end of the room open. The first one to come out is ChiNoy; he’s clad in this black barong. He stares at me with his innocent eyes. I want to believe that he’s nice but I know that he isn’t. I just know it. He raises his hand to about shoulder high as if he’s about to present something monstrous. Something deadly. Something vile. Something evil... Out come Carla and Askal. Well, I’m partly right.
It turns out he was just offering his hand to her. She’s even more beautiful than she was back then. I’ve never seen her dress properly before but I guess she really does have beauty underneath the dirt and blood. Gandang di mo inakala. I must admit, I’m a bit jealous because ChiNoy’s the one holding her hand right now but whatever. She’s still angry at me. Maybe.
Askal sees me and rushes towards me at once. I can barely see his tail with the speed of its wagging right now. He’s so happy to see me. I hope he understands how happy I am as well to see them safe and sound.
The next thing I see is this collar that Askal has on his neck. The number “8” is engraved on it... 8? Why does that number seem familiar to me? THE TAG! This tag on Askal’s ear, it also says 8. This can’t be a coincidence. ChiNoy had his eye on us from the start.
“Something wrong?” ChiNoy asks.
“Nothing,” I say.
He just smirks at me and seats Carla in front of me. I look at her and see that she is worried like I am. Maybe she knows that something’s up.
“Well, let me begin by welcoming you all into my home. It’s been a while since I’ve had company over. I’m more than glad to treat you all as family. These two men here told me that they had comrades, kids they said, so I knew I just had to save you. After all... ang bata ang pag-asa ng bayan. Let’s eat!”
As worried as I am, I can’t help but eat like a pig. Askal was given his own bowl beside my seat so I don’t have to worry about him. All of a sudden, I feel a heavy kick to my shin. “Ooouuuuuch—” but then I notice Carla staring at me and it seems that she’s the one who kicked me. “Ooouuuuch-CHUUUU! Sorry, he-he. Got the cold I guess *sniff*.”
I look at Carla who looks like she’s saying something but I can’t quite figure it out. She’s looking at me straight in the eye, then she’s going to aggressively look at the food. She’s saying something, I’m reading her mouth but all I read is “Poise on.” I mouth to her “Whaaaaat? I’m already displaying an excellent amount of poise.” Then she grunts.
“May problema ba?” asks Mr. Senator.
“Nothing,” Carla and I say.
“So uuuhhhh, Mr. President, I’ve got a couple of questions for you. How long have you been here? What’s with these... ‘people’ of yours… and who cooked these dishes? They are damn good,” I say to ChiNoy.
“Nandito na ’ko simula nung lumaganap ang virus. Di ko alam kung bakit ganyan sila. At sila ang nagluto niyan. Ako, may tanong ako sayo... Bakit parang di ka komportable? Kayong dalawa ng kaibigan mo. Mukha ba akong ma
samang tao? Naiintindihan mo ba ’ko? Do.I.Look.Like.A.Bad.Person.To.You?”
I barely understood what he said at the beginning but what he asked last gives me chills. The look on his face is so warm and welcoming... And yet the aura he emits is something I don’t even dare describe.
“Haaaay. Wag na kayong magtanungan diyan. Ang sarap-sarap ng pagkain e. Lamon na lang tayo. Extra rice pa nga, hahaha,” says Mr. Senator.
“Agree ako diyan, Joe, kain ka lang. Ang dami mong inaalala e, di ba matagal ka nang di nakakakain nang matino? Ngayon lang uli ’to. Chillax lang,” says Father.
“Punyeta!” Carla stands up from her seat. “Hoy panot! Nilalaro mo ba kami? Etong dalawang gurang dito maloloko mo, pero ako, si Joe at si Askal hindi. Alam namin na may balak kang masama. Wala akong pake kung nandito kami sa teritoryo mo, di kami takot sayo.”
There was an awkward silence from all of us. Her outburst may mean life and death for us all. Mr. Senator and Father both look at her in shock. ChiNoy on the other hand keeps his calm demeanor. It’s as if no one just shouted at him.
“Hahahaha... haha... ha. You don’t have manners young girl. Here in my palace, all I ask for is respect. May isa akong tanong sa inyong dalawa... Alam niyo ba ang tuwid na daan?”
That’s when I notice that Askal’s down. He’s sleeping heavily. I hear two heads hit the plates. Mr. Senator and Father are down.
Everything starts to get hazy.
28
“Tuwid na daan.” Whatever. This was the last thing I heard before everything went black.
I knew it. I was right all along, ChiNoy really was planning something. I don’t know what yet though. Here I am, chained up. I think I’m still inside the palace. It’s dark in here but it’s not too dark for me to know that I’m in a jail.
“Joe?” A voice echoes from somewhere far.
“Pucha. Nadale tayo, boy. Nakakainis. Nadala ako sa pagkaing hinanda nila.” Mr. Senator’s here with me. I’m glad to have heard his voice, but I’m worried that I’m not hearing the voice of Carla. “Where are the others? Father? Askal? Carla? What the hell is going on?” I say.
