Why had he been such an idiot? So ungrateful? So hostile? Sure his mum had messed up plenty of times and was a doormat, with terrible taste in men. But she had raised him single-handedly when other lesser women might have abandoned him to his fate, fobbing him off on a relative or putting him into care. And in the early years they had got on well. She was a relaxed parent, happy to have a laugh and a joke. And she doted on him, often going without so that he could go on school trips, have birthday parties, even the odd holiday. He had never missed having a dad, which had to mean something, didn’t it? She even came with him when he got his first tattoo, advising him on where to have it and what to go for. She looked after him afterwards, making sure that the tattoo didn’t get infected, giving him hot Ribena and powdered paracetamol to dull the pain in his throbbing arm. She wasn’t the best of mums, but she was very far from being the worst.
‘This is Jim Grieves. He’s our Senior Pathologist.’
Callum suddenly found himself shaking hands with yet another stranger. He never shook hands – who the fuck did? – and yet he seemed to have been doing nothing else for the past few hours. Shaking hands with medics, police officers, fire investigators and now the pathologist who’d been prodding and probing his mother’s body.
‘I’m very sorry for your loss,’ the man was saying. He was a big guy with a gruff manner but kind eyes. Callum couldn’t think of what to say in reply, so nodded briefly. He wasn’t here to chat.
They walked on to the body storage area. ‘Body storage area’ – how the hell had he ended up here? It was a nightmare, a living bloody nightmare. The man was talking again, but he couldn’t hear a single word, his conversation drowned out by the clamouring panic within him. Suddenly he wanted to be anywhere but here. He wanted to turn and run, run, run …
‘Are you ready?’ the pathologist said, sounding like he was repeating the question for a second time. Callum snapped out of it, nodding and smiling at his interrogator. Why had he smiled? What was there to smile about?
They were standing by a long metal table – he knew they called them ‘slabs’ but couldn’t bear to think of them like that. With one last look at him, the pathologist leant forward and lifted the sheet.
Immediately, Callum’s arm shot out, grabbing at the sleeve of the policewoman who still flanked him. He didn’t know what he had been expecting, but not this. This wasn’t his mum. She didn’t even look human. This was an abomination.
Letting go his grip, he turned and ran to a nearby sink, vomiting hard into it. Once, twice, three times as the horror of what he’d just seen forced its way out. Afterwards, gripping the cold metal rim, he hung his head, trying to steady his breathing, to calm his thundering heart. Up until now it had seemed horrific but unreal. Now the full devastation of last night was making itself felt. And he knew in that moment, with piercing clarity, that his whole life had been reduced to ashes.
48
Blog post by firstpersonsingular.
Thursday, 10 December, 15.00
Have you ever burnt yourself? I mean properly. Like holding the palm of your hand over a flame and letting the fire eat your flesh. You should, it’s good.
I guess like me that you’ve probably been on suicide websites. I look at those things for hours. Always something interesting in the details and I just love the tone of those sites, don’t you? So sombre, so serious and so fucking DULL?!? Like it’s a training manual or textbook. This isn’t homework, friend, this is the final frontier. Not that I haven’t been tempted, but I wonder how many people would stop short if they just learnt to use their pain. Like I say, it’s good.
I first burnt myself when I was six. I stole my mother’s lighter, which made it all the sweeter. She thought I was trying to interfere with her smoking or just being a little shit, but I wanted something of hers to make its mark. Somehow it felt twice as good holding her lighter – with its stupid engraving – in my hand as I lowered my palm down, down, down on to the flame. I held it there, refusing to move. Exercising my power over it. Over my pain. Over my life.
A lot has happened since then. But the lesson I learnt stayed with me. There is so much that is random and cruel and pointless in life. So much shit to wade through, so many small indignities marching side by side with gross injustices. So much darkness that visits itself on you whether you want it to or not. But there are some things you can control. You can control you. You can control your feelings. And if you’re bright, you can control other people.
That is when you come out of yourself. When you become more than yourself. They thought you were worthless. You thought you were worthless. But then suddenly it all makes sense, you take control and for a brief tantalizing moment you know what it means to look God in the face.
49
It was time to call off the dogs. They had knocked on every door, canvassed every potential witness and passer-by within a mile radius of Denise Roberts’s house and had come up empty-handed. Charlie checked with Sarah Lucas that she was happy to move on, redeploying their manpower to the nearby high street in the hope of richer pickings, then called it in, galvanizing the uniformed sergeants into action. It had been a dispiriting few hours and Charlie wasn’t looking forward to telling Helen that their massive deployment of resources had yielded precisely nothing.
She was standing by the police cordon at the fire site. Last night and this morning there had been large crowds, but even these were starting to diminish now. This should have cheered Charlie – who needs these rubberneckers? – but in fact its effect was quite the opposite. Seemingly this terrible tragedy was worthy of a few hours’ attention, then the world moved on, seeking fresh entertainment. If only it was so easy for those left behind.
‘All right, girls, move along now. You’ve all got homes to go to.’
A small knot of teenage girls lingered by the police tape, chattering, shouting and occasionally taking snaps of the house. As Charlie called over to them, they turned, but made no move to leave. They went back to their chat, keeping a wary eye on the smartly dressed officer who seemed intent on intruding on their day. Watching them, Charlie felt a sudden spike of irritation and anger. This was somebody’s home, not a bloody shopping mall.
‘ Now, girls. It’s getting dark and there’s no reason for you to be hanging around here.’
Charlie had a sudden flash forward to what she would be like when Jessie was a teenager. Would Charlie have any credibility in her eyes as a successful career woman and authority figure? Or would having a policewoman for a mother be the ultimate disaster, a kind of social death that kept friends and boyfriends at a remove. Charlie was surprised to find that she was suddenly worried about this and chided herself for being foolish. There were bigger fish to fry right now.
‘Girls, I’m going to ask you for the last time to move on. I’m happy to drop you home in a police van, but I don’t think that would do you any favours, do you?’
Charlie was upon them now, raising her voice as she pointed them in the direction she wanted them to head in. There were a lot of cut-throughs and alleyways round here – even though there was safety in numbers, she would rather they made their way home along the high street.
‘She saw him,’ one of the girls replied tartly, her attitude to coppers shining through clearly.
‘Saw who?’
‘The guy what did this,’ the teenager answered, nodding towards the fire site.
‘Who saw him?’ Charlie asked, trying to keep the desperation from her voice.
‘Naomie,’ she said, pointing to another of her group. Naomie was mixed race, a little overweight and blushing to her roots. Blocking the others out, Charlie approached her.
‘Tell me what you saw, Naomie.’
The blushing girl seemed not to hear her, so Charlie pulled out her warrant card.
‘I’m DC Brooks. I’m working on this case and anything you can tell me would be very helpful.’
‘Tell her, girl. Tell the pig what you saw,’ the leader said, laughing.
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In another situation, Charlie would have cautioned the little shit for that alone, but today she had to let it go.
‘Who did you see, Naomie?’ Charlie pressed. ‘I really don’t want to have to make this official, but I will if I have to. Please – tell me what you saw.’
Finally the gravity of the situation seemed to land home and the girl looked up. And as she did so, Charlie was surprised to see fear in her eyes.
‘I saw him.’
50
‘I know you’ve been over this with DC Brooks, but I’m going to need you to walk me through it again, ok?’
Helen looked across the table at Naomie Jackson, wondering if even at this late hour she might refuse to help them. According to Charlie, it had taken a lot of persuasion to get her to the police station at all. Now that she was here, ensconced in an interview suite with them, the nervous teenager seemed even less convinced of the wisdom of assisting them.
Naomie fiddled with her empty bottle of Sprite, spinning it round and round in her hands. To Helen’s eyes, she seemed a nice enough girl, but there was a massive hole where her self-esteem should have been. Her scruffy appearance, monosyllabic conversation and inability to look grown-ups in the eye were all testament to that. She was a follower, not a leader, and was no doubt cursing her mate for dumping her in it. But there was no time for mollycoddling – if Naomie had important information about the fires, Helen needed to have it.
‘We don’t want to cause you any trouble, Naomie. We won’t contact your mother if you don’t want us to. And DC Brooks will drop you anywhere you need to go when we’re done. She will be your point of contact from now on and any worries or concerns you have – about any of this – well, you can call her directly and she will be straight round to help. So please tell me what you saw.’
Naomie spun the bottle one more time, then said:
‘I saw a guy running down the cut-through.’
‘To be clear, this is the cut-through that leads on to Ramsbury Road?’
‘S’right.’
‘When was this?’
‘Just before closing time. I’d left the pub and was going home.’
Helen nodded, not reacting. Charlie shot a look at her, but Helen ignored it. Right place, right time for the CCTV – but Helen wasn’t getting her hopes up yet.
‘Where had you been?’
‘At a pub near the Common. I live in St Mary’s, so was walking back this way.’
‘And what did you see?’
‘This guy came up behind me real fast. Scared me half to death. I was on my own and that and it was dark and you hear all sorts happening to girls –’
‘And what was he doing?’ Charlie interrupted, anxious to keep the girl on track.
‘Running. Running real fast. He ran straight past me, never seemed to clock me at all.’
‘What was he wearing?’
‘Dark trousers and boots, I think.’
‘Any coat?’
‘Yeah, maybe. But his arms weren’t covered.’
Helen nodded. The details of the man they were after hadn’t appeared in the media yet, so unless this girl was lying or had seen the stills, then this was the lead they’d been searching for.
‘Did you see his face?’ Charlie asked gently.
Naomie shook her head.
‘He went by too fast.’
‘What about his hair colour?’
‘Brownish, I think.’
‘Height?’
‘ ’Bout six foot maybe.’
‘Anything else?’
The girl shook her head.
‘Anything at all?’ Helen repeated, trying not to sound as anxious as she felt. There was hardly anything in this description that they didn’t already know.
There was a long pause, before Naomie finally replied:
‘There was one other thing. He had a tattoo. On his arm.’
‘What did it look like, this tattoo?
‘It was a star, a big one.’
‘Anything else?’
‘The star had a crown and a flower in it. Kind of weird, you get me.’
Helen’s heart was beating faster now. Without looking, she could tell Charlie was feeling the same way.
‘What kind of flower was it, Naomie?’
Naomie thought hard, then finally said:
‘A red rose.’
‘You’re sure about that?’
‘Yeah, for real. Big one, it was.’
Helen nodded and thanked Naomie for her time. Leaving Charlie to run over the written statement with her, Helen hurried from the room. Already her mind was racing ahead, trying to see a way through the shit storm that now lay before her. Truth be told, there was no simple or obvious way forward. The case had just taken a decisive and unwelcome turn.
For in her own faltering way Naomie had perfectly described the crest of Hampshire’s Fire and Rescue Service.
51
‘This is complete bullshit.’
Adam Latham’s eyes were blazing and tiny flecks of spit shot from his mouth as he spoke. He was known to be a bullish, uncompromising guy, never more so than when he was defending his beloved Fire and Rescue Service.
‘There is no way that one of my guys would do something like that,’ he said. ‘I know each and every one of the men and women who serve under my command. I trained most of them, for God’s sake, and well … it’s just not possible.’
Helen was about to respond, when Gardam cut in. The three of them were gathered in his office for what had been billed as ‘a chat’.
‘I hear where you’re coming from, Adam,’ Gardam soothed. ‘And I sympathize. But you’ll appreciate that we have to follow up every lead and the witness gave a very precise description of the tattoo.’
‘She’s lying then.’
‘And what grounds do you have for saying that?’ Helen interjected.
‘Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it. She’s after attention, you know what teenage girls are like.’
This last comment was addressed to Gardam and Helen was about to interject, when her boss once more intervened.
‘Well, I’m not sure I share the sentiment, but we’re both saying the same thing. We must investigate this lead quickly and discreetly. If there is nothing in it, we can all move on.’
Helen let Gardam take the lead, but inside she bridled at his constant interventions. It had been her idea to contact Latham in advance to secure his cooperation and she would have happily handled the difficult meeting herself, but Gardam had insisted on hosting it, hoping perhaps that his superior rank and masculine mateyness might help persuade Latham. Perhaps Helen should have felt grateful for his support, but she didn’t. She had never needed or asked for the protection of a man. She didn’t do white knights.
‘And you think that’s possible, do you? That this little line of investigation can be kept under wraps?’ Latham’s tone was witheringly sarcastic. ‘Your station is as leaky as they come – as soon as you start interviewing my officers the press will know about it and then what happens? The public stop cooperating with us. They start impeding our work, abusing our officers, attacking them even. Something like this can cost lives. Is that what you want?’
‘We want to catch the person responsible,’ Helen shot back before Gardam could step in. ‘I cannot let any other considerations distract me from that goal. But there is no need for anyone to get overexcited. We’re not going to go around kicking in doors –’
‘No? I rather thought that was your speciality.’
‘Only when it’s warranted. For now we’re just making enquiries.’
‘I’ll remember that when I’m visiting my officers in hospital, once you’ve whipped up the mob with your half-baked accusations –’
‘I believe you’re the one jumping to conclusions here, not me. We’ve no reason to believe this girl is lying –’
‘I’m wasting my time, here. Jonathan, can you talk to her?’
Now Helen really wanted to smack him. She hated
nothing more than being talked about as if she weren’t in the room. Gardam saw the flash of anger and stepped in decisively.
‘I’m not going to overrule my best officer, Adam. DI Grace must pursue every avenue of investigation. History won’t thank us if we fail to catch our man because of political sensitivities. We’ve heard your concerns and noted them. We will do everything in our power to stop this rebounding on your officers, but we are going to pursue this lead, so I suggest we all start cooperating on the best way to do that, ok?’
There was nowhere for Latham to go now – Gardam held the whip hand in this situation – so very begrudgingly Latham conceded the point, marching from the room without a single look at Helen. Gardam waited until his counterpart was well out of earshot before turning to Helen.
‘At least that’s cleared up,’ he said.
Helen nodded. Gardam was looking at her, but said nothing. Was he waiting for some kind of thanks, for her to congratulate him on rescuing the situation? If so, she wasn’t going to give him the pleasure. She was used to handling worse dinosaurs than Adam Latham.
‘I’ll get on, sir.’
‘You do that, Helen,’ Gardam responded evenly. ‘These sorts of situations require multi-agency cooperation and we’ve just lost the support of one of our key players here. So let’s make the most of it, eh?’
Helen hurried down the corridor towards the incident room, less certain now than ever about her standing with the new station chief. Did he like her? Or dislike her? Was he as progressive as he seemed or an old sexist in sheep’s clothing? Helen had the distinct impression that he wanted to protect her. But to what end? To safeguard the reputation of Southampton Central or for some other reason? Helen’s gut instinct – usually so reliable – was letting her down this time.
Pushing through the door, Helen was immediately assaulted by a wall of noise. They had had to draft in more phone operators to deal with the flood of leads to their incident hotline. Nothing significant had come out of this so far, but it showed the public were engaged with the issue and remaining vigilant, which might make their arsonist think twice. It was already mid-afternoon – not long now until darkness stole over Southampton once more. In reality, they were still no nearer to apprehending a suspect and the nagging question of what he might do next was forever at the front of Helen’s mind.
Liar Liar: DI Helen Grace 4 (A DI Helen Grace Thriller) Page 12
