(The rest of CHAPTER FIVE got covered in giant squid ink.)
SCRUBBING SQUID INK OFF of the entire ship took a lot longer than Shivers expected, especially since the squid had eaten his mop. He was finding it hard to smile.
“What’s wrong?” asked Margo.
Shivers sighed. “It’s just . . . didn’t Captain Pokes-You-in-the-Eye say that the Carnival would be here?”
“Actually, it was that Aubrey Pimpleton who said it.” For once, Margo was the one who shivered. “Maybe he was lying to us. That guy gave me the creeps.”
“I liked Aubrey. He had a great hairstyle. I did Albee’s hair to look just like him!” He held up Albee’s bag for Margo to see.
“Well, if you loved him so much, then where’s this carnival he told us about?” Margo asked. She was getting frustrated.
Suddenly, they heard a soft thud. Shivers looked out the porthole and saw that a chicken bone had landed on the poop deck.
“I just swabbed that!” Shivers moaned. Suddenly, he heard music coming through the walls. There was a pulsing drumbeat, the tinkling of a keyboard, and even the smooth blare of a saxophone. This could only mean one thing.
Shivers grabbed his top hat and cane. “Song and dance time!!!”
Margo had stopped paying attention to the tap-dancing pirate she was traveling with. She ran onto the deck to investigate the sounds. “Shivers, look!” she cried.
Shivers danced out onto the deck and looked up. They had sailed into the shadow of an enormous cruise ship. Painted on the side in bright blue letters was one word: CARNIVAL.
Shivers opened his eyes way wider than anyone probably ever should. “It’s the Carnival! It’s the Carnival!” he shouted, jumping with glee. “I knew that Aubrey was a stand-up guy. You know, I think we really had a connection.”
“Focus, Shivers!” Margo took his cane and top hat and hung them back on their hooks. She picked up Albee’s bag and noticed that he was speed-swimming in circles.
“Why is Albee swimming so fast?” asked Margo.
Shivers shrugged. “Maybe he smells butter. Albee is crazy about butter. He may look like a guppy, but at heart he’s a big fat fish.”
“There must be butter on the Carnival ship!” Margo said. “And we’re going to get to that Carnival right now! We’ve got to find the Fun Hopper!”
“But how?” Shivers asked.
Margo thought for a moment. “Well, the easy part is to pull up our boat next to theirs,” she said. “The hard part is to form a complex system of ropes to make a bridge and then to walk over it without getting caught or plunging to our watery death. Let’s go!”
“Okay!” said Shivers. “I’ll do the easy part, you do the hard part!”
Shivers steered until the side of their ship was almost touching the Carnival cruise ship.
Meanwhile, Margo tied all their rope into a bridge with six kinds of knots and a pulley system.
Albee supervised.
Shivers raced back down to the main deck to check out Margo’s amazing handiwork. “How did you know how to do that?” he asked.
“My dad taught me,” Margo said. “He can tie up six bank robbers with just one shoelace.”
“Wow,” Shivers said, marveling.
Margo shrugged and threw the rope bridge across the water. It hooked onto the side of the Carnival ship. She pulled the ropes tight. By now, Albee was swimming faster than crazy.
“Albee is really going nuts!” said Shivers. “They must have a lot of butter up there. Maybe their whole boat runs on butter!”
Margo stepped onto the bridge. “If we’re going to find out, you’re going to have to face your greatest fear.”
Shivers shuddered. “A snail?”
“No . . .” Margo said.
“Two snails?!!!” Shivers asked, horrified.
“No . . .” said Margo. “Climbing across a flimsy rope bridge above a choppy ocean full of man-eating sharks!”
Shivers suddenly felt queasy. “That IS worse than two snails!”
“You can do it, Shivers,” said Margo. “I’ll show you.” She shimmied across the bridge and up to the main deck of the Carnival. She looked just like a squirrel on a tree branch. A very brave squirrel.
“Come on, Shivers! It’s easy!” she called. Then she scrunched up her nose. “Wow, I can smell the butter from here!”
Shivers started sweating. “Uh . . . maybe Albee should go first, then. He really loves butter.”
“Okay, fine. But then it’s your turn!” Margo warned.
Margo tied a basket to one of the ropes and zipped it across the water on the pulley. Shivers put Albee’s bag in the basket and Margo zipped it right back. She gave Albee a celebratory hug. Then she yelled to Shivers, “It’s your turn! You can do it!”
Albee waved his fins encouragingly.
Shivers looked down at the icy water. The waves were churning and three massive sharks were circling below, popping their heads up and looking hungry. Shivers called to Margo, “Since when do sharks swim in the ocean? Don’t they live at the aquarium? This can’t be right. Maybe we’d better call someone. The newspaper. The police.”
Shivers paced back and forth on the deck. “Don’t worry about me, I’m just going to go lie in my bed and take care of this. I’m going to wrap my blanket around myself and get cozy. I’ll see you later, okay?” Shivers paced over to the door, planning to escape to his sleeping quarters.
“That’s fine, Shivers!” Margo called out after him. “I’m sure your mom and dad are having a great time being held captive!” Margo put her hands on her hips. “They won’t mind that you didn’t bother to save them! Oh, and your brother, Brock, won’t mind, either! Your BRAVE brother Brock!”
Shivers turned around and walked back to the edge of the deck. A single tear dropped from his eye into the ocean, which immediately gave the sharks a taste for Shivers.
He called out to Margo, “I want to save my family. But I can’t do it. I can’t!”
“You can!” said Margo. “All you have to do is remember one thing: Don’t. Look. Down.”
“Isn’t that three things?” Shivers asked.
“Shivers, pay attention! Keep your eyes on me and don’t look down.”
“That’s all I have to do? Just don’t look down?” Shivers asked.
“That’s right,” said Margo.
“Well, that doesn’t sound so hard,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.
“You can do it!” she shouted.
“You’re right!” he shouted back.
Shivers stepped out onto the rope bridge. He took a tiny step with his right foot. Then he took a slightly less tiny step with his left foot. Soon he was moseying across the rope bridge like he was on a stroll through the park.
“Hey! It’s kind of fun up here!” he said. He even bounced up and down a little like an expert tightrope walker.
“See? I told you!” Margo said. “Just don’t—”
“I know, I know,” Shivers said. “Don’t look—”
Shivers looked down.
he screamed, frantically waving his hands above his head. In a panic, he tried to run across the bridge, but he slipped and plunged into the water below.
“THIS IS TERRIFYING!!!!!!” Shivers shouted. He paddled his arms, trying to stay afloat in the ice-cold water.
Margo slapped her hand to her forehead. “This would have been a lot less terrifying if you hadn’t looked down.” She leaned over the Carnival cruise ship’s railing and shouted, “Please tell me you know how to swim!”
“Of course I don’t know—” Just then, Shivers felt something swimming around his legs. “Snail!” he shrieked. He looked down and saw that it wasn’t a snail. It was a shark.
Shivers screamed and kicked, but the shark took that as an invitation to nibble on his bunny slippers. What the shark didn’t know was that Shivers had worn those slippers when he swabbed the poop deck and they tasted disgusting. Shivers breathed a huge sigh of relief as the shark swam away.
He looked around for something to grab on to. Right below Margo, a red-and-white lifesaver was tied to the side of the ship.
Shivers screamed, “Grab the donut!”
Margo shouted back, “What donut?”
“That big, round lifesaver tube that looks like a donut!” Shivers tried to point to it, but a huge wave crashed over him.
Margo reached for the lifesaver and threw it to Shivers. By now, all the shouting about donuts had attracted quite a crowd.
“Excuse me, is this the donut buffet?” a man asked.
Another man pushed past him. “I came for the donuts!” he declared.
A woman shoved him aside, shouting, “Did somebody say ‘free donuts’? I heard ‘free donuts’!”
Margo turned to the crowd and bellowed, “Forget about the donuts! My best friend is in trouble!!”
When Shivers heard the words “best” and “friend” he forgot for a moment about the sharks circling and smiled. Then he remembered again. And he screamed. They looked more determined than ever, and Shivers was sure at least one of them wouldn’t mind the taste of his bunny slippers.
Just then, Margo heard the piercing blast of a trumpet behind her. The crowd turned to see a tiny man in a tiny hat at the other end of the ship. As he walked closer to the crowd, everyone realized he wasn’t actually that tiny, he had just looked that way because he was so far away. By the time he got to them, he looked pretty much normal size, except for his very big head.
“Step aside! Cruise Captain coming through! Cruise Captain, here! What’s the problem?” said the Cruise Captain.
Margo ran up to the Cruise Captain and explained, “My friend fell into the water, and he’s afraid of . . .” She had so many choices. “Sharks!”
“No problem, little lady, the Cruise Captain has a solution to that!”
He blew his horn again and announced to the crowd, “The first person to pull this boy on board gets a free bingo card, compliments of Carnival Cruises!”
The crowd cheered.
“That’s right!” the Cruise Captain continued. “The first person to pull this boy on board, dead or alive!”
Margo shouted, “No! Alive! Only alive!!”
He nodded and blew his horn. “Sorry about that, folks. Correction, alive only!”
The crowd rushed for the rope, which was attached to the lifesaver, which was attached to Shivers, who now was attached to a shark.
“Pull!” yelled the captain. The crowd pulled and pulled. Shivers held on tight, trying to shake off the shark.
“Shivers!” Margo yelled. “How are you going to get that shark off your foot?!”
“It’s not on my foot,” Shivers called up to her. “It’s just on my bunny slipper!”
“Kick off your bunny slipper, then!” Margo said.
“But then I would only be wearing one bunny slipper!” Shivers groaned. “I would look ridiculous!”
Margo sighed. Shivers was so stubborn when it came to fashion.
“Forget the bunny slipper!” Margo insisted.
Shivers kicked the shark and the shark bit back. Then Shivers bit the shark and the shark kicked back. It was weird. Eventually the shark let go and plunged back into the water below. The crowd hoisted Shivers onto the deck of the Carnival cruise ship. He was still wearing both of his bunny slippers.
“WELL, CRUISE CAPTAIN, YOU’VE done it again!” said the Cruise Captain, patting himself on the back.
The crowd cheered.
“We saved him!” said one of the passengers.
“We’re heroes!” said another.
“I’m still looking for the donut buffet!” said the third.
The Cruise Captain waved a bingo card above his head. “And the bingo card goes to . . .” He blew his horn. “Me, the Cruise Captain! Thank you everybody. Have a great afternoon.”
“Wait! Who is he?” an old woman in a pink sweater cried, pointing at Shivers. “Look how he’s dressed!”
The Cruise Captain pulled Shivers up to his feet. He narrowed his eyes at Shivers’s pirate clothes: his velvet coat, his feathered hat, and especially his pantaloons. “He must be one of the actors in the comedy show!” the Cruise Captain declared.
“Oh, yeah!” a man in bright green sunglasses agreed. “He must have gotten lost and walked straight off the boat! Stupid actors!”
Shivers tried to explain, “No, no, I’m here on a very important mission—”
“To make us laugh?!” asked a woman with a sunburn.
“No, no, it’s a life-or-death task—” Shivers said.
“They say laughter is the best medicine!” a man responded, slapping Shivers on the back.
“No, I’m looking for my parents! They’ve been captured,” Shivers said.
“Oh, I get it. It’s dark comedy!” said the green sunglasses man.
“Get him onstage!” shouted the pink sweater woman.
The crowd grabbed Shivers and pulled him away. He looked back to Margo and shouted, “We have to find the Fun Hopper!”
“Don’t worry!” Margo assured Shivers. She raced after him, carrying Albee, but the crowd was so big and the halls got so narrow that it took a lot of wriggling on Margo’s part.
By the time she and Albee were able to work their way through the crowd, Shivers was already standing nervously on a stage. Margo tried to run up onto the stage, too, but the Cruise Captain stopped her. “Sorry, my little puddle jumper, the stage is for professionals only.”
Margo tried to think on her feet, but the crowd had stepped on her feet so many times that it was hard for them to think. She decided she would have to look for the Fun Hopper without Shivers.
“Excuse me, sir?” she said, staring at the captain with her big green eyes as bright as headlights. “Do you know where I could find the Fun Hopper?”
“I know where you can find everything on this ship!” the captain squeaked. “The captain will show you the way. Keep going down this hall until the noise from the casino becomes almost unbearable. Then you’ll see a staircase, and at the top you’ll see the Fun Hopper.”
“Thanks!” she said, and patted him on the shoulder.
“Certainly, my little rowboat.” The captain smiled the whitest smile Margo had ever seen. “The captain will never steer you wrong! Come to think of it, maybe I should be steering the ship.” But by then Margo had bolted down the hallway, her backpack bouncing up and down and Albee’s bag clenched in her fist, flopping around.
“Ah, forget it,” the captain said. He turned to the stage and yelled at Shivers, “Now, make us laugh, funny man!”
Shivers cleared his throat into the microphone in front of him. He had no idea what to say, which the audience had started to suspect because he’d been standing there for about two minutes frozen and sweating at the same time. The problem was, he couldn’t think of any jokes to tell. He looked out into the audience. Everyone was staring at him. This was much scarier than the shark. He mumbled into the microphone, his voice shaking, “Are you guys sure you want me to tell jokes? Can’t we just have song and dance time?”
A voice from the crowd called out, “Song and dance time was two hours ago! We’ve already done it twice today! I don’t want to stand up again!”
Another voice shouted, “I got my exercise at the pie-eating contest!”
“Okay,” said Shivers. He had to come up with another idea. “Then why don’t I tell you a scary story? Once there was a snail . . . who met another snail . . .”
“No! Scary story time is after sunset!” said a man with a gray beard.
“Tell the jokes, man!” agreed a lady wearing a T-shirt that said I’m with Stupid.
Shivers leaned into the microphone and said the first thing that came into his head. “Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!”
The crowd laughed. A woman called out, “That joke was hilarious!”
Shivers was confused. He thought he was still telling scary stories. But the crowd was having a great time, and Shiv
ers suddenly remembered that he did know a few jokes.
“What do you call a pig who knows karate?” Shivers asked. “Pork Chop!”
Hysterical laughter erupted from the crowd. People were doubled over in the aisles, smacking each other on the back and cheering for Shivers. He was on a roll. He decided to tell his favorite joke. “What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?” he asked.
Someone in the audience had heard this one before and called out, “R!”
Shivers replied, “No, A. Because it’s the first letter of ‘ARRRGHH!!’”
A hush fell over the crowd. No one was laughing. The man with the gray beard stood up. He pointed at Shivers and cried out, “Only a pirate would know that! He’s a pirate!!!”
Everyone in the audience jumped out of their seats and ran toward the stage, screaming. Someone grabbed Shivers’s arm and yelled, “Pirate! He’s a pirate!” Someone else grabbed his ankle and shouted, “Give him back to the shark!”
Shivers managed to slip from their grips and bolted through the stage door. He ran straight down the hall with no idea where he was going, and the angry mob ran right behind him, closing in quickly.
(Because Seven Ate Nine)
IT WASN’T HARD FOR Margo to find the casino; after the business with the donuts, a lot of the crowd wandered toward the bright lights, and now the place was packed. She had never heard such a loud jumble of sounds in her life: quarters falling, chips clinking, and what seemed like a thousand slot machines all blasting different kinds of sirens like it was the biggest emergency in the world. Reminder, she thought to herself, do NOT bring Shivers in here.
Margo scooted through the room holding Albee’s bag tightly so he wouldn’t get lost in the crowd. They weaved through a maze of tables manned by card dealers who looked like they were wearing picnic tablecloths under shiny, silver vests. Just as the noise was becoming unbearable, she spotted a staircase that led to a balcony overlooking the casino. As she climbed to the top she saw three different stands, each with a straw roof held up by bamboo to make it look exotic. The first had a sign on it that said OCEAN COMMOTION! Behind the counter, there was a lazy looking guy in flip-flops who was selling Jet Ski rides. The next stand was called Fly High in the Sky, with a stumpy-looking goateed man at the counter wearing a shirt that read Hi, I’m the Fly High in the Sky Guy. Margo guessed it was helicopter rides, but she really didn’t want to ask. Then she turned and saw it, and for a moment she was sure everything was going to be okay. THE FUN HOPPER.
The Pirate Who's Afraid of Everything Page 4
