He finally nodded his head and agreed without realizing it.
“Friday night would be nice”, he said to her.
She agreed and walked away. She wanted to experience what it would feel like to have such affiliation as the one called “love” for someone. She simply wanted the experience and she looked forward to the appointed date, as did Steve.
* * *
Things had ended up progressing way better than she had expected with Steve. Their date had started out on a rather rocky note with the boy bringing up some of his opinions about her art, which eventually leaded to a slight argument and thereafter, some fun which she hadn't expected it to turn into. He was a different person to the one she had in mind and his demeanor was mesmerizing too.
She came to find out he had fallen in love with her since their first semester together, and had hidden it behind his constant annoying opinions against her style of art. He had hidden his true affections well enough and she hadn't seen it the entire time. He was the perfect artist and not just in his actions but with his skill too.
They spent an awful lot of time together, and she began to feel what love truly was. She fell in love with him and he did with her to the point they felt inseparable. His drawings were mesmerizing and his style was beyond reproach. He painted the pictures in light of his heart, and put his soul into them always. Sandra enjoyed his art and always made him know.
They enjoyed walks by the beach and shared in each other’s past experiences, but she kept her secret from him. She wasn’t going to let him in on it and it bothered her because it meant she couldn’t be with him forever. She couldn’t enjoy everything she hoped to with the young man she was in love with and he wasn’t even going to know why they couldn’t.
Their dreams to make it big bore a whole lot of similarities though, and his patience with her was more than comfortable and accommodating. Steve was the perfect gentleman and he had never for once thought of her breaking his heart. He had always held her in high regards and her dreams had slowly become his through the months they were together.
Steve believed in a future with her in it. He made her know and it began to scare her badly. It troubled her that they just couldn’t end up together. It sent ripples of torment through her soul and forced her to act upon it one cold night while walking out of the bar they had just enjoyed some drinks in. Steve had her hand in his before feeling her ease hers out of his.
“What is wrong?’ he asked with a worried look across his face.
Sandra fell silent and stared into the darkness up ahead. It bore striking resemblance to the future waiting for her when death comes to take her away.
“You were awfully silent all through our time in there”, he pointed out.
“We cannot see each other again Steve”, she whispered to his with a disheartened tone.
Steve’s jaw dropped. He wasn’t sure he had heard correctly.
“I'm sorry but it just cannot continue”, she added before closing her eyes to let down the warm tears.
Steve was struck with shock. He didn’t know what to say. Sandra wasn’t going to give him any explanations to her action. She had decided it within herself long ago and it felt like the right thing to do.
“Have a lovely life ahead of you”, she spoke for the last time before walking out of his life.
She was hurt, but it had to be done.
* * *
* * *
* * *
Sandra got through with her university and graduated amongst the best three in her class. It wasn’t an easy task, but she accomplished it with enough dedication and desire to succeed. Her parents were proud of her achievements and she was of herself too. She didn’t keep in touch with Steve since they left school, while he tried his best, but she wasn’t budging in her stance.
It was time to get a job and it took her some serious work to obtain one. She spent the next four months building her experience and grooming herself into being the right person for an art job. Her abilities and understanding of art was impeccable and it finally helped her attain one. She got the mail one late afternoon while toying around some art work on her computer.
The email was precise with the details of her new job in it. She raced over to her parents to break the news to them;
“I just go a job!” she screamed.
Her parents were joyed and they embraced her with a warm hug.
The job was in a museum in a large city just close by her hometown. She had clocked twenty-five already and closing in on the date the doctors had set as her death time. She wasn’t feeling like she was about dying though and every day was a reminder that she was as healthy as a horse. She took up the job and began her life there.
It was an amazing place to work in and it brought her massive understanding of art and other business related parts to it. She lived through each day alone with her work being the only console she had all through. There were times she thought about Steve and the desire to call him and find out what he had been up to since they ended their relationship two years back, had begun to grow at a tremendous rate.
One night after work, the temptation consumed her and she finally fell for it. She reached for her phone and dialed his cellphone which she had committed to memory, while still hoping and praying that it would still be connected. She heard it ring and waited for it to be answered on the other end. Sandra was nervous and her hand shook in soft trembles.
‘Hello… “, a female voice sounded as soon as the call got picked.
Sandra was short on words and refused to reply. She sensed the lady who had received the call was probably Steve’s girlfriend so she decided to bring the call to an end. She slowly let down the phone from her ear and felt the pain in her heart suddenly heighten. For the first time since she split with him, she felt the emotional distraught she hadn't really thought she could feel again.
She decided to focus on her life and remain around her parents where she hoped to have her last breath when the time came. She hoped to die with them around.
* * *
Sandra couldn’t believe what the doctors were saying. It didn’t make any sense to her. She had been working and waiting patiently for the time to come when her illness would take over her and bring her death, but it just wasn’t around yet. She was twenty-eight already and it didn’t make any sense to her.
“I'm sorry but I don’t understand it either”, the doctor who had diagnosed her of it earlier as a child said. “I'm certain it will come through very soon and it will not be long”.
He sounded sure of himself, but she wasn’t willing to hear that. He said her lung should give out anytime soon once the terminal illness ravaged it. He sounded certain and could stake his professional career on it if necessary. She sat there with her parents, listening to the man but not interested in what he was saying.
She wasn’t content with his verdict because her patience had begun to wear thin. Her parents and loved ones too had been preparing themselves for her death and it felt like it was taking forever in an odd way. The certainty around her death was the problem. The fact they assured her about her death had made her life miserable since she had begun to wait for it.
Nothing felt right and within her, she could swear she had died from the day she found out about the illness and simply had been moving around like a ghost in an empty shell. She hadn't been able to focus on work or anything that mattered in life. She had refused offers for long-term things, especially jobs because she felt she might not be able to fulfill them before death would come to drag her away.
It was like she had been walking on egg shells and she hated it. It made her miserable.
* * *
* * *
* * *
Her misery continued until her parents passed away just a few years before she clocked forty-six. She was all by herself, constantly waiting and cursing the day it would come. She waited with open arms for death like he was her lover, but the entity of doom just didn’t come around. It was frustrating
and it was equally tiring for Sandra.
Everything had fallen apart all because she was sure she wouldn’t live long. Everything had gone to hell for her because she was certain the next breath after she clocked twenty-five could be her very last. Now twenty years had passed and still nothing. There was no sickness to ravage her body, neither was there any injury to render her with bad health.
It was all drab, lonely and smooth ever since.
One clod still night, Sandra sat by her fire place and looked into the burning flames. She wondered on how things would have turned out differently had she not known about the supposed illness. With a magnum in hand, and the nozzle of the gun pointed to her temple, she closed her eyes and gave it a tight squeeze.
A loud bang was heard from within her house, and it was the way Sandra ended her life.
* * *
The End
Sandra's Last Days Page 2
