Dont Panic

Home > Other > Dont Panic > Page 7
Dont Panic Page 7

by Dont Panic [lit]


  way of doing the shows. I can understand people saying, `They

  weren't taking it seriously', but in writing it I was taking it

  terribly seriously. It's just that the way you make something

  work is to do it for real. . . I hate the expression `tongue-in-

  cheek'; that means `It's not really funny, but we aren't going to

  do it properly'."

  Douglas worked on Dr Who for fifteen months. During the

  course of this time, he wrote the first Hitchhiker's book, the

  second radio series, the theatrical adaptation, produced Black

  Cinderella II Goes East, and acted as script editor, writer and

  rewrite man for the Doctor. At the end of this time he had, much

  to his and no doubt everyone else's surprise, not gone mad,

  become prone to fits or to throwing himself off tall buildings. By

  this time, Hitchhiker's was enough of a success for Douglas to

  give up the only proper job he had held for more than a few

  months.

  So he did.

  9

  H2G2

  SHORTLY AFTER THE HITCHHIKER'S RADIO SERIES first went on the

  air, Douglas Adams and John Lloyd were approached by New

  English Library and Pan Books, both prominent English

  paperback publishers, about doing a book of the series. After

  lunching with both of them, a deal was agreed with Pan; chiefly

  because they liked Nick Webb, the editor who approached them.(Nick Webb left Pan almost immediately, embarking on a game of musical publishers that would take him, in traditional publishing fashion, around most major British paperback publishers.)

  The book was to start out on an unhappy note. Douglas had

  never written a book before, and, feeling nervous about it, had

  asked John Lloyd to collaborate on it.

  John had agreed. As he tells it: "I'd been working in radio

  very hard for five years, and had gotten bored with it - I could

  see myself a crusty old radio producer at ninety - so l was very

  excited about the prospect of doing this book together. Then one

  night we had rather a strange conversation. Douglas said to me,

  Why don t you write your own novel?' I said, `But we're writing

  this Hitchhiker's book together...', and he said, `I think you

  should write your own.'

  "The next day I got his letter saying, `I've thought about it

  very hard and I want to do the thing on my own. It's a struggle

  but I want to do it my own, lonely way.' It was the most fantastic

  shock - as if the bottom had dropped out of my whole life.

  We'd been trying to write together for so long that when this

  letter came I simply could not believe it. Even the fact that he'd

  written the letter at all seemed amazing, seeing that we went

  down the pub every night, and, as Douglas was at that time a

  radio producer in the office next door to me, we worked six

  inches away from each other.

  "Looking back, I can't see why I reacted like that. It seems

  the most natural thing in the world for Douglas to have done it

  alone and 1 don't think Hitchhiker's would have been the success

  it was if we had written it together. I genuinely feel that.

  "But at the time, I was shocked. I didn't speak to Douglas for

  two days, and I seriously considered getting a solicitor, and suing

  him for breach of contract. Then I met him in town a few days

  later. He said, `How's it going?' I said, `You'll be hearing from

  my legal representative'.

  "Douglas was appalled! He thought I was over-reacting; I

  thought he was insensitive. These are the kinds of things that start

  wars. . .

  "I saw an agent, and explained to him that we had agreed to

  the contract, and on the strength of that I'd drunk a lot of

  champagne, spent the money, and now wanted redress. My agent

  phoned Douglas's and made some fantastic demand: he said he

  wanted $2000 now, and 10% of Hitchhiker's in perpetuity, so

  whenever the name The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was

  used I'd get 10%. When he told me about this I was shocked - I

  hadn't wanted anything like that!

  "At the time everyone, even Douglas's agent, thought that he

  was in the wrong. Even his mum. Then I ran into Douglas, and he.

  said, `What are you doing?' I said, `You told me to get an agent!'

  He said, `Yes, I told you to get an agent to write your own

  bloody book - not to sue me for mine!'

  "Eventually we did a deal, whereby I took half of the

  advance, and that was the end of it.

  "But we had booked a holiday in Greece that September to

  write the book together, and I had nowhere else to go. So, despite

  all that had happened, I went on holiday with Douglas. He stayed

  in his room and wrote The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and

  I went down to the bar and the beach and had a good time.

  Douglas showed me the first version of his first chapter, and I

  read it, and it was a Vonnegut novel.I told him that, and he tore

  it up and started again, and after that it started to come good. I

  have always thought the books were the best bits of Hitchhiker's

  by miles: you could see that they are so original, and so different

  that it was obvious that he had made the right decision.

  (A number of other things occurred on this holiday, the most

  notable of which was the creation of what was to become The

  meaning of Liff. But that will be told in its place.)

  As Douglas explains, "It was very silly. On the one hand I

  thought, `It might be a nice idea to collaborate', and on sober

  reflection I thought, `No, I can do it myself'. It was my own

  project, and I had every right to say, "No, I'll do it myself'. John

  had helped me out, and been very well rewarded for the work. I

  rashly talked about collaborating, and changed my mind. I was

  within my rights, but I should have handled it better.

  "You see, on the one hand, Johnny and I are incredibly good

  friends, and have been for ages. But on the other hand, we are

  incredibly good at rubbing each other up the wrong way. We

  have these ridiculous fights when I'm determined to have a go at

  him, and he is determined to have a go at me. So... I think it was

  an over-reaction on his part, but on the other hand the entire

  history of our relationship has been one or the other over-

  reacting to something the other has done."

  So Douglas wound up receiving a $1500 advance for his first

  book. (He would get over five hundred times that amount as an

  advance for his fifth novel.)

  When the series had started, BBC Publications were offered

  the idea of doing the book, and quite sensibly turned it down.

  After the contracts were signed with Pan, BBC Publications

  asked to see the scripts, since it had occurred to them that they

  might possibly do a book of Hitchhiker s. On being told that Pan

  had already bought the book rights BBC Publications asked

  bitterly why the book had not been offered to them.

  **************************************************************

  ARTHUR: You know, I can't quite get used to the feeling that

  just because I've spent all my life on the Earth I am

  therefore an ignorant country bumpkin.

/>   TRILLIAN: Don't worry Arthur, it's just a question of

  perspective.

  ARTHUR: But if I suddenly accosted a spider I found crawling

  under my bed, and tried to explain to this innocent

  spider in its spider world all about the Common

  Market, or New York, or the history of Indo

  China....

  TRILLIAN: What?

  ARTHUR: It would think I'd gone mad.

  TRILLIAN: Well?

  ARTHUR: It's not just perspective, you see.I'm trying to make

  a point about the basic assumptions of life.

  TRILLIAN: Oh.

  ARTHUR: You see?

  TRILLIAN: I prefer mice to spiders anyway.

  ARTHUR: Is there any tea on this spaceship?

  - Dialogue cut from the first series

  ***************************************************************

  As with everything Douglas had done, the book was late.

  Apocryphal stories have grown up about Douglas Adams's

  almost superhuman ability to miss deadlines. Upon close

  inspection, they all appear to be true.

  The story about the first book is this: after he had been

  writing it for as long past the deadline as he could get away with,

  Pan Books telephoned Douglas and said, "How many pages have

  you done?"

  He told them.

  "How long have you got to go?"

  He told them.

  "Well," they said, making the best of a bad job, "Finish the

  page you are on, and we'll send a motorbike round to pick it up

  in half an hour."

  Many people have complained that the first book ends rather

  abruptly. That is the main reason why, although it is also true

  that Douglas knew he was going to have to keep the radio

  Episodes Five and Six (which he was still less than happy with)

  back for the end of the second book. If there was a second book.

  Meanwhile, Pan were going through the normal pre-

  production actions of publishing: getting covers designed,

  accumulating quotes from celebrities to put on the covers,

  wondering how many copies they would sell.

  The initial print run of 60,000 copies betrayed a healthy

  optimism about sales, and showed that the publishers knew they

  were not dealing with just a new science fiction book (for which

  an initial print run is more like 10,000), but with something

  slightly special. The earliest promoted cover design showed a

  Flash Gordon-type in a bulky spacesuit with his thumb stuck

  out, holding a sign that said, in crude letters `ALPHA

  CENTAURI'. It was not used, although it was distributed on

  fliers at the 1979 World Science Fiction Convention.

  Douglas had suggested a number of people who might be

  willing to give cover blurbs for Hitchhiker's to Pan. These

  included the Monty Python team, Tom Baker (then Dr Who), and

  science fiction writers Christopher Priest and John Brunner.

  None of these blurbs were ever used, although Terry Jones

  from Python turned in at least a page of possible quotes. These

  included:

  The funniest book I have ever read, today. Terry Jones

  Every word is a gem... it's only the order they're put in that

  worries me. Terry Jones

  Space age comedy for everone... except for (insert the name of

  the man who writes worse poetry than the Vogons and whose

  name I can't remember). Terry Jones

  Probably the funniest book in the universe. Terry Jones *

  *dictated by D. Adams.

  One of the funniest books ever to have quoted what I said

  about it on the cover. Terry Jones.

  In the end the only quotes used were in some press releases:

  Really entenaining and fun. John Cleese

  and

  It changed my whole life. It's literally out of this world. Tom

  Baker

  The final cover design, by Hipgnosis and lan Wright, better

  known for their record covers than their book covers, was ideal,

  and provided a uniformity of design with the first record, which

  was released at the same time as the book, during the second week

  of October 1979. The front cover showed the title in `friendly' red

  letters, and on the back the words `DON'T PANIC' appeared, in

  a similar, colour-videoscreen-style typeface.

  It is worth commenting here on the anomalies of the title.

  The mould was cast by Adams, on his original three-page outline

  for the series, which was titled THE HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE

  TO THE GALAXY (with hyphen) but referred to the book as

  THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE (without hyphen) throughout.

  The cover of the first book included the hyphen, but lost the

  apostrophe, while the spine, back and insides wrote Hitch and

  Hiker's as two words. The tradition continues to the present day.

  British copies of So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish, for

  example, hyphenated Hitch-Hiker on the cover, but wrote it

  Hitch Hiker inside; while the radio scripts book hyphenated all

  the way through, except at the back, where advertisements appear

  for the book under both titles, with hyphens and without.

  In America, the problem is very sensibly avoided by

  referring to it as Hitchhiker (without a hyphen, and making it

  into one word). The matter will not be referred to again.

  The book went straight to number one on the bestseller lists,

  and stayed there. This surprised a number of people, not least

  Douglas Adams: "Nobody thought that radio had that much

  impact, but it does. I think a radio audience has a greater overlap

  with a solid reading audience than television does. All power to

  radio, it's a good medium."

  Within the next three months, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the

  Galaxy sold over a quarter of a million copies. Douglas sent a

  note to booksellers when sales reached 185,000:

  "I can only assume that you have all been giving away pound

  notes with every copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,

  or possibly even sending press gangs out into the streets,

  because I have just been officially notified that the sales have

  now passed the point of being merely absurd and have now

  moved into the realms of the ludicrous. Whatever you have

  been doing to get rid of them, thank you very much."

  Although later Douglas was to express dissatisfaction with the

  instant success of the first book ("It was like going from foreplay

  to orgasm with nothing in the middle - where do you go after

  that?"), at the time he was jubilant.

  The beauty of Hitchhiker's was that it came at just the right

  time. The success of Star Wars and Close Encounters of the Third

  Kind had created a willingness among the public to regard science

  fiction as an acceptable form of entertainment; science fiction

  readers had long been in need of something that was actually

  funny; and the radio audience who picked up the book

  discovered very quickly that there was far more in the first book

  than there had been in the radio series (in fact, it can come as

  something of a surprise, relistening to the original radio series, to

  discover quite how many of the more familiar aspects of

  Hitchhiker's were not in it - towels, for example). The book

  ga
rnered rave reviews. Douglas found himself compared to Kurt

  Vonnegut, (a comparison that was to persist until the release of

  Vonnegut's Galapagos in 1985, at which point some reviewers

  stated comparing Vonnegut, slightly unfavourably, to Douglas

  Adams), and the book found itself on many critics' `year's best'

  lists for 1979.

  If the radio series had been a cult success, then the book took

  Hitchhiker's beyond that, to a place in the popular consciousness.

  It was not long before a lot of people found their perceptions of

  towels, white mice and the number Forty-Two had undergone a

  major readjustment.

  *************************************************************

  WHY WAS HITCHHIKER'S SO SUCCESSFUL?

  John Lloyd:

  "It's what William Goldman, in his book Adventures in the

  Screen Trade calls a non-recurrent phenomenon. Before

  Hitchhiker's came along there was no reason why it should, and

  once it's there it seems the perfect idiom for its time. I don't

  know why, but it catches the spirit of the moment. The title says

  it all for me - with hitchhiking and galaxies you have this

  curious mixture of post-hippie sensibilities and being interested

  in high tech, digital technology and all that stuff. But it's

  impossible to say why Hitchhiker's is so successful - it's just one

  of these great original products of a diseased mind. It makes no

  concessions to popularity, it just gets on and does it. Not once

  has Douglas toned the thing down so it would sell more copies.

  Douglas really was as surprised by its success as anyone - he had

  no idea whether it was any good or not. He used to sit around

  going, `Is this good? Is this funny? What do you think of this

  script?' He really didn't know. But you can't explain it. And

  because you can't, you can't write another book like it. And

  that's what makes it a work of genius."

  Jacqueline Graham (Press officer, Pan Books):

  "Because it was such a wholly original idea, and you don't get too

  many of those. And because it was funny, but intelligently funny.

  And because it started as a sort of cult thing. Mostly because it's

 

‹ Prev