certain changes be made in it before it was printed "to prevent us
all from looking like idiots."
A discussion on Radio 3's Critics' Forum programme found
the panel of critics ranged between enthusiasm and bafflement.
Perhaps the most perceptive comment was that of Robert
Cushman, the chairman, who said "[Hitchhiker's has...] the sort
of effect that a Monty Python programme actually has, of making
everything that appears immediately after it on radio or television
or whatever, seem absolutely ludicrous. It does have that
marvellous cleansing thing about it."
The second radio series contained some excellent sequences,
some of which, like the body debit cards and the robot disco,
have not been repeated elsewhere. Other sections were unwieldy
and overly strung out: the shoe material, for example, which
correctly merited about half a page when it appeared in book
form. Overall, though, it was less successful than the first series;
something Douglas planned to sort out when he wrote the second
book.
12
Level 42
WHEN THE PAPERBACK OF The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
appeared, the last page, instead of carrying the usual
advertisements for other titles by the same publisher, carried an
advert that read:-
"DON'T PANIC!
"Megadodo publications, in association with Original
Records, brought (sic) you the Double L.P. of the radio series.
Fill out the form and send it off, with your cheque or postal order
attached..."
Despite the fact that it might well have meant the loss of
Chapter 35 (on the back of which the advert was printed), a large
number of people sent off for their mail-order copies of a record
called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
A number of record companies had expressed interest in
making the vinyl version of the show, following the radio
broadcasts. One company had already got an option on it, but,
since they were not doing anything with it, Original Records
stepped in and got the recording rights.
Geoffrey Perkins says of the first record, "It was very
difficult. We knew it was going to be a double album, but we
could not very well put half an hour on each side. So we sat down
and worked out - reluctantly - which bits to cut. I was very
happy with it. There were a number of things that were
improvements, like the voice treatments. And when Trillian says,
`Please relax...', and we put this lovely little tune behind it. The
infinite improbability sequence itself had only a fraction of the
elements that went into the same scene on the radio series, but it's
actually far more telling because they're clear. On radio we had
thought that if we threw absolutely everything in, it would come
out fascinating. Instead it came out a complete jumble - there
were bits of everything in it; people had left records around in the
studio from a previous show and we put a bit of that on, anything
lying around. But when we mixed it all together it was a jumble
and a lot of it was completely dropped. It was a definite
wankoff." The cast of the radio show was almost the same as that
of the record, although the late Valentine Dyall, radio's `Man In
Black', replaced Geoffrey McGivern as Deep Thought. (He was
also to play Gargravarr, with a similar voice treatment, in the
second series.)
Considering the record was only available by mail order, at
least initially, it sold amazingly well. Over 120,000 units were
sold in the first year, and it made a number of the music charts.
The cover was an expanded version of the Hipgnosis book cover,
including some entries from the Guide that have never appeared
elsewhere. The record essentially covered the first four episodes
of the radio series, edited down somewhat.
The second record, The Restaurant at the End of the
Universe, was slightly less successful. Geoffrey Perkins again:
"We all found the first record a very interesting experience. By
the time we got to the second record, it was less so (partially
because none of us had been paid for the first record).
"Now a lot of people like the second record, because it's
more definitive and much more complete than the first.
"Unfortunately that is because it is far too long on each side.
It's just a rough cut. We had decided to leave it a few days, and
come back and edit it with a fresh mind - I went up to
Edinburgh for the Festival, and when I came back, three days
later, they had rushed through the record and cut it! I felt it was
flabby, and I wanted to speed it up."
(Adams agrees: "The second record is (a) very long on both
sides, and (b) full of blah.")
Perkins is still a fan of the first record: "The nice thing about
doing the record was you stuck in bits that you knew people
could only pick up on the second or third time through. Whereas
the radio transmission had to be clear the first time."
In terms of plot, the second record is most similar to the last
two episodes of the TV series: the Haggunenon material is
missing, replaced by Disaster Area's stuntship.
The cover of the second record showed a yellow rubber
duck, presumably in deference to the B - Ark Captain's immortal
comment that one is "never alone with a rubber duck". As a
publicity stunt related to the duck theme, on the release of the
second record, the window of the HMV record shop in London's
Oxford Street was filled by a display that involved a bathtub
filled with twelve live week-old ducklings. The stunt, brainchild
of Original Records' director Don Mousseau, finished rather
earlier than expected when complaints were received from animal
welfare groups.
When released in the US the records carried the text of a
version of `How to Leave the Planet' (see Appendix IV).
The two albums were not the only Hitchhiker-connected
records, though. There were also two singles released by `Marvin
the Paranoid Android', Stephen Moore. These were:
`Marvin' ("Ten million logic functions, maybe more. They
make me pick up paper off the floor... You know what really
makes me mad? They clean me with a Brillo pad. A car wash
wouldn't be so bad... Solitary solenoid, terminally paranoid
Marvin...") c/w `Metal Man', about a spaceship out of control
trapped in a black hole, trying to persuade Marvin to rescue it. It
got a limited amount of airplay, and made it into the lower
reaches of the British charts.
`Reasons to Be Miserable' ("... give my brain a pain, very
little turns me on, Marvin is my name..."), a titular parody of the
lan Dury `Reasons to Be Cheerful', c/w `Marvin I Love You', the
story of Marvin's cleanout of old data tapes, discovering a love
message ("Marvin I love you, remember I'm programmed for
you..."), a weird combination of narrative over electropop and
fifties love song. This got a very limited airplay and didn't do
very much at all.
Douglas Adams ac
ted as consultant on the songs, and when
asked about them plays a sweet lullaby on one of his many
guitars (Marvin's song from Life, the Universe and Everything,
with a tune by Douglas) maintaining that he always thought they
should have released that as a single. If the Life, the Universe and
Everything radio series ever gets made listeners may finally get to
hear it.
(A fairly complete listing of all the songs used in Hitchhiker's
can be found in the radio scripts book.)
13
Of Mice, and Men,
and Tired TV Producers
"AT PIRST, I WASN'T THAT INTERESTED in doing a visual version
of Hitchhiker's. But while I was working on Dr Who I began to
realise that we have an enormous amount of special effects stuff
which is simply not being used as it might be. If it turns out the
way I'm beginning to visualise it, I think it could actually look
very extraordinary."
- Douglas Adams,1979.
"The Hitchhiker television series was not a happy production.
There was a personality clash between myself and the director.
And between the cast and the director. And between the tea
lady and the director...."
- Douglas Adams,1983.
*********************************************************
TELEVISION: EPISODE THREE.
MODEL SHOT:
THE HEART OF GOLD SPEEDING
THROUGH A MURKY SKY. VERY FEW
OF MICE AND MEN AND TIRED TV PRODUCERS
STARS, AND WHAT STARS THERE ARE ARE
DARK AND VAGUE.
WE HEAR WHAT SOUNDS LIKE KISSING,
AND THEN A LITTLE RATTLING NOISE.
JUST AS WE ARE BEGINNING TO WONDER
WHAT IS GOING ON, WE CUT TO
TRILLIAN'S CABIN. IT, AND THE OTHERS
WE SHALL SEE IN A MOMENT (REDRESSES)
IS SMALL AND CRAMPED. IT INCLUDES A
BED WHICH APPEARS TO FLOAT IN
POSITION.
TRILLIAN IS GIVING HER ATTENTlON TO
A SMALL MOUSE CAGE WITH A COUPLE
OF WHITE MICE IN IT. ONE OF THEM IS
RUNNING IN A TREADWHEEL (HENCE
THE RATTLING NOISE) AND TRILLIAN IS
MAKING SOPPY SUCKING NOISES AT
THEM (HENCE THE KISSING NOISE).
AFTER A MOMENT OR SO SHE TURNS
AWAY FROM THE CAGE. THE BED MOVES
TOWARDS HER INVITINGLY.
TRILLIAN: No thanks, I can't sleep.
SILENTLY A TV SCREEN ABOVE THE BED
LIGHTS UP WITH A PICTURE OF A FLOCK
OF SHEEP MOVING PAST CAMERA. SHE
PUSHES A PANEL NEXT TO IT AND THE
PICTURE WINKS OUT AGAIN.
ONE OF THE UBIQUITOUS COMPUTER
CONSOLES NEXT TO HER BED LIGHTS UP.
EDDIE: Just trying to help. A little soothing music tuned to
your personal Delta rhythms?
MUSIC FLOODS THROUGH THE ROOM.
SOMETHING VERY NAUSEATING AND
SACCHARINE.
TRILLIAN: No thank you.
THE MUSIC STOPS.
EDDIE: A story? Once upon a time there were three
computers - an analogue computer, a digital
computer and a sub-meson computer. They all lived
happily in a complex three-way interface...
TRILLIAN LEAVES THE ROOM IN
IRRITATION.
EDDIE: Wait a minute... I haven't got to the really tiring
bit yet.
CUT TO TRILLIAN WALKING DOWN THE
DARKENED CORRIDOR. SHE IS GOING
TOWARDS THE BRIDGE. SHE PASSES
ANOTHER COMPUTER CONSOLE. IT
LIGHTS UP.
EDDIE: I can skip right on to the section where they try and
find a binary model for the ineluctable modality of
the visible. That's very, very soporific.
TRlLLlAN IGNORES THIS AND ENTERS
THE DOOR OF THE BRIDGE.
CUT TO THE INTERIOR OF THE BRIDGE.
THIS TOO IS IN SEMI-DARKNESS. A
COMPUTER CONSOLE LIGHTS UP.
EDDIE: Especially if I tell it in my slow... deep... voice...
(HE MATCHES HIS VOICE TO THE
DESCRIPTION, AND HIS CONSOLE LIGHTS
DIM APPROPRIATELY.)
TRILLIAN: Computer!
EDDIE: (BRIGHTLY AGAIN.) Hi there!
ALL THE LIGHTS ON THE BRIDGE LIGHT
UP SIMULTANEOUSLY WITH THIS.
TRILLIAN WINCES.
TRILLIAN: Just tell me where we are, will you?
CUT TO MODEL SHOT, AS BEFORE, OF THE
HEART OF GOLD IN MOTION THROUGH
THE DIM SKY.
THIS TIME WE HEAR SNORING. NOT L.E. (Light Entertainment.)
SNORING, BUT DRAMA SNORING.
CUT TO ANOTHER SLEEPING CUBICLE.
THIS IS ARTHUR'S.
HE IS FAST ASLEEP.
HANGING UP ON ONE WALL OF HIS
ROOM ARE HIS CLOTHES, I.E. HIS
TROUSERS AND DRESSING GOWN.
THE PANEL AGAINST WHICH THEY ARE
HANGING LIGHTS UP VERY DIMLY. LINES
CRISS-CROSS IT. THEY ARE MEASURING
HIS CLOTHES. AFTER A FEW MOMENTS,
ANOTHER SUIT OF CLOTHES
MATERIALISES NEXT TO THEM. TH15 IS
FAIRLY CONVENTIONAL SCIENCE
FICTION GEAR, PROBABLY SILVERY.
CUT TO THE NEXT CUBICLE. FORD
PREFECT IS HAVING DIFFICULTY
SLEEPING BECAUSE OF ARTHUR SNORING
NEXT DOOR.
HE TURNS OVER. BECAUSE THE BED
COVERING IS VERY THIN SPACE BLANKET
HE IS FRUSTRATED IN HIS ATTEMiT TO
WRAP IT ROUND HIS HEAD TO KEEP OUT
THE NOISE.
HE PICKS UP HIS TOWEL FROM BESIDE HIS
BED AND PRESSES THAT AROUND HIS
EARS.
CUT TO THE NEXT CUBICLE CABIN.
THERE IS SNORING EMANATING FROM
HERE TOO.
WE GO CLOSE UP ON ONE OF 2APHOD'S
HEADS. IT IS FAST ASLEEP AND SNORING.
THE CAMERA PASSES OVER TO HIS OTHER
HEAD WHICH OBVIOUSLY CANNOT
SLEEP ON ACCOUNT OF THE SNORING OF
THE FIRST HEAD.
QUIETLY, THE DOOR TO HIS CUBICLE
SLIDES OPEN. TRILLIAN IS OUTLINED IN
THE DOORWAY.
TRILLIAN: Hey, Zaphod ?
ZAPHOD: Er, yeah ?
TRILLIAN: You know what you came to look for?
ZAPHOD: Yeah?
TRILLIAN: I think we just found it.
ZAPHOD SITS UP.
ZAPHOD: Hey, what?
TRILLIAN: You called it "the most improbable planet that ever
existed".
INTO OPENING CREDITS.
- Draft opening to Episode Three of TV series (never used).
*********************************************
The television version of Hitchhiker's begins with a computer
read-out of time remaining until the end of the world, while the
sun rises over a quiet English landscape.
The computer printout was faked; so was the English
landscape. What the audience saw was imitation computer
readout while a light bulb was lifted over a model of a landscape.
The ingenuity and the casual faking of something that seems so
natural exemplify the six television episodes of Hitchhiker's.
For many people the first, perhaps the only, exposure to
Hitchhiker's came from the BBC television series. Certainly it
was responsible, from its first airing in 1981 on BBC 2, for
millions of extra sales of the books.
The idea was first mooted in late 1979, by john Lloyd,<
br />
Associate Producer of the television series. He explains:
"I was in TV at the time of the TV show, and I had done one
series of Not the Nine O'Clock News, and I was looking around
for something new to do - I didn't know at that time that
NTNOCN was going to be the absurd success that it became, so I
was wondering what to do next, and Hitchhiker's was the
obvious thing - it had been a great success on radio, and would
obviously be great fun to do visually.
"Douglas and I had always been fascinated by science fiction.
Now this was before Star Wars and all that, we're still back in the
time when people said that science fiction would never get
anywhere commercially.
"Anyway, I wrote to my head of department saying, `There's
this great radio series, it would make great TV, it's just what I
want to do.' He told me he didn't know anything about it, so I
wrote him a memo saying what Hitchhiker's had done, and how
it had been nominated for a Hugo award, and how it had been
repeated more times than any other programme in history, that it
had been a stage show and a bestselling book... this huge long
list of credits. He said, `All right, let's give it a go', and he
commissioned the first script, which Douglas wrote.
"It was an extraordinarily good script. Douglas had done
what he did earlier with the books, which was to turn the radio
series into something which you would never know had been
based on a radio show. lt used the medium to the fullest. My boss
said that it was the best Light Entertainment script he had ever
read - he was that excited!
"As I remember, Alan Bell started off as director and I was
producer for the first episode, although it shaded into a co-
production as I didn't have much experience with TV budgeting.
But then the BBC went and scheduled the second series of Not
the Nine O'Clock News on top of the recording of Hitchhiker's.
NTNOCN was a real seven days a week job, and I couldn't do
both.
"I was really angry about it. I felt at the time like the BBC
felt that (as NTNOCN was beginning to get successful) they
didn't want the junior producer in the department (me) to have
two successes at once. So they used Hitchhiker's to give someone
else some work. I was really furious as I became perforce
`Associate Producer'. Which meant nothing. I didn't have any
clout at the BBC, being just a junior producer on attachment-
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