by Thomas Nash
planet brought them thether, for at the first glance they knew theseruant of my secrecies to be the Earle of Surrey, and I (not worthieto be named I) an outcast of his cup or his pantofles. Thence, thencesprong the full period of our infelicitie. The master of the mint ourwhilome refresher and consolation, now tooke part against vs, he thoughtwe had a mint in our head of mischieuous conspiracies against theirstate. Heauens bare witnes with vs it was not so, (Heauens wyll notalways come to witnes when they are cald.)
To a straiter ward were we comitted: that which we haue imputatiuelytransgressed must beaunswered. O the heathen heigh passe, and theintrinsecall legerdemain of our special approued good pandor _Petro deCampo Frego_. Hee although he dipt in the same dish with vs euerie daie,seeming to labor our cause verie importunatly, and had interpretedfor vs to the state from y beginning, yet was one of those trecherousbrother _Trulies_, and abused vs most darkly. He interpreted to vswith a pestilence, for whereas we stood obstinatly vpon it, we werewrongfully deteined, and that it was naught but a malicious practise ofsinfull _Tabitha_ our late hostesse, he by a fine conny-catching corrupttranslation, made vs plainely to confesse, and crie _Miserere_, ere wehad need of our neckverse.
Detestable, detestable, that the flesh and the deuill shoulde dealeby their factors. He stand to it, there is not a pandor but hath vowedpaganisme. The deuill himselfe is not such a deuill as he, so be heperforme his function aright. He must haue the backe of an asse, thesnout of an elephant, the wit of a foxe, and the teeth of a wolfe, hemust faune like a spaniell, crouch like a Jew, Here like a sheepbiter.If he be halfe a puritan, and haue scripture continually in his mouth,he speeds the better. I can tell you it is a trade of great promotion,and let none euer thinke to mount by seruice in forain courts, or creepneere to some magnifique Lords, if they be not seene in this science.O it is the art of arts, and ten thousand times goes beyond theintelligencer. None but a staid graue ciuill man is capable of it, hemust haue exquisite courtship in him or else he is not old who, he wantsthe best point in his tables.
God be mercifull to our pandor (and that were for God to worke amiracle) he was seene in all the seuen liberall deadly sciences, not asinne but he was as absolute in as sathan himselfe. Sathan could neuerhaue supplanted vs so as hee did. I may saie to you he planted in vs thefirst Italionate wit that we had. During the time we lay close and tokephisick in this castle of contemplation, there was a Magnificos wifeof good calling sent in to beare vs companie. Her husbands name was_Castaldo_, she hight _Diamante_, the cause of her committing was anvngrounded ielous suspition which her doating husbande had conceiued ofher chastitie. One _Isaac Medicus_ a bergomast was the man hee choseto make him a monster, who beeing a courtier and repairing to his housevery often, neither for loue of him nor his wife, but onely with a driftto borrowe monie of a pawne of waxe and parchment, when he sawe hisexpectation deluded, and that _Castaldo_ was too charie for him toclose with, he priuily with purpose of reuenge, gaue out amongest hiscopesmates, that hee resorted to _Castaldos_ house for no other endbut to cuckolde him, & doubtfully he talkt that he had and he had notobtained his sute. Rings which he borrowed of a light curtizan that hevsed to, hee woulde faine to bee taken from her fingers, and in summe,so handled the matter, that _Castaldo_ exclaimd, Out whore, strumpet,sixe penny hackster, away with her to prison.
As glad were we almost as if they had giuen vs libertie, that fortunelent vs such a sweet puefellow. A pretie round faced wench was it, withblacke cie browes, a high forehead, a litle mouth, and a sharpe nose, asfat and plum euerie part of her as a plouer, a skin as slike and soft asthe backe of a swan, it doth me good when I remember her. Like a birdeshe tript on the ground, and bare out her belly as maiesticall asan Estrich. With a licorous rouling eie fixt percing on the earth, &sometimes scornfully darted on the tone side, she figured foorth a highdiscontented disdain, much like a prince puffing and storming at thetreason of some mightie subiect fled lately out of his power. Her veriecountenance repiningly wrathfull, and yet cleere and vnwrinkled, wouldhaue confirmed the cleernes of her conscience to the austerest iudgein the world. If in any thing she were culpable, it was in being toomelancholy chast, and shewing her selfe as couetous of her beautie asher husband was of his bags. Many are honest because they knowe nothow to be dishonest: she thought there was no pleasure in stolnebread, because there was no pleasure in an olde mans bed. It is almostimpossible that anie woman should be excellently wittie, and not makethe vtmost pennie of her beautie. This age and this countrie of oursadmits of some miraculous exceptions, but former times are my constantinformers. Those that haue quicke motions of wit, haue quicke motionsin euerie thing: yron onely needes many strokes, onely yron wits are notwonne without a long siege of intreatie. Golde easily bends, the mostingenious mindes are easiest moued, _Ingenium nobis molle Thalia dedit_,saith _Psapho_ to _Phao_. Who hath no mercifull milde mistres, I willmaintaine, hath no wittie but a clownish dull flegmatike puppie to hismistres.
This Magnificos wife was a good louing soule, that had mettall inoughin her to make a good wit of, but being neuer remoued from vnder hermothers and her husbands wing, it was not moulded and fashioned as itought. Causelesse distrust is able to driue deceite into a simple womanshead. I durst pawne the credit of a page, which is worth ams ase at alltimes, that she was immaculate honest till she met with vs in prison.Marie what temptations shee had then when fire and flaxe were puttogether, conceit with your selues, but hold my master excusable.
Alacke he was too vertuous to make her vicious, he stoode vpon religionand conscience, what a hainous thing it was to subuert Gods ordinance.This was all the iniurie he woulde offer her, sometimes he wouldeimagine her in a melancholic humour to be his _Geraldine_, and court herin tearmes correspondent, nay he would sweare shee was his _Geraldine_,& take her white hand and wipe his eyes with it, as though the verytouch of her might stanch his anguish. Now would he kneele and kisse theground as holy grounde which she vouchsafed to blesse from barrennesseby her steps. Who would haue learned to write an excellent passion,might have bin a perfect tragicke poet, had he but attended halfe theextremitie of his lament. Passion vpon passion would throng one onanothers necke, he would praise her beyond the moone and starres, andthat so sweetly & rauishingly, as I perswade myself he was more in louewith his owne curious forming fancie than her face, and truth it is,many become passionate louers, only to win praise to theyr wits.
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He praised, he praied, hee desired and besought her to pittie him thatperisht for her. From this his intranced mistaking extasie could no manremoue him. Who loueth resolutely, will include euerie thing vnder thename of his loue. From prose he would leape into verse, and with theseor such lyke rimes assault her.
_If I must die, O let me choose my death, Sucke out my soule with kisses cruell maide, In thy breasts christall bals enbalme my breath, Dole it all out in sighs when I am laid.
Thy lips on mine like cupping glasses claspe, Let our tongs meete and siriue as they would sting, Crush out my winde with one strait girting graspe, Stabs on my heart keepe time whitest thou dost sing.
Thy eies like searingyrons burne out mine, In thy faire tresses stifle me outright, Like Circes change me to a loathsome swine, So I may liue for euer in thy sight Into heauens ioyes can none prof oundly see, Except that first they meditate on thee._
Sadly and verily, if my master said true, I should if I were a wenchmake many men quickly immortall. What ist, what ist for a maide fayreand freshe to spend a little lip salue on a hungrie louer. My masterbeate the bush and kept a coile and a pratling, but I caught the birde,simplicitie and plainnesse shall carrie it awaie in another world. Godwot he was _Petro Desperato_, when I stepping to hir with a dunstabletale made vp my market A holy requiem to their soules that thinke towooe women with riddles. I had some cunning plot you must suppose, tobring this about Her husband had abused her, and it was verie necessarieshe shoulde be reuenged. Seldome doe they proue patient martyrs who arepunisht vniustly.
One way or other they wil cry quittance whatsoeuer itcost them. No other apte meanes had this poore shee captiued _Cicely_,to worke her hoddy peake husbande a proportionable plague to hisielousie, but to giue his head his ful loding of infamie. She thoughtshe would make him complaine for some thing, that now was so hard boundwith an hereticall opinion. Howe I dealt with her, gesse gentle reader,_Sub audi_ that I was in prison, and she was my Jailor.
Meanes there was made after a moneths or two durance by M. _IohnRussell_, a gentleman of king Henrie the eights chamber, who then laylieger at _Venice_ for England, that our cause should be fauorablyheard. At that time was Monsieur _Petro Aretino_ searcher and chiefeInquisiter for the colledge of curtizans. Diuerse and sundrie wayes wasthis _Aretine_ beholding to the king of England, especially for by thisforesaid M. _Russell_ a little before he had sent him a pension of fourehundreth crownes yerely during his life. Very forcibly was hee dealtwithall, to straine the vtmost of his credit for our
