by Rula Sinara
“Enough already,” he said. “Focus your need to matchmake on your brother.”
The corners of her smile softened into something wistful and sad.
“He’s not ready. I push a little, but I know he’s not. He can’t seem to shed the pain. To trust again.”
Carlos braced his hands on his hips and stood there staring at a divot in the wood floor in silence. He understood the pain. He’d trusted someone with his heart, only to have her leave when he needed her most. Jordan had suffered a breakup as well, but in many ways, it had cut deeper than Carlos’s. It had struck a nerve so deep that it had to have tangled in his soul. He’d tried talking to Jordan many times, but the guy resisted. Joked off any attempt at bringing up dating again. Chanda was right about that.
“Eve would never hurt him the way Mary did.”
“No, she wouldn’t. There’s more love in that girl than I’ve ever seen. More love in each of them than I’ve ever seen, for that matter. Both givers, yet afraid to give to each other. I think that’s why he helps around so much. He has so much to give and needs to give it in a way that keeps his heart protected. I like Eve a lot. I truly believe those two are meant to be together. But Mary seemed nice too before her family became involved.”
Carlos nodded. Mary had been a decent person. But she hadn’t been strong enough to stand up to her family’s pressure to leave the relationship because they didn’t approve. As far as Carlos was concerned, that made her complicit. Or weak. Or she just didn’t love Jordan enough to fight for him. Whichever it was, she didn’t deserve him. Real love was unconditional and pushed through barriers and distance like a powerful wave destined...aching...to reach the sandy shore. Everyone deserved that kind of love. It was the only kind worth diving in deep for. But not everyone was meant to find it in their lifetime. He’d nearly drowned taking that risk. He’d survived because of his friends in Turtleback, but he’d never risk his heart again.
Jordan was younger, though. Carlos had eight years on him and had made a personal commitment to care for the town...and whatever dog entered his life. That’s all he needed. Jordan hadn’t carved his path yet. Two years on the force, after spending several at a desk job and hating it, but no definite goals beyond that. Carlos could see his deputy filling his boots someday. He’d make a superb sheriff. But Jordan probably couldn’t envision that yet. His confidence had taken a beating. As a man, Carlos knew that took time to rebuild.
“A word of advice, Chanda?”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t take it the wrong way. It’s a reminder to myself too. We can’t push him too hard. The fastest way to scare those two apart is to let them think we’re shoving them together. Sometimes a guy likes to think he’s figuring it out on his own. Even when he’s not.”
“I know. It’s a pride thing. We women have it too by the way. It’s all tied up with self-respect and choice. That said, I know they each have their reasons for taking things slow, but there’s slow and there’s plain stuck. Nothing wrong with a nudge now and then.”
“Hey, I’m with you on that. I’d hate to see Eve find someone else before he gets the courage to let her know how he feels. And vice versa.”
“I just don’t want him being a lonely bachelor the rest of his life. And I wouldn’t mind nieces and nephews to play with.”
A bachelor. Like he was. Only he wasn’t lonely. He was just fine. A soft image of Faye flicked ever so briefly in his mind. Not with the suspicious darkness in her eyes when she first met him, but the way she’d looked up at him while petting Pepper, with the sun making the crystal blue of her eyes shimmer like the sea at sunrise. He gave his eyes a quick rub and inhaled deeply. He wasn’t taking it slow. He wasn’t even trying to go anywhere with anyone at all. Least of all Faye. She clearly had baggage of her own and he wasn’t getting involved...other than to help her out if needed.
Then why are you thinking of her?
Heck if he knew. No. He did. It was because she needed help. Protection. And so did the town from whomever she was running from. It was his duty. His moral compass kept pointing him toward her. That’s all. Wasn’t it? Was that why Natalie had been a part of his life? Because he’d wanted to protect her after hearing about her past? Protection and duty and love were different things. He’d loved Natalie, but had it been the kind of love his parents had had? The kind that even death couldn’t end? The kind nothing could come between?
The moment Nat had told him she was leaving came back to him. The look in her eyes. The way she had tipped her chin up in resolve. There were no tears. Only resolve. Strength. Defense. It was in that moment that he realized she’d never really let him in. She had never jumped in with both feet, trusting him to catch her. His mother had told him that true love was when a person could let themselves free-fall, knowing and trusting that the other would be there to catch them. Trust.
He scratched his Adam’s apple and hurried down the front steps. He needed to leave. He didn’t have the time or patience for all this relationship talk. It was getting to him. Opening old wounds. Messing with his head. He needed to escape.
“Thank you for having me over. Sorry to eat and run, but—”
“No worries.” Chanda patted his back. “You go do your thing. Text me if you see Jordan working on that door.”
Okay, guess she wasn’t going to take his advice. He waved without answering as he turned and headed off. He could hear her sigh. She knew full well he had better things to do than to report back on his friend and colleague’s love life. And he knew she meant well.
Only he wasn’t sure if that sigh was over her brother’s lack of a love life...or his own. As far as he was concerned, Chanda needed to focus on her brother’s...or her own, for that matter. Carlos didn’t need anyone but the town and his friends. These people were his family. They trusted him to provide a safe place to live. Maybe he didn’t have a great track record with relationships, but taking care of people? That he could do.
Which was why Eve’s friend being in town was on his mind. If her abusive past was behind her, as it had been with Natalie, then maybe she’d realize that staying in Turtleback was an option. She already had a friend here in Eve. Turtleback was a safe haven. A good place to raise a kid like Nim. If her past was still haunting her, in the sense that her ex was still a threat, then it would be his duty to protect both her and the townsfolk. If she needed a place to put down new roots, they’d welcome her here, though he knew a small town like this wasn’t for everyone. Most enjoyed the place as a temporary escape. A vacation. Not a permanent home. Natalie surely hadn’t.
But if Faye wasn’t in danger...if she was keeping darker secrets...an agenda that would endanger anyone in this town...he needed to find out about it. As an officer, there were rules about looking into people’s pasts. Background checks weren’t supposed to be done for personal reasons. That would be breaking rules, and Carlos practiced what he preached. He stuck to the law. There was a line between respecting a person’s privacy and invading it, but if she was in danger he might have to. If he was going to be able to do his job right, either Faye could trust him enough to give him more information herself or he’d have to dig up that information himself. Trust. A single action that could either build or destroy it.
CHAPTER FIVE
FAYE TUCKED HER hair behind her ears and sat cross-legged in one of two beanbags Eve had in the Castaway Books children’s nook. She scooped Nim up and nestled her into her lap, as six other kids sprawled on the throw rug in front of Eve’s wingback chair. They were already waiting for the story to start by the time she’d arrived with Nim. Boy, did leaving a house take twice as long with a little one in tow, or what? She had always respected her sister, but now she was in complete awe of how Clara had handled motherhood...and everything else...with apparent ease. Of course, she now knew how deceiving looks could be. All those couples coming through her business, so blissful, as though they’
d stepped out of a commercial for the one real estate company that would find you a house with a magic front door to happily-ever-after. How many of those couples had been putting on a front? How many happily-ever-afters really existed?
She adjusted her position a little and glanced about the room. Some of the kids sat with their legs crisscrossed like hers, some lay on their bellies with elbows in front and two practically clung to Laddie, the rough collie she’d been told about. That dog was absolutely gorgeous, with flowing sable hair, a white mane and blaze on his muzzle and a kind, knowing expression on his face. Every so often, he’d “mother” the two kids at his sides with a gentle nuzzle, just to make sure they understood he was their nanny for the hour. Faye had never had a rough collie come through her business, but she’d read up and watched instructional videos on how to groom them, just in case. She desperately wanted to run her hands through that coat and plant a kiss on Laddie’s head, but she didn’t want to disturb Eve’s foray into some imaginary wilderness where trees could talk and birds loved math. Not exactly Valentine’s fare, but the first three books she’d read had covered the season with various themes of love, from showing it to Mother Earth, to making everyone in school feel included on the playground, to caring for pets...to how love can make a family in a million ways, including chosen or adoptive ones.
She held Nim a little tighter and pressed her nose to her red hair. She could still smell the henna, though the scent was fading slightly beneath the classic perfume of baby shampoo. She hoped no one else noticed it. If something bad did happen to her sister, would she become Nim’s only family? She’d promised Clara she wouldn’t let Jim have her. But he was her legal parent. Faye wasn’t. Unless she could somehow prove he was unfit.
A snort escaped her, but luckily it coincided with something funny Eve had read and blended into the giggles around her. Prove Jim was unfit? He was the lawyer with connections. Not her. And she was the kidnapper. It didn’t bode well. You have to be okay, Clara. I’ll figure something out. I’ll find you. She had no idea how. Nim had to be her priority. She couldn’t stay under the radar with Nim while still searching for Clara. She closed her eyes and lowered her chin. It all seemed so impossible. So frustrating and unfathomable. As soon as reading time was over and the place cleared, she’d let Eve know that she’d be leaving tomorrow. She’d come up with a reason. Another lie. A made-up relative she needed to visit or something.
She took a deep breath and absentmindedly clapped along with the others when Eve snapped the book shut with an elfish grin on her face. Reading to kids...running this place...really put a sparkle in her eyes and a glow in her cheeks. She was a natural with children. She would make a great mother someday, if she wanted to be one. Of course, being great with kids didn’t necessarily mean that a person had to have kids of their own. But the opposite happened all too often. Awful parents who didn’t deserve the gifts life had given them. Parents who failed miserably at parenting.
Faye was a natural with dogs, yet she had never had one of her own. Because you might fail at that too. It had been ingrained in her. The fear of failing anyone who’d put their faith in her, including a pet. She released one hand from Nim’s finger grip and tried to smooth the knot tightening at the bridge of her nose. Stop cutting yourself down. You hate it when Clara does and now you’re doing it. So you don’t own a dog. Not everyone does.
Her parents’ exact words. Not everyone does. They’d said it so many times over the course of her childhood and teen years, the phrase grated her skin. The assumption that the twins weren’t responsible enough to take on a pet of their own always made its way into the conversation too. Their mom once used the analogy of them being drawn to glitter, but not able to handle the cleanup. For some reason, that comment stuck with her. Like glitter. It was a lot easier to care for someone else’s pets. They were eventually sent home, just like grandkids, or kids at a day care, or even a reading group. The level of responsibility and risk of failure was different when the kid or pet wasn’t your own. Wasn’t it? She looked at Nim. It didn’t feel different right now. She was an aunt, not a parent, yet she knew without a doubt that she’d risk her life to save Nim. No question about it. She was learning as she went when it came to Nim. God help her, she was finding herself having to search online to find out when car seats could face forward or what foods toddlers could eat, but she loved her niece. She loved her sister. And they were counting on her. They’d put their trust in her. That’s what it all came down to. Didn’t it? Love. Being there for someone when they needed you the most.
She thought of Pepper. That was the dog’s name, wasn’t it? Yes. Yes, it was. She could hear Carlos Ryker’s timber-like voice saying the name in her mind, as clearly as if he were standing next to her. Pepper, an elderly dog who’d been abandoned. A sweet soul who might have spent the rest of her life without a permanent home or the love she deserved. Carlos had taken her in. Given her shelter, love and protection. Working full-time had been Faye’s ongoing excuse whenever people—including clients—asked if she had a dog. But was it a good enough reason or was it a cop-out? No pun intended. She’d hidden behind the excuse.
For the amount of time she spent with dogs and for as much as she loved them, all she could really show for it was the money she earned for grooming and training them. Not that that was bad in and of itself. She ran a business. A service. Her clients needed and appreciated her. They knew she was dedicated to their dogs and loved and cared for them as if they were her own. Working with dogs was her passion. It was just that she’d never been able to take that next step. She held back out of fear. Self-doubt. What if she ended up being a better dog trainer and groomer than she was a dog parent? What if she failed at it or didn’t have the time and energy to dedicate to her pets after a long day at work? Just because other people with careers owned dogs, did that mean she had to? Just because she loved them, did it mean she could handle one of her own? That fear of failure that her parents had pounded into her had kept her from getting a dog as soon as she was living on her own. The residual influence parents’ words could have on a kid was a powerful thing.
Her parents had a way of spinning every wish she or Clara made into something they wanted only because others had it. The projection of all projections. Mom and Dad never did look in a mirror and see how their choices and decisions had been based on what friends and colleagues in their social circle had or were doing. And they assumed their twins were cut from the same cloth.
Story time ended and Nim squirmed out of her lap and headed for Laddie, yanking off the small quilt another child had covered the pooch with.
Kids shared mere threads with their parents. They weren’t the same swatch of material. They didn’t have the exact same pattern, no matter how carefully a parent tried to stitch one. Her parents had threaded every needle with the utmost care—what schools they went to, what outfits they wore and what got packed in their lunches, lest a teacher judge them for it.
Eve made eye contact with her and cocked her head inquisitively. Had she been frowning? She smiled widely. Maybe too widely.
“I loved that story, Eve. You’re so good at reading with expression. You had the children mesmerized. Me too, I must say.”
Eve’s expression flitted from concern to joy as swiftly as a butterfly unfolding its wings and taking flight.
“It’s so much fun. Seeing their eyes open wide tickles my heart. Give me a sec,” she said, leaping up and stopping a six-year-old from scaling a ceiling-high bookshelf. She lifted him down just as his father entered the shop and gave the kid a look that scolded without words. The boy ran over and hugged his dad’s leg, then looked up with a cheeky grin. Faye had a feeling it wasn’t his first climbing adventure. The dad left, just as a mother entered, followed by a few others, including, from the hellos she overheard, the vet, Grayson Zale.
Nim had started playing with a large, square, wooden box that had puzzles and mazes built onto it. Faye had s
een a similar one at her sister’s house in Mia’s room. She’d been told it was good for fine motor skills. She really had a lot to learn. She needed to see if the local grocers had any small developmental toys in the baby aisle. She couldn’t lug the poor kid from state to state with nothing to stimulate her mind or help her to be happy and forget anything negative she’d witnessed between her parents.
Laddie sniffed and licked Nim’s ear. The henna. Faye held her breath until Dr. Zale said a quick hello, then proceeded to greet others who were picking up kids. Faye had nothing to add to all the small talk about Valentine’s Day and the local news.
All these people knew each other. Faye and Nim were outsiders. She felt even more out of place considering no one here knew her truth. A happy, close-knit town... And here she was, a criminal, marring their lives by hiding out among them. Lying to her old friend. Lying—for Pete’s sake—to the town sheriff.
Faye tried to look interested in browsing books as Eve took care of customers. Dr. Zale and Laddie left pretty quickly. She could only assume he had other animals awaiting his care. A few parents lingered. One mother purchased a book titled 365 Ways to Be Romantic. Was she buying it for herself or her spouse? If the gift was for her spouse, that probably said more to Eve than the poor woman probably realized, but Eve didn’t flinch or ask. She simply rang up the book and had it bagged with streamlined efficiency.
“That was busy for a bit,” Eve said, slathering on some hand lotion and coming around the counter. “I’m happy you came. What did you think?”
“It was wonderful. I can tell you love what you do,” Faye said.
“I really do.” She hesitated. “Do you have a minute? I’d love for you to stay longer and talk. I have a coffee maker and tea in the back.”
“Yes, actually. I was hoping to talk to you about something too.”
The shell-and-bell chime announced another visitor. Eve turned and something shifted in her face at the sight of a very handsome man in jeans, a red cable-knit sweater and down jacket. He quickly shut the cold outside, jiggling the loose door handle briefly, then turned and stood a little taller. His warm brown eyes were completely on Eve.
