“I’m sorry,” he said. Those two words, so simple and so short, seemed to physically affect his brother.
For the first time in years, Robert smiled at him—a genuine, warm smile. “Was that so hard?” he asked. Jack shook his head. “I guess not.”
There was an awkward silence in which Miranda beamed at the two men, who were suddenly and irrefutably uncomfortable. Jack had no idea what they were supposed to talk about now that years of tension was broken.
“So what did you do to piss off your girlfriend?” Robert asked. This time his tone was slightly less accusatory.
Jack heaved a sigh. His fuzzy brain thought of how to explain that one. Yeah, now was not the time. He would have plenty of time when he was sober to explain that little lie. For now, it seemed enough to say, “I blew it.”
Yup, that about summed it up.
Jack saw Robert and Miranda exchange a knowing look. “Well there’s only one thing for you to do,” Miranda said.
Robert tapped his beer bottle against Jack’s shoulder. “Make it right.”
* * * *
Make it right. The words echoed in his brain long after he arrived back at the apartment many hours later. It was dark when he stumbled in and so quiet, Holly and Lucia must have been asleep. He’d left his brother and sister-in-law at the party and walked the whole, long way back to Brunelli’s.
He’d replayed the scene with Holly and relived the stunned look in her eyes and how upset she’d looked when he’d kissed her in public, going against her wishes. She’d trusted him to help her win Benjamin back and he’d let her down. He’d been selfish, as usual, just like Robert had said.
Well it was time to make things right. Much as he might hate it, Holly had made her decision and had chosen the man she wanted to be with. And she’d made the right choice. Well, maybe not with Benjamin the wonder stud but in not choosing him. He’d told Holly right off the bat that he wasn’t the type of guy she was looking for and he’d proven it time and time again. He couldn’t be counted on to be a real boyfriend let alone a husband and father—and that’s what Holly wanted. What she deserved.
Make it right. He knew what he had to do. He had to help Holly get everything she wanted and then he needed to walk away. He may be able to do the right thing but there was no way he would be able to sit by and watch her swoon over Benjamin. He was trying his best to be a good guy but he was no saint.
He flipped open his laptop and gave the orders that would put his plan into action. When he was done, he took a shower and threw on some fresh clothes. It was close to dawn and his limo back to the airport was probably already waiting for him. He hovered outside of Holly’s door.
The urge to go in there and say goodbye was nearly overwhelming. He let his head drop against the closed door and his torturous mind imagined what she would look like all curled up beneath her covers, sound asleep. Who was he kidding? If he went in there now, the hounds of hell would have to drag him back out. It was hard enough leaving as it was.
Chapter 12
Holly sipped the café au lait her friend had kindly brought home for her and tried to ignore Lucia’s puppy dog eyes.
“Now do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” Ever since the two women had woken up this morning, later than usual, and found Jack’s hastily scribbled note on the kitchen table, Lucia had been incessantly trying to get her to talk about what had transpired the night before.
Apparently Jack’s very public embrace and her abrupt departure had caused quite a stir at the party. After a night of restless tossing and turning, Holly was no closer to figuring out what she was feeling about Jack’s drunken confession, let alone what she was going to do about it. And then, when she’d come out here to find that Jack had left the apartment, without even saying goodbye, just a brief note saying he had to get back to work—her emotions had gone into overdrive and there was no making heads or tails of them. She was upset, ready to cry, and irritable.
Lucia pushed the bag of pastries across the table to her as a peace offering. “Okay, I won’t ask again, I promise. But when you’re ready to talk about it…” Holly nodded her head with a roll of her eyes.
“You’ll be the first to know.”
She reached over to grab a pastry. “So what about you?” she asked. “How was your night?”
Lucia’s eyes lit up as she talked about the famous designers she’d talked to and the new styles she’d seen on the runway. Holly was only half paying attention—one part of her brain was having a hard time shutting off the movie reel of the night before—but she couldn’t help but smile at her friend’s enthusiasm.
“Lucia, if fashion means so much to you, why aren’t you pursuing it as a career?”
Lucia’s mouth clamped shut and a series of emotions crossed her face before she let out a sigh. “It’s a long story. And I don’t want to talk about me, I want to talk about you. I saw you and Jack last night. What did he say to you before you stormed out of there?”
Holly’s cheeks grew warm at that description. She had made a rather dramatic exit. Lucia was watching her with wide, expectant eyes. What had Jack said to make her leave like that?
“He told me I was perfect.”
The quiet words slipped out and Lucia stared at her in shocked silence for a moment before she whispered, “That bastard.”
Holly choked on a laugh. “You don’t understand, he…he…” He what? Told her she was perfect just the way she was. Her heart squeezed at the memory. You should be with me.
For a moment she struggled for breath, the memory of those words was so powerful. Jack wanted her. More than that, he thought she was perfect just the way she was. She allowed herself a moment to revel in those powerful, dizzying words before drawing herself back to reality.
Wake up, Holiday. Jack was drunk when he said that. He’s made it abundantly clear that he’s not looking for a girlfriend or commitments. And even if he was, he’s not part of the plan.
Lucia was still waiting for her to explain why she’d run away after Jack’s drunken confession. She took a deep, steadying breath. “Jack is great and we’ve been having a lot of fun together but I got an email from Benjamin yesterday and—”
Lucia cut her off with a loud groan. Holly watched her friend dramatically drop her head into her hands. When she looked up, her eyes were pleading. “When are you going to let go of that fantasy, Holly?”
Lucia’s words were a punch in the gut. Her kneejerk reaction was to defend herself. She’d been doing it for nearly a year to her friends and family and the words came quick and vehement. “It’s not a fantasy, it’s a life plan. It’s what I want.”
Lucia was silent but the look in her eyes spoke volumes. It was pity. Her friend felt sorry for her. Anger warred with humiliation. She hated having to defend herself but for one brief moment she saw herself through her friend’s eyes and she did seem pitiful. Like it wasn’t bad enough that she’d tried to chase after him halfway around the world only to be rejected by him. Now, with one little hint of a chance together, she was dropping everything. Where was her pride?
You should be with someone who thinks you’re amazing just the way you are. You should be with me.
A lump formed in her throat making any more arguments impossible. Lucia leaned forward and placed her hand on top of Holly’s. “Look, I’m not going to tell you who you should be with or what you should be looking for in life. Only you can figure that out. I’m just saying…” Holly found herself holding her breath waiting for her young friend to speak. A little part of her was hoping whatever she would say would wipe away the confusing muddled emotions that were making it impossible to think straight.
Lucia smiled at her. “I’ve got to catch a flight back to Italy this afternoon, which means you’ll be on your own here until you’re ready to join us at the villa.”
Holly nodded. The idea of being alone with her thoughts was overwhelming.
Lucia seemed to read her mind. “There is no better plac
e to figure out what’s truly in your heart than Paris. All I’m saying is take your time to sort things out before you take the next step, okay?”
Holly gave a jerky nod. “You’re probably right. A little alone time is just what I need.”
“Speaking of.” Lucia held up Jack’s ridiculously short note. “Where do you think he went?”
Holly shrugged. “Probably back to Italy, I’d imagine.” She tried to ignore the empty pit that had formed in her stomach the moment she’d realized he was gone. What had he been thinking when he’d written that? What had he been feeling? Was he hurt by her rejection or was his pride just wounded? Maybe he was just embarrassed. Or maybe he didn’t even remember what he’d said. There was every possibility he regretted saying anything at all. He probably hadn’t meant a word of it. Holly saw the look in his eyes when he was pouring his heart out. No, he’d meant it. Or at least, he’d meant it in that moment. Who knows how he’d felt in the cold light of day.
One question had been repeating itself over and over all morning. Why hadn’t he said goodbye?
* * * *
Jack was trying his best to ignore Daniel’s questions but despite his best efforts, he couldn’t get his business partner to talk about business.
“So you just…left?” Daniel asked for the millionth time.
“Yes, Danny, I left. Now can we please look at that spreadsheet your assistant sent over?” Jack was just as surprised as Daniel that he was the one who was opting to talk business rather than romance but after the night he’d had, the last thing he wanted to do was focus on Holly.
Daniel, on the other hand, was obsessed. “Did you tell her you love her?”
Jack’s hand froze while reaching for his iced tea. Love. There it was. The word that had been taunting him ever since he sobered up and could face the fact that he had temporarily lost his mind. Was it because he was in love? He’d seen plenty of friends—namely Daniel and Ivy—turn into complete idiots in the name of the L-word but he’d never experienced it himself.
But yeah, he supposed that was the only explanation for the complete and utter havoc that Holly’s presence in his life had wrought. Wonderful. He’d finally gone and fallen in love and it was with a woman who loved someone else.
He’d always been a screw-up but this was taking things to an entirely new level. He’d gone and messed up everything. Not only was she the only woman he ever wanted to be with, she was also always going to be in his life. Forever. She would always be his best friend’s sister and unless he wanted to cut all ties with Ivy and break up a perfectly wonderful business partnership with Daniel, Holly would be in his life.
That thought was simultaneously a searing pain and a soothing balm.
He hadn’t lost her forever. She would be around…just not his. But he could still talk to her, laugh with her…maybe give her a quick hug on occasion.
Okay, yeah, that would be too painful for words. Best to stick with the occasional chitchat at major life events like baptisms and birthdays. He could handle that. One day maybe he’d even find a way not to openly despise Benjamin.
“Jack.” Daniel’s sharp voice cut through his runaway train of thoughts and he looked up to see Daniel’s hard stare fixed on him.
“What?”
“Did you tell her that you love her?” Daniel repeated the words slowly as though talking to a dim-witted child.
“No,” Jack said. The words were hard to get out of his throat.
Daniel sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Then you are an idiot.”
Jack stared at his friend in surprise. “Excuse me?”
Daniel was shaking his head in disappointment. “You’re a coward if you don’t fight for her. Hell, if Ivy hadn’t fought for me I might still be sitting here alone and miserable.”
“But she doesn’t want me, she wants Benjamin.”
Daniel’s look could only be described as pitying. “And before I met Ivy, I thought I wanted a life of solitude—a life of business deals and meaningless affairs. Sometimes people don’t know what they want until it’s right in front of their faces.”
* * * *
Holly spent the day doing all of the things she loved in Paris. She went to museums, she stopped into cafes, she did some window shopping…and she was miserable. The more she tried to sort through the jumble of emotions and thoughts, the more confused she became. The only thing she knew for certain was that she wished Jack was with her.
She missed his jokes, his laughter, the way he listened without judgment, his reassuring touches, his kisses… Paris just wasn’t the same without him. She thought about calling him, seeing where he was and what he was doing but she stopped herself every time. He’d left. Clearly he didn’t want to see her or talk about the things he’d said the night before. For all she knew, he regretted every word.
She tried to focus on Benjamin. She should be happy right now, she should be celebrating the fact that Benjamin was willing to give them a shot. Maybe. Well, he wasn’t ruling them out. Somehow that just wasn’t enough to make her dance for joy.
She needed to talk to Jack and clear the air at the very least. After an exhausting and unproductive day of wallowing she returned to Brunelli’s apartment but the luxurious apartment just felt…big. Too big for one person.
A knock on the door interrupted her packing. Jack! He was back. She knew he wouldn’t leave things like that. She all but ran to the door and threw it open.
“Hey, Holiday. Miss me?” Benjamin grinned at her in the hallway and Holly’s heart fell. She swallowed thick tears of disappointment that it wasn’t Jack on the other side of that door.
She tried to shove aside the disappointment. She was just in shock, that was all. How had he found her? What was he doing at Brunelli’s? Of course she was ecstatic to see Benjamin. She should be over the moon. She was just…confused, that was all.
Benjamin raised his brows in a questioning look. “Uh, can I come in?”
“Oh, yes, of course, come on in,” she said, ushering him inside and showing him where to leave his luggage. The whole time her brain was going a million miles an hour trying to figure out what he was doing there and, more importantly, what his sudden appearance meant.
Once he was settled, she led him to the balcony where the sunset was washing the city in an orange glow.
Benjamin whistled. “This is one amazing view.”
“Mmm,” she said. He settled in beside her and they sat in silence for a moment before she finally asked the question. “Benjamin…what are you doing here? I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s great to see you but….”
“But I’m not the type to hop on a plane on a whim?” he finished.
“Exactly,” she said with a laugh. “So, what’s up?”
Benjamin wiped his hands across his jeans in an unusual show of nerves. “Well, Holiday, I guess you and me have got a lot to talk about.”
This was it. There was no way Benjamin flew all this way to let her down easy. She waited for the swell of excitement, the butterflies in her stomach, the trembling limbs. Instead her mouth went dry and her stomach did a twist before flopping low in her belly.
Benjamin looked over her shoulder at the view for a moment before speaking. “The thing is, Holly, I’m worried about you.”
Holly’s head jerked back. That was so not the declaration of love she’d been waiting for. “Excuse me?”
“I’m worried,” he said again. “We all are—your parents, your sister, my family.”
Holly struggled to draw in breath. “So you all have been talking about me?”
Benjamin’s face was creased with concern. “Not in a bad way, Holiday. We’re just….”
“Worried, yeah I got that.”
She shook her head and brushed aside a hand that he reached out to squeeze her shoulder in a brotherly fashion. “I can’t believe this,”
“What?” Honest confusion clouded his eyes. Could he really not understand?
“I thought you were here for…
” she left off with a sigh and tried again. “When you showed up like that I thought it was because you’d decided you wanted to…be with me.” She had to force the words out between stiff lips.
This wasn’t romantic—hell, it wasn’t even kind, it was…annoying.
Benjamin’s expression had gone from mild confusion to sympathetic understanding and that was so much worse. His sympathy was dangerously close to pity. “Holiday, I meant what I said. I think we might have a future together, I just don’t want to rush into anything.”
Holly shut her eyes and fought the impulse to cover her ears. That’s exactly what he’d said in the email. She’d thought he was just being cautious—Benjamin was nothing if not prudent. But there was caution and then there was cowardice and she couldn’t stand the latter.
“It’s not that complicated Benjamin. Do you want to be with me or don’t you?”
Now it was his turn to jerk back as though she’d just struck him. She watched his eyes widen in surprise at the simple question.
“I guess…I don’t know, I guess I always thought we would get together, you know? Eventually?”
She nodded. Oh, she knew.
“But, whenever I’ve tried to picture what our life would be like…I just can’t see it,” he said the words with such sadness, it was almost funny. Almost. But then he turned to her with an intensity that was unnerving, particularly coming from this particular laid-back, non-confrontational man.
“What about you?” he demanded. “What do you see when you picture our future together?”
She opened her mouth but no words could come out. She tried to conjure up the image of their future marriage and children but nothing was coming. Her mind had gone blank. He didn’t wait long before he continued on. “Because every time you talk about your future in Oakdale,” he started and then shook his head as though words couldn’t express his frustration.
“What?” Holly asked. “Every time I talk about it…what?”
He let out a loud exhale. “Every time you talk about your future it sounds like you’re describing an episode of Little House on the Prairie.”
The Accidental Boyfriend Page 16
