I push open the stable doors and the usual gaggle of macho men are gathered about regaling each other with tales of their exploits. Robin is not around.
‘How’s it going, Strom?’ one of the men shouts.
‘Not bad,’ I say, knowing that in less than an hour every one of them will have heard what I have done. The thing is, I don’t care. Let them laugh. I glance at my watch. I am perfectly on time. I knock on DS Mills’ door and he barks for me to come in.
I close the door behind me.
‘Have a seat,’ he invites.
‘I gather Robin has told you my cover is blown,’ I say, sitting down opposite him.
‘Yes, you gather right.’ He seems unwilling to say anything else. I realize he wants me to ‘spill the beans’.
‘I didn’t tell him I was an undercover officer. He guessed—’
‘How?’
‘He said I was too clean and too innocent to be a runaway.’
He grunts.
‘And Robin also probably told you that we got married.’
He nods. ‘He didn’t tell me why.’
‘He said he married me because that way no one could force me to testify against him.’
‘Right. That makes better sense. Are you in love with him?’
‘Yes.’
‘Is he in love with you?’
‘I don’t know. He hasn’t said.’
‘But he has strong feelings.’
I bite my lip. ‘Yes. Yes, he has, but the thing is, Sir, I really think we have the wrong guy.’
‘Why is that, then?’ he drawls.
‘Jake Eden is not a drug dealer. I’ve never once seen anybody take drugs in the club or seen anything that even looks like a drug deal going down. The only thing he seems to be doing is some harmless contraband.’
DS Mills’ eyebrows fly upwards and I realize immediately that I shouldn’t have used the word harmless. It has clearly revealed my loyalties.
‘Smuggling is illegal and carries with it a criminal conviction and a prison sentence for those involved,’ he says sarcastically.
‘I thought we’re going for the big criminals,’ I say, hoping to lead him away from my mistake.
‘Jake Eden is a big criminal.’
‘He is not,’ I cry passionately.
A look of amusement comes into his cold, ambitious eyes. ‘On what are you basing your judgment?’
‘He told me.’ Oh, that came out wrong.
‘And you believed him?’ He shakes his head incredulously. ‘What did you expect him to do? Tell you the truth when he knows you are an undercover cop?’
I look at him with frustrated eyes.
‘I’m afraid, Strom, you have broken the undercover agent’s cardinal rule.’ His tone is surprisingly calm. ‘You’ve allowed yourself to become emotionally involved with your target. And once your feelings are involved you are easy to manipulate.’
For a moment I don’t speak. There is something else going on. I realize that he is toying with me. He is not angry that I fucked up the investigation by sleeping with the target. It occurs to me suddenly that he wanted me to. I was chosen purely for my looks. He hung me in front of Jake as if I was some kind of bait! Shocked, I watch him lean back into his chair, his face laced with a certain smugness.
‘When you say harmless contraband, do you actually know what it is that he is bringing in?’
‘I believe it’s mainly cigarettes and alcohol,’ I say cautiously.
He pins me with his eyes. ‘Are you sure contraband is not a euphemism for cocaine, heroin and human trafficking?’
I stare at him filled with dread. He wants me to continue! It is not going to be as simple as I thought. You are no longer impartial, your cover is blown, and you are taken off the case, Strom. Why would Mills continue with an operation especially when the agent has fucked up so badly?
His calmness tells me that he must have known from the moment he chose me, an absolute amateur, that Jake would suss me out quickly, and with my cover blown, it would be the perfect opportunity to exploit both Jake and me. My blood runs cold. I study him carefully.
‘I’ve seen the file, and other than the old stuff when he was working for that Schitt guy there is hardly anything there. What makes you so sure he is what you say he is?’
His eyes glitter dangerously. ‘Instinct. When you do this job for long enough you develop strong feelers. Crystal Jake may have the cream of society fooled, but not me. I know his type. I know him.’
‘What is it you want me to do?’
He smiles for the first time since I came into the room. ‘I want you to go back to Jake Eden and pretend that you have been suspended pending an investigation into your behavior. And since you will be definitely living with him while the investigation is going on you will be thrown off the force. He has to feel so comfortable with…his new wife who is so deeply in love with him that she can never be compelled to testify against him that he loses his inclination to be guarded and starts boasting about what he is really bringing into this country. Rather than it being a setback, what has happened will make Crystal Jake far more accessible to us.’
Mills’ smile suddenly breaks into laughter.
‘What’s so amusing?’ I try not to show my irritation.
‘The irony of it.’
‘Irony?’
‘Yes, isn’t it ironic that the action he took to protect himself has actually made him more vulnerable?’ He laughs again, but this time, I know, he is laughing at me.
I drop my head and stare at my handbag. It is black and it has a gold button and a gold buckle. I bought it cheap in a sale in John Lewis. I will need a new one soon. The edges are beginning to fray. His words are actually painful, cutting through every layer of my being like a well-sharpened knife. I am an amateur and he has played me easily. When he said, ‘I know his type. I know him,’ what he was saying was, Didn’t I choose you? Didn’t I know what would turn him on? Didn’t I know you would play the role of slut perfectly?
I feel the blood bubbling in my veins with rage. Rage at being taken for a fool, rage at being used as a pawn for his ambitions, rage at the utter contempt that he has for me. He knows I’m in love with Jake and yet he is willing to sacrifice me to get what he wants. I stand suddenly and with such force that the chair skitters on its wheels across the small room and hits the opposite wall.
Mills gets up from his seat and walks without haste toward the chair. I turn and, with my hands gripping my handbag’s strap so hard the knuckles show bone white, watch him pull the chair back to where I am standing. He looks me directly in the eyes.
‘Sit down, Strom.’ For a moment I hesitate. His voice is extraordinarily calm. Then I do as he commands and sit.
‘I’m going to ignore what just happened, and put it down to the stress that comes with being undercover, particularly for a new operative.’ He moves back around to his side of the desk and rests his palms on the surface of the desk before looming down over me.
‘Do you still want to be in the police force, Strom?’
The answer takes me by surprise. It is a clear no. ‘Yes, of course,’ I say.
‘Good. Bringing a criminal like Jake Eden to justice will ensure that you rise quickly up the metaphorical ladder of success and recognition. Do you understand?’
I nod.
‘Very good. Now, do you feel you are able to carry out the plan I have laid out for you?’
I feel the beat of my heart high in my throat. ‘Yes, Sir.’
‘Excellent. From now on you will no longer make any contact with anyone other than me in this office. To all intents and purposes you are suspended. You will also have to vacate your company flat as soon as possible. We’ll meet in the Bayswater safe house, and make contact with each other in exactly the same way Robin and you have established.’ He opens his drawer and takes out an envelope. He puts it in front of me. ‘The key is inside, along with my number and the address. Learn them by heart and destroy the information before
you leave this office.’ Wow! He had everything ready. How meticulously he has planned Jake’s downfall.
‘I want names, places, dates. Anything at all.’ Mills’ eyes are steely.
‘Yes, Sir.’
‘Any questions?’
‘No, Sir,’ I say, slitting open the envelope and staring at the phone number and the address on the paper. I commit them to memory and put the paper back on his desk. I take the key out of the envelope and put it into my handbag. Then I stand, even though he has not dismissed me.
A look of fury passes through his eyes. It is gone very quickly. ‘I’ll be waiting for a call from you.’
‘Good day, Sir.’ I walk to the door and when my hand is on the handle his words brush my skin like a cold hand.
‘Do it for your brother.’
I turn around slowly.
He smiles. ‘It wasn’t on your file, but it is a matter of public record.’
I nod distantly, my thoughts well hidden.
Outside his door I see Robin leaning against a wall talking to someone, but I can see that he has been waiting for me to come out. I don’t want to speak to him. I’m not allowed to, anyway. I wave. He raises his eyebrows as if to ask if I am OK. I show him the thumbs-up sign. He appears surprised, but I quickly walk out of the stable doors. I walk out of the offices and outside the sky is blue and the sun is shining. But I feel cold inside. I have just become a kind of double agent.
I could have walked out of Mills’ office and been more than content to leave the force forever, but I know Mills won’t stop in his mission to destroy Jake. His determination has become personal and obsessive. It is clear to me that, of the two men, Mills is far more dangerous and unscrupulous in his methods. Me walking away will only mean that I will no longer have any idea of what Mills is planning. I have to find a way to exonerate Jake. Call it sixth sense, or intuition, but something just doesn’t make sense. I’ll play his game until I get to the bottom of it.
I pass a street painter. He is chalking a large hole in the pavement with people falling in. It looks remarkably real. It seems a shame that talent like that should be so temporary.
I hail a cab to the company apartment in Vauxhall. I pack my things quickly. There is not much. Then I call another taxi, put the keys through the letterbox, and give the driver Jake’s address.
As soon as I have put my stuff in the spare room in Jake’s house, I text him.
Have been suspended from duty pending investigation.
The phone rings almost instantly. It is Jake. I have already decided that I will not tell him too much. Rule number one—always keep a little back for yourself. For later. For protection.
‘What’s going on, Lily?’ he asks urgently.
His voice makes me feel a little guilty. I should have texted earlier, but I wanted to be clear in my head about what I was going to do.
‘I told them that I had slept with you and married you. And that you had figured out that I was an undercover officer anyway. For my trouble I got suspended. Pending a full investigation, I could be dismissed from the police force.’
‘Where are you now?’
‘At home. I cleared out my stuff from the Vauxhall apartment and brought it here.’
‘You should have called me earlier. I could have got someone to do it for you.’
‘No, they wouldn’t have known my stuff from the other girls’.’
‘Are you all right?’
‘I guess so.’
‘Do you want me to come back?’
‘No, absolutely not. There’s nothing for you to do, anyway. We’ll just end up having sex or something.’
He chuckles. ‘I’ll be there in five.’
‘Honestly, Jake, I’m all right. I need a bit of time alone.’
‘All right, we’ll talk when I get back.’
‘OK.’
‘Lily…?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Never mind. I’ll be home early. We’ll talk then.’
‘Bye.’
‘See you soon.’
I put the phone down and think about the words we use with each other and the undercurrents beneath those cautious phrases. I desperately wanted to say I love you, but I bit it back. I wonder what he really wanted to say to me.
NINE
Lily
I go to see my mother.
Her voice bubbles up warmly toward me. ‘Have you eaten?’ she asks.
‘Yes,’ I say automatically.
‘What time is it?’
‘Eleven o’clock.’
‘Come into the kitchen. I made a chocolate cake yesterday and iced it this morning. You might as well have some.’
I follow her into the kitchen. My mother has a large kitchen built for her by my dad, who is a bit of a DIY enthusiast. It is airy, clutter free and the exact opposite of Nan’s kitchen. There is no kitchen god here. No incense. No sticky cakes, and no firecrackers during the Lunar New Year. She switches on the kettle and reaches for the tin where the tea bags are stored. I don’t offer to help because I know she will refuse. She puts two mugs out next to the kettle.
‘I’ve been so worried about you.’ She twists the top off the tin and drops a tea bag in each mug. ‘I don’t think I quite like you being an undercover cop. I’ve read such horrible things.’ She opens a drawer, takes out a knife then walks toward the cake stand where a beautifully iced cake is sitting under glass. ‘What if someone offers you drugs? Are you supposed to take them?’ She lifts the glass dome.
‘Mum, I’ve left the force.’
Her hands still. She puts the glass dome on the counter, and turns around to stare at me, her face suddenly creased with concern and worry. ‘Left the force? What happened?’
I sigh. ‘It’s a long story, Mum. I’ll tell you another day.’
‘Does this mean that you are now unemployed?’
I sigh. ‘No, I have another job.’
‘Doing what?’
‘Admin work.’
‘Does it pay well?’
‘Better than being a police officer, that’s for sure. Listen, Mum, forget my job for a minute, I wanted to tell you something more important.’
‘What?’ she asks almost suspiciously.
‘I got married.’
‘Oh! When?’ she says looking shocked.
I show her the rings. She walks toward me and in a daze takes my hand. I realize then that my mother and I hardly touch. It’s been so long since I have felt the texture of her skin.
‘How did I not notice it? Did you not want Dad and me to be there then?’ She sounds hurt and lost.
I bite my lip with remorse. I realize that I shouldn’t have told her. Maybe I should have stayed silent, and if it all works out with Jake we should have just got married again.
‘It was a spur of the moment thing. We were in Las Vegas. There was no family from either of us there.’
She lets go of my hand and frowns. ‘You were in Las Vegas?’
‘Yes, just for the weekend.’
‘Dad’s been saving up for a wedding for you,’ she says softly.
‘He can use the money to take you on a nice holiday,’ I say, feeling like a total bitch. But what else can I tell her?
‘Who is this man?’
‘His name is Jake Eden.’
‘Jake Eden,’ she repeats softly. ‘You’ve never spoken of him before.’
I nearly raise my eyebrows and say, When have I ever spoken to you or Dad about a man? But I catch myself in time and say, ‘It was a bit of a whirlwind thing.’
She looks deep into my eyes. ‘I’m glad you’re happy.’
‘I am,’ I tell her firmly.
She smiles. ‘What does he do?’
I tell her what will satisfy her. ‘He’s a businessman.’
‘Good,’ she says approvingly. ‘Do you have a photograph?’
‘No, I’ll bring him over next week.’
‘That’ll be nice. Dad will want to meet him.’ She turns away from me and cuts two s
lices of cake.
Poor Mum. Her world seems so small, so pointless. For years Dad and I have protected her from all bad news. So now she lives her life baking and cleaning and watching soaps. Sometimes Dad and I intrude into her life and she reacts with surprise. And I realize it from her that I have learned to be so distant with the ones I love.
We eat her cake—it is delicious—and drink tea together.
Once she puts her fork down and asks again, ‘Are you happy, Lily?’
I look her in the eye. ‘Yes, Mother. I am.’
She smiles and I smile back and for a few seconds it feels as if the sun is shining in my mother’s small world.
‘That’s good,’ she says. ‘That’s very good.’
Jake
We go to Lily’s parents’ home for dinner. They live in a Victorian three bedroom semi in Hampstead. The décor is pure Scandinavian: white walls, cool blue rugs and brown leather furniture. But an air of immutable sadness permeates it. Here there are unhealed and grievous wounds. Even Lily seems sadder and smaller. She smiles at me uncertainly and it makes me want to hold and reassure her, but I don’t. I realize that it is not the done thing in the Strom household. Here everybody is an island unto themselves.
Her father is white-haired, tall, thin, and appears much older than his years, and her mother is small, fragile, and charming. To my surprise she cooks and serves up a superb five-course meal. There is Gravadlax of salmon, pea velouté, an apple and mint sorbet between courses, noisettes of lamb and perfectly cooked vegetables. She finishes with poached oranges and pots of crème brûlée to rival the ones you’d find in the best five star restaurants. Afterwards, we nibble on excellent chocolate truffles.
‘Homemade,’ Lily’s father proudly informs.
I compliment her mother, again.
She smiles modestly.
Crystal Jake: The Complete EDEN Series Box Set Page 24
