In her sleep, Erin shifted slightly and sighed, the sound only reminding him of her soft cries and moans when he touched her, when he kissed her. Taking one more look at her, Lee forced himself away. Again. At the doorway, he turned and whispered into the silent room, “What am I going to do with you, Erin?”
He surely knew what he wanted to do with her. But he wouldn’t. He’d rather cut off his good leg. For what he wanted to do was touch her. And touching her meant letting her touch him.
Never again.
To keep from doing just that, he clenched his hands and stuffed them into the pockets of his jeans.
And he stepped into the darkened hallway without looking back.
He would keep it all business, he promised himself. He would. He would simply talk about Burke anytime he had to talk to her. He’d start off in the morning by calling Tom and finding out if there was any news. That sounded fine and dandy. A good plan.
Entering his bedroom, Lee stopped, looking around. The memories were stronger in this room. So strong that for a moment, he couldn’t catch his breath.
The memories were haunting him like spirits, reaching out to grab him in the darkness. Telling him how Erin had slept in this room with him, covered with the quilt. He even thought he could smell her perfume. And he hadn’t smelled it here for months. He blinked against shadows he saw on the dresser, which for a moment he thought were all the things she used to keep there—her jewelry box, her perfume bottles.
When he blinked again, they disappeared.
But her presence in the house was enough to bring back memories of her in his room.
Well, he didn’t need her here.
He didn’t even want her here.
So why was he still burning inside?
Filled with frustration from something he was unwilling to face, Lee snatched up his pillow and swept the blanket from the bed. He would sleep on the couch downstairs. It would probably be the best thing anyway. If someone had followed them home and tried to come in after Erin, he would be better equipped to handle it if he was already down there.
He wasn’t even tired, so maybe he’d just sit for a while, exercise his leg and set up some sort of a plan for the two of them. He could put the plan into action in the morning.
Yes, he knew where he had to start in the morning. For the rest of this night, he had to keep her safe.
But could he keep her safe from himself?
Someone was in the house. He was a mere phantom in the dark kitchen. Lee could see him, moving like a shadow into the living room, toward the stairs.
Silently, ghostlike, the strange dark figure headed up the stairs. Lee tried to follow, but he could hardly walk. Every step was just one step deeper into the hell of pain. Lee’s heart was hammering, his chest so tight he could barely breathe. The air felt cold against the sweat that broke out on his brow. He saw the dark figure reach the top of the stairs.
Erin was up there, just at the top of the stairs. And this was Lee’s worst nightmare—that he couldn’t get there in time to save her. The shadowy figure who had glided up the stairs ahead of him might have already reached her and could be killing her right now, and Lee was still struggling at the bottom. The top looked so far away. He finally fell to his knees and tried to crawl the rest of the way up.
As he reached the top, feeling so exhausted he wanted to collapse, and fighting against the pain shooting up his leg, Erin’s scream reached him. The shrill terror of it pierced his heart and caused it to freeze in midbeat.
Oh, God, he was too late.
She had trusted him and he had let her down. For the rest of his life, he would never be able to forgive himself.
Using the door frame to pull himself up and into the room at the top of the stairs, he stared numbly through the darkness at the empty bed. Erin was gone. The bed didn’t even appear to be slept in. The quilt was gone, too. The phantom was nowhere to be seen. And yet, Lee could feel him, could feel his ghostly presence close at hand.
Lee was hot. At the same time, he felt cold, so damned cold that he was shivering and gritting his teeth to keep them quiet, pressing his jaws together so tightly that they ached.
Another scream echoed through the house, piercing him through the darkness like a cold dagger. This time it was coming from his room. What had been their room, Lee and Erin’s.
Using the wall of the hall for support, Lee made his way to that room, terror gripping him in a cold vise that was tightening in his belly, making him feel sick, making him want to slide to the floor right there in the hall so he didn’t have to face any of this. Lee had the strange, frightening feeling that when he got the chance to look upon the face of the ghostly figure, he would find it to be the man who had shot him all those months ago. At the same time, he knew deep down just what he was going to have to look at—Erin’s beautiful but lifeless face.
He couldn’t give up. He had a job to do. Forcing air into his lungs, fighting himself, dragging the pain, he pushed himself forward toward that last bedroom.
Erin was in his bed, tangled in the quilt. Lee had no idea how she had even come to be in this room. That phantom, a mere image of a man in black, his features hidden in the shadows, was on the other side of the bed. Lee tried to grab Erin to pull her to safety in his arms. But the faceless figure was too fast, pulling her away from Lee so that she slipped from him like the wind of a dying storm. Her hand was reaching out to Lee, but it was the look on her face that stopped him cold It was a look of trust, a look that told him she still believed he could and would save her. For just a split second, he thought he’d be able to reach her, to save her just as she trusted him to. He even felt the warmth of her fingers touch his. Before they slipped away into the darkness. Before she slipped away...
Lee jumped up, waking with a start. Only to find his room empty of any phantom figure or Erin. The house was quiet.
He sank heavily onto his bed again and glanced at his watch. He uttered a soft oath, seeing that it was just after three in the morning and he probably hadn’t had more than a complete hour of sleep. And that had been filled with the most terrifying nightmare of his life. Between exercising, checking out every noise in the house, fearing that it was someone or something trying to get in, and coming up the stairs to check on Erin, he felt as though he had hardly closed his eyes.
And now he was back in his room again. His leg simply couldn’t handle the stairs one more time during the night, when he was already past the point of exhaustion. He decided right then and there that after it was all over and he and Erin were safe, he was going to sell the damn house. He’d start fresh, with no reminders of Erin or his life with her, with not one stair to climb.
Getting up as quickly as his leg would allow, Lee quietly moved down the hall to check on Erin. Again. Maybe it would have been better if he’d put her in the room directly across from his own. It would definitely have been easier on him.
In the darkness, he could see her shape on the bed. She had changed position and was now on her stomach. In the quiet, he thought he could hear her breathing. She was fine.
Lee, on the other hand, was finally getting his own breathing back to normal, and he could feel his heartbeat slowing. He swore under his breath, and it sounded loud in the still house. He needed some sleep if he was going to be worth anything in the morning.
Back in his room, he let himself simply fall onto the bed and closed his eyes, trying not to think of Erin, just a few steps down the hall. At the same time, he tried to put the faceless man of his dream out of his mind.
Listening and taking a few deep breaths to relax, he heard nothing. Only calm, restful silence. The rain must have stopped. That would help ease the pain in his leg a little. He hoped.
The ringing phone startled him awake. Opening his eyes, he had to close them again against the morning sun pouring in through the windows. Surprised that he had slept at all after the dream he’d had, he found he’d slept the last few hours before dawn in the same position. Feeling far from r
ested, he felt only stiff and cramped the moment he tried to move. To add to his discomfort, a headache was trying to take root just behind his eyes. The sound of the phone on the bedside table just helped that ache to grow.
“Hello,” he croaked after blindly grabbing the receiver.
“Hey, Lee, how was your night?” Tom asked.
“Horrible,” he muttered, pulling himself into a sitting position, doing his best to wake up and ignore his stiff body. This was a lot like waking from one nightmare into the painful reality of another. “How was yours?”
“If I told you, Torry would have my hide and never be able to look you in the eye again,” quipped Tom.
It figures, thought Lee. “What’s up?” he asked.
Lee stopped short then, seeing Erin standing in the doorway, listening. Worse, she was gazing at him with sleepy eyes and a disheveled look about the rest of her. It reminded him of how he used to wake her up, of the way she looked when he woke her. Wishing he could turn away, he found it was impossible. She was still wearing her suit, but she had never buttoned the jacket. She leaned against the doorjamb, the jacket hanging open, revealing the lacy little thing she wore underneath. Even from here, he could see she wore nothing else under it. Closing his eyes briefly, he tried to concentrate on Tom’s words.
“Not much. I just thought I’d touch base and let you know I talked to Kaffel after the seven-thirty shift change and there’s nothing new to report.”
Lee couldn’t help but stare at Erin, taking in the way she looked so warm, so soft in all the right places. Still. And he couldn’t help but think that everything about him went totally out of control when he saw her this way.
Only the dark circles marred her beauty. Lee wished he could erase them, but he didn’t have the foggiest idea how. If he did, he’d probably work on the shadows he suspected were under his own eyes.
“Are you still there, Lee?” Tom asked.
“Yeah.” He tried to focus on his friend’s words.
“Listen, Alex Kaffel said he wants to talk to you.”
That was almost enough to persuade Lee to tear his gaze from Erin. Almost, but not quite. “What for?”
“He didn’t say. If I had to guess, I’d say he wants your word that you’ll stay out of his investigation of Burke. I’d be happy hearing the same thing,” Tom said.
“You know I can’t do that,” Lee countered.
“At least you’re honest about it,” Tom replied “But think of Erin. If you try anything when it comes to Burke, you’ll only be placing her in more danger.”
“And sitting around doing nothing makes us little more than sitting ducks,” Lee retorted.
“Lee, the man is trying to do his job, and you should be doing yours—which is just keeping Erin safe.”
Lee was staring at Erin at the moment, and if Tom knew what Lee wanted to do to her, he would know how really unsafe she was. Lee took a heavy breath, trying to bring his desire for her under some sort of control. “Tom, tell Kaffel I don’t want to talk to him, but that I’ll do my best to stay out of his way. And don’t worry, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her safe.”
“I guess I can’t hope for any more than that.”
“That’s right,” Lee agreed.
“Well, give me a call at noon and check in, all right?”
“Yeah,” Lee said again, still looking at Erin.
Slowly, he hung up the phone, never taking his eyes from hers.
“What is it?” she asked, her voice husky from sleep, making him wish he could pull her to him. He didn’t move. He knew better.
Lee took a deep breath. “Nothing much. Just Tom keeping tabs. Everything’s fine. He’s even talked with Kaffel already.”
“Are you sure that’s all?” Her question made her sound more like the reporter searching for answers.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Lee got up, only to find that some time during the night, some time between checking on the house and Erin and all the leg exercises, he had taken off his jeans. All he was wearing now was a pair of dark red briefs. He looked up to find Erin watching him closely, taking it all in, staring at him as if she had never seen the color before, or what was underneath. He tried to ignore the heat that moved up his belly to his face. Quickly, telling himself it really meant nothing, he snatched clean clothes from his chest of drawers, but all the while, he felt the heat of her gaze on him.
Erin cleared her throat. “You hate the fact that Tom is working with Kaffel on this, don’t you?” she asked.
Erin’s change of subject meant that seeing him without his pants had affected her as much as it did him. “I respect Alex Kaffel as an FBI agent,” he answered absently, holding his clothes in front of him. They didn’t offer much cover.
“That’s no answer,” she chided, not moving from the doorway, now fully playing the role of a reporter in her search for all the answers.
“Nor is now the time for answers.” He turned his back on her and headed into his bathroom off the master bedroom. Forget that they had once shared it long ago. She could use the bath down the hall.
He shut the door against the never-ending heat of her gaze. But the door between them didn’t stop the heat that filled him. It didn’t stop him from picturing her with that warm, sleepy look on her face. And neither did the quick, cold shower he stepped under a minute later.
Erin watched him go and stared at the closed door for a long moment. There was nothing more aggravating than the feeling of being dismissed, she thought. She could go after him, demand the answers he refused to give her. Isn’t that what she always did when she was on the trail of a story?
Yes, it was. Except that this wasn’t just any story. These weren’t like the idle threats she’d dealt with in the past. Not anymore. This was her life. And this man wasn’t just another person to interview for a story she was working on. This was Lee.
Which was all the more reason she should go after the answers. Which was also why she couldn’t cross the threshold and step into the bedroom. Erin knew she would be crossing the point of no return if she entered his room, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to do that yet. Besides, she was certain if she did cross over to the bathroom, Lee would just give her a good shove back again.
She heard the faint spray of the shower go on. And she imagined Lee standing under it. Naked, slick, muscular, perfect, his dark hair turning even darker and shining with wetness, his rugged, handsome features softening under the water. She could even recall how the faint dark hair of his chest narrowed down into a V to meet the hair at his—
Erin had to literally shake her head to clear away the vision. This was her life, she reminded herself. So how was it Lee could so easily dominate her thoughts and make her forget that most important fact? How was it seeing Lee in his red underwear could make her forget everything except what it was like to be held in his arms before she peeled that same underwear off?
It had to be stress. She understood the strain of being stalked and nearly killed could push her over the edge. But she almost found herself not caring about getting those answers. More and more, all she seemed to care about was Lee. She cared about the pain in his leg and wished she could make it all go away. She cared about the hurt in his eyes, knowing she was the one who’d put it there. And again, she wished she could make it all go away. He didn’t want her here, and she cared about that. She wanted to be wanted by him.
Because more than ever, she wanted him. That want, that very need, hadn’t lessened a bit in the past eight months. It was still there, perhaps even stronger than before because now he was here within her reach, within her sight. Every aspect of the man touched her senses and aroused her desire.
Yes, she wanted him. She wanted the past back again. Plain and simple.
And impossible.
She simply wanted to forget there was someone out there who wanted her dead and stay here with Lee. She wanted to be in his arms again, in his bed, in his life. She wanted what she’d had in the past with him, and more. B
ut it was a wistful wish. She’d been the one to throw it all away. And even if she knew she was wrong, Lee didn’t want her. He’d made that pretty clear.
Still, it was a new day, she thought, tearing herself away from the doorjamb and moving back down to the cold, impersonal room he’d given her—impersonal except for the quilt on the bed.
Erin slowly ran her hand across it, loving its softness, its familiarity. Just feeling it was enough to make her remember more, make her wish for more. She wondered what Lee would do if he came out of the shower to find it back on his bed in the master bedroom.
Grabbing some clean clothes, she headed for the other shower. At least she’d slept well, which was more than she could say about the past few nights. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t deny the fact that it was the safe feeling she got from being with Lee, the feeling of security she got being once again under this roof, that contributed to the way she’d slept.
The shower invigorated her, leaving her clean and feeling like new, renewing her strength with hope that she could face whatever the day brought. Looking in the mirror above the sink as she absently toweled her hair dry, she heard Lee’s faint steps going down the hall and down the stairs. She couldn’t stop her pulse from quickening, knowing he was so close.
It was Lee, she realized, who gave her the feeling of beginning again. She wanted to be in this house with him, this place that had always felt more like home than any other place, even her father’s house. She knew she could trust him, that she wasn’t alone.
More frightening than anything was knowing that it wouldn’t last long. He’d help her get out of trouble, the way he did everything so efficiently, and then he’d tell her to leave so that he could get on with his life. This was, after all, only a job to him.
Getting dressed, Erin tried to put out of her mind the idea that once her life was safe again, she would have to live without Lee. She had to remind herself to think only of the present. To enjoy each moment with him while she could.
Crime Of The Heart Page 9
