by Craig Gaydas
Calypso followed Natronix out the door. Before walking out of view, he tossed me a smug expression, increasing my dislike level. The door slid shut, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again. I plopped down at my desk and stared at the computer screen before pulling up a file titled planetary topography. The data loaded but before I could study the material, the doorbell rang.
“Come in,” I sighed. For the first time since Satou abducted me, I wanted to enjoy my solitude. I needed peace and quiet so I could dive into the things I needed to learn, but it was as if my room turned into Grand Central Station.
Satou came in, but this time someone—or rather something—accompanied him. I stood up and admired his new companion. Next to him stood a humanoid robot, except the torso sat perfectly on a set of wheels wrapped in tank treads instead of legs. Despite a lack of proper appendages it moved swiftly and pivoted its torso while navigating its way into my room. One arm, humanoid in nature, rested perfectly on its lower half. Its left arm, however, ended in a pincer-like device.
“Um, hi Satou,” I muttered and gestured toward his new friend. “What is that thing?”
“I am not a thing, thank you very much,” it replied. The voice sounded creepily like Stephen Hawking.
I fell back a step and almost tripped over my chair. Satou smiled before throwing his arm around the automaton.
“Nathan, I would like you to meet our resident cosmic expert, Gard.”
“Gard?” I echoed.
“My name is an acronym for Geological Automated Retrieval Device,” Gard replied.
“Sometimes I like to tell him that his name is really an anagram for `drag', because his personality leaves a lot to be desired,” Satou quipped. Apparently Satou came equipped with a sense of humor.
Gard's azure eye sockets flashed in quick bursts, like strobe lights. “I am sorry sir, but my highly complex programming does not allow me the same emotional luxuries as yourself.”
I watched the exchange with interest and believed that Gard responded to Satou with a veiled insult. That made me chuckle, and I promised myself that I would try to investigate further into his “complex” programming.
Satou waved his hand dismissively and turned to me. “Like I said earlier, despite his bland personality and penchant for snobbery, you can probably tell by the acronym he is very useful when it comes to planetary scouting and extraction.”
“Extraction?” I repeated.
“Yes, Gard is responsible for storing geologic material from our surveys, obtaining and storing DNA samples and identifying potential hazards on the planet surface which might impact future operations.”
“Oh,” I said blankly, my eyes shifting to the robot. “I suppose that would come in handy, but what does this have to do with me?”
“Well, as the new Cartographer, he belongs to you,” Satou beamed. “This will be the first step in your training program.”
Gard rolled into my room and Satou turned to leave. Concerned, I followed him into the hallway.
“Wait, what do I do with him?”
Satou turned and locked eyes with me. “That, young Nathan, is your first test.”
He disappeared around the corner and left me on my own doorstep fighting an internal battle about what to do with the current inhabitant inside my room. I turned around and waited until the door slid shut behind me. Gard stared at me, his unblinking blue eyes burning a hole in my chest.
I locked eyes with him. After several uncomfortable moments passed in our impromptu staring contest, I addressed the elephant in the room.
“So what am I supposed to do with you?”
He rolled over to my desk and hovered over me. Although he stood no taller than five feet, with my low desk chair and his imposing disposition, he seemed to tower over me. His eyes maintained their stern gaze upon me, unblinking, and for a brief second I was afraid he would start shooting laser beams from them.
“Well, Nathan Chambers of Earth, I don't think you are supposed to `do' anything with me. It is I who is supposed to `do' something with you.”
School's In
An hour had passed.
At first I wasn't sure what Gard had planned to “do” with me but his plan eventually began to take shape. About an hour ago he interface with my computer (by plugging some sort of USB cord which extended from his torso) and downloaded everything the Explorer's League knew about geology, planetary ecology, meteorology, biological engineering and something called xenoarchaeology (Gard explained this as the study of alien history and culture). Since the download took forever and appeared to be completed via dial up internet access, I slumped onto my bed to wait it out. When he finished the download, he asked me to come over to take a look. The amount of information on the screen was mind blowing.
“Jesus Christ, it's like the Smithsonian of the universe,” I gasped.
“Jesus Christ: Legendary human born during the Anno Domini period on Earth. Worshipped by some humans as a religious deity,” Gard said blandly.
“Uh, what does—” I started but Gard interrupted me and continued to speak as if reciting from a textbook.
“Smithsonian: An institution established during Earth year 1846 and comprised of several museums and galleries across the United States,” he rambled.
“OK, OK, I get it already!” I shouted. He stopped and looked at me through those maddening, unblinking eyes.
I sighed and turned toward the screen. The information added to my computer had been organized within individual folders and titled by category. I had no idea where to start and was afraid to ask because I was afraid Gard would launch into another informational tirade, but I needed to move ahead with my training.
“So Gard, where do I start?”
Using his regular hand, he clicked on the file marked “xenoarchaeology”. “I would start here if I were you, Nathan Chambers,” he replied.
“Just call me Nathan, OK?” I said. “Jeez am I gonna have to explain that to everybody?”
Gard stared at me through his blue, unblinking soul-destroying eye strobes and made a whirring sound. “I am sorry, Nathan Chambers, is there an explanation necessary for something I did?”
I had a sudden urge to reach over and gouge out his eyes. The frustratingly cold, pragmatic perspective he had on everything wore thin on my patience.
“No, but I would appreciate it if you called me by my first name,” I mumbled.
I turned toward the computer and felt his eyes on the back of my neck, and it was hard to ignore the whirring sounds of his processors as they absorbed what I said. I gazed at the computer screen and browsed through the information. The first line summarized all of the information contained within the file, but the meat of the subject came after.
It took me less than an hour to read through the portion about xenoarchaeology. When I finished I felt well versed in how the Explorer's League catalogued all of the information they gathered from discoveries. All DNA information, fauna/mineral samples, cultural outlines and other similar information is logged through each IPS vessel's onboard computer and later filed with someone called an Archivist at the Genealogy Hall on Caelum (which was similar to the Smithsonian, Gard explained with a hint of smugness).
All planets discovered by the Explorer's League had been categorized alphabetically. Naturally curious, I flipped through them until I came to Earth in order to discover how they felt about us as a species and what information they had gathered. As I clicked past each planet I heard Gard making some sort of chuffing sound that sounded strangely like laughter.
“What's so funny?” I frowned.
“Oh, I am sorry but I was amused at the way you are clicking around on the screen. It reminded me of a pygmy grell foraging for tree nuts on Braxxis Five.”
My face matched his deadpan expression. “Um, what the hell does that mean?”
A gentle whooshing sound escaped from Gard that reminded me of a sigh. “What it means is that your computer has voice recognition software installed so all y
ou need to do is tell it what you need instead of clicking around like a spastic neophyte.”
I wasn't sure what a pygmy grell or spastic neophyte was, but I knew he threw a couple of veiled insults my way. Nevertheless, I told the computer what I needed and the file on Earth popped up on the screen. The information they had on Earth amazed me and I began to wonder how long we had been under observation. The file headline was actually an aerial photo of our planet with a description below it:
Earth- Discovered during routine inspection of Martian transceiver. It is the fifth largest planet within its solar system and is classified as a terrestrial planet. The planet is comprised mostly of oxygen, iron, silicon and magnesium with trace amounts of various other materials. Approximately 70% of the surface is composed of water. Upon discovery, the planet had complex life above and below the surface of the water. Land, sea and air animals were abundant, however, they were of limited intelligence.
I skimmed through the file and the information they had on the planet impressed me. Their historical records seemed to accurately reflect what I had been taught in school (with the exception of the battle on Mars and subsequent relocation of humans, of course). There had been very little mention of the relocation process, but more of a summarization of events which didn't really tell me much. I wasn't particularly proud that the League categorized us as “war-like” and there was no comfort in learning that were “barbaric, but improving”. I sighed when I came to the end of the file and a single question located at the bottom: “Ready to accept into the Consortium?” and the answer next to it, accentuated by my disappointment, was a painful “no”. Our own shortsightedness held us back from achieving more, and our concentration on mundane issues prevented us from growing universally. I set aside my disappointment and accessed another file.
“Mars,” I said to the computer.
The Mars file popped up on the screen with its current status listed as “Currently Uninhabited”. I read through the history of the planet and it covered everything Calypso told me, including the human relocation to Earth. I focused on the section covering the Lumagom attack.
“Lumagom,” I said to the computer but it did not respond. Gard, who sat in the corner of the room dusting off my dresser for some odd reason, turned toward me.
“Did you need something, Nathan?” he asked.
“Well I'm not sure. I wanted to know more about the attack on Mars and hoped we had more information on the planet Lumagom.”
Gard's eyes flashed in quick bursts before settling in their normal solid azure state. “I am sorry, Nathan, but there is no planet Lumagom. The Lumagom are not from any specific planet.”
“Well you seem to be pretty knowledgeable, what can you tell me about them?”
Gard's eyes flashed for several minutes like they were strobe lights and I was about to enter the strangest disco ever seen. I was about to ask if something was wrong but stopped when his eyes ceased flashing.
“I do not have any information available within my memory drives. All access to information regarding the Lumagom requires Defense Fleet command-level clearance.”
Gard's response only served to heighten my curiosity and I wondered if Calypso had the clearance needed. I decided to file that away for another day and turned toward the computer. Over the course of the next several hours I poured through several planets (with Gard's assistance) and learned more about alien technology, various ecologies and several alien cultures in the universe. I browsed through the list of inhabited planets and their various ecologies—some covered completely in water, others with very little water, a few that were mostly gas, others primarily forest, a couple that were mostly desert—until they just made me so exhausted that it all morphed into one big blur.
“OK, I think I have had enough for today, Gard,” I groaned.
I turned off the computer and stretched out on the bed. Gard backed himself to a dark corner of the room where he remained, unblinking. After several moments, I propped myself on my elbows and frowned.
“Um, don't you have somewhere to go?” I grumbled.
His eyes started their strobe-like dance before he clicked and whirred at me. “Not at the moment, Nathan. I belonged to the last Cartographer and now I belong to you, which makes your room my current residence.”
I rubbed my eyes and cleared my throat. “OK, I'll bite. What happened to the last Cartographer?”
A few more clicks and whirs. “The last Cartographer was killed in action on Romus Satellite Seven.”
I sat upright and stiffened. “Jesus Christ, what the hell do you mean he was killed?”
“Jesus Christ: Legendary—” he started, but I waved my hands in the air frantically.
“Never mind that! What do you mean your last Cartographer was killed?”
“Our last Cartographer, Kell, was killed several years ago while scouting hostile terrain on Romus Seven. The official report states that hostile forces engaged the scouting party killing Kell as well as Field Medical Officer Dax. The hostile forces were eventually neutralized and the transceiver equipment was successfully installed. Romus Seven is classified `barbaric' so all future maintenance missions are to be conducted in conjunction with a Defense Fleet contingent.” Gard explained everything so mechanically and devoid of emotion that he could have just as well been explaining how to fold laundry.
“How often is the scouting party in danger during their missions?” I asked, wide-eyed.
A couple more clicks, a whir and a buzz that time. “Please clarify question. Scouting parties are given many missions throughout the course of a voyage and multiplying that by the amount of IPS class Explorer's League vessels traveling at a time and multiply that by—”
“OK, Jesus Christ, I will narrow it down. How often is the party in danger during scouting missions to newly discovered planets?” I interjected.
“Jesus Christ: A legendary—”
The urge to race across the room and rip off Gard's head swam through my veins. “JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!” I shouted.
Clicks and clacks that time. “Based on historical data, the scouting party is in danger seventy-six point nine percent of the time.”
I fell back and my head sagged in the pillow. I stared at the ceiling and processed what Gard just said. “Well that's just great,” I muttered.
I questioned my decision in accepting the position. I knew there were challenges in space exploration or mankind would have mastered it long ago, and I understood the dangers—thoughts of the Space Shuttle disasters in Earth's history came to mind. However, I never expected being some kind of universal map maker would come with such dangers. As I watched the neon light bars on the ceiling project little green shadows along the walls, more questions came to mind.
“Why so long between Cartographers?”
“Simple. No one has passed the test, until now.”
The people I had come in contact aboard the ship seemed intelligent enough to answer the questions. What made me so special?
As if reading my mind, Gard clarified his answer. “As more secrets of the universe were unlocked, Kell made the decision to add a safeguard to the map to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands.”
“Not much of a safeguard,” I grunted. “Those questions weren't that difficult, although I think I got lucky on the second.”
“Many among the Explorer's League have tried to unlock the map. It was not as easy as you think.”
I shrugged. “So, since scouting strange planets seem dangerous, what does the scouting party use to defend themselves? I hope for my sake they don't travel to unknown planets unarmed?”
“No Nathan, they do not. All members of the scouting party are armed with basic hand cannons and neutralizers.”
“Hand cannons and neutralizers?” I repeated.
“Yes, a hand cannon is a compact sidearm designed to fire a maximum of ten rounds which explode on impact. A neutralizer is compact sidearm that can fire up to 400 fiber optic needles before the ammun
ition level becomes zero. The needles, engineered by Kamilian science officers, are embedded with trace amounts of a toxic plant found in underwater sections of Caelum designed to create a comatose state in the target. The victim emerges from the comatose state after a short time passes,” he explained mechanically.
“Well, that's good I suppose,” I quipped.
“G.A.R.D. units are also armed with an integrated EMP device used for situations where the scouting party could be engaged by hostile android units. Most G.A.R.D. units are also equipped with stun sticks designed to knock out hostile foes.”
“Sounds like you can pack a punch yourself, Gard. You said `most' units so where is your stun thingy?” I asked, straining to see in the dimly lit room.
Several more clicks later he finally responded. “Well, I broke mine during a routine maintenance mission to Orgell.”
I rolled over in bed and let my back stare at Gard for a while. Everything he said exhausted me and I found myself struggling with the facts. The fate of the last Cartographer weighed heavily on my mind. I was too young to die but my eagerness to learn more about the universe overshadowed my fear of death. After a brief mental struggle, I decided that, despite the dangers, I would embrace my role within the Explorer's League. My eyes grew heavy but I felt Gard's eyes boring into my back.
I rolled over and peered into those unblinking eyes. “Good night, Gard,” I muttered.
“Goodnight, Nathan,” he replied and his eyes went dark, leaving me alone with only the faint light from the neon lights casting their little green shadow army throughout the room.
“Hand cannons,” I chuckled before falling asleep.
Making A Pit Stop
I finished browsing through the files marked “Geology” and felt familiar eyes on the back of my neck.
“Good morning Gard,” I muttered without turning around.
“Good morning, Nathan. May I ask what you are doing?”
“Just brushing up on intergalactic geology,” I replied.
